"Naughty" behavior

[TuneMyHeart]

I don't like when someone refers to their child's behavior as "naughty", but I don't know why it bothers me so much. It's usually followed by a spanking, so I suppose the people I know who use that word also spank. So far no one has ever called Ellie that, but I imagine it will happen sooner or later. It's similar to someone saying someone is being good or bad. I don't like that either. Am I just being too sensitive?

[milkmommy]

I say naughty . I think the problem is that many times its followed with punishment and ussally spanking or other violent no grace in sight punishment.
I have a very "literal" DD in the sense she wants the words simple and too the point. If she behaving in an inappropiate way shes does a lot better if I just simpily says thats "naughty" here its followed by a solution a boundry and a do over not a punishment. Its also a word I rarely use.

Deanna

[ArmsOfLove]

"naughty" is a totally subjective word. If you wanted that behavior it would be "good", also subjective. I don't like children's value being labeled and judged and punished. If people would deal with the BEHAVIOR that would be different. "YOU are naughty" is VERY different from "that was not okay."

I don't like 'naughty'. It feels shaming and personal.

[milkmommy]

I agree Crystal then I had my DD and that is not okay upsets her greatly and she takes it very personally.. That was naughty as weird as it still feels comming out of my mouth ( I feel like some stuck up nanny ) DD finds dirrection and comfort in it and to her its a word that means time to stop and change behavior.
FWIW I never say she is naughty but the action not sure if shes hears the diffrence but shes sure reacts different.
DD has totally challanged much of my thinking on many words phases.

Deanna

[Oliveshoots]

I can't *stand* that word (and not just because Supernanny names all her spots after it ). There was a thread on here a year or two ago about a book someone had written about the history of the nanny. In it, it discussed where the word naughty came from. Basically, and I wish I had time to search for the thread with the exact quote, it said that the idea of a person being "for naught", meaning "worth nothing", was applied to anyone who sinned or did wrong. So, a child who sinned or was disobedient was considered "worth nothing"="for naught"="naughty".

I'm sure I just butchered that explanation, so I'm hoping to find that thread and come back here and link to it.

But that's the basic idea, and as christians, we know that no person....especially a child....is "worth nothing". We are all worth the sacrifical death of our Savior, and to Him, every child is of eternal worth. So naughty is not only disrespectful and mean, but to me, it goes against everything God says about how important and special each of His creations is.

When I have heard friends or family members use that word, I have given them that same explanation and they've looked at me like

I bet if all the people who used that word knew where it came from, they would not use it. Well, some would, because some think children are terrible little selfish sinners.

This is also why I don't like "Santa Clause Is Coming to Town". It doesn't all boil down to "naughty or nice". There are "nice" people that do bad things in secret, and at some point, all of us do things that are wrong. I think it's a terrible philosophy to teach children, personally.

(Oh, there have been 4 more responses that I have not read yet.)

[TuneMyHeart]

I don't like 'naughty'. It feels shaming and personal.

Aha, that's how I feel too!

Kosmom, your explanation just validates my feelings.

[milkmommy]

again its not one I find appealling and clearly my DD has not researched the meaning behind the word but its one shes actually finds a comfort maybe because to her it sounds a little silly I don't know
Here is a thread where I first questioned her weird attachment to the word
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...topic=145502.0
Deanna

[Oliveshoots]

Deanna, I hadn't read any of your responses before I posted, so I hope what I said didn't hurt your feelings.

I can see how for C, she never in a million years would interpret that word the way I described because of who *you* are, and how you use that word. Kwim? And I'm 100% positive you are not using it in the way that I referred to.

Elliesmom, you're welcome. I can't find that thread yet. I searched for naughty and the pages didn't go back far enough, so maybe it's not around anymore.

[milkmommy]

Deanna, I hadn't read any of your responses before I posted, so I hope what I said didn't hurt your feelings.

Nope not at all. My gut reaction is to think eww and consider the "orginal meaning" behind the word and think its icky but DD just doesn't view it that way, It still tastes weird in my mouth when I say it almost a little embarressing. I really think DD just thinks it sounds silly and its enough to break the tension so to say.

Deanna

[milkmommy]

Words can be soo powerful..One of the worse things I ever told my DD was shes was acting bratty. It was an inappropiate thing to say in general but for her it was extra icky because she imediently though of the Brat dolls and how they aren't allowed in our home and she immediently started crying saying shes didn't want me to give her away. I spoke without thinking obviously its was an icky thing to say regardless but it hurt her extra hard. Needless to say I had to do quite a bit of damage controll that day.

Deanna

[TuneMyHeart]

I've told Ellie she was acting bratty in a moment of frustration. I felt so bad. I don't want to put labels like that on her; the world is already so hard on girls!