Help...what can I say???

[tiglet]

So....my friend who was reading Babywise while she was pg, but "too busy" to read anything else, who, when her kiddo was two weeks old said "Oh, no, I won't schedule him" told me last week (at 5 weeks) that her husband and her MIL thought that she needed to "space out his feedings" and that although she was fine with feeding him every hour or two, they thought it was bad for him, and truthfully, she wouldn't mind the extra time. She said she thought that it was maybe okay to try Babywise techniques now. (this made me sad)

We chatted, and I told her that she was filling his emotional and nutritive needs by letting him nurse on demand...and that his Dr. had explained that he was gaining nearly 3 oz per day, but his stomach was only the size of his fist...and she seemed to change her mind on the whole schedule thing.

BUT....tonight, we were at her house for dinner. And even though he's in the middle of his 6 week growth spurt, dh and I watched them offer a fussy, crying, obviously hungry baby everything *but* the breast for nearly 2 hours. So that it would be *3* hours since he last nursed. My breasts let-down, hearing that baby cry so much.

I didn't say anything, other than a couple of "he sounds hungry to me" comments.

I will see her in church tomorrow - any nice ways of talking with her? Or perhaps I should give up, because she's obviously got her mind made up? I really don't want to lose this woman as a friend. Either from me being too pushy OR from me being too sad about her kiddo.


Thanks.

[CelticJourney]

"I become concerned when moms are talked into ignoring the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation that babies be cue-fed" It' appears to be a power issue for her between her dh/mil and her instincts and having a big back-up lilke the aap would help her.

I think, honestly, I would have left the house with an 'it obvious you need to attend to your baby and it seems like you are maybe shy about nursing your hungry baby in front of us. We would neer want you to deny you baby food on our account, so we will see you tomorrow at church'

I don't know - what a hard place to be in.

[TulipMama]

Perhaps some "I. . ." comments would help.

Like, "Oh, I remember how hard it was at first, to understand what my baby really needed. After awhile, it became easier--like the way your baby was moving his mouth--rooting--definitely is a sign of hunger!"

Or, "Oh, I remember 5 weeks old--what a normal time for a growth spurt. It seemed like overnight my baby needed to eat so much more frequently than before! But that was just for a time. . ."

Or, "Oh, I remember when I was still learning to nurse. What a mess it made! I wasn't comfortable nursing around others or excusing myself to nurse. I'm concerned that you felt the same way when we were over the other day--I'm sorry."



Anyway, *hug*. Just brainstorming.

[tiglet]

Thank you tulipmama and elcollins - I like those statements and will say them the next time I see her. I also like the idea of mentioning the AAP guidelines. What is MIL's formula experience compared to the whole AAP??

She has nursed her baby in front of me several times before - and did eventually excuse herself to nurse (because husbands were there, I think) with "It's been 3 hours, I can feed you now." But I should have remembered how hard it can be to either nurse in front of people OR to get up and leave your position as hostess to nurse in another room.

[MarynMunchkins]

Frankly, I would have picked up the baby and told your friend, "If you don't nurse this baby, I will. I'm about to start leaking." :P

It's a gentle reminder that 1) babies need to eat and 2) she needs to be respectful of her company. Even Ezzo is big on that.

[Soliloquy]

I think it's important to wait for her to ask for your opinion. You could gently open the disucssion and see if she's open to other views. If so, you could print this out and give it to her. It's on AAP letterhead and everything.
http://ezzo.info/Aney/aapmediaalert.pdf
Tell her you've BTDT with all the conflicting advice. MIL's mean well (usually ) but they were given poor advice when they were young mothers (orange juice at 3 weeks, solids at 5 weeks, etc.). I believe that if you keep supporting her to nurse on demand, it will help. If you feel like you're all alone and everyone is nagging you to schedule, you'll cave in.
Here's another link with a lengthier explanation.
http://ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

Also, if you Google "Confessions of a Failed Babywiser" you'll get a personal account. That might be overkill, though. Depends on your friend.