Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting?

02-12-2006, 09:42 AM

I heard about TCS (taking children seriously) and looked it up on the web. I can see some of the points that are made, but other things seem to be based on assumptions that I don't think are true. Plus, God is left completely out of the theory. Any thoughts?

Leslie · 02-12-2006, 09:50 AM

I've heard of it, I was on their mailing list for awhile and came to similar conclusions.

There's couple of threads here titled Permissive vs GBD that include the difference between GBD and TCS that seem to nail it, to my mind.

milkmommy · 02-12-2006, 09:53 AM

Yes I've seen and looked at it. Its not for me

I also think its quite disrespectful to the development of a child

Deanna

ArmsOfLove · 02-12-2006, 09:59 AM

Here is my new article about it.

Soliloquy · 02-12-2006, 11:31 AM

Crystal, your article is great. If I never coerced my DD, she'd have a horrible diaper rash because about 25% of the time she really fights diaper changes. I know that 30 seconds of coercion, based upon my wisdom that the diaper needs to be changed, is not harmful to her (and actually beneficial as diaper rash is painful) and that as she grows she will see this, too. Just one example of many I could present . . .

flowermama · 02-12-2006, 11:42 AM

I wanted to mention that GCM does not embrace the philosophy behind TCS ("Taking Children Seriously") or non-coercive parenting. Here's our statement...
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...?topic=32243.0

AmyDoll · 02-12-2006, 11:47 AM

thanks for the article Crystal! I keep hearing about it in other circles and it just seems

02-12-2006, 07:44 PM

Thanks for the responses. Armsoflove, your article was especially illuminating. Nicely done!

Mothering by Heart · 02-12-2006, 07:48 PM

Great article!!

Depends?

mommy2abigail · 02-13-2006, 02:34 PM

Yeah, I was gonna say...Depends??? Not intervening with a suicide???

Earthylady · 02-13-2006, 05:36 PM

This is exactly why I can't hang out at MDC's gentle discipline board. I don't believe non-coercive is how God deals with me, so why would I do that to my child? Just seems wrong to me and I get frustrated over there about it.

milkmommy · 02-13-2006, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammiesmomma

This is exactly why I can't hang out at MDC's gentle discipline board. I don't believe non-coercive is how God deals with me, so why would I do that to my child? Just seems wrong to me and I get frustrated over there about it.

I came over here (though a link someone posted

) from MDC because of the same thing...
Deanna

02-13-2006, 08:08 PM

Thankyou for the links on this. I once saw a discussion on non-coerciveness about a child who wanted to play in the ocean when it was raining. It was cold but the child did not want to get out. Someone actually said "if it's raining, it can't be that cold!" This really pushed my buttons because I grew up in a rainy climate and it is downright dangerous to a child run around in the ocean here. Everything in my heart screamed "get that baby inside and dry him off whether he wants you to or not!"

Sadly this seems to be a stumbling block for so many well-meaning parents -- that the child's unhappiness means we're doing something wrong as parents. It's been liberating for me to realize I can just do what I need to do to take care of DS, and keeping going, and his big feelings aren't part of the problem.

Radosny Matka · 02-13-2006, 08:40 PM

Totally OT but I just had to chime in and say that I love your avatar. Your girls are gorgeous!

Leslie · 02-14-2006, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raisa

Thankyou for the links on this. I once saw a discussion on non-coerciveness about a child who wanted to play in the ocean when it was raining. It was cold but the child did not want to get out. Someone actually said "if it's raining, it can't be that cold!"

I saw a trend on the email list where parents would say with pride that they allowed their kids free access to candy and junk food because it's coersive to limit what they eat. And those same parents admitted that their kids had weight problems, but that, as children whose inner lights were untainted by coersion, they'd have to find their own solution to their weight problem. Or maybe they'd learn to accept it. Since the whole gist of noncoersion is that kids will self-regulate and naturally choose what's best for them if allowed free choice, I would have expected that kids allowed to choose their own diets would be naturally healthy and regulate their eating habits. But the parents' own experiences didn't seem to be evidence of that.

02-12-2006, 09:42 AM	#1
mamamachanteuse Guest Posts: n/a	Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? I heard about TCS (taking children seriously) and looked it up on the web. I can see some of the points that are made, but other things seem to be based on assumptions that I don't think are true. Plus, God is left completely out of the theory. Any thoughts?

02-12-2006, 09:50 AM	#2
Leslie Rose Garden Genteel Princess Mollie Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 6,203	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? I've heard of it, I was on their mailing list for awhile and came to similar conclusions. There's couple of threads here titled Permissive vs GBD that include the difference between GBD and TCS that seem to nail it, to my mind.

02-12-2006, 09:53 AM	#3
milkmommy Rose Garden sisters! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Sunniest place on Earth and hotter than Phoenix! Might as well be sitting on the sun... Posts: 35,300	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Yes I've seen and looked at it. Its not for me I also think its quite disrespectful to the development of a child Deanna __________________ Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven.

02-12-2006, 09:59 AM	#4
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Here is my new article about it. __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

02-12-2006, 11:31 AM	#5
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Crystal, your article is great. If I never coerced my DD, she'd have a horrible diaper rash because about 25% of the time she really fights diaper changes. I know that 30 seconds of coercion, based upon my wisdom that the diaper needs to be changed, is not harmful to her (and actually beneficial as diaper rash is painful) and that as she grows she will see this, too. Just one example of many I could present . . .

02-12-2006, 11:42 AM	#6
flowermama Owner/Founder of GCM Administrator Run with endurance the race that is set before you. . . Heb. 12:1 Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 30,571	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? I wanted to mention that GCM does not embrace the philosophy behind TCS ("Taking Children Seriously") or non-coercive parenting. Here's our statement... http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...?topic=32243.0 __________________ ~ Jeri Vegan mom to my vegan kiddos DD1 (24), DS1 (21), DD2 (18), and DS2 (15) And wife to my gentle DH for 26 years and counting Instagram: gentleveganrunner gentlechristianmothers

02-12-2006, 11:47 AM	#7
AmyDoll Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: State of Grace Posts: 11,062	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? thanks for the article Crystal! I keep hearing about it in other circles and it just seems

02-12-2006, 07:44 PM	#8
mamamachanteuse Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Thanks for the responses. Armsoflove, your article was especially illuminating. Nicely done!

02-12-2006, 07:48 PM	#9
Mothering by Heart Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 5,303	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Great article!! Depends?

02-13-2006, 02:34 PM	#10
mommy2abigail Rose Trellis Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 2,895	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Yeah, I was gonna say...Depends??? Not intervening with a suicide??? __________________ INFJ/INTJ DYT 4 Wife to Alan, Mama to Abby 3/05, Ella 2/08, and Julianna 10/10 “Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.” Leo Buscaglia

02-13-2006, 05:36 PM	#11
Earthylady Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: in God's country Posts: 4,399	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? This is exactly why I can't hang out at MDC's gentle discipline board. I don't believe non-coercive is how God deals with me, so why would I do that to my child? Just seems wrong to me and I get frustrated over there about it. __________________ Mandy Loving my husband and our 5 kids on Earth plus two in Heaven (7/23/10 @ 4 1/2 weeks) and (10/14/10 @ 10 1/2 weeks) My newest baby was just born 6/8/14. Woohoo!

02-13-2006, 08:08 PM	#13
raisa Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Thankyou for the links on this. I once saw a discussion on non-coerciveness about a child who wanted to play in the ocean when it was raining. It was cold but the child did not want to get out. Someone actually said "if it's raining, it can't be that cold!" This really pushed my buttons because I grew up in a rainy climate and it is downright dangerous to a child run around in the ocean here. Everything in my heart screamed "get that baby inside and dry him off whether he wants you to or not!" Sadly this seems to be a stumbling block for so many well-meaning parents -- that the child's unhappiness means we're doing something wrong as parents. It's been liberating for me to realize I can just do what I need to do to take care of DS, and keeping going, and his big feelings aren't part of the problem.

02-13-2006, 08:40 PM	#14
Radosny Matka Rose Garden I am so blessed! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: somewhere between sane and crazy Posts: 26,922	Re: Has anyone ever heard of non-coercive parenting? Totally OT but I just had to chime in and say that I love your avatar. Your girls are gorgeous! __________________ Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17

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