*embaressed look* Am I the only one....

[AKCristyMJ]

.......who has absolutely no idea what is "The Ezzo" or "The Pearls"????
Who are they?
What do they believe???
Why do I hear them applied to christians or somethin??

On one board I was on there was a method of discpline called "Tomatoe Staking" anyone heard of it???
It seemed so strange to me, somethin bout forcing your kids by your side all day and spanking often?? Like that.
I got ripped into for showing my honest shock and confusion at the whole thing.

I feel really fortunate to not know of all of this.
I was raised AP and nursed my first 13mos. I shared my moms bed untill I was nearly 2. And was spanked by my dad just once. I very big vivid hurtfull memory actually, nobody even recalls why I was spanked.

Anyways......
So it was just simply natural for me to AP as well.

So sorry I'm asking, just curious.

[milkmommy]

Originally Posted by Cristy_ann_mom

.......who has absolutely no idea what is "The Ezzo" or "The Pearls"????
Who are they?
What do they believe???
Why do I hear them applied to christians or somethin??

On one board I was on there was a method of discpline called "Tomatoe Staking" anyone heard of it???
It seemed so strange to me, somethin bout forcing your kids by your side all day and spanking often?? Like that.
I got ripped into for showing my honest shock and confusion at the whole thing.

I feel really fortunate to not know of all of this.
I was raised AP and nursed my first 13mos. I shared my moms bed untill I was nearly 2. And was spanked by my dad just once. I very big vivid hurtfull memory actually, nobody even recalls why I was spanked.

Anyways......
So it was just simply natural for me to AP as well.

So sorry I'm asking, just curious.

The Pearls ans Ezzo are extemly punitive Ezzo advocates things like extreme scheduling CIO and spankings.. The Pearls (worse IMHO) advocate spankings even in babies, first time obedience, they booth hide behind their twisted views of scripture to prove their points

Totato stalking.. I think can be diffrent depending on how its used, its the practice of keeping a child dirrectly with you for a period of time, in extreme punistive cases its a way of saying I don't trust you and sadely as a way to "punish" often, however I do think the idea can be done in a non punitive way. Like say a child is consistantly running outside and into the street where its dangerous, or has "left" with out letting a grown up know. In this case I can see talking to the child about trust and the inportance of communcation and saying . I need you to sttay in my sight for a few days and then using the time to regain trust and reteach some of those values.. Make sense?
deanna

[boonpnutsmom]

I was not raised AP, I never knew there was even a term for how we were raising our children until a few years ago when I actually found groups online. I too have not heard of many of the different "parenting" styles if it can be called that. I have been sent so many parenting books over the years and have not read them. We just did what felt we were led to do, along with tons of prayer!!!

I have never heard of "Tomato Staking" but that sounds barbaric. My dad has never raised his hand to any of us, and I don't remember my mom doing much because if she got upset it was usually enough to send us runnign crying.

I think the biggest reason we AP, is I never know if this day is my last with my babies. I need to help them have as many memories as they can of only good, so we work on this everyday. I can't bear to be without them and have a hard time trusting others to help us out. So if it can't be done with all of us, we don't do it.

[mummy2boys]

Don't feel embarassed Cristy......I hadn't heard of them either

[happy2bmama]

Feel blessed that you heard about the Ezzos and Pearls here first. Many of us got here because we were exposed to one of them FIRST.

I feel really fortunate to not know of all of this.
I was raised AP and nursed my first 13mos. I shared my moms bed untill I was nearly 2.
So it was just simply natural for me to AP as well

This warmed my heart. Until recently, I didn't know anyone who was NOT raised punitively, and it give me hope and happiness that other people (even grown adults from my generation) have experienced first hand the warmth and gentleness of AP.

I think it may depend a lot on what part of the country (or what country) you grew up in, and what type of circles. In the Southern US in conservative Christian circles--where I grew up--spanking is not only the norm, it is considered a moral obligation. NOT spanking is heresy. :/ It's really become intertwined with our culture, unfortunately.

I'm glad there are people who have never heard of Ezzo and Pearl. At least we know they haven't polluted everyone.

[Peepsqueak]

I did tomato staking, and it was not effective. It punished me instead of the kids.... I had no freedom to get anything done because I had to hover over the children constantly, and it did not "make them mind" the way it was supposed to....

I got this method from the Woodshed board. It seemed more humane than constant spanking and I thought it would reduce the amount of spanking because the kids are supervised constantly so you can catch them before they do anything wrong. However, it is very confining so I let up on it. It does involve spanking too, so you can catch them to spank.

Unfortunately this method drove me nuts so I gave it up in a few weeks....it is designed for people who have nothing better to do than stand over their children every minute and punish, chastise, etc., etc. It is usually the woman who is stuck being the heavy too, because men do not have to "tomato stake" the kids...they are supposed to be perfectly behaved for when they come home from their jobs....

The Ezzos have written a series of books called "On Becoming Babywise/Childwise/Teenwise" etc. and have a "Christian" curriculum called "Preparation for Parenting" and "Growing Kids God's Way."