Newbie comment about Pearls
 

I know the Pearls have been discussed over and over on this board so please be patient with me as I have recently been discovering all of this stuff! :)

My journey started when my sister gave me a book she was RAVING over called Created to be His Helpmeet. I didn't know much about the Pearls except I know my parents had a copy of TTUAC but I had never read it. So as I was reading Created tons of red flags started popping up and I grew very concerned, especially since she had bought the book to give as a newlywed gift to a friend. To me there were tons of inconsistencies, misapplied Scripture, etc. etc. This drove me to do a search online where I found Keer's review and Sparrow's and Spunky's, all of which seemed excellent. But it made me wonder about the Pearls more and so in my research I was led to study discipline and ultimately, here.

Deep down I always knew I wanted to raise my children diffently than most conservative Christian families do and there was always something not-quite-right with the spanking methods and punitive methods both that I had received and that I read about but I didn't know any alternative. Thats why I am glad I found this place and heard about GBD! In the course of my research I found this yesterday: That was by Michael Pearl. I guess I am also just now realized what an upward hill is ahead because that attitude, and I know the way my parents will respond, are all so unsupportive. Thanks for being here!

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

:nak :hugheart :clap to you!

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Glad you're here, and :pray for you on your parenting journey.

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Thank you ladies so much! :grouphug

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

:welcome

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Thankfully, we're all fighting same battle, against "them". It helps to have comrades-in-arms. :)

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

:welcome

It can be really hard if family and/or friends openly criticize your parenting. Over time, though, they'll see what develops in your family and hopefully, they'll have the honesty and humility to acknowledge it.

I look forward to getting to know you more!

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

:banghead :banghead :banghead :banghead

Does he think he is God???????? Why should I listen to *him* instead of what the Bible teaches?????????? :td :td :td :td

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

He could raise a family full of Mother Teresas and I would still not use his lab-rat style behavioristic methods. The end does not justify the means.

And he doesn't really know which part of his family life contributed to these qualities in his children (if indeed he can claim credit) -- the Pearls emphasize some very GOOD things with which we would all agree: perhaps the children benefited from the fun times of relationship building they all had together, the supportive inter-relationships of a large family, or the groundwork laid by breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Perhaps their parents were gifted teachers of bible stories which the children took to heart.

Too often people (of all parenting stripes) generalize from a certain personal outcome without realizing that their lives and their children's lives aren't science experiments. They haven't isolated all the variables. They can't repeat the experiment with one variable changed. For example, Pearl can't tell us how much "freedom of soul and conscience" his children had with the same upbringing minus the behavioristic whippings.

And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing Michael Pearl is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children--he does, I'm sure--and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes--they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like Michael Pearl's children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.

Ooops--Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now.

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

Kathy, that's beautiful. :happytears

Just wanted to add that when I read that quote by MP, I had to start laughing. :lol How utterly ridiculous. It is good that you know you wouldn't waste a second of your time on him, if it weren't for the unfortunate fact that your family feels that way too. :(

BTW, I thought the Pearls were against co sleeping?

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

That is a horrendous comment by Michael Pearl. I never heard of him until I started posting here. Anyway, it is an uphill battle to do GBD in our society. Hang in there, and you never know whom else you might influence.

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Excellent post, katie. :) I particularly liked this line.

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No, indeed--in an article where she seems to be taking some pains to express a difference of opinion with the Ezzos' and their followers (without naming them) Debi Pearl writes about breastfeeding on demand and co-sleeping with her babies. She mentions her babies were all born in the colder time of year and it made sense to keep them warm at night by sleeping with them. And goes on to say she would have co-slept even if that were not an issue.

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I know I've said this to you before, but you give me so much hope and inspiration. Your family is about 15 years further down the road than mine. I want to keep Christ as the focus, both now and in the big picture.

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:wow :hunh Wow, he actually said that? :hunh What about "see[ing] the wisdom" in Scripture? So is actually saying that (a) he is the final authority on Scripture and/or (b) that he supercedes Scripture? :hissyfit :td

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

pearl seems to hang himself with his own words. :jawdrop

katiekind:
i am happy to stand and listen to you on your soapbox anytime. that was beautiful. :hug

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

Would you mind posting where you found that quote? I would like to be able to point my Pearl-following friends to it someday if the subject ever comes up (and I'm preparing myself because I'm sure it will.)

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I tried to include a link but for some reason I cannot log onto the No Greater Joy site today. But if you can, go to the article section, go to child training/discipline section, and there is a Part one and a Part two titled Spanking. The quote is in Part Two. I will try to get a link to you later if my computer cooperates. :)

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Thanks! No need for the link, I can look on the website. I was just wondering if it was from there or TTUAC.

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He makes similar statements in his books, and also by implication imputes a lot of guilt/shame "you're-not-a-good-enough-Christian" onto parents who shrink from following his orders. :sick

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No loss, imo. :lol

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

:banghead My goodness. I just came to this website...and this forum. I had found this place GCM thru researching Ezzo. Had never heard of Michael / Debi Pearl until seeing this thread. Did a little (10 min) of research. First couple of things...seemed fine. I'm wondering, well what's the problem. Kept looking---and I'm shocked. I have had to physically make myself stop after reading about switching a crawler. Switching a crawler? My heart hurts right now.

My prayers tonite will be full of uplifting to our Heavenly Father that the word gets out that there is some very damaging info out there...this has really disturbed me.

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I love my godmother's reaction to Pearl. She had never heard of him, and when she found out about him she said " I do not respect that man as a theologian, therefore I cannot agree to his "child rearing ideas". Furthermore, it simply is not an organic growth of faith or learning , its not natural, its very forced and there is no grace." I remember, after our dc's baptisms and our chrismations....we were at the reception at my friend's house. My godmother's dh is a Priest (we are Orthodox, and Priests can marry) My friend and her dh had just moved into a new home and wanted FR. C to bless the house. While he was doing the prayers, his 3 boys were running around playing with our boys. He looked at them, looked at us, and said "Do not worry, they will all come by us soon and be quiet and pray with us" Sure enough, they did. No threatening, no yelling, no spanking, nothing....they came over, attracted on their own accord, 7 boys, ages 2-7.

Re: Newbie comment about Pearls
 

that's a great story about the 7 boys. and the confidence in their natural socialbility expressed by the priest.
:)