LGP week 3 day 3
 

Resist the need to make others happy or convince them that you have all the answers. Remind yourself three times a day, "the only person I can make change is myself." Then choose to be pleasant and share that with others.

Choices, Building self esteem and willpower

Discern how much influence a child has in a given situation. Can she choose to stay up or must she go to bed? Can she choose what to wear or must wear certain attire?

Check to see when you offer your child too many choices adn when you offer to few.

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

The choices are a good thing to look at. I often have my Dh give me heads up when I'm not giving age appropriate choices - or not giving choices at all (which is more often theproblem given how controling I tend to be. :rolleyes) I have found that sometimes when my kids are acting up it's because I have either given them too much control/responsibility or not enough and they are overwhelmed or frustrated. It's never a clear cut across the board thing - sometimes it can fluctuate daily!! I've been trying to parent with more :grouphug .

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

I'm not really to this point yet with dd, she doesn't *get* choices... but I have applied this with dh. :) I definitely have a tendency to go overboard trying to "cheer him up" when he is not happy. He is also somewhat indecisive, without opinions about different things, like what to eat, what to do with leisure time, etc. So I try to think of 2-3 things I would enjoy and then present him with those options... I does help sometimes, but other times he *still* won't express a preference so I just make the decision and quit worrying about it! :lol

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

I just have to say I think this is a lot of ideas packed into just a few sentences. It's profound to realize that trying to make others happy is just a way of trying to make them change...of trying to control someone else. Convincing others that you have all the answers is yet another way to exert control. Choosing to be pleasant in spite of everything is a choice you can make for yourself and others can't "make" you act a certain way. It's all about giving up your control of others AND releasing yourself from their control...to be really free. That's powerful.

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

"Choose to be pleasant." Is this a character flaw in me that I cannot do this?! I tell myself this at least 3 times a day, but I can't seem to do it. My dd, sadly, controls my emotions. Ugh. I always feel like I need to convince her that the world isn't going to end, or that there's nothing to be sad about, etc. I just don't "get" her, and it turns me into a grump. I am really going to work on this!

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

:hug

I was wondering along the same lines yesterday. It seems some people "get" this so much easier than others. DD's speach therapist the other day said "its basic phsychology" and I was like huh? then why dont we all do this, why arent we all just normally this way? why does it seem so stinking hard for some of us?

I like what Crystal says about this... she talks about how when we dont validate the emotions sometimes the kids become even more over the top to convince us that their feelings are real. I dont think we need to convince our children not to be sad about something. I think about my dh. If I am sad/angry etc I dont want him to convince me not to be sad about it, I want him to acknowledge that I am sad about it. I dont want him to fix it, I want him to come along side me and while he can comfort me, I dont want him to convince me my feelings arent valid. ya know?

I really struggle with my dd's big feelings. I want them to go away. Then, I realized that I have really big feelings to, and I try to stuff them all day long until I become a lunatic :cry I really really have to watch what I eat :blush If I, as an adult, am supposed to have some sort of self control, but dont, how can I expect my dd to? All the big feelings are taxing on me and I feel very stuck. :/

Midnightcafe... wow, you are so right :) I need to let myself be free I guess.
Dh gets really grumpy, and it bothers me, but through our marriage I have learned to be pleasant anyway, and dh has actually appreciated it. His mom always gave silent treatments and it always worked on his dad.... Dh has learned that silent treatments dont work on me, Im gonna go about my day no matter what. ;) he can still be grumpy, but Im not gonna get sucked in. There are times that I do, but usually just when Ive also had a bad day :shrug

Now if only I could get the same attitude with dd :think course, dh doesnt scream and thrash around and be all demanding like she does either :shrug

anyway, totally thinking out loud here... just wrote a book :eek

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

:shifty You mean I should apply this to ALL relationships?? Not just the kids? Even with my Dh?? :laughtears
Ok..really, for some reason this can be much harder with Dh than with the kids...hmmmm....

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

Ditto! It's not a fun place to be is it? I know that I have been guilty of expecting WAY more of dd than I can even accomplish myself (with regards to self control).

Re: LGP week 3 day 3
 

I've actually found it helpful to view my children's emotional responses as an indication of where my maturity is in these areas. Children really do as we do ;) If they're yelling a lot and I pay attention I find that I'm yelling a lot :doh