need to vent, what is with these mothers?

[Beauty4Ashes]

Dh and the boys and I went to an eid party (Ramadan will be ending soon) at the hospital cafeteria last night. Thank goodness the food was no where near as spicy as it was last year. Our older son wanted to play the piano a little bit, which was fine with me. Unfortunately this girl who was maybe 4 months older than him (ds is 16 months old now) was hitting him and pushing him away from the piano. Her mother didn’t do anything, she wasn’t even watching. I came up to the girl and told her “no hitting, that’s not nice”. I wanted to smack her across the face, though. She was trying to crowd ds away from the piano so I kept on putting him back by the piano, I wasn’t about to let this little brat keep him from enjoying the piano. This girl has a reputation for being mean, btw.

There was another little boy who was maybe 18 months old and he kept pushing ds down. His parents were there watching him, but they didn’t really do anything either. I was proud of my little one because he was very nice with the other children. He didn’t hit or shove anyone. I started thinking that I should reconsider what I thought was behavior that deserved a scolding. I had been getting so frustrated because he would get into my onions and garlic and peal them and spread them around the house. I was getting irritated by how he would climb onto the kitchen chairs several times a day even though I’d told him a million times not to do that. In the grand scheme of things, he is just exploring, not being mean or trying to bug me.

One last thing…there was a lady there with her husband and her 3 month old ds. She is an intern in medicine with dh and her dh is in his second year of residency in medicine. They are both working 70+ hours a week, and his mother stays with the baby. She was asking me if I had enough milk for my 4 month old, and I said yes. She said that she has very little milk and has been giving her ds formula at night and sometimes during the day. She asked (jokingly?) if I could give some of my milk to her baby. I said, then Danny and Adam would be brothers. I just feel so sorry for that little baby, his parents are almost never home. This lady was so determined to breast feed, she was pumping the milk for him. Then Ramadan came and she was fasting—no food or liquid from sunrise to sunset for an entire month. From the stress and not getting any fluids, her milk supply dwindled to almost nothing. Why would a mother not think of her baby? If she would not have fasted, she would probably have made a bit more milk? I just wanted to shake both of them. She was pregnant at the time that she did the interview for residency. Why would she go for residency (especially one as tough as medicine/neurology) when she would be having a baby, especially since her dh would also be working long hours? I know that it is tough for foreigners to get accepted, but what about the baby???? Dh commented to me that Adam didn’t look like a happy baby. I held my tongue. He said, I think probably she is a good mother, she comes home from the hospital during the day for a couple of hours to care for him (where we live is right behind the hospital). I just feel so frustrated by these women who have their babies but then are too busy to even care for them. I am not saying that women should not be doctors, but I just wish that they would think a little about what they are doing.

Tammy

ps-I am not against women working, but it just irritates me when they choose something that will allow them no time at all with their children, esp. when they are infants.

[sadie]

That's odd. My experience, growing up as a Muslim (I'm Pakistani and Portugese), was that pregnant and nursing mothers were not expected to fast.

I hear ya on the other stuff, though. I couldn't imagine working 70 hours per week with a young one.

Also, if you wanted to donate pumped milk, I think that's great. It's very common in Muslim culture. It would make them brothers, according to the tradition.

ETA, okay, I see that she already told you that.

[Beauty4Ashes]

Sadie,
I wonder, if a person is ill, are they required to fast? (OT, I know, but dh insisted on fasting even though he was feeling really crummy and run down from working 70+ hours a week) Could you pm me, I am really curious as to how you left Islam, if you don't mind sharing...
Thanks,
Tammy

[milkmommy]

Sounds like you had a icky time. However I would like to address this..

I wanted to smack her across the face, though. She was trying to crowd ds away from the piano so I kept on putting him back by the piano, I wasn’t about to let this little brat keep him from enjoying the piano.

This is VERY negitive and really puts your son at an unfair advantage. It's setting everyone up to fail. Possive behavior is simpily normal for that age she wasn't beinga brat at all she was engaging in a very age appropiate big feeling. (inappropiatly but normal) I'd would have rather tried to show how both could use the piano or helped to redirrect your son to something he could do himself.

Deanna

[Beauty4Ashes]

sigh, Deanna, I was getting more annoyed by her than ds. He just left the piano smiling and came back a bit later when she wasn't present. But I was the immature one, I didn't like how she was hitting him. She has been mean to my son before, pushing, shoving, etc. Ds is curious about things and she will tell him "no baby you can't play". She is well known around the hospital campus for being (in dh's words) nasty. She is in the same category with these other two girls, one is Bashar's age and the other is 3 y/0. The younger one hits even harder than a boy and the mother is proud of that! Otherwise the older sister would beat her up. I don't know if it is just her temperament (aggressive) or what, but I am proud of ds because he is learning to be caring and to share from dh and I. It is times like these when it looks like AP is paying off.
Tammy

[milkmommy]

I do understand its hard to see our children treated unfairly and it drives me batty to see parents going Oh well and sometimes I also find my self unfairly judging the child for the parents poor actions. Isn't it great though when we see how gentle parenting really works. Even when Mommy isn't at her best

Deanna

[phathui5]

I have trouble with a 20 month old baby (and they are just walking babies) being called a brat. At 20 months, they don't really know how to behave and need to be watched and redirected. It's a shame her mother wasn't doing that, but the toddler isn't the problem.

The 18 month old who was pushing doesn't really "deserve a scolding" either. He deserves a "moving." 18 month olds need to be shown what they are allowed to do. Telling them what not to do generally isn't very effective.

[Beauty4Ashes]

I apologize for calling these two children brats...I guess it is their parents, lol. Seriously though, I have seen both of these children around the play area and it seems that they were never taught to not hit and to play nice. I am still learning what is age appropriate, please bear with me...Some of the children's parents are almost never outside with them, watching them, showing them how to play nice. I mean, it is an enclosed area where cars are not allowed to drive, but there are still places where the children can leave and go to the parking lot. Ds took off running toward one of the exits when I turned my back for an instant. I am teaching him to play only where I can see him/he can see me, but that curiousity takes over...
Tammy

[Radosny Matka]

Originally Posted by mom2bashar n danny

I apologize for calling these two children brats
Tammy

I totally understand the sentiment. It's the whole mother bear thing.

[Beauty4Ashes]

You know what though? I find myself wondering if their parents left them to CIO? My older cousin's parents did that with her, and she was not very nice as a small child. She bit a friend of mine at my 1st birthday party (she was 2 y/o)...Maybe there is some link between children being ignored and their needs not being met and not so nice behavior/lack of empathy?

I just wanted to clarify something. When I kept putting my son back at the piano, there was still plenty of space for her and the other two 3y/o girls to play. Ds first started plinking at the piano when he was 7 months old, the piano was the only thing in the hospital cafeteria that he could entertain himself with, as far as I could see...

This is VERY negitive and really puts your son at an unfair advantage. It's setting everyone up to fail. Possive behavior is simpily normal for that age she wasn't beinga brat at all she was engaging in a very age appropiate big feeling. (inappropiatly but normal) I'd would have rather tried to show how both could use the piano or helped to redirrect your son to something he could do himself.

Deanna
Tammy