So what can we DO?
 

If there's already a post around here somewhere that talks about this, just direct me to it; I id a half-hearted search but didn't find anything.

I haven't read a ton abou this latest Pearl story, because honestly I can't stomach it. I know the bare facts, which is more than enough to stoke the fire in my belly to DO SOMETHING. But what? What can we do to start speaking out against this heresy and abuse? Facebook notes and blogposts just don't feel like enough.

Re: So what can we DO?
 

:cup

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:popcorn

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So far I have:
Read and commented on blogs
Read and commented on the mops forum
Contacted friends of mine that I went to college with who are pastors to ask them to speak up if they hear of any of their families in their congregation using such methods (including links to the theology behind it so they would know what they were dealing with)
Sent a letter to: Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity (next is Sarah Palin!)

Re: So what can we DO?
 

I remember reading a quote a long time ago about how it's harder for people to separate from something than it is for them to separate unto something.

Before parents will be willing to give up following the Pearl's teaching, I suspect they will need non-punitive tools for setting firm boundaries. Actually, many parents will simply need to know that they can enforce boundaries without inflicting physical pain. The idea is out there that anyone who doesn't spank their children lets their children do whatever they like.

Another thing that deserves to be accentuated is the need for parents to step back and ask themselves, What do my children really learn from my preferred disciplinary tactics? If I spank my child for throwing a tantrum when he is angry, what am I really teaching him? The spanking may get him to stop tantruming, but have I actually taught him how to deal with his anger appropriately?

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Speak out against the Pearls' teachings whenever they are mentioned in your presence. I'm gathering my courage to present my case at the Orthodox bookstore again. Hopefully they don't stock those books anymore.

When discussing the Pearls with the unchurched, BTW, try to avoid using words such as "heresy" or "doctrine" because in many people they only bring up Monty Python sketches (Nnnobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!) or Puritans in funny hats. The points that will come across even to people who have never cracked a Bible, IMO:

*The Pearls teach that it's possible to be 100 percent perfect in all ways, and in fact Michael Pearl has said that he himself is a perfected human being who never does or says anything wrong.
*The Pearls teach that the essential foundation for human perfection is laid in childhood through the actions of the parents.
*The Pearls teach that there are two choices before a parent: Either make your children perfect, or see them become hopeless losers and scumbags who will just continue the cycle of badness. (Avoid the words "sin" and "soul.")
*The Pearls teach that children can learn this perfection only through repeated application of physical pain.
*The Pearls teach parents that only certain signs on the part of the children will show that the pain treatment is working. These signs amount to complete submission of the child to the parent, on the level of a slave or a broken prisoner of war, or the ability to counterfeit such. Signs that the child is still able to protest the pain treatment are treated as rebellion and a call for more pain.
*The Pearls teach that if the child does not produce the appropriate signs, the parent must continue. Remember that in the Pearls' system of child training, the stakes are extremely high.
*The Pearls flavor these central teachings with lots of pretty words about "tying heartstrings" and so forth. They also assert that only they have laid hold of the essential truths of human nature and, as said before, that people who do not do as they say risk ruining their children forever. They write with great confidence about these matters. Hence they have deluded many parents who are anxious to do the best for their children and don't have the background needed in order to analyze the Pearls' claims. Also, children who have been raised a la Pearl tend to be very compliant when people are looking--understandably!--which can be misinterpreted by other parents as good behavior arising from good character and hence as proof that the Pearl system works.

We know what it means to deny the doctrine of original sin, elevate a piece of plumbing line to the status of the Savior, and use prooftexting on people who have no training in hermeneutics, but it needs to be laid out in different language to people who don't speak our jargon, so to speak.

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My local homeschooling organization has the Pearls books on their recommended resources. Several members have written to the board to ask that they remove this book (so far their response has been that they have no intention of removing it. :( --still if enough members write them, hopefully they will reconsider. If you know of any local organizations recommending the Pearls, I'd suggest writing or e-mailing them a letter (even if you aren't a member, you can still express concern, or even let them know that you are not a member because of their recommendations.)

Too many churches and homeschool organizations are still promoting the Pearls to impressionable/inexperience new parents. I think the best thing we can do at a local level is to let groups know how objectionable the Pearls are, about the recent death connected with the Pearls and the Pearl's unorthodox religious beliefs.

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Maybe letters to book stores and libraries (or state, whoever decides what books go on library shelves) including the points below would help. If we can get them to stop stocking these books, those digging through the parenting resources might not stumble accross them. I think it would be hard to convince libraries because they are all about freedom of speech, but it may be very effective at especially privately owned bookstores. :shrug3

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--I think Focus on the Family should be urged to make a statement and Family Life Today should make a statement. Pro-spanking conservative Christian parenting groups should be urged to speak out and clearly say how repugnant the Pearls' ideas about so-called biblical chastisement are. It needs to be made clear that the Pearls are isolated and alone in the aberration and harshness of their beliefs and practices. The people who are most vulnerable to the Pearls need to realize that anti-Pearl material sentiment is not coming from people who are anti-spanking--though naturally there will be some overlap. It is coming from people who are saying, THIS crosses the line and leaves it way behind. It is cruel, bizarre, and can certainly be abusive.

--I think homeschool conference organizers should be urged not to distribute free Pearl materials in the packets they give away to conference attendees.

--I think if the Pearls are invited to speak at a homeschool conference put on by your organization, write to the organizers and beg them to dis-invite them if they can legally do so. If they are already in a legal contract or for some other reason aren't willing to do that, you could say, "well, I can't support that so I won't be able to attend. I will also be calling the local news organization and providing them with samples of the Pearls' material and links to the Lydia Schatz story so that they can see what is taught, in context - and so that they will realize they have a great local angle on a national news story."

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I also wrote to Amazon, imploring them to pull the Pearls' horrid books from their site.

---------- Post added at 03:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:10 PM ----------

Does anyone have a list or just names of any homeschool companies, bookstores, or any other business who openly support the Pearls? Because I for one will not knowingly buy a thing from anyone who supports them in any way.

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@Codi: If you choose to use my list of points in a letter, I suggest backing them up with direct quotes from the Pearls, including page numbers and the exact edition of the title cited. Their teachings are so far beyond the pale that it's easy to assume (as I did when I first heard of the Pearls) that they really mean something more familiar to the reader/listener. It's easy to assume that "pain" means "two or three swats and drop it" unless you actually see in print what the Pearls direct parents to do with all of that plumbing supply line. (Jesus wept!) It's easy to assume that "obedience" means "doing what they're told" and not the cruel game of entrapment followed by punishment for having been fooled. "Blanket training" sounds like some kind of safety measure, not destroying a child's capacity for doing anything without having been told to do it first.

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Has FOTF or FLT come out with a statement?

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I just sent this to my state homeschool organization. They have an ad in their magazine for CTBHHM

whaddya think? too much?

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Not too much. But I would quote from Pearl's statement on Facebook and include a link.

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Thanks Jenny. Id definitely add quotes. Was it you who wrote that in depth letter a while ago and posted it here on gcm with all those quotes and such?

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I just started a facebook page, hopefully drawing people in to see alternatives.

I fully agree with encouraging any and everyone to pull their books and support whenever you see it :yes

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ashley - that is so helpful!!
I would elaborate but :nak

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I read in one of the news stories that the DA is linking the death to 'fundamentalist' child training, but there is no mention of the Pearls by name.

I hope that they further investigate and charge the Pearls with accessory to murder.

And I agree that the mainstream Christians who spank and Focus on the family should get involved and issue warnings about these teachings- because even the families that I know that spank have found this case to be disgusting.

Even mainstream spankers would not condone using plumbing line to beat their children to death.

Is there someone at Focus we can email? What about their radio show?

---------- Post added at 08:34 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:30 AM ----------

I agree but the issue goes much deeper than just giving these people gentle parenting tools. The issue is that they fully believe in their heart that it is not a CHOICE they have as to whether to spank or not. They believe it is God's command to them - that they MUST spank and to not spank would be to disobey God themselves. :(

---------- Post added at 08:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:34 AM ----------

Just saw a newer news article that DOES mention the Pearls
You can read it HERE

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I would think Nancy Grace might be more interested in airing the story, then Hannity,Palin? :shrug3 We could email her.

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After having an extensive and exhausting discussion on fb about this, something that I have noticed is that we have to start slowly. My point on there was not to go straight to "DON'T SPANK!" That is a lot for people to chew on, and not necessarily the goal.

My point was to expose Michael Pearl as a false teacher and to define discipline *leaving the option for alternatives.* Because the English translations of the Hebrew words like discipline and chastise and rod can be both physical and figurative, I only want to start by leaving the door open for alternatives.

In my opinion, the starting point should be to reject Michael Pearl as an outright false teacher and extremely dangerous. Part of that teaching is that GOD'S WAY is to use corporal punishment. Period.

If people can first reject Michael Pearl (which would be HUGE. Huge.), then reject the notion that corporal punishment is the only way, then, in whatever small way, maybe people will start to be freed of this. Maybe then they won't feel trapped into such methods. If there are options, if one way is not THE way, the Pearl can be rejected..abuse can be rejected..spanking can be rejected because it is not THE way.

And lemme tell ya..this is going to take, aside from pulling support from their literature, etc, us being vulnerable. This discussion was raw, it was vulnerable, it was difficult. But, in the end, people surprised me. Someone had been reading it and jumped in mentioning that "something seems off" with the Pearls, and I really did NOT expect that from her. The person I was debating with thanked me for revealing his name so that they are aware, and she acknowledged my viewpoint once she realized I wasn't attacking her. We have to be vulnerable...and it is exhausting to me.

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See my post up there. Let's write
Oprah
Dr. Phil
The Doctors
Dr. Oz
The View
Dateline
60 Minutes
Foxnews
Cnn
ect with snail mail and email. Let's do it!
Let's also call various places, news stations and the like. They may say, "It's just 2 children that died." but more children are suffering because of these Pearls. They are totally dragging Christianity in the mud, twisting things and stating that compassion and mercy are poisonous to children, but cruelty is acceptable.

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My only concern with it coming from the news is that fundamentalist/Conservative Christians will only hear that a teacher who promotes spanking is being accused of being extreme. They will then lump it in with their own brand of "Biblical discipline" and view this as just more "persecution" and the World hating them for being different.

It takes a long. time. when talking to some of these people to get them to see Pearl for who he is and not for just someone who promotes spanking so therefore must be right.

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Hurm, the world is more annoyed with them for being way too harsh on kids. Plus, folks here are conservative and can show that not only can one be conservative and not spank, but they can be conservative and not agree with folks like Pearl and have kids that are not in motorcycle gangs. And are actually still Christian too.
I saw this is a worthy risk if it can plant the seeds of doubt in these folks so they can see it not as persecution, but as trying to be compassionate towards kids, but that can be a later step.

The first step can be exposing these people for the cruel frauds they are.

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:think Part of the reason I have not linked to anything on FB etc is that I have no one in my circle of friends (Facebook or IRL) who has any link to the Pearl's material. There is no real connection there, and if I was to make one, or even just post as a stand alone, the natural link would be to similar but less extreme practises such as those in Ezzo, Tripp and Dobson. I have not chosen to go that way because I agree with you that taring them all with the same brush would not be helpful - it would lessen the argument against Pearl rather than strengthen the argument against the others. It makes it too easy to say "well I don't use Pearl, I only use Ezzo - it's clear than Pearl goes too far, but Ezzo is the "godly" version". IYKWIM

So I am just accumulating links in my favourites so if it does come up I have them ready to go.

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I think you have a really good point here. So, while I agree that the word needs to get out (I want to poison people's minds against these materials before well meaning friends put them in their hands) I think to reach people who are already involved, we need to keep it local. We need to talk to our pastors, our homeschooling groups, our mommy groups at church, post on our blogs about what gentle discipline looks like and that it WORKS (the Pearls' lie and say that it won't).

More than that, we have to take back "God's way". The Pearl's pray not only on our fears as parents, but our fears as Christians. They teach that their way is scriptural.

We have to expose their faulty theology: nothing removes guilt from anyone except the blood of Christ. Not the rod, not a switching. No No No!

We have to share how parenting children the way God parents us, leads to a close personal relationship between parent and child that is based on respect. Since God has taken our punishment, and we are no longer under wrath, likewise we do not have to punish our children. God allows us to take the temporal consequences of our actions, as many of us also do with our children. But if we make bad choices, and suffer for them, God never leaves us, never turns away. He walks alongside us! And we do the same for our kids, adding grace and mercy into consequences, and responsibility.

The God we follow is one of compassion, and mercy. Ultimately, I could never imagine having a conversation with Jesus where he encouraged me to tempt my child, and then switch them for their failure. He doesn't lead us into temptation! I couldn't imagine Jesus telling me to spank or switch my children for failure to obey, or failure to do right. And I couldn't imagine him telling me to accept nothing less than perfect obedience.

After all, I'm not perfectly obedient. That's why I need the grace and mercy of Jesus. How can we expect of our children what we are unable to accomplish? How does that line up with the God of the Bible? And isn't His example what we should aspire to?

The world will never reach the hearts of other Christian parents. Only we can do that.

For my part, I will continue to blog about this, and I will continue to seek out blogs of Pearl's followers, and speak gently to them. It was done for me, and I thank God every day for it.

(Sorry for the long-windedness, I'm a bit passionate on this subject)

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This is totally it for me. This has to come from the inside, not from the media. If FOTF renounced Pearl because of an outcry from Christians, something would happen. If..oh..60 Minutes renounced it, it would be "the world misunderstanding."

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Right. On top of that, there is a risk of him becoming a "martyr." :think

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He's won't be a martyr to me and to other folks who are tired of this nonsense. I will not feel sorry for a man who teaches people to hurt children over stupid things.
It's about those kids. If these folks go, "Aw, poor Michael Pearl, how can the WORLD attack a man of GOD." Folks will have to point out the pain and suffering of these kids and how it is NOT acceptable at all.

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Actually, I meant to Christians. It could backfire and get him more followers. :think There is no danger of non-Christians following him. None at all. Nobody would even consider anything he says to make sense unless they are Christians. Even most Christians don't fall for it. But, the danger is to Christians. And if he were in jail, his work could become even more popular. That is what I meant. And it was just a thought, anyway. Brainstorming, so to speak.

I'm still considering the possibility of having him charged. It occurs to me that being charged is not the same as convicted. :think I can see both sides of the argument and I'm torn. :-/

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That is something to worry about. I can't understand why people find him so appealing. It's alien to me. To my sense of right and wrong, but if people were raised in that strict way, are they more likely, like in those books by Alice Miller, to think that sort of treatment is right?
It seems so harsh to me. I can't fanthum hitting a child over anything, and these folks are hitting kids for crying for them, for normal child things. It's a culture I don't understand, even though when I lived with my mother I grew up with that sort of thing, and she did too, worse than I did.

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Yes. Someone I sent the Salon article to concluded that it seemed biased against spanking in general, and also noted that Salon has other articles critical of the Ezzos, whose books she apparently likes. That was enough for her not to take the article too much to heart. I think a seed of doubt about the Pearls was still planted by having her read the article, but something coming from a trusted Christian source would have made a much bigger impact for her.

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I am thinking of getting a circuit started in the local churches. I am still mulling it over, but it hit me to do one of two things. A) a brief, "guest speaker" type thing just informing of the dangers of *his* (and maybe others') teachings..Why Not Train a Child-style. Making it very clear that this it NOT about spanking, NOT about parenting, etc..just about the teachings..leaning heavily on the heresy type stuff, etc...or B) (which I am leaning more toward) getting workshops going..Practical Parenting or something that *is* offering parenting techniques, etc, tips, advice, methods (since that is clearly what ppl want), but NO corporal punishment, without saying it is wrong..just not even going there, and ALL good books/sites as resources :think

I'm also considering a mailer/emailer to all local churches about the dangers of the books and recommending they look further and pull their support.