ETLDTD - Week 3, Wednesday, Thursday

[monkeylicious]

From Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey

WEEK THREE

ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Free Will
REASON: The only person you can make change is yourself
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Choices
VALUE: Commitment

*Allow others to have their own thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to what you feel when people disagree with you. (most of us feel threatened)

*Resist the need to make others happy or convince them that you have all the answers. remind yourself three times a day, "the only person i can make change is myself." then choose to be pleasant and share that with others.

CHOICES: Building self-esteem and willpower

*Do not give children choices in areas where you are afraid to make a decision. you are the boss.

*Give children two positive choices as a way of setting limits. use the following formula to get started.
1. "you may ________ or ____________."
2. "what is your choice?"
3. "you chose ________!"

[monkeylicious]

Originally Posted by jhaud

*Resist the need to make others happy or convince them that you have all the answers.

i find myself (with dh) trying to get him to see my point of view... i can't stand it when he just doesn't acknowledge that i have a point or a valid point of view... now i'm thinking i'm just doing this because if he sees that i have a point or that it makes sense the way i see it, he should obviously agree!

[SansSouci]

This is one I struggle with. I think I'm following it just fine. I offer choices, and that works very well. And I'm fully aware that I'm the only one I have control over (my parents made that perfectly clear to me as a kid, in a not so nice way). But I don't get how to use this to "help" dd make the decision I want her to make!!! lol Any tips???

WOW . . . what a great quote:

*Allow others to have their own thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to what you feel when people disagree with you. (most of us feel threatened)

*Resist the need to make others happy or convince them that you have all the answers.

This reminds me of another quote from the book. . . something like, "would you rather be special (right all the time) or would you rather be connected?" Do I value "hey look at Robin she's in charge and has all the answers" more than I value "let's work together and be in a relationship?" Why does it matter that other people agree or validate me?

My other related idea, I find that reflecting my toddler's feelings helps remind ME that his feelings are okay. I hear people say "what do you do about tantrums," and I wonder how much the "problem" with a crying, frustrated child is in how we see it. Why is it their upset a problem? I'm working on this.

Last night it was time to turn off the tv (yes I know, too much tv ) and he started to scream and get sad. I said something like, "it is sad to say bye-bye to Blues Clues. You are sad. You like Blue so much. When we like something, it is sad to say goodbye." I didn't say "you're okay!" or even explain that we'll see Blue tomorrow (probably first thing in the morning ). I just tried to stay with him in that feeling, respect it, and for BOTH of us, say "hey, here's some sad going on. That's okay, we will still have a bath and story. I am bigger than your big feelings."