Re: what made you change?
 

All I have to say is that can not be more true.........until I found this site, I honestly believed the only other option was to have no discipline and have you kids run wild.

It was only by the grace of God that I found it, I sure wasn't looking for gentle anything, honestly I don't even know why I followed this link from the Babycenter website in the first place. ????

I have been pretty hush hush about the "no spanking" change, my one friend that I have told responded with "OH MY GOODNESS".........I think family and friends are really going to freak when I tell them we don't have time outs anymore either. I would like to share this site or books that I have foundout about from ya'll with people though and let them learn on their own, at least until I get a handle on it

Re: what made you change?
 

I never actually used Ezzo/Dobson methods on my own child, but we did use them at the daycare where I worked in college. I read Ferber's book and several Dobson books and I'm embarrassed to say they made sense to me :blush. I'd fallen in the "I was spanked and I turned out fine" mentality. I didn't want to deal with / accept the fact that I wasn't fine.

When I was pregnant, I re-read Ferber's book and vowed to use it to help our baby learn independence. If I'd come across an Ezzo book, I probably would've liked that too. I'd heard of the Sears and the family bed, and I thought only people with co-dependence issues would do that. But, I was fascinated with natural birth and, therefore, checked out The Birth Book by the Sears. I loved it and decided I'd judged them unfairly. I checked out the Baby Book and loved everything in it except the co-sleeping. I still planned to follow Ferber.

When DD was born, I took one look at her and my whole world changed. I knew I could never let her cry. I knew I could never put her in a room, shut the door, and go down the hall to sleep. Since then, it's been painful to re-examine my childhood and many of my negative traits/habits that resulted from the way I was parented. Sorting through all of this is worth it because it will prevent me from unloading my baggage onto my daughter.

I'm so thankful that God opened my eyes. I shudder to think what I would've done to my precious baby (who's HN in regards to sleeping and eating) if I hadn't know it was OK to sleep with her and nurse her on demand. :ptl

Re: what made you change?
 

Isn't it strange how you see that in hindsight? I tend to internalize everything, I don't want comfort when I'm in pain. I'm like a wounded animal, I'd rather cry in the dark and lick my wounds alone. Its sad really.

Re: what made you change?
 

Answer #1 - A friend (someone who used to post on here actually) simply was an example to me. She NEVER confronted me or was negative to me in any way. She did share information (on Ezzo and such) as I asked. She and her husband were a wonderful example of gentle discipline.

Answer #2 - I have, sort of in a roundabout way. My best friend found out I wasn't spanking anymore, and SHE started asking me tons of questions, etc. So since then, I've been able to tell her about how I came to GBD, what I believe about spanking, etc. She has changed a little bit in her parenting, not a WHOLE lot, but some.

Amanda

Re: what made you change?
 

I always assumed we'd spank. Dobson was the name of the game in my upbringing.

But then I held this little life in my arms -- one I had waited soooooooo long for -- and how could I ever hit him? I prayed for wisdom -- because what I was thinking was soooooo controversial. I begged God to guide me to His best, and He never turned me around. I ended up here, and there's no going back. DH is coming along too, but he's not quite GBD yet. Close. That's for the HOly Spirit though.

C

Re: what made you change?
 

I am like that too. I keep my deep feelings on the inside and "cry it out" in private. I used to deal with a lot of depression but no one would have ever known, everyone commented how "happy" I always was. I wonder if the "crying it out" fad is partly accountable for a whole generation of people in which many suffer from depression? :shrug

Re: what made you change?
 

Me, too. Very much so. Hmmmmm. . . . . .

Re: what made you change?
 

Well, I used to like Dobson a lot. My dh and I decided we weren't going to spank because we both grew up in very dysfunctional homes. I bore the worst physically. :( (even in the home I grew up in - I got it the most) I was in the middle when it came to spanking. It's your decision, not mine kinda thing. Even Dobson has said that if you were abused as a child, you shouldn't spank, until you've come to the point where you've made peace with your past at least. But then one day I was listening to his show on spanking and it floored me. His arguments were so irrational. It sounded like he was taking things out of context. Then it was more and more against spanking. I never heard him give any other advice in discipline besides spanking, so it was like I can't go to him for advice. A friend of mine doesn't spank and said it's not Biblical. Somehow or another I learned of William Sears and borrowed his Discipline Book from the library. Within less than a week I bought it from the bookstore. He taught me things I never would've guessed growing up in the home I did. Like how to talk to your child. Things like "rewind" when the ball goes in the street. Awesome! He really believes in teaching your child the right way, not just go to your room, etc. Like why this behavior is wrong. He opened up my eyes!

Then a major debate in Crosswalk forums led me here. Bonny (are you still out there?) recommended this board last summer. In spite of my mess ups learning to be a gentle mom, in spite of bad advice I've given accidently, I know I'm accepted here. And I'm still learning so much! I can't say I've totally changed. I plan on getting Crystal's book sometime soon.

That's my story in a nutshell. :O

Re: what made you change?
 

I absolutely think so! At least in my case and with my DH, too. I always thought of myself as independent, but only because I was scared to admit that I was afraid of having close friends, people around whom I could be vulnerable. I'm also becoming more aware of how I don't know how to "be myself." I'm always thinking about how I should act around other people rather than just "be myself." I believe it's because in the punitive environment in which I was raised, it was always someone else who stood in judgement on whether I was "good" or "bad." I wasn't encouraged to think things out for myself or to take a stand for my own convictions. It was always, "What will people think of you if you do that? What will people think of our family?" Anyway, this is getting off topic. Sorry!

Re: what made you change?
 

Well I never was reall "punitive" nor was I AP and non punitive. I followed babywise because It was given to me and I really didn't know that I should questions it. Then DD was FTT and I started reasearching in and learned alot!
I discovered AP style parenting in a few ways 1) While I was tending to DD in the hospital I stopped by the gift shop to look for a book to read I picked up Dr. Sear the baby book having NO IDEA who he was. (I thought it wa a book endorsed by the Sears deparment store :blush) 2) Researching cloth diapers I found women who :eek sleept with their babies! :lol (though so did I I just didn't think you were sosposed to admit it ;))
Like some others I made the offical change from a moderate punitive (I'll spank for "severe" reasons to a non while on debate boards. I remember your spanking days Mary ;) I remember not being too nice to her also :blush (Sorry Mary :hug) I learned about Ezzos parenting methods/ Pearls Trip and Dobston the more I read about punitive the more I thought Its just not needed, the more I grew with DD not using punishment the more I've realized it id not needed.
I have neve had someone come to me and say I don't spank because of somethoing you say, I hope I've at least caused s few moms to consider. Unfortunaly I do know I've done nothing to reach some. But I sospose they feel the same about me.

Deanna

Re: what made you change?
 

Well, I grew up in a Dobson-style home, and thought that was the 'godly way'; much like many of you.
I always had a very legalistic view of God, and truly believed that God punished me and others for being 'bad'.
When I was fresh out of highschool, I started going to a church that sold TTUAC on their back table, and I bought it and read it, and thought it was the best thing since sliced bread - it fit right in with my punitive view of God. Fortunatly, I left that church after only a few months, after realizing that they were not loving to anyone who didn't agree with their views. I was also slowly learning about grace, and the love of God, so going to that church made me a bit uncomfortable.

I then discovered my current church, where they taught that God loves you unconditionally and never purposely tries to mess up your life or hurt you. I met my DH there, who loves me unconditionally, and through that I learned about God's love for me.

In my first year of marriage the following things happened...
Read 'What's so Amazing About Grace'
Watched a friend parent her child punitively and saw it only made the situation worse
Continued to be counselled about God's love through my husband and friends at church
Did a search on Christian Unschooling, and found GCM :highfive


Honestly, the first time I came here, I kind of lurked around a bit, and remember seeing someone's avatar and thinking "That kid isn't smiling because her mom doesn't spank" :shrug :rolleyes Now I thank God that I found this site before I ever had children!

I :heart you all so much!!!!!!

Re: what made you change?
 

I always assumed I would spank. The only parents who I knew didn't spank were very permissive and I couldn't stand their kids ( :blush ) so I was adamant about it. I had been raised to believe that spanking was the only form of discipline. My parents didn't even send us to our rooms, except to await a spanking.

But then Bishop was born, and I borrowed Dr. Sears' Discipline Book from my midwife (very pro-Pearl, btw, which is so weird). He was anti-spanking, but that was okay because he wasn't a Christian and so didn't know any better. :blush Then come to find out, he *is* a Christian?! I looked at it a whole different way after that. I even managed to convince dh pretty easily that we shouldn't spank (it helped that he was sooo in love with our little guy). Also, I had a deep-seated feeling that spanking would not work for someone like Bishop. It turned out I was right. Kids with DSI have a very difficult (that is to say close to impossible in their younger years) time learning from cause and effect. I think Bishop has been scratched my MIL's cat a thousand times and it was the 999th that finally sank in. :shrug

Then Jeri started her board and bravely stated (even before Crystal and Joanne came along to support her) that she didn't believe in punishment at all! I couldn't believe it--was she *nuts*? :lol Slowly, though, I came around to her way of thinking. And I thank God for GCM for helping me change!