"Your Three Year Old" and babysitting/television watching

[NayneeNoo]

Can I just say I am shocked at how often this book has said some form of "get a babysitter if you must to get through this difficult time, the more time you spend away from your child, the better it will be". Also, it has suggested plopping the child in front of the television for as long as possible. Up until this age, I've enjoyed their books, but this is a little un-attached oriented than I'd like. Am I the only one? Should I give it a few more chapters? Does their tune change at all? I *really* needed help with "threes". *ahem*

[klpmommy]

I ignored that part of the book. It is true that 3 was HARD, esp with P, and there were days I wish I could have just dropped him off with the babysitter, but I agree, the book pushes that way too much. I thought it still had some good info in it, just read with a good AP mommy filter.

[Bonnie]

Definitely read it with a filter. The developmental info is sooooo helpful, just not their conclusions on how to deal with it. I think they're really hung up on the fact that these kids often need lots of structure and guidance, *and* that it's helpful to not "engage" in battles with them, which might well be easier to do if it's not your kid but they don't give moms the credit of being able to provide structure and learn how to avoid battles. Major bummer, that. But I'm going to go back and reread that one this week, actually, as my dd will be three in a matter of weeks.

[Embracing Grace]

Dh and I are reading it right now and we were like about all the TV recommendations. We were just waiting to read about the benefits of giving your child sedatives or something! sigh... yeah, you definitely need a filter for this book. Otherwise, the information is great!

[Mama Rophe]

I just quit reading every single word and skimmed it. I read what I needed and left the rest.

[ranade3]

I've never read that particular book but one of my sisters who has 11 kids ages 25 to 2 told me once that it is important to embrace each age for what it is. Enjoy the fun things they can do instead of dreading the terrible twos or horrific threes. For there is always something to dread about each new age but wouldn't it be better to look forward to what they can do well instead of the hard things?

I was definitely spoiled with dd1, she is such an easy child and then we adopted dd2. For the first 7 months I was just trying to get through each day. She is an extremely strong willed child and will NOT do anything she doesn't want to do. I can't make her do anything. She needs her boundaries and we have been quite creative with her. She is the child who cannot be distracted.

Anyways, I am really truly enjoying her being 3. She is such a fun funny child and I love her self confidence. I can now really see glimpses of who she is going to become as a woman and it thrills me. Don't get me wrong, we still have many many moments where I just want to scream and pull my hair out but then I remember how far we have come. In our house, 3 is definitely better than 2.

I hope I am not posting out of line since I have not read the development book you are mentioning though I keep meaning to, just haven't gotten around to it.

[butterflyqueen71]

Well, I'm not sure what all that book says, but I have found TV, preschool, and grandma to be lifesavers in preserving my sanity whenever my dd has had those "moments". And I work full time.

That said, I agree with ranade, though, that there have been (LOTS OF) times when I've really wanted to SCREAM (and have!) but at the same time, I marvel over the beautiful little girl that has blossomed from a baby/toddler. I am amazed at her intellect, her reasoning, the way she sees the world, her thoughts ideas, and imagination, and the tenderness of her heart. And she is learning so much through preschool, something I thought I'd "never" do until life happened to me and I had to make choices I didn't think I wanted to make. But for her, preschool has been a very, very good thing and has actually helped her behavior overall.

There have been times when I literally just could not handle her, though, at which times I honestly don't think it's a crime to let her blow off steam in a different setting either away from me with friends or relatives for a few hours, or find something engaging for her to do. It doesn't have to be TV, but oobleck and scissors and paper and glue can entertain a 3 yo for a long time!

[Marsha]

I know it's the popular opinion to disregard thi s book's advice, but I found preschool and friends and the TV to save both of us during the 3's.It was a rough year, and I found that our relationship was much better with some breaks.
So I wouldn't discount the advice so readily. My personal opinion.

[klpmommy]

I did use tv at 3 (and still do) & I think it can be a sanity saver. What I *didn't* like about this particular book was the fact that it set you up with the thought that you *had* to have a break from your kids. P was a *very* intense 3 y/o & we never did preschool away from home, we never did baby sitters & we don't have grandma close by. Those things are NOT necessary, although some may find them helpful. We did lots of playdates, but even then we had to leave a lot of the time b/c P was being too intense. Honestly I found lots of non-crowded big play time (parks, outside, baths- but the parks had to be with few kids) were just as helpful as tv. He had tons of energy & had to get it out somehow. And E at 3 could spend a ton of time with scissors, markers, etc, or playdoh.

I have no problem with "breaks", but I definately did not think that the amount of "breaks" that this book promoted were necessary.

[NayneeNoo]

Originally Posted by klpmommy

I have no problem with "breaks", but I definately did not think that the amount of "breaks" that this book promoted were necessary.

This is what I'm having such a problem with. The way they suggest it is to drop your kid off early in the morning and don't pick them up again until the evening. Times away I don't have an issue with (Hope goes to preschool two days a week for two hours), it's just the fact that it's basically the ONLY suggestion in there. I do enjoy these books for the developmental part of it, I was just taken aback by the beginning of it since the others haven't been like that so far, that's all.

The past few days I have made a concentrated effort to spend some one on one time with Hope just talking. I am amazed at person she's become, kwim? I've been distant with her for the past few months and I'm just sorry it's taken me this long to concentrate on her instead of just going through the motions.

[mamaKristin]

One thing that was mentioned in the 3 year old sticky thread that Allison in TX started was why time in preschool/daycare 'works'. 3's need more structure and firm limits than 2's may need. That often, daycare or preschool will offer a more firm rhythm to the day than home may offer. I know with my oldest, when he was 3, we needed to tighten up our daily routine a bit. He was more willing to go along with the flow of the day if he knew what was coming next. Not a set in stone schedule, but a routine that was predictable. It helped him know that there were boundaries and structure, as opposed to him constantly testing and pushing the boundaries. Ok, he still tested and pushed boundaries, but with structure there were less 'tests'.

The other thing that I found about 3 is that actually, two 3-year olds are easier than one. Honestly, DD likes to go to the park in the middle of the day on weekends when it's empty, and I called up a friend and borrowed another kid, because it's so much easier. I know another family who trades off, one night a week they keep a friend's kid, one night a week she keeps theirs -- two kids keep each other company. This may be another reason that preschool/daycare "works".

[illinoismommy]

You know I didn't even notice the part that said have them watch TV .... we so don't do that, I'm kinda TV-anal

I do remember them saying send them off to the babysitter.... eh, whatever They are child psychologists, so their observation of typical behavior is of more use to me than what they think should be done about it

A routine has helped.... also me "lightening up" since he's so irrational about some things

[mamaKristin]

They are child psychologists, so their observation of typical behavior is of more use to me than what they think should be done about it

great point!

I'm kinda TV-anal shifty

(and doesn't that hurt? )

[illinoismommy]

Originally Posted by mamaKristin

great point!

(and doesn't that hurt? )

Well its a challenge sometimes but its not so bad. He's just better at playing on his own in creative ways when he is very TV limited, any time I let it be too much (usually beacuse my husband is home and he's influenced by his TV parents) he can't entertain himself anymore. We love listening to music instead. He's watching a video right now, so we didn't cut it out entirely. We have a nice backyard and the corn-snow hasn't been going so we can enjoy the nice weather and did bubbles this morning.