Loosing my temper

I am loosing my temper like every two seconds with DD. What am I to do?? I want more than anything to be able to show dd GBD and to show her a great example of how to deal with her anger. She is starting to act like me all the time, screaming and hitting me and throwing her self around. I feel so horrible because I see her face after I loose my temper and I know she doesn't deserve it and I am trying but I dont' know where to start.

[marathonmom]

You quit working outside the home recently - is that right?

Have you yet been able to establish a flexible routine for your days? Sometimes a little structure helps. Mama needs down time
too to regroup.

18 mo is a busy, busy, age. It is natural to feel frustrated sometimes.



ETA: Have you ever read the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka? You may find some t hings
in there that would help you. Sounds like she is a very intense child, who may not like transitions very well.

Yes I did just quit my job. That's part of our problem. We are trying to work on getting her to realize momma is going to be home again now. And also at the same time get her on some sort of schedule. She hasn't had much time outside because she has been sleeping during the day and it's been really hot around here. I hope to get her outside for a couple of hours a day soon. But I can't do that until I get her sleeping schdule fixed. Thanks for the tip on the book. I willl check it out and see how cheap I can get it on ebay.!

[canadiyank]

What sort of things are you finding most frustrating? What kind of self-care things are you doing?

She whines all day, wants me to hold her all day and I already looked into slings but we don't really have the money. Plus she is 30 lbs and I am not sure they will hold her. She wants me play with her EVERY second and I can't I have stuff to do around the house. I try using the tv for her to sit down while I am doing something but it doesn't work. Then if she is sitting and quietly playing and I lay down next to her or sit down on the couch she freaks out. As long as I am not relaxing at all or doing something she is happy. I am just so frustrated. I can't get her sleeping schedule right either. I don't really have much time to do anything for me. I have been trying to exercise during her naps lately because I always feel better when I exercise but then because her sleeping is so messed up I never know when she is going to wake up or go to bed and I am always anxious because I don't know how much sleep I can get or if I do something around the house will I have time to lay down with her and get some rest.

[MarynMunchkins]

Learning to be a SAHM can be challenging.

I think AFA sling goes, you'd be most comfortable with a wrap. You can make one of those with less than $10 worth of fabric.

[Marsha]

I would imagine it is confusing fo ryoui, too. You are used to a much more structured day, I bet. And an 18 month old doesn't allow for a whole lot of lying or sitting down. I do sit down more now that mine is two but I distinctly remember even eating standing up at that time because if I sat down, she wanted to crawl on me, and nurse or be held. So that part made me laugh.
Her sleep schedule should regulate pretty soon. I know both my girls (even my horrible sleeper one!) regulated around two years old into regular bed times and a predictable naptime. I'm sure others will have good tips for you, since I have not managed to get good sleep out of mine until they wean from nursing.
But I'm thinking that you are probably having an adjustment of your own and it's easy to remember "days off from work" when you didn't have a child and got to lay around, do work on your schedule, etc.
Start by making a loose routine for your days. Like get up, breakfast, get dressed, snuggle/puzzle/book time, go out for awhile (indoor playgrounds, friends, even Walmart to play in the toy aisle LOL if it's too hot); home for lunch, more snuggle/puzzle/book, nap (lay down w/her, and try to gently impress upon her that this is time for SLEEPING!), then sneak out and have some alone time , etc.
Probably the key for me was making sure we got out in the morning, not necessarily playing outside but going out and doing something. We still do better when we do that.
I hope some of this helps. It's, obviously, JMO.

[Joanne]

Books for your anger:

She's Gonna Blow by Barnhill
When Anger Hurts Your Kids
Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline

Routine, Routine, Routine! You need to develop and stick to a routine that she can rely on and start to build confidence and competence. Get up, dressed, brush teeth, eat, play with play doh, read with mom, etc. This will help her organize her day.

When she's clingy and showing insecurity, how do you respond?

When she is clingy I try my best not to get upset because she is just wanting a little love afterall... I try to find stuff for us to do together. I sit down to see if she wants to read a book (she always sits in my lap) or ask her if she wants to color with mommy or tell her we will go put her baby dolls to sleep because she really likes to do that with me. I don't really know what to do though.. that's part of my problem..

[Myrtle]

Originally Posted by xhigh_artx

I am loosing my temper like every two seconds with DD. What am I to do?? I want more than anything to be able to show dd GBD and to show her a great example of how to deal with her anger. She is starting to act like me all the time, screaming and hitting me and throwing her self around. I feel so horrible because I see her face after I loose my temper and I know she doesn't deserve it and I am trying but I dont' know where to start.

I was gonna' recommend Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline, but Joanne beat me to it. I've only read the first chapter or so, but it's helping. Slowly.

What I've come to realize as I've watched dd act like me more and more, is that I have to have the skills before I can teach dd to have the skills to deal with anger. It'll be easier for her to learn now instead of in her 30's like me. I'm growing with her, learning how to control my anger as I try to teach her how to control hers.

Originally Posted by MarynMunchkins

Learning to be a SAHM can be challenging.

Going from the structure of a job, and having an actual lunch break and a chance to get things done without constant interuptions is hard to get used to. This is a big transition time for both of you.

I was a SAHM before, I only worked about a month and a half because dh was out of work from a car wreck. But nothing has been normal around here since his car wreck. That was mid april and she has grown so much since then and I missed a lot the last month and a half. I guess its just hard trying to get back to a semi routine like we were in before the wreck. We have just been having all sorts of stress in the house and I guess that is where most of it comes from. I own Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline but I haven't read it in a while . I guess it's time to brush up on those skills huh???

[canadiyank]

Yikes, that's a lot of change. This is a tough age...they really don't play for any extended amounts of time (at least mine didn't). Routines help immensely, as well as involving her in absolutely everything you do. Doing laundry? Have her hand you stuff or put it in. Mine liked to help with the buttons. Have her load silverware in the dishwasher and close the door and press start. Carry silverware to the table when setting it, etc. Mine were little velcros at that age and I found it much better to involve them in everything b/c I tend to get angry and punitive really quickly.

Oh, some other things I found helpful...going on a daily walk (put that into your routine), getting out of the house to do an errand. is good.

Also, *expecting* her to whine and be clingy helped me find ways to deal with it before I was upset. Start now teaching her about low/pleasant tones of voice (vs. whining) and with the "uppy uppy!" I would say, "Yes, when I'm done x."

I got my sling at babies r us for about $25. It is not a fancy one but it did the job. The weight limit is 35lbs.
Susan

OOHHH can I have the link to it. I think I can spend $25 on that