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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 10-06-2005, 07:30 PM   #1
eyesdancing
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Default Newbie comment about Pearls

I know the Pearls have been discussed over and over on this board so please be patient with me as I have recently been discovering all of this stuff!

My journey started when my sister gave me a book she was RAVING over called Created to be His Helpmeet. I didn't know much about the Pearls except I know my parents had a copy of TTUAC but I had never read it. So as I was reading Created tons of red flags started popping up and I grew very concerned, especially since she had bought the book to give as a newlywed gift to a friend. To me there were tons of inconsistencies, misapplied Scripture, etc. etc. This drove me to do a search online where I found Keer's review and Sparrow's and Spunky's, all of which seemed excellent. But it made me wonder about the Pearls more and so in my research I was led to study discipline and ultimately, here.

Deep down I always knew I wanted to raise my children diffently than most conservative Christian families do and there was always something not-quite-right with the spanking methods and punitive methods both that I had received and that I read about but I didn't know any alternative. Thats why I am glad I found this place and heard about GBD! In the course of my research I found this yesterday:
Quote:
If you do not see the wisdom in what I have said, and you reject these concepts, you are not fit to be a parent. I pity your children. They will never experience the freedom of soul and conscience that mine do.
That was by Michael Pearl. I guess I am also just now realized what an upward hill is ahead because that attitude, and I know the way my parents will respond, are all so unsupportive. Thanks for being here!
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Old 10-06-2005, 07:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

to you!
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Old 10-06-2005, 07:34 PM   #3
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Glad you're here, and for you on your parenting journey.
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Old 10-06-2005, 07:36 PM   #4
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Thank you ladies so much!
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Old 10-06-2005, 07:44 PM   #5
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

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Old 10-06-2005, 08:34 PM   #6
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Quote:
I guess I am also just now realized what an upward hill is ahead because that attitude, and I know the way my parents will respond, are all so unsupportive
Thankfully, we're all fighting same battle, against "them". It helps to have comrades-in-arms.
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Old 10-06-2005, 08:37 PM   #7
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls



It can be really hard if family and/or friends openly criticize your parenting. Over time, though, they'll see what develops in your family and hopefully, they'll have the honesty and humility to acknowledge it.

I look forward to getting to know you more!
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Old 10-06-2005, 09:13 PM   #8
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Quote:
Originally Posted by eyesdancing
Quote:
If you do not see the wisdom in what I have said, and you reject these concepts, you are not fit to be a parent. I pity your children. They will never experience the freedom of soul and conscience that mine do.
That was by Michael Pearl.


Does he think he is God???????? Why should I listen to *him* instead of what the Bible teaches??????????

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Old 10-07-2005, 06:59 AM   #9
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Quote:
the freedom of soul and conscience that mine do
He could raise a family full of Mother Teresas and I would still not use his lab-rat style behavioristic methods. The end does not justify the means.

And he doesn't really know which part of his family life contributed to these qualities in his children (if indeed he can claim credit) -- the Pearls emphasize some very GOOD things with which we would all agree: perhaps the children benefited from the fun times of relationship building they all had together, the supportive inter-relationships of a large family, or the groundwork laid by breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Perhaps their parents were gifted teachers of bible stories which the children took to heart.

Too often people (of all parenting stripes) generalize from a certain personal outcome without realizing that their lives and their children's lives aren't science experiments. They haven't isolated all the variables. They can't repeat the experiment with one variable changed. For example, Pearl can't tell us how much "freedom of soul and conscience" his children had with the same upbringing minus the behavioristic whippings.

And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing Michael Pearl is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children--he does, I'm sure--and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes--they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like Michael Pearl's children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.

Ooops--Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now.
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Old 10-07-2005, 07:50 AM   #10
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Kathy, that's beautiful.

Just wanted to add that when I read that quote by MP, I had to start laughing. How utterly ridiculous. It is good that you know you wouldn't waste a second of your time on him, if it weren't for the unfortunate fact that your family feels that way too.

BTW, I thought the Pearls were against co sleeping?
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Old 10-07-2005, 08:10 AM   #11
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

That is a horrendous comment by Michael Pearl. I never heard of him until I started posting here. Anyway, it is an uphill battle to do GBD in our society. Hang in there, and you never know whom else you might influence.
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Old 10-07-2005, 09:05 AM   #12
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Excellent post, katie. I particularly liked this line.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiekind
If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus.
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Old 10-07-2005, 09:36 AM   #13
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Quote:
BTW, I thought the Pearls were against co sleeping?
No, indeed--in an article where she seems to be taking some pains to express a difference of opinion with the Ezzos' and their followers (without naming them) Debi Pearl writes about breastfeeding on demand and co-sleeping with her babies. She mentions her babies were all born in the colder time of year and it made sense to keep them warm at night by sleeping with them. And goes on to say she would have co-slept even if that were not an issue.

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Old 10-07-2005, 03:12 PM   #14
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Quote:
And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing Michael Pearl is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children--he does, I'm sure--and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes--they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like Michael Pearl's children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.
I know I've said this to you before, but you give me so much hope and inspiration. Your family is about 15 years further down the road than mine. I want to keep Christ as the focus, both now and in the big picture.
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Old 10-08-2005, 07:44 AM   #15
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Default Re: Newbie comment about Pearls

Quote:
Originally Posted by eyesdancing
Quote:
If you do not see the wisdom in what I have said, and you reject these concepts, you are not fit to be a parent. I pity your children. They will never experience the freedom of soul and conscience that mine do.
That was by Michael Pearl. I guess I am also just now realized what an upward hill is ahead because that attitude, and I know the way my parents will respond, are all so unsupportive. Thanks for being here!
Wow, he actually said that? What about "see[ing] the wisdom" in Scripture? So is actually saying that (a) he is the final authority on Scripture and/or (b) that he supercedes Scripture?
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