I had an aha! moment

[momzilla76]

Yesterday I had an aha! moment when I realized in my gentle parenting research I was still subconsciously looking for that list of stuff to do to my kids to get them to behave. :dohCrazy how much this "do stuff to them for xyz results" is ingrained isn't it?
I'm not even sure how to work with my kids when they don't want me to but that would be a whole 'nother thread on a different forum.:scratch

[katiekind]

That is a very big "aha!" For me, it was realizing I was thinking that if I did x,y and z, the kids would "turn out". Kind of like a cooking show version of raising kids, where you stir in all the right ingredients, stir, put in the pan, and then pull the completed dish out of the oven, after 18 years and say, look, perfect!

There isn't an endpoint like that with people. There's always tomorrow and new growth. :-) :phew :heart

Welcome to GCM, by the way! :welcome

[Marrae]

:tu. Yes, gentle parenting is more focused on relationship than results. :)

[el_mac]

:) I so feel you on that one!
this still frustrates me sometimes. The scientist in me wants a formula!!

Especially when he does something huge like today he threw a plate on the floor and it broke. I feel like I need a strategy there! I'm still learning to let the consequences speak for themselves (ie if you throw a plate it will break, and mummy will be sad!)

[SewingGreenMama]

Yup I had that same aha moment. It was very much about 'behavior' I had to set my sights much further into the future.



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[Marrae]

I'm still learning to let the consequences speak for themselves (ie if you throw a plate it will break, and mummy will be sad!)

:hug I'm sorry the plate was broken. Will you be able to replace it?

I'm not trying to be picky but the consequence is that he doesn't have a plate to use now. Stainless steel, bamboo or plastic, if you use it, are great for littles at this stage. I would be careful about making him feel responsible for your feelings, kwim? :hug

[el_mac]

:hug I'm sorry the plate was broken. Will you be able to replace it?

I'm not trying to be picky but the consequence is that he doesn't have a plate to use now. Stainless steel, bamboo or plastic, if you use it, are great for littles at this stage. I would be careful about making him feel responsible for your feelings, kwim? :hug

Yeah, replaceable. He wasn't using it, he uses melamine mainly. It was too close to him on the table though and I wasn't careful enough.
I definitely hear you on not making kids feel responsible for our feelings or reactions. But should I hide the fact that I'm sad about the plate? I tend to think that this would be a bad idea... Tricky though. I didn't overdo it.
Maybe "oh the plate is broken, that is really sad" would be better than "oh the plate is broken, now mummy is sad"
I can't remember exactly what phrasing I used ;)

[Chaos Coordinator]

I still have this conversation with my husband several times a month. Yup.

[rjy9343]

I think that when you grow up with results based/ instant obedience parenting and then have it thrown at you as the only way to raise children, it is really easy to slip into it. I have made a deliberate choice to leave that behind and am appalled at how often I still slip into it.

[homesteadmama]

I think that when you grow up with results based/ instant obedience parenting and then have it thrown at you as the only way to raise children, it is really easy to slip into it. I have made a deliberate choice to leave that behind and am appalled at how often I still slip into it.

Me too. :yes

I've been on this gentle parenting thing for seven years now, and I *still* struggle with trying to control my kids!