Pearls "aren't that bad"

[delightedmama]

So my husband posted an article about the recent death of a child whose parents used TTUAC. His caption was "it's time to call their ministry out for what it is: abuse".

Initially comments were supportive, "that's horrific" and "so sad" etc.

Then one "the Pearls didn't kill those children," then several of our friends started sharing that they use TTUAC :cry and claiming it doesn't say any of that stuff, it's people who would've been abusive anyway, it's extremists, etc. So I posted some direct quotes from the article and they're saying they don't read them as abusive.

Is there any good way to respond?

I have no illusions of changing their mind. But other people we are friends with are seeing the comments on Facebook too, kwim?


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[Virginia]

Wow...If it were my Facebook, I'd honestly just delete the comment :shifty

I'm sorry I don't have better advice.

[delightedmama]

Wow...If it were my Facebook, I'd honestly just delete the comment :shifty

I'm sorry I don't have better advice.

Yeah... there are 3 people who have each posted 2+ comments on this thread... it has 30 comments now... :/

[Virginia]

:hug:
Probably, I would say a prayer for each person who was posting, that the Lord would soften their hearts and show them His grace and love.

I like to argue, so anything I would say would be way too intense and just cause further drama.

[FarmMama]

I just finished reading a transcript from when Anderson Cooper had M.Pearl on his show, and he mentioned how the American Acadamy of Pediatrics "believes these conditions actually create such a climate of fear and intimidation for a child that it actually affects their development by changing -- changing the way nerve connections in the brain develop"...I would put small bits of good info out there, because LOTS of people could be reading, and maybe some have not heard the reasons *why* it is bad developmentally.

Here is a broken link to the cooper interview...I was hoping someone else had the AAP's actual statement against TTUAC?

eta: I do not know how to break the link...google Anderson cooper and Michael Pearl transcript

[MarynMunchkins]

I would respond, "Whether you read them as abusive, they fit the textbook definition of abuse. No one deserves to be shamed, humiliated, or hurt - especially in the name of God."

I would prepare for them to become hostile, say unkind things, and avoid you in the future. IME, people who follow this ideology have a difficult time not only reframing what they are doing as abuse, but coping with the fact that they were also treated this way as a child. :(

[CelticJourney]

Honestly - facebook is a huge arena to be hashing out the Pearls. Many/most people who advocate them have read with a filter and don't know half of what he actually teaches or they did the whole 'pick and choose' thing. Unless you can have a deeper discussion than facebook format allows, it will be hard to be understood by those who don't want to see the entire picture.

I would post something along the lines of what Mary suggested AND post 'I apologize for not being more clear - This was posted as information and not discussion. As this is not an suitable venue for a deep discussion on this topic, comments condoning the teachings of the Pearls to my page will be deleted' .... or something like that.

[ArmsOfLove]

It also depends on how much you like debate and how much you care about the people involved. You could just delete the pro comments and that would be fine. You could post a statement that the definition of abuse isn't really up for debate and the pearls meet it. And you could go even stronger. What I would do would totally depend on who was responding and how much energy I had that day :hug

[delightedmama]

Our family counselor friend chipped in with some of what was said here (this IS the definition of abuse, here's how it's harmful to children) so I haven't said anything else and neither have the defenders of Pearl.

I *have* had the chance for real-life conversations about this with not-yet-parents who saw the debate on Facebook. Thankfully they were disgusted and can't see how anyone defines the quotes as anything but abusive.


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[Zooey]

Then one "the Pearls didn't kill those children,"[QUOTE]
Maybe not legally. Morally?
At least not yet...:shifty not that we know of:shifty

[QUOTE] then several of our friends started sharing that they use TTUAC:cry
:sick Shame on them, then!!:sick
and claiming it doesn't say any of that stuff, it's people who would've been abusive anyway, it's extremists, etc.
It says exactly that. It says all of that stuff. The Pearls just say that it doesn't. (THey also say that none of the parents even owned their books. Ummm.... they had the books in their homes. Their books were seized by the authorities, entered into evidence, etc. Maybe those copies were all stoelen?:snooty:snooty:snooty
So I posted some direct quotes from the article and they're saying they don't read them as abusive.
Good on you. :clap
Shame on them.:mad Shame!:mad

[Hermana Linda]

Here is a new article (http://www.babble.com/mom/to-train-up-a-child-teaches-punishment-that-kills-kids/) which talks about Pearl's response to the trial.

[CelticJourney]

Then one "the Pearls didn't kill those children,"
Maybe not legally. Morally?
At least not yet...:shifty not that we know of:shifty
....

It says exactly that. It says all of that stuff. ...I absolutely understand that this is frustrating, BUT when we step away from 'chapter, page, lecture' and start with speculation, even if it is not intended as completely serious, we reduce our credibility.

Unprepared it set aside for discussing the teaching and writings of punitive authors and how to respond to those teachings when we encounter them. If the OP has specific things that people are saying are not taught by the Pearls and she wants help looking them up, we can do that.