how much "fun" do our kids really need

[milkmommy]

Okay let me explain. I was going thorugh a bunch of photos from my mothers childhood and talking to her. I was noticing while there were a lot of pictures of kids very few toys she says that that proably had between all 5 kids combined maybe a dozen things including all board games cards bikes dolls ect. That most kids didn't own there own stuff except maybe one special something. Like she had her one doll and even that wasn't given till around say age 10. Overall kids in her area (fairly poor) didn't have a bunch but it was considered normal. I think of when large families lived in very small quarters I just dont think they had the amount of toys our kids do today. The other is time. I know weve discussed teaching our kids especially our daughter to run a household. However it seems its now more common (in the big picture) to set our kids up with a TV or a toy then to have them with us in the kitchen even if say in a highchair looking on. Add that onto the more mainstream idea of not only sending our kids to school but assuming its just the schools responsibility to teach and dealing with the demanding schedules that brings on.
So I've been wondering lately how much is really needed. or really even 'ideal" how do we find the balance?


Deanna

[mybodymyself]

:popcorn

[Lila]

Honestly, I think people give kids way more than they need. Kids have such vivid imaginations, they can play with almost anything, nothing if they feel like it. The best times of my childhood were just playing with a load of other kids in this place with a ton of sticks and trees. We called it 'Stick Heaven'. I understand that some kids live in cities and stuff, but I still think that we place too much importance on materal things in Western society.

[milkmommy]

BTW I put "fun" in quotes because I'm refering to plain old free time and toy play. I'd like to think we can help make teaching things like running a home as fun and rewarding just like "school" (home or away) can very much be enjoyable and not just what we can escape from at 3pm.

Deanna

[milkmommy]

Honestly, I think people give kids way more than they need. Kids have such vivid imaginations, they can play with almost anything, nothing if they feel like it. The best times of my childhood were just playing with a load of other kids in this place with a ton of sticks and trees. We called it 'Stick Heaven'. I understand that some kids live in cities and stuff, but I still think that we place too much importance on materal things in Western society.

I agree I also wonder on how much time we give like I know taking with my mother she talks and foundly about helping prepare all the meals helping to dress and fed her younger siblings, helping the younger with homework general housework. These were not looked on as chores just how things were and while she can recall some bit of annoyance overall it was just normal and never thought of as weird. In turn growing up they learned to run a home budget ect, when they played they played hard and a little bit of alone time was treasured.
Now it seems kids many times aren't involved at all with these things. Today parents often now look for home where all kids get there own room that contain seperate playroom dedicated just for them etc..
As "attached" parents whats our balance?

Deanna

[TwinMommy03]

:popcorn

[mybodymyself]

Honestly, I think people give kids way more than they need. Kids have such vivid imaginations, they can play with almost anything, nothing if they feel like it. The best times of my childhood were just playing with a load of other kids in this place with a ton of sticks and trees. We called it 'Stick Heaven'. I understand that some kids live in cities and stuff, but I still think that we place too much importance on materal things in Western society.

I agree I also wonder on how much time we give like I know taking with my mother she talks and foundly about helping prepare all the meals helping to dress and fed her younger siblings, helping the younger with homework general housework. These were not looked on as chores just how things were and while she can recall some bit of annoyance overall it was just normal and never thought of as weird. In turn growing up they learned to run a home budget ect, when they played they played hard and a little bit of alone time was treasured.
Now it seems kids many times aren't involved at all with these things. Today parents often now look for home where all kids get there own room that contain seperate playroom dedicated just for them etc..
As "attached" parents whats our balance?

Deanna


lila and Deanna,

Ditto and saw an S(sorta) OT article on How to Raise a Smart Baby: Confused by the sheer number of smart baby toys, books, and videos? Relax. All your baby really needs to boost brainpower is you. http://www. children.webmd.com/features/how-to-raise-smart-baby Of course I'm not for it and etc.

Thank you.

[loveberry]

I think people want to give their kids more than they had. I know I feel that way. Alex has so much and I am stressing about the holidays. At the same time I don't want him to become materialistic or unable to find joy in simplicity. It's a hard balance to strike.

I do bring him into household work but not as much as I probably should. I think I will try more of that. :)

[mybodymyself]

I think people want to give their kids more than they had. I know I feel that way. Alex has so much and I am stressing about the holidays. At the same time I don't want him to become materialistic or unable to find joy in simplicity. It's a hard balance to strike.

I do bring him into household work but not as much as I probably should. I think I will try more of that. :)


Jess,

Ditto with what you said here.

Thank you.

[mammal_mama]

Great topic!

I think fun is highly necessary -- but fun also has nothing to do with the number of possessions. Kids need lots of time to just goof around -- but also to be included in our activities and in the running of the home as soon as, and whenever, they show an interest.

I think that for kids, how much fun they have is directly connected to their degree of attachment to their parents, and how much time their parents spend with them, whether at work or at play.

[AttachedMamma]

Even at 7yo I see my DD having fun playing outside making "salad" and "tacos" with leaves/plants/flowers. Those are the things she enjoys the most. I see how something can be coveted by her, but yet not really so important once she gets it. I'm of the opinion that children need very little. Once upon a time a child was thrilled to receive one beautiful special gift for Christmas--a doll. Nowadays it's usually much more. I think we are truly a society of "too much". :yawn

I'm a minimalist so I try to keep too much of this stuff coming into our life and our home. Yet, I think that we could go a couple of years without buying DD one single toy and she'd still have enough. :shifty

cindi

[loveberry]

Rene, great post. :)

[AttachedMamma]

I think people want to give their kids more than they had. I know I feel that way. Alex has so much and I am stressing about the holidays. At the same time I don't want him to become materialistic or unable to find joy in simplicity. It's a hard balance to strike.


I find this topic very interesting.

Parents who felt they didn't have enough will want to give their children more than they had. But they have to be careful that the pendulum doesn't swing in the other direction and they end up overcompensating for the lack in their own childhood by giving their children too much.

We were a lower middle class family, and there were some families who had more than us in our neighborhood. But, most of the families were pretty much in the same boat. So I never felt deprived b/c I didn't feel different in that regard.

This reminds me of a friend who does mission trips to India. She goes to a very poor area and says the people and children are so gracious and grateful and happy and have joy in the Lord. She says they don't feel deprived. Why is that? I find it so interesting to hear about people who grew up with very little yet didn't feel deprived but some did feel very deprived. What makes the difference? (Faith and strength in the Lord?) I guess in some ways ignorance really is bliss. B/c my not knowing about the stuff richer kids were getting (b/c I didn't hang out w/them) didn't affect me. I can imagine it would be difficult if you are poor and surrounded by more affluent families (either at church, in school or in your neighborhood). Perhaps it depends on how the parents approach it too. I would imagine that if they were miserable all the time, their kids would take that in. Certainly, being poor to the extent of not having any food, water--basic living needs--can make you feel very sad. Sometimes you read a story about a child who grew up pretty poor and they'll say something like, "we were poor but we were happy. My mamma made life good for us even though we didn't have much. she had great attitude."

Don't you find this interesting? ok, I'm sorry I've stretched the topic a bit w/my ramblings. :shifty

cindi

[milkmommy]

I personally find nothing romantic about being poor.
:yes Totally agree and I alos find the idea we want better for our kids to be true as well. I know for DH and I we struggle with how this becomes a reality. Our parents especially on my side were the first truly successful in the families. My grandparents had a 4th and 6th grade education with parents who couldn't speak english read or write (in any language) DH side was a lot better off but grew up when times were very hard. SO my parents with college educations and "real" jobs could provide for us. I recieved all the medical care I needed we went on vaccations my brother and I had fairly nice birthday and holidays not over the top but deffiently "better" than they had. If I needed something for school it was bought anything from a $1 notebook or $3 for snacks on a field trip to a $1200 instrument or a $900 computer bought right away. All gotten not because my parents put them selfs in much debt but because these things were planned for.
DH and I are faced with wanting to provide "more" or at least the same but reality is we can't. When DD was in preschool she'd occassionaly bring home book lists (scolastic) with good deals I remember loving these and getting to choose pretty much what I wanted because my parents loved to encourage our reading.. I've never been able to get Cecilia even one book because of finances. :shrug I don't like cry over it but it does sometimes reek.
However we are liabary card holders and at least a few hundrend borrowed books have passed through this house with many more to come. Other things are harder though. I struggle with
1) wanting to provide more
2) appreciating what we have
3) convincing others we have a lot
4) the guilt of knowing compartivly to many in the world we are down right wealthy yet the feeling of always playing catch up.