ETLDTD - Week 5

[monkeylicious]

From Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey

ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Love
REASON: to see the best in one another
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Positive Intent
VALUE: Cooperation

Wish People Well. Do this silently from your heart when you are standing in lines, driving, or passing people as you walk. Give this gift to everyone you see. Notice how you feel when you do this.

*Begin each day being grateful for at least three things. Before you go to bed, tell all your family members how thankful you are for their presence in your life. Notice what this does for your energy level.

Affirm to yourself five times a day:"what I offer to others, I give to myself". Do this upon waking, at meals, and at bedtime.

*Be conscious of how often you offer judgments or criticism to others.

Attribute Positive Intent: turning resistance into cooperation.

*When your child makes a mistake, or misbehaves, highlight her best self by attributing a positive intent to her. Then, focus on teaching her another way. To get started, you can use the following steps:

"you wanted ____" state a positive motive.
"so you ____" describe to the child the actions she took (teasing, hitting)
"you may not ____, ____ hurts (or not safe)
"when you want ____, say ____. say it for now for practice"
"You did it." offer some encouragement

*You know you love your child, but does she know? write up a long lost of ways you can show your love for your child. Put it on the refrigerator and add to it. Do two things form that list daily. Be generous with physical affection with young children and those who are moving through their school years. Boys need hugs and kisses as much as girls do.

*When you slip up, consciously cut off the punitive self-talk and attribute positive intent to yourself. "You were frightened for Sarah’s safety, so you yelled at her when she ran ahead of you to cross the street"

*Attribute positive intent to the clerks, politicians, food servers and others. Do this out loud to model the power of love to your children. Do it especially when these people make mistakes. This demonstrates your cooperative spirit.

[monkeylicious]

*Begin each day being grateful for at least three things. Before you go to bed, tell all your family members how thankful you are for their presence in your life. Notice what this does for your energy level.


i can see how this could make a big difference for me ... especially with dh.


Attributing positive intent is one of the things that has stuck with me from my quick initial reading of the book. though this is hard to do, especially with strangers, it is something i believe can make big change. (i need to model this one ALOT with dh i think!) if he did it, the world (at least my little corner of it!) would be better!

Thank you . . . for some reason this really moves me today .

Some thoughts . . .

I live in the city, so lots of traffic and occassional visible poverty, homelessness or drug addiction (I know its everywhere but some days it seems like I see it EVERYWHERE). Sometimes it can really get to me. I've found how much it helps to give that all to God -- to silently or quietly pray for every person and situation that upsets me. DH and I are working on doing this together -- remembering that DS hears everything we say, and remembering what we attitude we want to model for him.

My DH was crabby this morning. He sent me a nice email apologizing and explaining why he was stressed out. He managed to explain himself in terms of "having trouble transitioning out of the house" in a way that I was really able to understand (my brain gets scrambled when I'm getting ready to go somewhere, too). I was able to open my heart, accept it and move on.

My DS is still barely-verbal, but understands so much. I have to remind myself to speak respectfully to him and assign positive intent when he is screaming or kicking/hitting, like during a diaper change. My short-version script for toddlers would go something like: (First I typed out what I really say, then I rewrote it to match the script): You want up. You are kicking. No kicking, kicking hurts. Say, "Mommy, I want up, I don't like to hold still." Look, we are all-done-diaper! Thank you for your cooperation!

What boundless love we have once we free ourselves to be generous with it.

[mummy2boys]

*Begin each day being grateful for at least three things. Before you go to bed, tell all your family members how thankful you are for their presence in your life. Notice what this does for your energy level.

Yes I agree.....Its so easy to miss the *simple* things isn't it

[monkeylicious]

i REALLY need to get on board with this... (i think i'm going to post these things somewhere where i can see them constantly... do you think writing them on a onesie is extreme?) dh is going to be away for 2 weeks starting friday, and my patience hasa been very short lately (although i tend to blame him and his negativity, so maybe the 2 weeks won't be so bad )

i have just been so down lately, that it is hard to get with the program. though i do find myself using empathy alot to mirror dd's big feelings. and i do see it working. but there are times i know i could do a better job of preventing the big feelings...

[mummy2boys]

Jennifer.....It is hard sometimes but just know we are here to support you any way we can and you are learning something everyday so keep with the programme

it's a powerful thing to realize that what I offer to my dc's, dh, and those around i give to myself too...for good or for bad. there is so much positive to see if i will just open my eyes to everyone around me. my marriage has been transformed like this in the past 3 months. seeing all the good in dh and speaking it has really changed things for both of us! And what a gift when i can learn to do this more and more to model for my kids and disciple them in this.

[monkeylicious]

Originally Posted by puah

it's a powerful thing to realize that what I offer to my dc's, dh, and those around i give to myself too...for good or for bad. there is so much positive to see if i will just open my eyes to everyone around me. my marriage has been transformed like this in the past 3 months. seeing all the good in dh and speaking it has really changed things for both of us! And what a gift when i can learn to do this more and more to model for my kids and disciple them in this.

i know this can be life-changing... now I just have to DO it. thanks puah for your testimony