A wedding Invitiation

ilikestrawberryjello · 12-01-2007, 11:10 AM

We got a wedding invitation in the mail that said "Mr, and Mrs. Name Here" they didn't say family or include my daughter's name on the invite. I RSVPed for the wedding over the phone and left a message saying that'd we'd be there and we are bringing our daughter. Is that terrible of me? I thought at first that they just didn't think to add the "and family" part. Not that they left it off on purpose. I can't imagine these friends not wanting kids at their wedding. Do you think I was out of line? And if so, how do I ask if they did or did not want my daughter there, cause obviously if they don't want her there, I won't be going.

Six Little Feet · 12-01-2007, 11:12 AM

Well IMO they have already made it clear that your DD was not invited. If she was also invited it would of said her name or & family. Now you can wait and see what they say....

freshwaterfish · 12-01-2007, 11:14 AM

I am getting ready to put together invitations, and I want people to bring their family but honestly didn't think to add "and family"... I'll definitely be doing that!

cheri · 12-01-2007, 11:18 AM

honestly, by etiquitte standards, only the people who are named on the invitation are invited. no kids names means the kids are not invited.

so yes, I think you were wrong to call and say that you're bringing your daughter because she wasn't invited.

cindergretta · 12-01-2007, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Playful Mommy

Well IMO they have already made it clear that your DD was not invited. If she was also invited it would of said her name or & family. Now you can wait and see what they say....

homesteadmama · 12-01-2007, 12:51 PM

I'm in the same sitch. Just got an invite with only my name and DH's name. I RSVP-ed that we couldn't make it. Good luck!

schmamy · 12-01-2007, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheri

honestly, by etiquitte standards, only the people who are named on the invitation are invited. no kids names means the kids are not invited.

so yes, I think you were wrong to call and say that you're bringing your daughter because she wasn't invited.

But I don't think it is appropriate to just "wait and see what they say." That puts the bride in an awkward spot when it was your mistake. If indeed kids aren't invited, she tried to make it as clear as she could without being rude, by following etiquette standards and not listing your DD on the invitation--so IMO it's your responsibility to address the error, not make her do it. I'd call/email and politely explain, "I'm sorry, I think I may have misunderstood the invitation when I RSVPed. I included DD, but later realized her name wasn't on the invitation. We're going to have to decline." And if, as you initially assumed, it really was just an oversight on their part and they do want your DD there, that gives her an opening to say, "oh, I'm sorry, we meant to include her! she is more than welcome to come along."

Please don't be pushy or rude about the fact that your DD wasn't invited. (I'm not saying you ARE or WOULD BE--just gently reminding/urging you not to be, if the temptation is there

) Whether you like it or not, it is the bride and groom's prerogative to decide whether they would like to have kids present or have a more formal, adult celebration.

12-01-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by schmamy

But I don't think it is appropriate to just "wait and see what they say." That puts the bride in an awkward spot when it was your mistake. If indeed kids aren't invited, she tried to make it as clear as she could without being rude, by following etiquette standards and not listing your DD on the invitation--so IMO it's your responsibility to address the error, not make her do it. I'd call/email and politely explain, "I'm sorry, I think I may have misunderstood the invitation when I RSVPed. I included DD, but later realized her name wasn't on the invitation. We're going to have to decline." And if, as you initially assumed, it really was just an oversight on their part and they do want your DD there, that gives her an opening to say, "oh, I'm sorry, we meant to include her! she is more than welcome to come along."

Please don't be pushy or rude about the fact that your DD wasn't invited. (I'm not saying you ARE or WOULD BE--just gently reminding/urging you not to be, if the temptation is there

) Whether you like it or not, it is the bride and groom's prerogative to decide whether they would like to have kids present or have a more formal, adult celebration.

ITA with the others, and I think this suggestion is a really good approach. As for the no kids thing, it could just be financial as well. Caterers sometimes have crazy rules about meal costs, so if there are lots of kids, it can add up.

ilikestrawberryjello · 12-03-2007, 10:39 AM

I guess I didn't even think that they wouldn't want kids there. We have all been such good friends...I think I will email back like schmamy suggested.

Heather Micaela · 12-07-2007, 04:27 PM

I'll be the dissenting voice.

At a year and a half, if she is still nursing, I would not worry about it so much. Just be prepared to leave the venue (like the foyer of the church or hallway of the reception) at the littlest disruption.

Even ettiquite says nursing babies are consiered part of the mother. It is not like they have to provide a plate for her.

MidnightCafe · 12-07-2007, 04:31 PM

The weddings that I have been to where children are not invited have said so specifically on the invitation (well, ok, I've only been to one like that

). If you are concerned about it, I'd do what the previous poster suggested & give them a call.

MidnightCafe · 12-07-2007, 04:33 PM

Oh, and the no-kids wedding that we went to was Mango's cousin's wedding, and I would have NEVER thought they'd have a no-kids wedding. So, you never know.

J3K · 12-07-2007, 04:36 PM

I'm with Heather , if the child is nursing and under two years old , and you leave at the smallest noise (I'd even sit in the way back with the child ) then I'd bring the child.

cheri · 12-07-2007, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J3K

I'm with Heather , if the child is nursing and under two years old , and you leave at the smallest noise (I'd even sit in the way back with the child ) then I'd bring the child.

See, I think this is wrong. So that's like saying that it's ok to bring your uninvited child, just because they're nursing? So a nursing 16 month old can come, but a 16 month old who has weaned cannot come? To me, no kids means no kids. Some people may make exceptions for nursing babies, and some may not.

mamaKristin · 12-07-2007, 07:34 PM

A couple I know got married about 2 years ago, and they insisted on no children period. That included nursing babies. :/ Needless to say, given that *6* couples in their circle of friends had babies under 6 months, there was a lot of controversy, as some of the couples with new babies were really upset that this couple were so adamant that no babies were included in the "no children" event. One couple brought their baby anyhow, another brought a babysitter to sit in the area outside the church and then the reception site with the baby, another didn't go at all. I don't know how the other 2 couples invited handled it, we lived too far away for us to attend. It was fully within their rights to say no nursing babies, but it wasn't terribly considerate of couples with infants.

They are now expecting their first baby, and will probably be rather humbled when they realize how silly it was of them to be so sticky about infants.

12-01-2007, 11:10 AM	#1
ilikestrawberryjello Rose Trellis Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,120	A wedding Invitiation We got a wedding invitation in the mail that said "Mr, and Mrs. Name Here" they didn't say family or include my daughter's name on the invite. I RSVPed for the wedding over the phone and left a message saying that'd we'd be there and we are bringing our daughter. Is that terrible of me? I thought at first that they just didn't think to add the "and family" part. Not that they left it off on purpose. I can't imagine these friends not wanting kids at their wedding. Do you think I was out of line? And if so, how do I ask if they did or did not want my daughter there, cause obviously if they don't want her there, I won't be going.

12-01-2007, 11:12 AM	#2
Six Little Feet Rose Garden one who loves coffee Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: where I wait for SPRING!!!! Posts: 14,197	Re: A wedding Invitiation Well IMO they have already made it clear that your DD was not invited. If she was also invited it would of said her name or & family. Now you can wait and see what they say.... __________________ Sheryl mom of three young feminists Pumpkin 2001-Midge 2005-Cookie 2007 “I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights.” ― Dr. Seuss, Yertle the Turtle and Gertrude McFuzz

12-01-2007, 11:14 AM	#3
freshwaterfish Deactivated Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 3,894	Re: A wedding Invitiation I am getting ready to put together invitations, and I want people to bring their family but honestly didn't think to add "and family"... I'll definitely be doing that!

12-01-2007, 11:18 AM	#4
cheri Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 7,643	Re: A wedding Invitiation honestly, by etiquitte standards, only the people who are named on the invitation are invited. no kids names means the kids are not invited. so yes, I think you were wrong to call and say that you're bringing your daughter because she wasn't invited. __________________

12-01-2007, 12:51 PM	#6
homesteadmama Rose Trellis Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,959	Re: A wedding Invitiation I'm in the same sitch. Just got an invite with only my name and DH's name. I RSVP-ed that we couldn't make it. Good luck! __________________ Sarah, INFJ Wife to M since 1/04 Mommy to S (1/07), W (1/09), S (1/11)~My UC baby, and A (12/14), Another UC baby , Baby-Wearing, , Cloth Diapering, , Traditional Foods Family My blog

12-03-2007, 10:39 AM	#9
ilikestrawberryjello Rose Trellis Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,120	Re: A wedding Invitiation I guess I didn't even think that they wouldn't want kids there. We have all been such good friends...I think I will email back like schmamy suggested.

12-07-2007, 04:27 PM	#10
Heather Micaela Rose Garden Bar/Bat Mitzvah picture with husband Michael. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Within sight and earshot of the Disneyland fireworks Posts: 39,893	Re: A wedding Invitiation I'll be the dissenting voice. At a year and a half, if she is still nursing, I would not worry about it so much. Just be prepared to leave the venue (like the foyer of the church or hallway of the reception) at the littlest disruption. Even ettiquite says nursing babies are consiered part of the mother. It is not like they have to provide a plate for her. __________________ Heather ESFJ T4 Messianic Joshua-13 Christina- 11 Amalia Linda-8.5 Trinity-7 Gabriel-5 w/ADHD, ASD & Dyslexia Taylor Jordan11/15/04 SkyeDakota10/12/05 Life is a pile of good things & bad things The good things don't always soften the bad things but the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things

12-07-2007, 04:31 PM	#11
MidnightCafe Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 5,187	Re: A wedding Invitiation The weddings that I have been to where children are not invited have said so specifically on the invitation (well, ok, I've only been to one like that ). If you are concerned about it, I'd do what the previous poster suggested & give them a call. __________________ Wife to DH, friend of my soul... Mama to Mane (age 14), Vespera (age 26), and Niteo (son-in-law)

12-07-2007, 04:33 PM	#12
MidnightCafe Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 5,187	Re: A wedding Invitiation Oh, and the no-kids wedding that we went to was Mango's cousin's wedding, and I would have NEVER thought they'd have a no-kids wedding. So, you never know. __________________ Wife to DH, friend of my soul... Mama to Mane (age 14), Vespera (age 26), and Niteo (son-in-law)

12-07-2007, 04:36 PM	#13
J3K Deactivated Hi ! I'm Myrtle. I like to pretend I'm an R.O.U.S. Join Date: May 2005 Location: under the cat Posts: 17,112	Re: A wedding Invitiation I'm with Heather , if the child is nursing and under two years old , and you leave at the smallest noise (I'd even sit in the way back with the child ) then I'd bring the child.

12-07-2007, 07:34 PM	#15
mamaKristin Rose Garden parenting better than I garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: just here :) Posts: 26,586	Re: A wedding Invitiation A couple I know got married about 2 years ago, and they insisted on no children period. That included nursing babies. :/ Needless to say, given that 6 couples in their circle of friends had babies under 6 months, there was a lot of controversy, as some of the couples with new babies were really upset that this couple were so adamant that no babies were included in the "no children" event. One couple brought their baby anyhow, another brought a babysitter to sit in the area outside the church and then the reception site with the baby, another didn't go at all. I don't know how the other 2 couples invited handled it, we lived too far away for us to attend. It was fully within their rights to say no nursing babies, but it wasn't terribly considerate of couples with infants. They are now expecting their first baby, and will probably be rather humbled when they realize how silly it was of them to be so sticky about infants.

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