Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline

GotMyHeartFull · 08-15-2007, 03:45 AM

I was blessed to find both of these in the thrift store recently and am wondering is one better than the other? Good points, bad points of each one?
Which one would you recomend reading first? (dh deployed 4 kiddos so my reading time is limited to say the least

) I have a 12 1/2 yo, 9 1/2 yo 6 yo and 3 yo if that matters at all.
TIA!!

Spanish Rose · 08-15-2007, 06:32 AM

Unconditional Parenting isn't always well received here. Some think it vears too close to permissivness. Personally, I love it. It is, however, a mainly philosophical work, so if you need practical solutions, read ETLDTD first.

Joanne · 08-15-2007, 06:57 AM

It doesn't matter. I much prefer ETLDTD in terms of theory and practicality.

08-15-2007, 09:00 AM

Unconditional Parenting has some good points about building up children and being positive towards them. However, it does not believe in a sin nature so thinks that even if a kid is being willful that it is ok. So I'd have to agree with the overly permissive opinion on it. However, I still found a lot of good in it. Another thing is that it is kind of like the pendulum swung to the opp extreme in regards to praise. Alfie thinks that *any* sort of praise is not good. And that it is manipulative because our children shouldn't be swayed by wanting to please us. While I gather he is reacting to the extreme of a prior generation that motivated by guilt, I still think, espec in a Biblical context, that our children should want to please us - and likewise we should want to please them.

I am not familiar with the other book. Maybe I should add it to my wanted list.

08-15-2007, 09:13 AM

ArmsOfLove · 08-15-2007, 09:22 AM

The problem isn't actually with UP--it's with what has been done with it--it has been co-opted by the TCS community. It's a good foundational book and I didn't disagree with much in it--but it's short on practicality and tools. I'd recommend it if you need help with foundational ideas

As for ETLDTD--it's one that many people find helpful, practical, and full of theory and tools

MarynMunchkins · 08-15-2007, 09:46 AM

I

ETLDTD. It's on my top 3.

GotMyHeartFull · 08-15-2007, 12:57 PM

thanks so much ladies!! I think I'll start with ETLDTD first

Bonnie · 08-15-2007, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarynMunchkins

I

ETLDTD. It's on my top 3.

What are your other two?

ellies mom · 08-15-2007, 02:20 PM

I know you chosen but I want to chime in here anyways. I have both. I've read both several times but if I had to buy one I'd chose ETLDTD. First, UP, while I think it is a great book as far as theory goes. It is more of a paradigm shifter. It does a great job of getting you to thing about how the things you say and do could effect your child. But it is very light on "how to's". Deliberately so. He did not want to write a book where he told you what to do. Unfortunately, the first time you read the book you are kind of left feeling lost. You know everything you shouldn't say but you don't know what you can say. The feeling does go away the second time you read the book though. I honestly think it is better the second time around.

Not only does, ETLDTD, tell you how to do things, it also gives realistic examples which is such a help. Her examples show people messing up and then recovering. Her book also really deals with you as well. It helps you work through your issues so you can teach your kids. It is on my "read every six months" list so that I can remind myself of the things that I've forgotten.

AdrienneQW · 08-16-2007, 07:54 AM

Another vote for ETLDTD. For someone who has plenty of leisure time for reading, I recommend eventually getting around to Unconditional Parenting. For those of us in the real world, it would be quite a ways down on my list.

GotMyHeartFull · 08-20-2007, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdrienneQW

Another vote for ETLDTD. For someone who has plenty of leisure time for reading, I recommend eventually getting around to Unconditional Parenting. For those of us in the real world, it would be quite a ways down on my list.

really? I am grateful I didn't pay full price for this now lol

I am just in the first chapter of ETL...and I am already really liking this book.

08-15-2007, 03:45 AM	#1
GotMyHeartFull Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 1,022	Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline I was blessed to find both of these in the thrift store recently and am wondering is one better than the other? Good points, bad points of each one? Which one would you recomend reading first? (dh deployed 4 kiddos so my reading time is limited to say the least ) I have a 12 1/2 yo, 9 1/2 yo 6 yo and 3 yo if that matters at all. TIA!!

08-15-2007, 06:32 AM	#2
Spanish Rose Deactivated Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,339	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline Unconditional Parenting isn't always well received here. Some think it vears too close to permissivness. Personally, I love it. It is, however, a mainly philosophical work, so if you need practical solutions, read ETLDTD first.

08-15-2007, 06:57 AM	#3
Joanne Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,066	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline It doesn't matter. I much prefer ETLDTD in terms of theory and practicality.

08-15-2007, 09:00 AM	#4
graceful mama Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline Unconditional Parenting has some good points about building up children and being positive towards them. However, it does not believe in a sin nature so thinks that even if a kid is being willful that it is ok. So I'd have to agree with the overly permissive opinion on it. However, I still found a lot of good in it. Another thing is that it is kind of like the pendulum swung to the opp extreme in regards to praise. Alfie thinks that any sort of praise is not good. And that it is manipulative because our children shouldn't be swayed by wanting to please us. While I gather he is reacting to the extreme of a prior generation that motivated by guilt, I still think, espec in a Biblical context, that our children should want to please us - and likewise we should want to please them. I am not familiar with the other book. Maybe I should add it to my wanted list.

08-15-2007, 09:13 AM	#5
hiddenhippie6 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline

08-15-2007, 09:22 AM	#6
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline The problem isn't actually with UP--it's with what has been done with it--it has been co-opted by the TCS community. It's a good foundational book and I didn't disagree with much in it--but it's short on practicality and tools. I'd recommend it if you need help with foundational ideas As for ETLDTD--it's one that many people find helpful, practical, and full of theory and tools __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

08-15-2007, 09:46 AM	#7
MarynMunchkins Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 38,127	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline I ETLDTD. It's on my top 3.

08-15-2007, 12:57 PM	#8
GotMyHeartFull Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 1,022	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline thanks so much ladies!! I think I'll start with ETLDTD first

08-15-2007, 02:20 PM	#10
ellies mom Rose Trellis Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,890	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline I know you chosen but I want to chime in here anyways. I have both. I've read both several times but if I had to buy one I'd chose ETLDTD. First, UP, while I think it is a great book as far as theory goes. It is more of a paradigm shifter. It does a great job of getting you to thing about how the things you say and do could effect your child. But it is very light on "how to's". Deliberately so. He did not want to write a book where he told you what to do. Unfortunately, the first time you read the book you are kind of left feeling lost. You know everything you shouldn't say but you don't know what you can say. The feeling does go away the second time you read the book though. I honestly think it is better the second time around. Not only does, ETLDTD, tell you how to do things, it also gives realistic examples which is such a help. Her examples show people messing up and then recovering. Her book also really deals with you as well. It helps you work through your issues so you can teach your kids. It is on my "read every six months" list so that I can remind myself of the things that I've forgotten. __________________ Veronica Mama to Ellie 11-03 Baby Audrey 4-08

08-16-2007, 07:54 AM	#11
AdrienneQW Rose Garden Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Inglewood, CA Posts: 8,208	Re: Unconditional Parenting or Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline Another vote for ETLDTD. For someone who has plenty of leisure time for reading, I recommend eventually getting around to Unconditional Parenting. For those of us in the real world, it would be quite a ways down on my list. __________________ ~AQW~ Alleged eSfJ Richly blessed wife of Harold Proud mama of Dexter (Feb 2002) and Celeste (April 2005) Always loving Thomas William (03/04)

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
Page Generation 0.08810 seconds Memory Usage 7,839KB Queries Executed 13 (?)
More Information
Template Usage: (1)SHOWTHREAD (1)ad_footer_end (1)ad_footer_start (1)ad_header_end (1)ad_header_logo (1)ad_navbar_below (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr (1)ad_showthread_firstpost (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start (2)bbcode_quote (1)cyb_flashimagebanners (1)footer (1)forumjump (1)forumrules (1)gobutton (1)header (1)headinclude (1)navbar (3)navbar_link (60)option (12)post_groan_box (1)post_groan_javascript (1)post_groan_navbar_search (12)post_thanks_box (1)post_thanks_javascript (1)post_thanks_navbar_search (12)postbit_legacy (10)postbit_onlinestatus (47)postbit_reputation (12)postbit_wrapper (4)showthread_bookmarksite (1)smqre_editor_button (1)spacer_close (1)spacer_open (1)tagbit_wrapper Phrase Groups Available: global inlinemod postbit posting reputationlevel showthread	Included Files: ./showthread.php ./global.php ./includes/init.php ./includes/class_core.php ./includes/config.php ./includes/functions.php ./includes/class_hook.php ./includes/functions_notice.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php ./includes/functions_bigthree.php ./includes/class_postbit.php ./includes/class_bbcode.php ./includes/functions_reputation.php ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php ./includes/functions_misc.php ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php ./includes/functions_post_groan.php Hooks Called: init_startup cache_permissions fetch_threadinfo_query fetch_threadinfo fetch_foruminfo style_fetch cache_templates global_start parse_templates fetch_musername notices_check_start global_setup_complete showthread_start template_groups template_safe_functions template_compile showthread_getinfo forumjump showthread_post_start showthread_query_postids showthread_query bbcode_fetch_tags bbcode_create showthread_postbit_create postbit_factory postbit_display_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end post_groan_function_groaned_already_start post_groan_function_groaned_already_end reputation_image postbit_imicons bbcode_parse_start bbcode_parse_complete_precache bbcode_parse_complete postbit_display_complete error_fetch tag_fetchbit_complete forumrules showthread_bookmarkbit navbits navbits_complete showthread_complete
Messages: