Re: Kinda dissapointed
 

One of the big differences that I noticed between Ezzo and Pearl and their "sleep training" methods...

Ezzo tells you to let the baby cry for as long as is necessary for him/her to go to sleep.

Pearl tells you to just keep switching the baby until they know *not* to cry when you lay them down. :sick

The Ezzo-style CIO makes me sad and certainly is cause for concern, but the Pearl stuff really, really frightens me. Switching tiny babies is just so fundamentally wrong there aren't even words to describe...

Re: Kinda dissapointed
 

See, I never saw the whole family dynamic as creepy or anything like that. There are a lot of families in our church who are like that, really happy and strangely calm and all that, but these kids all act like *normal* kids and all that, which was why I kind of felt blindsided by the whole thing.... I mean, like when I was visiting the 4 yr old would come bounding into the room being loud and the mom would talk to him and we would let the kids play together... I dont know.. i was so hoping she was close to GBD... :cry

they came to our house and saw all the Sears/ positive parenting books on my shelf...

I had that talk last year with the pastor telling him I dont hit my kids oh what he must think of me :blush

Re: Kinda dissapointed
 

Irene, :hug I'm really sorry to hear that you felt blindsided. I had a similar experience with a friend who I thought seemed really loving and caring with her children. She seemed to be very open to some APish things and her kids weren't the zombie kind that you sometimes see. So I was shocked when I found out that she uses and highly recommends the Pearls materials. I thought she might be my one chance at finding a like-minded friend, so I was really devastated when this information came to light, especially since I was able to see some really disturbing patterns of interaction with her children (I don't know why I hadn't noticed before).

I agree, Kathy. The bad stuff really scares me. I think it unfortunate that the Pearl materials are so similar to the Ezzo materials in that they use scare tactics in order to get parents to believe that there is this one right way to do things. They both like to use lots of examples of really "bratty" children that aren't being raised using their own methods. People adopt Pearl's methods in that same all-encompassing way that they implement Ezzo's methods.

Re: Kinda dissapointed
 

:( :hug

Re: Kinda dissapointed
 

I believe this is an accurate observation.

And, for all the families that seem peaceful with well-behaved children and mothers who are always calm--well, praise God! I believe that Pearl parents (like Ezzo parents) truly love their children and want the best for them--they've just been led into ideas that are ultimately harmful to the family.

I've known many mothers who are using Pearl-esque methods who are really struggling, and keep swatting more and more, "ambushing" and setting themselves up to have an adversial mindset--and it isn't "working." They are told that if it isn't "working" that it is their fault for not being "consistent" and the problem is always with THEM, the mother--not the method or their child not being the right "fit" for it. I've known mothers who started out being very calm with the training swats and big spankings, who were conditioned to have that as the only training tool--and when anger manifested they started spanking in anger in a way anyone would consider abusive. I really believe that the Pearl methods lead to a lot of well-intentioned child abuse in Christian families, from mothers who dearly love their children and would never want to abuse them.

And I've seen plenty of children who have grown up in homes like this (I knew a lot when I was younger, and have seen them come of age) who have rebelled, rejected their families, rejected their faith--because they were rejecting the controlling way they were raised. And I know children from Pearl families who haven't--who outwardly have done all the "right" things (courtship, staying in church, super conservative themselves, etc)--but they are still struggling with perfectionism, internalizing their faith, and understanding God's grace and the Gospel.

Anyway. . . All this to say, yes, I believe Pearl parents truly love their kids. But they are misled and I believe their parenting choices are ultimately more harmful, even if they seem to produce "obedient" kids in the short run.


(Edited to add. . . Wow--I was really on a roll. I thought I wanted to add just one small comment. *L* Here's more about the Pearls, fwiw._

Re: Kinda dissapointed
 

thanks TulipMama,
I know they all love their kids, and everyone wants the best for them. Its just terribly sad :cry

I think its so emotional for me right now because they are the pastor, they have such an influence over others. and he preaches Grace and Gods love and all that... I honestly thought, they must be GBD, even if they dont know it ;)

and after thinking about it some, you know, she has been an encouragement to me. she has cared for me and loved me and never ever ever been judgemental to me about anything. I have never felt so cared for by anyone in the church, except one. So, Im going to hang on to that, see that she does love her children, and not focus on the Pearl thing. Assigning positive intent ;) :)

Re: Kinda dissapointed
 

This was ME! :eek :cry :( I read that stupid book, and even when I wanted to be gentle, I kept thinking "I have to be consistent" :sick and "Spanking is Biblical" :sick so I kept spanking. And when it didn't work, I got mad at myself for "doing something wrong" and started spanking more often and harder. :cry It was when my dad suggested using a belt and I listened :eek that I got scared enough to find a better way.

GCM came into my life at just the right time - it was a true answer to prayer because I was asking God to show me how to be a good mom. :heart Because, in all honesty, I was an out of control, violent, abusive mom. :blush :(

That's why I'm so vocal about GBD - because I've gone from being like that the majority of the time to just having bad moments. And, frankly, I know far too many people who can't be given any license to spank because it leads to violence towards their children - no matter how great a parent they claim to be. I can't justify not speaking up.