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Old 10-24-2013, 08:08 AM   #1
Rugayatu
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Default How do I help her when I have nothing to give?

There has been a fair amount of anxiety in the air in our home the past two weeks. DH is looking for a new job, we're not sure if we have to move within the next month, baby due in Dec., trying to sell our old house, money issues, etc. I know this has been affecting DD, because her behavior has been steadily deteriorating. She is rude, mouthy, whiny, acting out in ways she NEVER has before, like coloring on furniture and cutting her hair and clothes (she has always been super careful with things like markers and scissors until now). Then, when I remove the scissors/markers/offending object she goes into an absolute fit, screaming at me, thrashing, etc. She has never thrown tantrums like this before! I feel like I don't even know this child. Her screaming, defiance, non-listening, etc. make me so ANGRY. I know my reaction is also partly due to the fact that I am exhausted, anxious, stressed about the job/moving/etc situation and 31 weeks pregnant. I feel completely empty, like I have nothing to give her. When she acts in these ways I want to smack her across the face (I never do!). I end up taking her to her room a lot until she can calm down and stop screaming at me/whining because I just cannot listen to it and don't know what else to do. Or I lock myself in my room for awhile. But, I don't feel I can do that anymore even because I have to watch her every minute now so she doesn't destroy this house that isn't ours! Ugh. Please help me. What do I do?
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Erin
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wife to hard-working cowboy DH ~ 6/5/2005
mama to sweet and spunky DD ~ 9/2/09
squishy and serene DS ~ 1/12/14
and my angel baby ~ 1/8/2008


"The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action."
~Mother Theresa
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Old 10-24-2013, 08:15 AM   #2
ArmsOfLove
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Default Re: How do I help her when I have nothing to give?

I have found with all of my children that when I can muster the energy to deal with them in the moment things improve and we start a spiral up - when I avoid them or don't parent promptly things deteriorate and we start a spiral down. If you need things to spiral up then you have to decide to engage in the moment

If you can't, please talk to your doctor about this as there could be a physical cause
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:09 PM   #3
JoEllen
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"When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!" - Unknown
 
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Default Re: How do I help her when I have nothing to give?

Are you getting time to yourself to re-charge your battery? You can't give what you don't have.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:13 PM   #4
Rugayatu
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Default Re: How do I help her when I have nothing to give?

She has an hour-long quiet time every day, which I mostly spend resting at this point in my pregnancy.

The hardest time of day is the first 2-3 hours of the morning. Facing the back talk/whining/etc. first thing in the morning is really hard.

Crystal, can you give me some concrete examples of positive ways to engage her in the moment when she is whining/yelling at me/begging and crying for something she cannot have, etc?
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Erin
INFJ
wife to hard-working cowboy DH ~ 6/5/2005
mama to sweet and spunky DD ~ 9/2/09
squishy and serene DS ~ 1/12/14
and my angel baby ~ 1/8/2008


"The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action."
~Mother Theresa
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:15 PM   #5
Dovenoir
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Default Re: How do I help her when I have nothing to give?

I don't have advice but
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