Shopping Spree

My son (who's 9 1/2 with behavioral issues) went on a shopping spree on Friday at Amazon.com when I wasn't looking. My computer is password protected so I'm not sure how he got around that... he says it never went into screensaver mode. I apparently had been looking at books at Amazon the last time I was at the computer, and his reading comprehension is probably as good as mine, so he figured out how to navigate the toy section and use the shopping cart, then check out.

He bought $118 worth of stuff. They were all pretty good choices, btw .

So, I think I handled it well, and I showed him that I only had $9 in my bank acount. He started calling himself stupid. I told him if he could do all that then he's definitely not, but I couldn't cancel the order. We got our tax money back (although my dh had all of it planned out.) so I was able to get the money into my account. I told him he could have the toys... if he earns them.

He has been labeled ODD... so it makes life fun... I think, for awhile at least, this could motivate him a little as long as I can continue to get him to be successful with it. I told him I'd give him a dollar amount for every job he completes and give him a slip of paper at the end of the day with how much he's earned, and he can save up the slips to pay for the stuff he bought.

He keeps telling me he's sorry he went shopping... I'm not upset with him at all about it. To me, it was a lesson in storing my cc#'s on a website... I shouldn't do that anyways. I took them off when I figured out how easy it was for him to pay for the goods. It was also an opportunity to teach him about money.

So, what do you think? Am I setting him up to succeed with this? He's getting pretty good at sorting and washing laundry . I'm trying to think of other tasks he can complete.

Christa

[BHope]

Wow! Sounds like you are really handling this well. This may be an excellent opportunity in money management for him! (Can I say, that I understand how 'not' funny it all is... however I can't help but laugh at it all. Wish I could go on a shopping spree, there's about 50 books I'd like to buy!)

Might I suggest also taking out the trash, weeding, sorting laundry, cleaning bathtubs and toilets?

Just curious... what did he buy?

So far today, he's fed the dog without me having to keep after him about it. He's also washed the dog, and the kitty litter boxes (ok, his sister helped with the dog and I helped with the boxes... they are covered with lots of parts to them since they are self scoop boxes). He's also wanting to poop scoop. He broke the good one we had because he didn't want to do it (threw it off the top of the ladder) at the beginning of last summer. He had to scoop all summer with a shovel and I don't think it was very fun .

I have him loading and unloading the washer and dryer.

He bought 2 video games for the t.v. in the living room... they are the older arcade style games. His stepdad told him he couldn't play the newer stuff because it's all he wants to do. He also bought some Robot toys from the new movie.

[Radosny Matka]

Wow did you ever handle that well. I'm going to stick that in my "mental drawer" in case we are ever in this situation.

[ArmsOfLove]

I think you handled it well and having him earn the money for the toys is a great response! Especially with the ODD I think this is fantastic!

some other chores:

dusting
vaccuuming
dishes (dishwasher or washing/drying)
setting/clearing table
cleaning toilets
wiping counters
mirrors/windows

I did all these things when I was 9

I think you handled it so well! Obviously making him feel bad (through punishment or verbal reprimands) isn't going to do anything productive, although I know my first instinct would have been to say, "How could you do this? What were you thinking?" It is helpful to read how people handle situations with older children in a respectful and GBD way. I think the consequence was very appropriate.

If it were me, I would have him work off the balence, but donate the toys to a charity.

Danielle

[ArmsOfLove]

Danielle, I think that would be appropriate with some children, or if this were a chronic issue with a child. In this case, with ODD being an issue, I think it will be more productive to let him have good things come from his commitment to work the cost off.

In this case, with ODD being an issue, I think it will be more productive to let him have good things come from his commitment to work the cost off.

This goes back to "meet them where they are at". He already feels bad about himself.... making him feel worse is not going to teach him anything. He is often argumentative beyond reason. He brings out strong emotions in people . Either they admire his tenacity or they think I should whoop him more and I'm letting him get away with stuff.

He's actually been relatively cooperative since I told him what the plan was, and that he could keep the goods.

He's on an antidepressant, and I'm hoping that helps him a little, too. I've also been leaving notes with him telling him things like "I believe in you". Reading it has more of an effect on him than hearing it. I think tonight I might write him a full letter.

He will ask me 4 or 5 times if he can do something, and if he thinks he has the right to do it, even if I've told him NO just as many times in as many ways as I can think of, he'll still go do it. Today, he turned on the t.v. without permission (a huge issue... if I can get digital cable that I can program, I'll think I'll do that next or else the cable will be gone). Anyways, he turned it on so I told him to turn it off. He refused, and then he sat on the remote. I wasn't going to fight so, I warned him again then I unplugged the t.v. He threw the remote at the wall. This type of confrontation with me has been setting him off into a rage, so I'm seeing an improvement. I told him to use his words to tell me he's angry... and he kept signing NO. Then he sat on the couch and clapped his hands really hard really fast for a bit... which I think is another big improvement. I'll take little strides .

Christa

I think you were incredibly calm

good job!

Great job mom!

This was so stinkin' effective, it was scarey. LOL.

He already earned his first $10 toy (the rest are $15-$30 each). I've never seen him run around doing stuff as much as he did yesterday... on his own!!! I did have to help him a little... he was attempting to cut the garbage bags we use for the little trash cans and for scooping kitty litter boxes off the roll instead of ripping them... I should have let him go ahead and do i then let him figure out that there was no bottom to the bag , but I didn't want him to get discouraged.

He brought his toy to bed with him . He was SO proud of it. It was very effective for him to be able to see the reward and then go work for it. I had to get the box down 3 times yesterday (Amazon.com is really fast shipping wise!!!) so he could check out the goods. Then I'd have to pry him off the box and put it back up .

I wouldn't want to do this long term, but he's not so good and letting me know the things he likes besides video games, so it's nice to see what he is interested in. I told him we could set him up a wish list at Amazon so if there is more he'd like, he can work for it. He loved the idea .

[Tengokujin]

wow, I am so impressed with your response. that's how I want to be.