What do I do with these meltdowns?

[Firebird Rising]

Okay, I just don't get it. I don't know what to do. I'm cross-posting in Breastfeeding because it's an issue with nursing, but I dont' know what to do about the behaviors he's going through in relation to the breastfeeding.

This evening, almost 18 mth old DS only wanted to nurse on the side HE wanted to nurse on, be it Lefty or Righty. He would do two sucks and then pull off and ask "Mek" pointing at the other one. I let him switch ONCE and then said no the next time he asked. He didn't like that. He started screaming and hitting and throwing himself on the ground banging his head, literally SCREAMING at me. I had Lefty HANGING out of her bra and he's like totally refusing it, pulling, tearing frantically at the other side. This went on for like an hour or so, and he would not be swayed or comforted. I finally restrained him with his back to me so he would stop hurting me. He fought that even worse. He does not want to be touched when he's screaming. He arches his back away from me and pushes my hands away. I think that holding him made things way worse, but I didn't want to ignore him. I just didn't know what to do. While I was holding him, I was whispering, "Calm down, mama loves you, calm down, mama loves you." but it had no effect. My mom came in the living room and asked if she should take him. She started walking towards him (he was in my arms) and he cringed away from her like he was terrified and started screaming again.

I feel like we're at a roadblock with nursing. He wants it his way or not at all and if he doesn't get it, it's an all-out battle and he is so strong and wiry. I don't know how long to deny him something he wants that bad and is willing to fight that hard for. I don't know how to fight about it or how long to fight him about it. He's so tired. He isn't sleeping well. Since we started night-weaning, his naps have gone from 2 hours to one hour, he is waking frequently in the middle of the night, he is waking earlier. He spends his days going around complaining and whining and having meltdowns when it comes to ANYTHING to do with nursing that doesn't go his way. Chamomile, teething tabs, rescue remedy, calms forte, nothing seems to help with any of our problems. I don't see any teeth coming through.

I finally tried to get him to sleep tonight and he REFUSED to drink from Lefty, kept asking for Righty, fought and fought and fought with him in bed, trying to get him to stay tehre, trying to keep him from bashing his head against the headboard. At one time, he actually started bashing his head against Lefty and before I could catch him, he grabbed Lefty and bit down on her. I was so surprised, I yelled his name and put my bra up and shirt down, he just fell apart again. Finally, I got him to accept Lefty and he fell asleep. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

FWIW, I started exercising a lot more this week and started taking Vitex last Thursday. I don't know if that has anything to do with anything, but just thought I'd mention it. Please, any help would be good, anything about dealing with the meltdowns. I simply don't even know what to do. I feel like I'm getting too permissive or I'm failing somehow.

Thanks,
Jen D.

Could it be a supply issue - that he's not totally able to articulate and is instead throwing a tantrum?  Just the way he takes two pulls and then asks for milk and switches Do you know if that particular med can cause supply issues?  OR maybe your milk tastes different because of it?   

Vitex:  It works by stimulating and normalizing the pituitary gland, which regulates the balance of estrogen and progesterone in the body.

  Sorry, I had no idea what Vitex was. I see now that it's not a med but an herb for PMS. I'm no expert, but from the description of the hormones it regulates - you might have your culprit.

[Firebird Rising]

Well, I think Vitex is just chasteberry. It's a fertility vitamin that I'm taking hoping to alleviate my very crampy erratic AFs that I've had since DS was born. I really don't think I have a supply issue because he seems to be not-so-eager to eat solids right now as well compared to three weeks ago. Also I can still squirt milk like half-way across the room if I want to so I don't think there is supply issues. Maybe taste. I may end up over in the health forum now, asking that question.

Jen D.

[Firebird Rising]

Originally Posted by MoongardenMama

I'm no expert, but this definately sounds like the culprit to me.

We posted at same time.

Hmm, i shall go check it out. I've felt much better so far on while on it (but that's probably the exercise I'm getting). So, how do I handle the meltdowns...

[Firebird Rising]

From Kellymom.com

Chasteberry/Vitex/Chaste tree berry has been said to enhance lactation, but in practical application it may decrease milk supply. Once the milk supply is firmly established and on autocrine control, it's doubtful that the use of vitex, in and of itself, will have any negative impact on milk production, but it should not be recommended as a galactagogue.

Thanks Moongarden Mama. I hadn't even thought to look at Vitex as a problem, but it's doubtful it is.

So me thinks we still have a very unhappy toddler who is having meltdowns. Any more thoughts on handling it?

Jen D.

Also I can still squirt milk like half-way across the room if I want to so I don't think there is supply issues

That's hilarious!

I also just now read that vitex will induce lactation and/or increase supply - so right it could be taste...I don't know how verbal he is, but maybe you could ask him when he is calm...how "mek" tastes or what is making him upset?

[Firebird Rising]

Originally Posted by MoongardenMama

I don't know how verbal he is, but maybe you could ask him when he is calm...how "mek" tastes or what is making him upset?

He has quite a vocabulary, but is not really doing much more than nouns and is more just copying what you are saying. I think part of our problem is that he still really is pre-verbal in so many ways. He's always been super-intense, not angry or upset or fussy, just very very busy, active, observant and involved in everything going on.

Jen D

Right.  Well, that being the case, whether it's a taste issue or a teeth issue he's probably just reacting intensely since that's his nature, to whatever the aggrivation is.  I feel for you.  There's nothing worse than not being able to communicate totally.  I wish I had more advice.  I am no expert on tantrums (thankfully).  I can't imagine weaning is easy either... We went until about 27 months and then she was nursing only before bed.  One day she pulled off and looked up at me and said, "what happened to boppy-nigh-night?"  and I said, "why? what's wrong?"  and she answered, "it's not working."  :/  So I just asked her if she would like to snuggle instead?  she said yes, and we went off to sleep and that was pretty much the end of it.  We didn't really have to actually wean... so I'm no expert on that either.   WELL!  I'm no help huh!    If it's not the Vitex, it's probably just the adjustment with the weaning and the sleeping schedule and might need some extra understanding   So, if you can keep that in mind as you are ready to pull your hair out you'll be halfway there!   God Bless Mama!  I hope you get some good ideas.

[Marsha]

I had to read this since we are going through the same things. My 24 month old screamed for 20 minutes the other night because I just could.not.take.her.nursing.on one. side. anymore!!!! One side was uncomfortably full from all the letdowns, and the other side was emty and irritiable. And I just couldn't do it.
I also was on vitex, and it made me so hormonal I couldn't stand myself, and my anxiety went through the roof. I've spent a week not being able to breathe and it's an anxiety reaction and NO FUN, so I am off of it.
I hope that is the culprit and that my nursing relatinship improves. If not, we may just have to be done all together.
As I speak, she has spent the last hour and a half alternately begging to nurse and screaming when I say no. I can't nurse her all the time, well, I choose not to.
But the screaming is hard to take.
So I understand.
(((hugs)))

[Joanne]

feel like we're at a roadblock with nursing. He wants it his way or not at all and if he doesn't get it, it's an all-out battle and he is so strong and wiry. I don't know how long to deny him something he wants that bad and is willing to fight that hard for. I don't know how to fight about it or how long to fight him about it. He's so tired. He isn't sleeping well.

He's allergic to dairy. That's my guess/very strong hunch. The behavior, physical description and sleeping pattern scream dairy allergy.

[Firebird Rising]

I'm vegan. He gets NO dairy products at all.

Jen D

[Joanne]

I'm vegan. He gets NO dairy products at all.

How much protein and high quality fats does he (or you) get?

[Firebird Rising]

A pretty good amount. He eats avocados every day and usually beans or tofu every day or every other day, depending on what we all are having.

Jen D.

[KarenBoo]

Just thought I'd ring in here - it could be that his spine is out of alignment, and perhaps it's just plain uncomfortable for him to nurse on the side he is refusing. I'd take him to a pediatric chiropractor to have him checked out.