Blanket Training

[Bethany89]

My friend just started blanket training her 7 month old. I have a feeling that this isn't very good but I don't have any info to give her against doing it.
She does babywise and loves it. So, I'm sure I won't get through to her.

[Leslie_JJKs_mom]

I don't suppose she would listen if you said babies need their exercise to build nice strong muscles while they grow and laying on a blanket all the time will not do that.

Personally I just baby proofed my living room, spread a few large blankets and let her go. She is only rolling right now but I am sure she will get crawling soon.

[tigerlily]

Oh, that's so disenheartening. :cry

I'm trying to think what resource might be helpful. :think

Honestly, the best response might be giving her a look like this :hunh next time you see her if she brings it up.

It is so contrary to healthy attachment and encouraging children to use you as a "base" for exploring the world. The job of small children is exploration -- blanket training hinders vital brain development! So much better to baby proof and teach and let children mature to a point they can control themselves.:(

[ArmsOfLove]

does ezzo.info have anything on it?

[Charity]

I think it's a pearl thing. Can't remember how to spoil thru my mobile so don't read below if you don't want to... Very sensitive. IMHO opinion you need to speak up. That mentality can lead to child abuse QUICKLY.




Basically the baby is "chastised" (don't know if this is public and don't want to explain too much if it is) every time they move off a blanket the size of a receiving blanket. Rather than put the baby in a playpen or enclosed safe play area, the parent punishes the tiny baby til the baby "learns" to stay on the blanket. It's disgusting and very abusive.

[Charity]

You can always tell her that the Ezzo's grown children have cut off their parents and they haven't had a relationship in many years. I think that's on the ezzo site.

[ECingMama]

It is called rug time in the Montessori method. No hitting involved.

Not sure what age it begins.

[blondie]

I think it's a pearl thing. Can't remember how to spoil thru my mobile so don't read below if you don't want to... Very sensitive. IMHO opinion you need to speak up. That mentality can lead to child abuse QUICKLY.




Basically the baby is "chastised" (don't know if this is public and don't want to explain too much if it is) every time they move off a blanket the size of a receiving blanket. Rather than put the baby in a playpen or enclosed safe play area, the parent punishes the tiny baby til the baby "learns" to stay on the blanket. It's disgusting and very abusive.


I have friends that do this method. :shiver It's horrid.

[WildFlower]

I can't figure out how anyone would accomplish it without negative reinforcement, but I have heard others say the same thing that they didn't punish their babies when doing it. I just think it's weird and it doesn't sit well with me.

[LovinBeingMommy]

My aunt did it gently with my cousin. She was cleaning houses for a living and allowed to bring her baby, as long as she didn't break anything. My cousin is easy going and passive, which probably helped, but she just kept putting her back on the blanket when she left. Didn't have to do it for long. :shrug3

[Chris'Mrs]

Please speak up... gently but say something. I was given babywise by a woman in our old church and told that its the only way to go.. the same woman told me about the various methods of blanket training... I am embarrassed to say that at first it didn't sound like a bad idea. It wasn't until after my son was here that something in me couldn't apply those techniques. I felt bad for a long time for not doing blanket and baby training. It was all I was told about. im very glad I didn't give in but it was only because of some social media friends that helped cue me in to how jacked up it can be.

[DoulaClara]

It is called rug time in the Montessori method. No hitting involved.

Not sure what age it begins.

:no Are you sure about this? Do you have any good sources? I've read quite a bit of Dr Montessori's work, and this is the first I've heard of this. :)

[katiekind]

It's an Ezzo thing, but other control-oriented parenting gurus may also feature it. I'm not sure it is featured in their books, but I know I heard about it on one of their teaching tapes waaaaay back in the day, and it was a popular thing "going around" in their circles.

I don't know that you can really say anything that would help her change her mind or not. Stay open to the leading of the spirit, though! You never know!!!

Cultivating that kind of control is not a good idea, even if it sounds really convenient. (And I certainly remember when it sounded very appealing to me. One of the stories on the Ezzo tape was how a parent who had blanket-trained her child drew amazement from other parents because she could draw a square in the dirt beside the bleachers at her older child's soccer game and her toddler would sit there and amuse himself throughout the whole game, leaving her free to watch the game.)

Another time I met a family who had done Ezzo, and their little 2 year old would sit on the edge of the stage for 45 minutes while the family performed a set of music for the crowd at a fair. I had a two year old then, and while part of me was going "wow--I wish my little guy would sit still like that when OUR family performs" the other part of me was shocked because I knew what I would have to do to a healthy two year old boy to "train" him to sit still like that for 45 minutes. It wasn't a pretty picture.

Later our older kids became friends with the older kids in that family, and they said I was right--it was not a pretty picture. Looked good on the outside--but the family was a mess on the inside, and the only tool they apparently had to try and deal with the mess was control, and more control. They came to much grief. But I think in time they learned healthier ways to handle things.

[Tandem mama]

:no Are you sure about this? Do you have any good sources? I've read quite a bit of Dr Montessori's work, and this is the first I've heard of this. :)

This. I know Montessori does something called rug time, but it's more of a space to play with your thing you're working on while other kids have their space for their work. I do it with my kids as well, to keep toy mess in my living room down. It's VERY VERY different than blanket training. The intent is entirely different as well as method for use.

[rjy9343]

I am not sure what it is called, but at Ivy's school they do this thing where the kids sit on a square of cloth in a circle at the beginning of the day. If the kids get off the square, the teacher puts the child back onto the cloth or picks up the child and puts him/her in her lap until the circle time is over and the kids go eat breakfast.
But it is not at all harsh, I was in the class with Ivy for about three weeks before I could leave her and the teachers where amazingly patient and gentle with the kids.

[DoulaClara]

This. I know Montessori does something called rug time, but it's more of a space to play with your thing you're working on while other kids have their space for their work. I do it with my kids as well, to keep toy mess in my living room down. It's VERY VERY different than blanket training. The intent is entirely different as well as method for use.

:yes I have heard of this (and it's for preschoolers, not infants or toddlers), and it's more of a "Here is your work, and here are your materials in your space" ownership thing (which, incidentally, was more or less created by the size of the groups, and not Maria Montessori herself.) And it's not something Dr. Montessori, whose method always was that children naturally want to explore and interact with the world in relevant ways, would ever condone, endorse, or tolerate as a way to keep a child in one spot for a specific time.

[ECingMama]

I have not looked into it in a long time. And I would tell someone about rug time and the Montessori method because it might be THEIR gateway into more gentle parenting.:shrug3. "I have heard of rug time through MM. It starts with kids when they are a little older though. Sounds really neat."

My son's PT brought a blanket and did all PT on it. From NiCU discharge until he was discharged after he was one. She was obviously very gentle. The blanket time was happy. :shrug3

I have an attachment parenting friend who does it. She said it was a fun game to keep him on the blanket.

I think it is one of the very few things in BW that can be done without being toxic.:shrug3

[ArmsOfLove]

It is called rug time in the Montessori method. No hitting involved.

Not sure what age it begins.

Blanket Training is a real thing - it is not Montessori rug time :no

Blanket Training involves putting a baby, new to rolling over unless you started with laying them on the blanket from birth, and smacking the edges of the blanket with the hand or, more often, with the spanking implement. Then, when the baby rolls over, the baby is hit with the implement and put back on the blanket center. When the baby rolls over again - they are hit again. Until they stop rolling over. Then you have a child who you can leave laying in the middle of the blanket without concern that they will wander away - except it's abuse.

[DoulaClara]

I have not looked into it in a long time. And I would tell someone about rug time and the Montessori method because it might be THEIR gateway into more gentle parenting.:shrug3. "I have heard of rug time through MM. It starts with kids when they are a little older though. Sounds really neat."

My son's PT brought a blanket and did all PT on it. From NiCU discharge until he was discharged after he was one. She was obviously very gentle. The blanket time was happy. :shrug3

I have an attachment parenting friend who does it. She said it was a fun game to keep him on the blanket.

I think it is one of the very few things in BW that can be done without being toxic.:shrug3



I'm going to strongly, but in a friendly way, disagree with you there. Just because showing children in a group setting how to play in an orderly fashion that doesn't encroach upon others, and keeps their work area useful is entirely different from what this intends to do, and just because a physical therapist working with a child with physical goals is very different from this intent, doesn't mean that it is "gentle," within developmentally appropriate practice, or grace-based to teach a child to stay within a boundary for a parents sake. If you have cows to milk at four-thirty in the morning, pop your children in warm gear and have a barn playpen (true story from my extended family). If you have goats and chickens and a generator to start on your off-grid cabin in Alaska, find people to help child-mind or do animal care and/or baby-wear (true story of a friend of mine). If you have stuff to do, provide stuff for kiddo to do without teaching them to not explore.

[rjy9343]

I have to agree with Clara, I am not in love with the circle time, but since the kids get to fidget and move, I am not getting to worked up over it. Also because the teachers always have at least one child in their laps bouncing them on one leg to give them the movement they need, I am giving them credit for working with them. They also only have the kids still for maybe five minutes so they can hear what is happening today, but I am still not crazy about it.
I don't get the blanket training. What is wrong with child proofing your house and letting the kid have at it. Don't tell me you don't have room for storage. I did it with the things from a three bedroom house in a two bedroom apartment. It was a pain, but I did it.
I do think that using the examples the pp suggested though would be a good thing for someone who thinks that we should house proof our children instead of the other way around. Not because I think it is good, but because it is a step in the right direction. Kind of like suggesting time out for someone who spanks. Not good, but better than what they had been doing. From there suggest HALT and so on.

[klpmommy]

from my ezzo days (I never did blanket time, P wasn't mobile when I started quitting BW), blanket time is for when you are OUT. so if I go to watch P's football game, I could put my infant on the blanket and she would sit there so I wouldn't have to worry about her getting up. You taught it at home, and practiced it at home, but the purpose was when you were out.

Kind of like Kathy....I go to P's football games and I see all these little ones that are so passive and still and I think for a second "how nice!" but then I look at my giggling toddler climbing the bleacher stairs and think of how much I would have had to break her spirit to make her passive.....yeah, it isn't pretty.

(Some kids *are* more still. E would have never climbed the bleachers like that, b/c she wanted to touch me constantly. And on the other extreme I couldn't let R climb the bleachers b/c he would take it as an opportunity to RUN. He was constantly harnessed at A's age, and now he can be trusted a lot more to not run.)

[KarenBoo]

Blanket Training is a real thing - it is not Montessori rug time :no

Blanket Training involves putting a baby, new to rolling over unless you started with laying them on the blanket from birth, and smacking the edges of the blanket with the hand or, more often, with the spanking implement. Then, when the baby rolls over, the baby is hit with the implement and put back on the blanket center. When the baby rolls over again - they are hit again. Until they stop rolling over. Then you have a child who you can leave laying in the middle of the blanket without concern that they will wander away - except it's abuse.

When Kitten was a brand new infant, I was attending "Ezzo support meetings." This is exactly what I was told to do. :sick I was told to smack my baby every time a body part went off of the blanket. :sick So, SO glad we quit Ezzo before Kitten was rolling over!

[DoulaClara]

Bethany, is this her first child, per chance?

Sometimes waiting for the teachable moment is better than trying to think of just the right magical mix of words to try to draw her over to an understanding, KWIM? She has an infant, who I imagine has just become mobile. Keep praying, and keep watching and asking God to show you the perfect time to assure her that even though her baby isn't staying solidly on the blanket, he's going to be fine. Fear is the great motivator among people who parent this way- "But what if they never learn to obey?" "But what if they stick a fork into an outlet?" "But what if I never get to do what I want to do ever again?" Even among people who parent with GD/ GBD methods, fear happens. My DH every once. In a while is gripped with, "But, we're not making them do this or that, and they'll never learn how if we don't make them now!" :no Just because they're not producing beautiful calligraphy with a pen RIGHT NOW doesn't mean it will never happen. First crayon scribbles, then intentional markings, then a figure with a head and legs...letters...etc. It all happens in its own time, with modeling and growth and attention to what to expect at each stage.

Be there for her, assure her that she is perfectly equipped to mother her little baby, that God didn't design faulty instincts into her just to toy with her movie-villain style, and that her baby will be okay if he's allowed to roam within a child-proofed area. When she's ready. Gung-ho and raring to go on a baby project is probably not a teachable time. :hug

[Bethany89]

Bethany, is this her first child, per chance?

Sometimes waiting for the teachable moment is better than trying to think of just the right magical mix of words to try to draw her over to an understanding, KWIM? She has an infant, who I imagine has just become mobile. Keep praying, and keep watching and asking God to show you the perfect time to assure her that even though her baby isn't staying solidly on the blanket, he's going to be fine. Fear is the great motivator among people who parent this way- "But what if they never learn to obey?" "But what if they stick a fork into an outlet?" "But what if I never get to do what I want to do ever again?" Even among people who parent with GD/ GBD methods, fear happens. My DH every once. In a while is gripped with, "But, we're not making them do this or that, and they'll never learn how if we don't make them now!" :no Just because they're not producing beautiful calligraphy with a pen RIGHT NOW doesn't mean it will never happen. First crayon scribbles, then intentional markings, then a figure with a head and legs...letters...etc. It all happens in its own time, with modeling and growth and attention to what to expect at each stage.

Be there for her, assure her that she is perfectly equipped to mother her little baby, that God didn't design faulty instincts into her just to toy with her movie-villain style, and that her baby will be okay if he's allowed to roam within a child-proofed area. When she's ready. Gung-ho and raring to go on a baby project is probably not a teachable time. :hug

She is a FTM. She nannied for a few years and apparently hated the AP style parenting that the kids mother had used and wanted to make her kids listen better than those kids and behave better..
We had a little talk and she is very gung ho about spanking when she is older and basically training her child to obey and obey God.

What I think is harder for me is that since she nannied she apparently believes she has more experience than my nearly 4 years of parenting I've had and she rolls her eyes at me frequently when it comes to anything AP.. Even if she walks into a conversation about something with another person like if I mention BWing she will dismiss it and tell them not to..
I'm going to pray about it and see what happens - hopefully I will be present at the right time to say something reassuring. I am going to ask her what she wants to achieve by using blanket time.

She is very concerned with generating this perfect child I feel like. :(

[Joyanne]

We did this gently for several of our children, but not at 7 months. At 7 months, we might put them on a blanket on the floor, but not as any sort of 'training', b/c they are barely crawling, etc.

Usually at around 10-12 months, when they are getting very mobile, I might start doing this very gently while the bigger kids are having school. We start with 5 minutes and they sit on a decent sized rectangular or square blanket. I act very excited and happy about it "It's time for play time on your blanket!!" with a happy excited smile/voice. Then I place the child on the blanket with 3 or 4 toys and sit nearby. When she or he tries to crawl off the blanket I smile and say "No-no, stay on your blanket" in a happy voice and put her back.

There is NO punishment or harshness involved. We work up to 15 minutes eventually.

It's just consistent putting them back on the blanket with a smile. No big deal, no harshness.

In Christ,
Joy

[DoulaClara]

We did this gently for several of our children, but not at 7 months. At 7 months, we might put them on a blanket on the floor, but not as any sort of 'training', b/c they are barely crawling, etc.

Usually at around 10-12 months, when they are getting very mobile, I might start doing this very gently while the bigger kids are having school. We start with 5 minutes and they sit on a decent sized rectangular or square blanket. I act very excited and happy about it "It's time for play time on your blanket!!" with a happy excited smile/voice. Then I place the child on the blanket with 3 or 4 toys and sit nearby. When she or he tries to crawl off the blanket I smile and say "No-no, stay on your blanket" in a happy voice and put her back.

There is NO punishment or harshness involved. We work up to 15 minutes eventually.

It's just consistent putting them back on the blanket with a smile. No big deal, no harshness.

In Christ,
Joy

For what purpose, though? And I'm not asking this to be snarky, either, I really would like to know. So far, three kids later, I've got three entirely different personalities in kids. And my second, who crawled at five months and RAN at ten months, would never have done this. Set, reset, "no-no" in a gentle voice, you'd still be sitting there with that blanket today, three years later. And it still wouldn't have worked.

At any rate, so I've got three mobile children now, the third is taking steps, and have never done this and never had the desire to do this (well, sometimes I want to find their little off switch and be able to finish a thought, but I kind of went ahead and had children, so...) I take them with me, we do our thing, and if something is really gross (rinsing a diaper, handling raw meat) and I can't stop and save them from themselves right away, that is what the high chair or pack n play is for. IMO, even if this is done with a super sweetheart voice and loving kindness on the mama's face, and no striking of the child, you are still stopping the child's natural curiosity and telling them, "No darling, this house isn't yours. You just live here and complete the picture." :(

[katiekind]

She is very concerned with generating this perfect child I feel like. The Ezzo material gives you the impression you can treat your child _x_ way, and like a recipe or a science experiment, you are guaranteed _y_ result. The materials play on parents' hopes and fears.

Meanwhile, it's true, the Ezzos themselves do not have a relationship with their adult children. Maybe their kids sat on blankets beautifully. To me, that's a very hollow, meaningless attainment.

I say, take parenting advice from people whose family dynamics you admire.

[Joyanne]

For what purpose, though?


With the first one, it was because we had no play pen and I had 3 other children to homeschool and baby did not want to be held all the time. He wanted to sit on the floor and play and I would glance up and he'd be down the hall or messing in something (like the trash) that he shouldn't.

I read Mrs. Duggar's book (yes I know, many think they spank their kids for blanket training, and maybe they do. But in the book she described it pretty gently, except she did say that eventually you should do whatever type of 'correction' your family believes in. I guess I do whatever type of 'correction' we believe in, by just putting them back over and over with a 'no no'.) and she described it as a 'play pen in your purse, and that appealed to me.

He was very strong willed, stubborn, spirited, whatever you want to call it so it took a good 2 months to get 5 minutes out of him. At first, he would make it about 15 seconds, but I just kept praising him for making it 15 'whole' seconds, praising him enthusiastically, and encouraging him 'Let's try again!' and do it again..

I also felt it served a purpose in other ways... at co op, he would stay on his blanket while the kids were in class (at least for the first 15 minutes or so... then we'd take a break, walk around outside the class for a bit, and go back and try again), at music lessons, where he couldn't be up running around the teacher's waiting area, b/c it had breakables and paperback books and magazines, etc.

I have done it with a high chair but that really seemed to confine them too much, they can at least crawl around some on the blanket.

By the time he was 15 months old I could say "Go get your blanky! Let's have play time on your blanky!" and he'd shout 'YAY!' and go get it. He thought it was fun. So did the other 2 I've done it with. My 7th child is only 5 months, so she hasn't had any of this yet and I don't intend to do it with her until she's close to a year old.

It was *never* harsh, and it was not an all day thing. Longest he was ever on it was 30 minutes(well, if he was awake. Sometimes he napped on it, and that lasted an hour or hour and a half) and we worked up to that -- he didn't make it 30 minutes til he was 2.

Honestly, it was fun for us, we made it a happy time. In our house, though, training is not necessarily a bad word. It's not harsh or mean or punishing. We 'train' with positive reinforcement, no punishment or shaming about it. More encouragement and 'You can do it!' type stuff.

Maybe it would better be called 'practicing' ?? We practiced sitting still in church, how to act in restaurants, how to stand in line nicely at the store, how to get in car and buckle quickly, how to clear our plates from the table, etc etc etc. It was all positive, learning skills to make our family function well and run smoothly.

In Christ,
Joy

[katiekind]

He was very strong willed, stubborn, spirited, whatever you want to call it

LOL, I'd call it normal!

[CelticJourney]

.....What I think is harder for me is that since she nannied she apparently believes she has more experience than my nearly 4 years of parenting I've had and she rolls her eyes at me frequently when it comes to anything AP.. Even if she walks into a conversation about something with another person like if I mention BWing she will dismiss it and tell them not to..
I'm going to pray about it and see what happens - hopefully I will be present at the right time to say something reassuring. I am going to ask her what she wants to achieve by using blanket time.

She is very concerned with generating this perfect child I feel like. :(I nannied a lot before having children (postly part time) - it was a great way to pay for college and grad school (side story: I nannied for a family between first and second yr of grad school and they didn't find a premanent nanny in time, so I took an 8 week old to my first archaeology lab class that fall semester:shrug3)......anyway, being the nanny and being the mommy ARE different. If it comes up you can say "I have this friend (hi, friend!) who was a nanny and she commented on how different it was to go from a job you love to a role raising your own child. And by the way, I really don't appreciate you speaking disrespectfully to/about me or my advice to our mutual friends. We can disagree without being rude." :shifty....but that's kinda the way I roll :shifty

As for your question about what she hopes to get out of it, be sure to ask her what she hopes for HER CHILD to get out of it. She wants convenience and bragging rights. Her baby gets to be convenient:-/

[dax248]

And my second, who crawled at five months and RAN at ten months, would never have done this. Set, reset, "no-no" in a gentle voice, you'd still be sitting there with that blanket today, three years later. And it still wouldn't have worked.
:(

I am in the same boat. DS was a crazy early mover (ran at 10 months, too) and I still have trouble getting him to slow or sit down.

Some days I wish I had an option like this, but I know to accomplish it would mean sacrificing more than it is worth. He is also hyposensitive (it takes a lot of input or pain to make him realize something is wrong) and I would break his trust long before I broke his behavior. I think that is what makes me saddest about this concept of blanket training. I want my kids to trust me and not fear me.

[saturnfire16]

I read Mrs. Duggar's book (yes I know, many think they spank their kids for blanket training, and maybe they do. But in the book she described it pretty gently, except she did say that eventually you should do whatever type of 'correction' your family believes in. I guess I do whatever type of 'correction' we believe in, by just putting them back over and over with a 'no no'.) and she described it as a 'play pen in your purse, and that appealed to me.



The Duggars follow the Pearls, so I'll bet that the "play pen in your purse" is referring to the glue stick the Pearls recommend keeping in your purse (in whatever "fashionable color" suits you), which is used to hit the baby when they move off the blanket. :sick

[Joyanne]

I have read the Pearl's book. I don't follow it. They don't do the glue stick thing, that's Ezzo I think. Pearl does the plumber's supply line. I've never read the Pearls recommend blanket training, but I think that's Ezzo too.

I have many many objections to Pearl too, just clarifying, b/c I have had my advice thrown in my face for getting the facts wrong on some issues like this when trying to show someone the error in these people's advice.

I honestly don't know what the Duggars do, and it's really none of my business. I am not in their home, and I'm not trying to be their carbon copy. I took what I liked of their advice and used it to benefit my family. Again, *in our home*, it is not harsh, it is not shaming, it is not punitive. It's fun and positive and encouraging.

According to the book (I just looked it up to be sure), Mrs. Duggar is referring to the blanket specifically as the 'play pen in my purse'. She says having the blanket is like being able to take a play pen with you when you are out and about and the child can stay on it. That is how our family has used it as well-- at music lessons, etc like I shared before, as well as at home for a bit during certain homeschool things, etc.

For *our family*, it has been a benefit and a help. I can understand if one does not choose to use this tool, I was simply wanting to show that a family can choose to use it and *not* be punitive and harsh with the child.

In Christ,
Joy

[rjy9343]

Bethany, we were all first time moms at one point who were going to have perfect children. What perfect looked like differed from person to person, but our baby was going to be better than the brats we knew. If we were lucky enough to have an easy going baby, then we had it figured out and the secret was consistency,order, discipline, the right food or whatever it we credited with the perfect child.
Then that child became a toddler and our ideas went out the window along with our sanity. The best thing you can do is to love her and be safe for her. When her daughter suddenly realizes she can do things on her own, she is going to discover she is clueless.
And I do understand how someone who had a job working with children knowing all there is to know about kids and unwilling to hear what others say. But those people usually get a really nasty shock when reality hits.

[Tandem mama]

For what purpose, though? And I'm not asking this to be snarky, either, I really would like to know. So far, three kids later, I've got three entirely different personalities in kids. And my second, who crawled at five months and RAN at ten months, would never have done this. Set, reset, "no-no" in a gentle voice, you'd still be sitting there with that blanket today, three years later. And it still wouldn't have worked.

At any rate, so I've got three mobile children now, the third is taking steps, and have never done this and never had the desire to do this (well, sometimes I want to find their little off switch and be able to finish a thought, but I kind of went ahead and had children, so...) I take them with me, we do our thing, and if something is really gross (rinsing a diaper, handling raw meat) and I can't stop and save them from themselves right away, that is what the high chair or pack n play is for. IMO, even if this is done with a super sweetheart voice and loving kindness on the mama's face, and no striking of the child, you are still stopping the child's natural curiosity and telling them, "No darling, this house isn't yours. You just live here and complete the picture." :(

:yes I think there's some confusion on intent of training a baby to stay on a blanket and using a rug or mat to provide a space for a preschooler to play independently in a group. The way I've seen any Montessori class do it and how I've done it with my kids is that it's giving them a space they own. Their own space to play as they wish. In Montessori classrooms, they've been able to leave their rug, if they have put away the toy that they had on it and replaced the rug, to do other things. Kids can invite other kids onto their rug. This is how we do it in our home. I was having a million toys brought out all at once and needed to help them get it under control. So the rule began, one toy/box of toys per kid out at a time in the living room. Playrooms don't have this rule. When they bring a set of toys out to the living room, they can play with them on their mats. This is primarily for the purpose of mess containment, it's easier to clean up if it is on a 3ftx3ft square. It allows them to play independently-you can't go on sister's mat unless she invites you-but be with everyone in the family at the same time, rather than having to go to another room if they don't feel like sharing. They enjoy it and there's no time that I say "now you must play on your mat for thirty minutes." I sometimes suggest "hey why don't you get out a set of toys and play on your mat" when they're having difficulty finding purposeful things to do. I also sometimes suggest they color or play in a sensory bin :shrug if a sibling comes onto the mat and the child on the mat protests, I help the "intruder" find something else to do on their own mat or elsewhere. Sometimes it's reading with me or other things like that.

The intent of Montessori rug time is NOT, I repeat, NOT to keep children on their rugs so they're not in your way or into things. It is to give them a space of their own to play independently in a group with clear boundaries for other children to see and not cross, unless invited. They are welcome to get up and move about, switch things they're playing with on their rug, and move to different activities when they're done playing independently. In our home, this has helped with mess control as well as fighting because one kid wants to play barbies alone but she also wants to be in the living room with everyone else so how can she keep her sister from touching her barbies?! This answered those issues for us.

Blanket training IS about keeping a baby/child in a confined spot for your own convenience. It's about giving the child a boundary they cannot cross rather than giving them a space others can't join them unless they invite the others.

[katiekind]

Mrs. Duggar is referring to the blanket specifically as the 'play pen in my purse'.I believe that's what she means, too, Joyanne. :hug Thank you for clarifying. That's how the Ezzos felt about it too. The training occurred in private, and you wouldn't use the blanket in public until the child was fully trained to it.

[Leslie_JJKs_mom]

I have a portable swing that easily folds up to about the size of a diaper bag. It has toys attached and music. Keeps my baby in place nicely without any abuse needed. I love it especially when I shower or at a friends house with lots of pets. I would not trust a blanket only at those times.

[Joyanne]

I have a portable swing that easily folds up to about the size of a diaper bag. It has toys attached and music. Keeps my baby in place nicely without any abuse needed. I love it especially when I shower or at a friends house with lots of pets. I would not trust a blanket only at those times.


cool! I wish I could afford to get something like that. But we can't. Again, there was *no abuse* involved in what I did.

And I didn't just 'trust a blanket' when we were at music lessons and put the child on his blanket to play. I was sitting within 2 feet of him, reading to other children, doing schoolwork with them, planning our next school week, or even reading a magazine if he was happyily entertained on the blanket. etc. If he seemed like he was hungry or needed me for something, I was right there to provide what he needed.

I would *never* put him on the blanket and go take a shower!! Yikes. I don't think I ever said that??? I would ask my older children to watch him or her, or wait until he or she was safely sleeping for the night.

Look, I understand that some don't agree, and that's ok. But we did do this not to be cruel but to be helpful to us and to our child (by providing a safe area for them to play in with what we had.) No one was upset or hurt, no yelling, shaming, or abuse was involved.

In Christ,
Joy

[katiekind]

Keeps my baby in placeI think one thing that's important to understand - if you're wanting to understand what parents who follow these teachings are being taught - is they are taught that this kind of training instills the virtues of self-control and submissive obedience. It's not as much about keeping the baby safe -- although that's a plus -- but it's portrayed in the Ezzo materials as a systematic approach to obedience training.

(Joyanne--I'm speaking only of what the Ezzos teach and not what you're doing. ;-) :hug )

[CelticJourney]

Let me step in here as a moderator in this forum and re-establish some frame-work.

Unprepared For Parenting is set aside to discuss parenting authors and teachers and what they write/teach. Very often you will see requests for references for comments. This is VITAL to discussing Ezzo, Pearl, Trip et al because we can ONLY discuss with any validity what they have written and what they have said. We can not discuss with any credibility what we or others have done with the teachings because the incrediable variations on what people do in their own homes makes any discussion a variation of the teaching rather than the teaching itself.

Over the many, many (way too many) years that I have been involved with this issue, I have seen parents say 'We follow Ezzo/Ezzo has worked for us' and when challenged on specifics they say 'Oh, we don't do those things!' They are actually confused when the response becomes 'then you don't follow Ezzo'.

So as for the definition of Blanket Training and for the framework for discussing the issue in this forum, we need to use the written teachings described by Ezzo. If Michellle Duggar advocates Blanket Training using an identical definition as Ezzo and publishes her support for Pearl on her web site, it is valid to assume she is does the 'training' based on the established definitions in those established teachings, ie, she introduces pain or fear to aquire compliance.

So, is it possible to encourage a child to stay on a blanket in a gentle way? Probably. But it is not Blanket Training as defined in the teachings we are covering.

Joyanne, I can see you are maybe feeling a little defensive. If it is any comfort, if you didn't do the punitive aspects of Blanket Training, then you are doing something similar but not the same and the comments about Blanket Training do no relate to you or your choice. :hug2

[Joyanne]

I apologize for derailing the thread, ladies. Please carry on with answers relating to the original post.

in Christ,
Joy

[CelticJourney]

I apologize for derailing the thread, ladies. Please carry on with answers relating to the original post.

in Christ,
JoyNot a problem:hug2 It's just an issue of definitions.

[jenny_islander]

I think that blanket training as taught by punitive writers and blanket time as practiced by gentle parents and caregivers make an excellent example of how punitive writers preach hitting (chastising, switching, spanking, whatever--striking a child with an object or body part hard enough to hurt is hitting!) when it's completely unnecessary. Yes, some kids just plain won't stay on the blanket--and as somebody posted up the thread, that's probably the kid who also needs a monkey backpack--but most, if you show them by example that the blankie is where the toys are and where Mommy praises and smiles, will spend as long as their little attention spans will allow playing quite happily on their blankets, no hitting required. IME the blanket also becomes a safe base in an unfamiliar situation. There can be lots of loud grown-up voices and knees past the edge of the blanket, but the blanket itself smells like home.

We used to use a blanket for nature exploration, BTW. Let the baby crawl to the edge, where she can have her tummy on something that isn't rustly, poky, or wet while she investigates the short grass or sand with her fingers.

ETA: It needs to be a picnic-sized blanket when your little is old enough to practice throwing!

ETA 2: And if you're in a situation where you really can't have her throwing toys about, explain that Mr. Lion has to stay on the blanket too, and if he jumps off the blanket he'll have to sit in your purse for a while. Then either your kid will sit in the middle and practice throw-to-the-edge-and-retrieve, or Mr. Lion will have a nap.

[acissej]

I apologize if I'm just missing something here, but I'm trying to learn as I go along. Can someone explain the difference between (gently and positively) teaching an older baby to stay on a blanket and using a backpack style harness with a toddler? While I see both as impeding their natural curiosity, I can see how both could be used for their safety.


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[DoulaClara]

A backpack style harness would usually be used in a potentially dangerous situation where a toddler could bolt, but you need to be moving (like a big zoo, or an airport, etc). It would be temporary, and a way to get them through a situation where they could disappear into a sea of legs.

Blanket training, even when done without striking or yelling, I still don't see the benefits over wearing or holding baby, or occupying them in a high chair or play yard.

[acissej]

I see what you're saying, but I'm envisioning a scenario like this...having two children (or more) close in age, like maybe two under two or three under three. The older child(ren) still need a lot of attention when out of the house. If the youngest was anything like my son, he would not be worn once he was mobile. And he moved everywhere, fast. To be able to place him on a blanket for a short time while I helped the older children on the playground, or something similar, would be a big help.




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[Tandem mama]

I use a stroller for that or my kid gets upset while I wear them :shrug

[saturnfire16]

A backpack harness is for the child's safety. Blanket training, even when done gently, is all about the parent's convenience.

It's not that it is wrong to ever have them do something that makes caring for them more convenient. But "training" a *baby* for that purpose feels icky to me.

---------- Post added at 11:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:52 PM ----------

I see what you're saying, but I'm envisioning a scenario like this...having two children (or more) close in age, like maybe two under two or three under three. The older child(ren) still need a lot of attention when out of the house. If the youngest was anything like my son, he would not be worn once he was mobile. And he moved everywhere, fast. To be able to place him on a blanket for a short time while I helped the older children on the playground, or something similar, would be a big help.




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But in order to have the baby trained to do that, you would have to spend lots of time at home doing the "training."

[klpmommy]

With R in his harness (the only of my five who really needed it more than once or twice. He wore it every time we stepped outside the front door) we could follow him and let him move around and explore, but the harness made it safer b/c he would just bolt without warning. It freed his hands more than holding mine, so he felt like he had more control over his environment. It was used in conjunction *with* him rather than against him except when he wanted to run into the street or just run away laughing. It did curb his natural instinct (to run) but it kept him safe.

[DoulaClara]

:yes Right, and rather than spending those two or so months taking time out of your day to train them to stay on the blanket for x amount of minutes, you could be wearing them on your back, or pushing them in a stroller, or even bringing them onto the playground, know what I mean? Or, you don't go to the park for a season, or you bring a friend. Honestly, as much as I would not do what Joyann is describing ever, I don't think she would ever walk away from that blanket. I think it would be very unsafe to just set a baby on a blanket at the park, and walk away to attend to another child. My youngest (10 months now) has spent the summer either in the Ergo or in a baby swing at the park. There is always another way. Don't put it on the baby to regulate their own behavior, particularly when it runs contrary to what they are supposed to be developing.

[klpmommy]

I see what you're saying, but I'm envisioning a scenario like this...having two children (or more) close in age, like maybe two under two or three under three. The older child(ren) still need a lot of attention when out of the house. If the youngest was anything like my son, he would not be worn once he was mobile. And he moved everywhere, fast. To be able to place him on a blanket for a short time while I helped the older children on the playground, or something similar, would be a big help.




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for me, the only one who really needed the harness while out (b/c he didn't want to be in the stroller, he didn't want to be worn, and he wouldn't stay close on his own) would have also NEVER in a million years stayed on a blanket for a short time, unless I beat it into him to do it. :shrug It was much better to stick him in a stroller and buckle him in so that he *couldn't* get away (he'd scream about it) or have him with me harnessed. There is no way I could trust a BLANKET to hold him. My other four- they would have stayed pretty close to me.

[Leslie_JJKs_mom]

cool! I wish I could afford to get something like that. But we can't. Again, there was *no abuse* involved in what I did.

And I didn't just 'trust a blanket' when we were at music lessons and put the child on his blanket to play. I was sitting within 2 feet of him, reading to other children, doing schoolwork with them, planning our next school week, or even reading a magazine if he was happyily entertained on the blanket. etc. If he seemed like he was hungry or needed me for something, I was right there to provide what he needed.

I would *never* put him on the blanket and go take a shower!! Yikes. I don't think I ever said that??? I would ask my older children to watch him or her, or wait until he or she was safely sleeping for the night.

Look, I understand that some don't agree, and that's ok. But we did do this not to be cruel but to be helpful to us and to our child (by providing a safe area for them to play in with what we had.) No one was upset or hurt, no yelling, shaming, or abuse was involved.

In Christ,
Joy

:hugheart I wasn't speaking to you but the pearls idea of blanket training.:hugheart I got mine dirt cheap from a co worker of DH.

[MegMarch]

Don't put it on the baby to regulate their own behavior, particularly when it runs contrary to what they are supposed to be developing.
This:yes

[jenny_islander]

A backpack style harness would usually be used in a potentially dangerous situation where a toddler could bolt, but you need to be moving (like a big zoo, or an airport, etc). It would be temporary, and a way to get them through a situation where they could disappear into a sea of legs.

Blanket training, even when done without striking or yelling, I still don't see the benefits over wearing or holding baby, or occupying them in a high chair or play yard.

For me, it was a combination of physical issues that didn't let me wear the baby much at all or hold the baby except on a nursing pillow propped on my knees, and not having room for a play yard, plus being paranoid about a high chair tipping over.

[saturnfire16]

Don't put it on the baby to regulate their own behavior, particularly when it runs contrary to what they are supposed to be developing.

Yes, this sums up the part that was feeling icky to me. Even if it is happy and fun and full of praise (and using praise to manipulate their behavior is a whole 'nother can of worms).

And Joyanne, and I'm not saying that what you did was horrible or wrong, and I DO understand that it was nothing like what the Pearls/Ezzo teaches. It is just not something I would be personally comfortable with using. :hug

[jenny_islander]

A backpack harness is for the child's safety. Blanket training, even when done gently, is all about the parent's convenience.

It's not that it is wrong to ever have them do something that makes caring for them more convenient. But "training" a *baby* for that purpose feels icky to me.

---------- Post added at 11:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:52 PM ----------



But in order to have the baby trained to do that, you would have to spend lots of time at home doing the "training."

I think you hit on another of the basic contradictions of punitive child training systems. They're sold partly as a way to make life more convenient for the parents, but you have to spend so much time systematically forcing children to do things that go right in the face of their God-given need to grow and learn.

I don't know that I could call what I did with my littles blanket "training" even in a non-punitive sense, because I just arranged stuff so that life was interesting on the blanket and I wasn't straining my back holding or carrying him/her. Besides beach and picnic use, the blanket was handy at the playground, where I could briefly put the baby down with a toy on her safe-familiar place and that would stave off panic long enough for me to go help an older child who had gotten stuck. Naturally I had to keep my forays brief--and also, we are talking about a playground you could shout across, nothing big.

ETA: And of course one has to keep in mind that at a certain age, the best way to keep a little one quiet and happy is to be out with a large group of adults who are all known to her, so that she gets to play musical knees.

[CelticJourney]

...I don't know that I could call what I did with my littles blanket "training" even in a non-punitive sense, because I just arranged stuff so that life was interesting on the blanket and I wasn't straining my back holding or carrying him/her. .....I know I wouldn't.:) Using a blanket to make a place safe for a baby and training a baby to stay in one place are vastly different things.

Originally Posted by DoulaClara
Don't put it on the baby to regulate their own behavior, particularly when it runs contrary to what they are supposed to be developing.:yes The amount of impulse control needed to do this is beyond a baby's developmental ability. There is a difference between a baby having fun things and being distracted by them VS the approach that makes a baby actually FEAR leaving the blanket.

[Codi]

The other thing to think about even if you feel like you are doing this gently is the effect that a constant "no" and redirection, especially when not necessary has on the child's development and personality.

[rjy9343]

Looking back, I remember briefly encouraging Ivy to stay on the blanket at home because we had Berber carpet in our apartment and it was really coarse. I worried she would get rug burn crawling around on it. (The real irony is I picked that place because I was afraid hard flooring would be too hard on her hands and knees when she learned to crawl and that she would get hurt when she learned to walk :doh).
Anyone who knows Ivy can tell you that last all of five minutes because she simply was not interested the nice soft blanket. Even with new to her toys. Not when there was this huge place with all the things she has been waiting to touch just sitting there for her to explore.
I gave that up after a couple of days when I saw she did not get rug burn and realized this might not have been one of my better ideas. I can still see Ivy's look of irritation as I tried to distract her. Her impatient growl was pretty funny, but it also told me that I was provoking her to anger. Not something I wanted to do. :no

[acissej]

Thank you for all the thoughtful responses.

Don't put it on the baby to regulate their own behavior, particularly when it runs contrary to what they are supposed to be developing.

I think this is the piece that wasn't clicking in my head.



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