Chore help, please...

[Close2MyHeart]

I THOUGHT this week was going well. No major battles w/ DS2. We usually fight a lot. The only one was one day he didn't want to do schoo. I said "ok", did a load of laundry, came out to the kitchen to find him sitting at the table. He said "I don't want to get my book." Again, "ok". He said "Mom, can you get them? I really want to do my reading lesson."

BUT... then I realized I haven't asked him to do anything this week. No chores because we were running around like crazy between school, soccer, piano lessons, prepping for a busy weekend. So today I asked him to do some chores. I made a list first thing this morning and said they needed to get them done. If they did not have them done by the end of quiet time (3 pm) they'd have to start them then and work on them until they were completed. The had to clean their room, bathroom sinks/shower and the living room. Not much as they didn't have much in those rooms. It's been nothing but a battle for the past hour and I'm FED up!!!

I don't know how to make this easier. I don't know how to help him do his chores w/out the fight. He is not doing them alone. DS1 is helping him w/ all of them. They chose to do it together today, which is fine by me. But he isn't doing it. And then DS1 is getting mad, so I'm yelling, trying to get my stuff done.

Any helpful ideas on making chore time easier??

[The Tickle Momster]

As frustrating as it is, what has helped me most is to do it with them. I had it out with ds this morning. I ended up doing most of the job, but he had to do some, so I got him started by handing him the pieces (matching socks). It got done. The intermediate time was not pretty though.

I was just talking to a friend about this. Some of it is about expectations. It sounds like some of it for you guys may be the change/lack of routine this week.

For the yelling, can you just walk away for a while? Maybe take the younger with you, since it's the older not working? Just some thoughts.

[klpmommy]

The best we can come up with for P&E to help with chores is for everything to be a community effort. At least that is working this week. So they do part & I do part. With lots of reminders & help. Right now that involves me plopping down on the floor in front of their toy bin & having them bring me the toys which I place in the bin.

I wish I had better ideas. One week what worked great was us having races- could P&E clean up toys faster than I could clean the kitchen? Then that quit working. Another week what worked was setting the timer and racing the clock. Another week what worked was having the kids roll the dice to see how many items they had to pick up, picking up that number, then rolling again. Etc. I wish I had something that worked consistently.

So to see what new ideas there are. Other than cleaning up toys they don't have any real assigned chores, just whatever I think of at the moment. They love to help me with the kitchen floor.

[The Tickle Momster]

Love the dice idea! Thanks.

[Close2MyHeart]

I like the dice idea too.

And the community effort helps.

The funny thing is my 3 y/o DD can pick up her room alone w/ no problem, but my 5 y/o can't even pick up the living room WITH me w/out fighting.

The biggest thing that has helped with chore peace around here is flexibility. If he doesn't want to put away dishes, he's welcome to do them, or clean up the living room, or whatever. There are only two of us and I am not doing all the work so we both have to work at it but I have no attachment to who does what.

Also, I have no attachment to when things get done unless it impacts something else. So like, Alex can take all day to get his clothing folded and put away, on his timetable, when it's convenient for him around his other activities. However, if the dishwasher is full, he needs to unload it before I can load it or there won't be any dishes to eat on at dinner time.

We're just super laid back about it, and I try to remember that I will leave unfolded laundry all day, or for days, until I have a chance to sit down and watch TV or talk on the phone - only then will it get folded. Alex has similar preferences on how to get work done, and I try not to walk all over those. How would I like it if he demanded that laundry get folded "right this minute"? I'm posting, here! I'll get to it later!

All that said, Alex is 9 and it's only been in the past few months that chores have worked out so nicely. With younger kids I think they really need to work alongside an adult. It helps them stay focused, it meets their (irritating but age appropriate) need for everything to be perfectly "fair" (in their estimation, not yours), and it's a model of everyone working together to get the job done.