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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:57 PM   #1
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Default So what can we DO?

If there's already a post around here somewhere that talks about this, just direct me to it; I id a half-hearted search but didn't find anything.

I haven't read a ton abou this latest Pearl story, because honestly I can't stomach it. I know the bare facts, which is more than enough to stoke the fire in my belly to DO SOMETHING. But what? What can we do to start speaking out against this heresy and abuse? Facebook notes and blogposts just don't feel like enough.
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Old 02-28-2010, 10:08 PM   #2
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

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Old 02-28-2010, 10:17 PM   #3
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

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Old 02-28-2010, 10:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

So far I have:
Read and commented on blogs
Read and commented on the mops forum
Contacted friends of mine that I went to college with who are pastors to ask them to speak up if they hear of any of their families in their congregation using such methods (including links to the theology behind it so they would know what they were dealing with)
Sent a letter to: Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity (next is Sarah Palin!)
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Old 02-28-2010, 10:55 PM   #5
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

I remember reading a quote a long time ago about how it's harder for people to separate from something than it is for them to separate unto something.

Before parents will be willing to give up following the Pearl's teaching, I suspect they will need non-punitive tools for setting firm boundaries. Actually, many parents will simply need to know that they can enforce boundaries without inflicting physical pain. The idea is out there that anyone who doesn't spank their children lets their children do whatever they like.

Another thing that deserves to be accentuated is the need for parents to step back and ask themselves, What do my children really learn from my preferred disciplinary tactics? If I spank my child for throwing a tantrum when he is angry, what am I really teaching him? The spanking may get him to stop tantruming, but have I actually taught him how to deal with his anger appropriately?
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Old 03-02-2010, 01:40 AM   #6
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

Speak out against the Pearls' teachings whenever they are mentioned in your presence. I'm gathering my courage to present my case at the Orthodox bookstore again. Hopefully they don't stock those books anymore.

When discussing the Pearls with the unchurched, BTW, try to avoid using words such as "heresy" or "doctrine" because in many people they only bring up Monty Python sketches (Nnnobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!) or Puritans in funny hats. The points that will come across even to people who have never cracked a Bible, IMO:

*The Pearls teach that it's possible to be 100 percent perfect in all ways, and in fact Michael Pearl has said that he himself is a perfected human being who never does or says anything wrong.
*The Pearls teach that the essential foundation for human perfection is laid in childhood through the actions of the parents.
*The Pearls teach that there are two choices before a parent: Either make your children perfect, or see them become hopeless losers and scumbags who will just continue the cycle of badness. (Avoid the words "sin" and "soul.")
*The Pearls teach that children can learn this perfection only through repeated application of physical pain.
*The Pearls teach parents that only certain signs on the part of the children will show that the pain treatment is working. These signs amount to complete submission of the child to the parent, on the level of a slave or a broken prisoner of war, or the ability to counterfeit such. Signs that the child is still able to protest the pain treatment are treated as rebellion and a call for more pain.
*The Pearls teach that if the child does not produce the appropriate signs, the parent must continue. Remember that in the Pearls' system of child training, the stakes are extremely high.
*The Pearls flavor these central teachings with lots of pretty words about "tying heartstrings" and so forth. They also assert that only they have laid hold of the essential truths of human nature and, as said before, that people who do not do as they say risk ruining their children forever. They write with great confidence about these matters. Hence they have deluded many parents who are anxious to do the best for their children and don't have the background needed in order to analyze the Pearls' claims. Also, children who have been raised a la Pearl tend to be very compliant when people are looking--understandably!--which can be misinterpreted by other parents as good behavior arising from good character and hence as proof that the Pearl system works.

We know what it means to deny the doctrine of original sin, elevate a piece of plumbing line to the status of the Savior, and use prooftexting on people who have no training in hermeneutics, but it needs to be laid out in different language to people who don't speak our jargon, so to speak.
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:41 PM   #7
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

My local homeschooling organization has the Pearls books on their recommended resources. Several members have written to the board to ask that they remove this book (so far their response has been that they have no intention of removing it. --still if enough members write them, hopefully they will reconsider. If you know of any local organizations recommending the Pearls, I'd suggest writing or e-mailing them a letter (even if you aren't a member, you can still express concern, or even let them know that you are not a member because of their recommendations.)

Too many churches and homeschool organizations are still promoting the Pearls to impressionable/inexperience new parents. I think the best thing we can do at a local level is to let groups know how objectionable the Pearls are, about the recent death connected with the Pearls and the Pearl's unorthodox religious beliefs.
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:51 PM   #8
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

Maybe letters to book stores and libraries (or state, whoever decides what books go on library shelves) including the points below would help. If we can get them to stop stocking these books, those digging through the parenting resources might not stumble accross them. I think it would be hard to convince libraries because they are all about freedom of speech, but it may be very effective at especially privately owned bookstores.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenny_islander View Post
Speak out against the Pearls' teachings whenever they are mentioned in your presence. I'm gathering my courage to present my case at the Orthodox bookstore again. Hopefully they don't stock those books anymore.

When discussing the Pearls with the unchurched, BTW, try to avoid using words such as "heresy" or "doctrine" because in many people they only bring up Monty Python sketches (Nnnobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!) or Puritans in funny hats. The points that will come across even to people who have never cracked a Bible, IMO:

*The Pearls teach that it's possible to be 100 percent perfect in all ways, and in fact Michael Pearl has said that he himself is a perfected human being who never does or says anything wrong.
*The Pearls teach that the essential foundation for human perfection is laid in childhood through the actions of the parents.
*The Pearls teach that there are two choices before a parent: Either make your children perfect, or see them become hopeless losers and scumbags who will just continue the cycle of badness. (Avoid the words "sin" and "soul.")
*The Pearls teach that children can learn this perfection only through repeated application of physical pain.
*The Pearls teach parents that only certain signs on the part of the children will show that the pain treatment is working. These signs amount to complete submission of the child to the parent, on the level of a slave or a broken prisoner of war, or the ability to counterfeit such. Signs that the child is still able to protest the pain treatment are treated as rebellion and a call for more pain.
*The Pearls teach that if the child does not produce the appropriate signs, the parent must continue. Remember that in the Pearls' system of child training, the stakes are extremely high.
*The Pearls flavor these central teachings with lots of pretty words about "tying heartstrings" and so forth. They also assert that only they have laid hold of the essential truths of human nature and, as said before, that people who do not do as they say risk ruining their children forever. They write with great confidence about these matters. Hence they have deluded many parents who are anxious to do the best for their children and don't have the background needed in order to analyze the Pearls' claims. Also, children who have been raised a la Pearl tend to be very compliant when people are looking--understandably!--which can be misinterpreted by other parents as good behavior arising from good character and hence as proof that the Pearl system works.

We know what it means to deny the doctrine of original sin, elevate a piece of plumbing line to the status of the Savior, and use prooftexting on people who have no training in hermeneutics, but it needs to be laid out in different language to people who don't speak our jargon, so to speak.
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Old 03-02-2010, 04:24 PM   #9
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

--I think Focus on the Family should be urged to make a statement and Family Life Today should make a statement. Pro-spanking conservative Christian parenting groups should be urged to speak out and clearly say how repugnant the Pearls' ideas about so-called biblical chastisement are. It needs to be made clear that the Pearls are isolated and alone in the aberration and harshness of their beliefs and practices. The people who are most vulnerable to the Pearls need to realize that anti-Pearl material sentiment is not coming from people who are anti-spanking--though naturally there will be some overlap. It is coming from people who are saying, THIS crosses the line and leaves it way behind. It is cruel, bizarre, and can certainly be abusive.

--I think homeschool conference organizers should be urged not to distribute free Pearl materials in the packets they give away to conference attendees.

--I think if the Pearls are invited to speak at a homeschool conference put on by your organization, write to the organizers and beg them to dis-invite them if they can legally do so. If they are already in a legal contract or for some other reason aren't willing to do that, you could say, "well, I can't support that so I won't be able to attend. I will also be calling the local news organization and providing them with samples of the Pearls' material and links to the Lydia Schatz story so that they can see what is taught, in context - and so that they will realize they have a great local angle on a national news story."

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Old 03-03-2010, 02:11 PM   #10
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

I also wrote to Amazon, imploring them to pull the Pearls' horrid books from their site.

---------- Post added at 03:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:10 PM ----------

Does anyone have a list or just names of any homeschool companies, bookstores, or any other business who openly support the Pearls? Because I for one will not knowingly buy a thing from anyone who supports them in any way.
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Old 03-03-2010, 06:19 PM   #11
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

@Codi: If you choose to use my list of points in a letter, I suggest backing them up with direct quotes from the Pearls, including page numbers and the exact edition of the title cited. Their teachings are so far beyond the pale that it's easy to assume (as I did when I first heard of the Pearls) that they really mean something more familiar to the reader/listener. It's easy to assume that "pain" means "two or three swats and drop it" unless you actually see in print what the Pearls direct parents to do with all of that plumbing supply line. (Jesus wept!) It's easy to assume that "obedience" means "doing what they're told" and not the cruel game of entrapment followed by punishment for having been fooled. "Blanket training" sounds like some kind of safety measure, not destroying a child's capacity for doing anything without having been told to do it first.
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:56 PM   #12
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

Has FOTF or FLT come out with a statement?
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:56 PM   #13
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

I just sent this to my state homeschool organization. They have an ad in their magazine for CTBHHM

Quote:
I have been homeschooling for several years now, I have only been a (name of organization, XX'ed out for each subsequent use) member for one of those, my first year homeschooling. I called and left a message back then explaining why I could not, in good conscience, give my money in membership dues and convention registration fees to XXXX any longer. I never got a call back.

I figured the loss of financial support from my family wasn't enough for anybody there to be concerned about. However, I still get those pleas in my inbox for money so I'm telling you again in the hopes that you'll hear me this time.

What I said on your voicemail three years ago was that Michael and Debi Pearl are child abusers, heretical, arrogant and irresponsible in their teaching and no legitimate organization would accept advertising from them. Yet XXXX does. I cannot, in any way, support an organization that willingly chooses to be affiliated with this:

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/20...joy/index.html

Now that another child has died under the teaching of the Pearls and No Greater Joy "Ministries" will you finally revoke your partnership with them? If it makes no sense to you any other way, is this really what homeschoolers need, more scrutiny and stricter laws to police homeschoolers to make sure the crazies aren't beating their kids to death?

I would advise that XXXX as an organization, do what Michael Pearl has decided not to do:

http://pearlchildtraining.blogspot.c...t-critics.html

Come out with a public statement against No Greater Joy Ministries, which has shown itself not to be a ministry at all, not weeping with those who are weeping over the death of a child, not attempting to correct or even clarify their "child training methods" but LAUGHS! Mocking the pain of those who have lost one of God's blessings and laughing at those who dare to criticize the methods by which a little girl was beaten to death is truly despicable. Until XXXX decides to stand up and speak out against it, I will not support you financially, I will not recommend your services to others, and I will actively encourage parents to look elsewhere for support.
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:34 PM   #14
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

Not too much. But I would quote from Pearl's statement on Facebook and include a link.
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:25 PM   #15
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Default Re: So what can we DO?

Thanks Jenny. Id definitely add quotes. Was it you who wrote that in depth letter a while ago and posted it here on gcm with all those quotes and such?
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