responsive parenting and responsibility

[Garnet]

A book should be written! How to Parent Responsively and Get Everything Else Done. But even if it were written, I'd have trouble following it.


I have a mountain of laundry. A dirty dusty house. No dryer. I have to be at work at 2pm. I have four children here at home. ( one is out to summer school, I have to pick him up at the corner at noonish. ) I still need a shower. There are apparently no summer clothes in my sons dresser, despite the fact he has TONS of clothes. So obviously not much is going to get done today. I am re washing a load I left in last night that smells kinda musty. ( darn basement)

So how do you parent responsively and still get other things done?

[The Tickle Momster]

Send 'em outside. We have a fully fenced, kid-friendly backyard. My house is far from clean though. We are working on simplifying and decluttering.

Not sure how old your kids are, but having them help with stuff. Can they dust? or is it a product of the house and therfore futile?

For laundry, only 7- 10 outfits per child. Mine like to help fold and sort when the pile gets too big. Clear the living room floor, vacuum quickly and start making piles. Everyone folds their own and the fastest gets to fold daddy's.

Not sure I have other ideas for you. Just know you are not alone and a book like that would be great!

[Garnet]

LOL. I have my own kids, a 8 yr old girl, 6 yr old boy and 7 month old boy. And then the guy I'm dating.....alright my boyfriend, he has two boys, ages 6, and 5 that are with me day in and out. One of them is at school. I sent them into the backyard but they ended up climbing the fence to the neighbors. Then every time I turn my back they have something they aren't supposed to have, balloons, candy, dvds, cds, etc. This is the boys. DD has been okay. 7 month old is clingy. Wants to be entertained. Ugh.

So could they help? Yes. Will they? No. Can they destroy something quicker than I can clean it? Yes.

Exception is dd., Shes' helped w/ baby, swept the stairs and gathered up laundry.

I feel ur pain! I cant seem to find the balance either! Either my house is clean and the kid are not being cared for or the other way around. I just dont know how people do it, It seems like for every room I clean they mess another one up. We don't have space for a play room so their room looks like a jungle. I am really afraid for them to sleep in it because it is a fire hazzard. By the end of the day and every one is asleep I am usually tired myself.

[Tuesdayschild]

You have all my sympathy - that is soooooooooooo not an easy position to be in! I can't think of much to help, sorry. How about trying to find something that will really tire the boys out? Timed races in the back yard, best of 21? or 51? Do you have an area of the house that can be their designated play area with some kind of logical consequence of them messing something else up?e.g. no playing until they've sorted their mess out? Vacuum cleaning for rewards? I guess there's no way round it: they need constant supervision! So either they have to stay close to you while you do the housework unitl they show they can be trusted, or you have to abandon laundry in favour of playing in the yard! I don't envy you, it sounds like you are doing a great job in very trying circumstances. I pray God will give you the strength and energy you need to get through this time.

[Marsha]

can you talk to them and engage in some way while you are working or get them to hlep you? Or even send them outside as one poster suggested, and work on giving them 10 minutes of attention every hour? (That's basically what I try to do)

[SweetMelissa]

I was just about to post something similar. I have a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old, a non-usable backyard, and a very neglected house. It's just a good thing dh is somewhat helpful or nothing would ever get done. When I get really desperate, I ask my retired FIL to come over and play with the boys so I can work on laundry or the kitchen.

[jennyjq8]

I've used grandpa (my dad) when I needed to get something big done (or pack for a trip!). He loves playing with DS. Then I'm still around if DS needs me, but I can get something done.

Otherwise I do house stuff a little bit at a time...so I can go to DS if he needs me, or I work on it when DH is home to play with DS.

It is hard to balance this stuff once you have a baby. But little by little we've gotten into a groove where I can get the diapers and clothes washed, dinner made, and other stuff. But on days when DS needs me more, less gets done...and that's okay!