New to Gentle Parenting! Help!

[Crazyperkymama]

When I got the email that my membership to this forum was approved I was so happy! This week I am in an upheaval over my mothering style.

When we were newly weds and before kids our first friends in our new hometown were strictly Ezzo and mentored many other families to be the same. In our seminary community it is very common and all I've ever known as a married woman. Then I actually became a mom! Lol lol lol

Nuf said. I had never been comfortable with CIO and with our second child I couldn't go through with it. He is very high needs. The benefits of nursing to sleep, by demand and for comfort have been beautiful and wonderful and a gift of God's mercy!

Thjs week i stumbled upon the blog of Cynthia Jeub (she was kicked out of her quiverful family)and was blown away. Ive been crying and praying ever since I read it and I'm honestly lost. This is because I suddenly saw the same domineering, narcissistic parenting tendencies her parents have in myself and community. The scales fell from my eyes. It has scared the living daylights out of me.

Ive had friends encourage me to spank my then 14 month old until he obeyed. I couldn't continue after the third time. He simply didnt understand why he was being spanked! My husband encouraged me to stop as well (i tend to be the strict one). I felt guilty if I did and guilty if I didn't. I couldnt succeed either way.

I saw something on here today about GOYB. Amazing. Ive never heard of that before. I started that today with my energetic 3yo DS.

But the Lord has been leading me in this path for a long time! Nothing about Ezzo or Tripp or spanking for every little thing has EVER sat right in my heart. I couldnt stand desensitizing myself to my nrwborn's cries. The spanking and then superficial, "im doing this because I love you" has been tearing my heart apart. I'm so broken and want out of this legalism and i have been so impressed by what you ladies have posted.

As I draw closer to the heart of the Lord, i see that He is lovjng, compassionate, slow to anger and abounsing in steadfadt love. He does not treat us as our sins deserve, because Jesus took His wrath for us instead. As Ive meditated on this through BSF Life of Moses Ive seen it in conflict with the strict style of parenting Ive been a part of.

But then when I read what Cynthia Jeub said, written in hindsight as an adult young woman, it was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I highly recommend it and praying for her.

Im not in any kind of specific community like the Jeub family, i just have a few close, used-to-be-mentors friends in the seminary and church community that practice Ezzo/Tripp etc like its the Gospel or something.

I need resources. Kimmel? Im starting Give them Grace tonight. I love GOYB. Any other resources I should get my hands on???

Please pray for me. Ive been constantly holding in tears... of repentance, relief, desperate inarticulate prayers for wisdom and patience. My husband (D) is worried but also very supportive and patient.

Thank you so much, i praise God for this community!!!


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---------- Post added at 09:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:06 PM ----------

PS I am perusing and seeing more sources here, sorry I redundantly asked ;)

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[Katigre]

:hug Welcome and I hope that it's a helpful place as you journey in your parenting!

[Hermana Linda]

Praises to God for leading you here. :praise :welcomedove

I have a lot of resources on my website (http://whynottrainachild.com/). Here are my Gentle Parenting links (http://whynottrainachild.com/category/links/gentle-parenting/).

[sunflowermom]

Welcome! We're so glad you're here. The links Hermana Linda posted above are excellent and have helped me tremendously! Jump right in, there's tons more resources and lots of experienced mamas with excellent advice on this forum. :yes

[Tasmanian Saint]

I have heard that give them grace is actually quite punitive in places (just a heads up)
What an amazing story! So heartening to hear how God leads each of us toward this path. I'm glad you found us :)
You are obviously very attuned to your children :tu and a thoughtful mama :heart

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[staceylayne]

So glad you are here! :heart

I came here as the only non-spanking Christian I knew...it was lonely and I didn't have many other tools. I have learned so very much from the wise women on this board!

Welcome!!

[rjy9343]

I am the only non punishing woman in my community, too. It is a little lonely at times, but so worth it. My little girl is four and daily challenges me to not punish her.
I loved Ross Campbell's How to Really Love Your Child. It is very relationship based and gave me a great idea of well, how to love my daughter. I also liked Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff Van Vonderen, it is not so much a parenting book as much as it is a book to escape legalism. It was life giving for me. My husband really liked Scream Free Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel, I thought it was long and could have been about half the size, but my husband thought there was a lot of practical advice. I cannot remember if it endorses time out or not. I know a couple that my husband likes do, but since we don't use time out, we ignore that part. Graced Based Living by Crystal Luton has been very helpful for us. I also like the Your ___ Year Old. It is not parenting as much as it is child development and they do recommend some punishments as the child gets older, so you have to keep that in mind. But the help is seeing that it is normal for your child to hit, bite, scream, tantrum and generally behave like some sort of feral, savage beast and that they will out grow it and move onto the next stage of life.

[MariJo7]

Ross Campbell is very good. I also liked What is a Family by Edith Schaeffer very much. She deals with the overall family dynamics, rather than the raising of toddlers, but she had some great tips and she pays great attention to how our reactions work out in the long run. A good classic about infant and child developement is Penelope Leach (I believe she has written many books) and the websites of dr Sears are most helpful also.

[Hermana Linda]

So, how are you doing? :heart

[melissa5317]

As above, and a belated welcome! I find anything by L.R. Knost is a winner! I'm currently reading Jesus, the Gentle Parent, which is FAB so far!

ETA - Sorry about all the exclamation marks. :giggle: