Stealing....Not the first time.

My dd (nearly 10) stole money from my wallet. When confronted, she returned the money, although she still denied doing it. We are keeping it private and requiring her to make amends by doing jobs around the house. The main problems are:

1) It's not the first time.
2) She still denies taking it.
3) It probably won't be the last time.
4) Her father has been diagnosed with mental illness/personality disorder(s)

What are your thoughts, keeping in mind the possibility of mental illness (which began to manifest in her father about the same age), the fact that I *really* don't want to go through this again, and the total denial of resposibility. She claims it was birthday money from a grandmother she hasn't heard from in YEARS. Any advice is welcome.

Sorry you're dealing with this. I acknowledge that impulse control can be a problem for many who struggle with a mental illness, but that behavior *alone* shouldn't be used as an indicator. My husband has MANY psychiatric dignoses and has never stolen anything in his life. Myself on the other hand...I DID steal quite a bit during my childhood and adolesence, and I have no mental illness. I can tell you that the reason that I was stealing was trying to fill and emotional void. I was sad and hurting. You'd never have known it to look at my "normal" family - but there was alot going on inside the walls of our house that had us all completely disconnected. Even if these inhereted traits *are* contributing to her behavior, I would focus more on your family dynamics to see if any clues come to mind.
Welcome to the boards by the way! You're in the right place!

[Joanne]

You are doing the right things.

Some kids bite.
Some kids sneak food.
Some kids don't like to sleep.
Some steal cash from parents.

It's within normal range of child-behavior.

{{hugs}}

Is Dad in the picture and getting treated?

[PurpleButterfly]

I agree that it is disheartening, but normal. Ten year olds are not adults, they are going to do impulsive things and then deny them. Oh wait, that also describes so many adults, too, doesn't it?

I hurt and embarrassed my parents this way more than once, usually at family or friends house, around the same age. I also feel that I was trying to fill a void in my heart as there was lots going on at home during that time. I also stole from a grocery store and was caught and beaten by my father, which propelled me to shoplift through my early teen years. Does she have ways to earn money for things she wants, and is she given freedom to buy whatever (within reason) she wants? Is she getting one-on-one, positive attention and time just with you and other important adults in her life?

We are having alot of things going on right now. Come to think of it, we've always had lots of things going on when this has happened. Right now what we are dealing with: 1)Friends of ours have 5 kids, the 18 month old baby has cancer. When Mom has to take him out of town for chemo, we keep at least 2 of her kids here. The younger one is my other daughters Best Friend, and I know that frustrates her b/c dd1 is used to dominating the social scene and it doesn't happen with sisters BF. The other girl we usually have is older by a few years, but dd1 gets along with her well. My friends kids have some behaviour issues that we deal with when they are here- manipulation and trouble making for the younger, whining and sarcasm from the older. We have set and enforce firm boundaries, which greatly annoys the friends kids, and ours to some extent because they sometimes try to take it out on our kids. These kids are at our house for one week out of three. :/ Ending this invasion is not an option, as friends family *will not* help. Baby *needs* his chemo. 2) We are really broke, as both myself and my boyfriend have been injured at work and are in the middle of retraining and job hunting for something that we can do without causing further damage to ourselves. 3) Our house is falling apart, and we may move soon. IF the new house comes through AND I get a job. 4) My kids just finished summer school in preparation for returning to PS after homeschooling for 2 years.

My kids dad is not in the picture, it is not safe for him to be. They've had no contact w/him for three years. I guess what I needed there was to hear that stealing *can* be a normal (?) part of growing up, in that alot of kids try it, more than once. The thought of my beautiful, wonderful daughter growing up in and out of psych wards and oh it's just to awful what their father is like- I can't even tell you. I decided long ago that just him being him was revenge enough for what he has put us through. Even the possibility of that for my daughter just .

Does anyone think it could be a protest against returning to regular school, even though it's at their request? Fear of that change? It happened just before summer school started, but also while the other kids were here.....we just discovered it was her the other day. Also of course the other kids being here so much probably is a factor. I will talk to her about it and see what I can find out.

Can anybody give me some concrete suggestions for our every -three weeks invasion? Like I said above, not doing it isn't a morally acceptable option for us, we couldn't live with the idea of this baby dying because Mom couldn't get him to chemo y/k? I know that dd bottles things up, so I definitely need to work on opening her up so we can deal with things that bother her. I could use some concrete suggestions for that too. Any suggestions, really.

Originally Posted by Joanne

You are doing the right things.

Some kids bite.
Some kids sneak food.
Some kids don't like to sleep.
Some steal cash from parents.

It's within normal range of child-behavior

Agreed. i'm praying for you!!!

I don't have a minute to post now, but to get a clear picture, how many of her kids do you watch and what are their ages? How old are your kids?

My kids are 9 and 10 within the month. We always have Harley (9) and Amanda (14), and occasionally have David (17). Very infrequently, we also have Kanisha, who is 15-16ish. The oldest two kids are very infrequent, as they have friends whose families will let them stay sometimes.