New church and Growing Kids "God's Way"

[FarmMama]

So we have been trying to find a home church for about a year now. It has been challenging because we live in a small town. We have had some issue with most of the churches we have been too (typical stuff). There is a church about ten miles from us, and the services we have been too have been fine, nothing odd about the teaching. I found out that a friend from down the road goes there too...bonus. But when speaking to her I also found out that this church is teaching from GKGW. ugh. My initial reaction is to no longer pursue this church as a home church. I feel like I would never really be able to trust how my children were being dealt with if they were in a sunday school class or whatever. But also I don't think that we would be able to fully bond with many people if this is what they believe in. I think I am just rambling, talking things out now. I do not think my friend down the road is fully comfortable with spanking and GKGW which is good. So.......what would YOU do...keep searching? Settle there for a while and see what happens? I am praying about it of course, but am getting no real leadings either way. We have been out of fellowship for so long it would be nice to have a church family, but I don't want to jump in just because I am starved for fellowship, you know? Are any of you in the same boat...have a home church that you like but they are still preaching punitive "correction"?

[ArmsOfLove]

I would contact the church leadership and find out more information. IS this something a couple in the church has just started teaching? or is it a foundational belief about parenting? Are they aware of the controversy surrounding the program and, if not, does being made aware of it change their direction?

I'd ask the questions before writing them off :hug

[FarmMama]

That is a good idea!

[katiekind]

Ooops--cross posted with Crystal. I see we have similar thoughts on not immediately writing them off.
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I think you could visit and see how it "feels" - in case everything else is good and maybe somehow the GKGW alliance is passing and not pervasive or deep.

However, for me personally, the idea of a church offering that class leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. There are so many other options available if a church does want to offer a canned parenting program--why this one? Ugh.

It's not only the punitive-ness or the formulaic attitude, but also the basic idea of looking to Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo for parenting wisdom. I mean, why would you? They don't even have a relationship with their grown up kids. I'm sure they are able to articulate some valuable things about parenting - but something went horribly wrong in their family and I don't think they have any business being in family ministry until they get it sorted out--for their own personal good and for the good of their ministry.

If you were looking around in real life for parenting mentors, you wouldn't choose the one couple you know whose kids have cut off contact with them, no matter how charming they are.

[FarmMama]

Do you have a link that is readily available that shows that the Ezzo's are not in a relationship with their own children? I can try and google it but thought I would ask first incase you had it. I would like to read it, and have the information on hand to show the leaders in case they are unaware.

[ArmsOfLove]

I think the main site is ezzo.info and they have all sorts of things compiled there

[mamacat]

If you arent feeling led to be there would maybe speak to pastor.Could be that someone in that body had heard about it and got the class oked without pastor really knowing much about it or really endorsing it.Could also go armed with info about it.If you dont have a peace would keep looking elsewhere

---------- Post added at 08:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:10 PM ----------

Crystal said what was trying to convey

[katiekind]

The information is buried a bit in the the Timeline page at Ezzo.info. One of the entries related to the situation says:
"Jennifer and Paul Luedke (one of the Ezzos' daughters and her husband) cut off contact with her parents after much prayer, consideration and counsel, based on their personal observation of the same types of issues raised by the LHEF elders. Their hope is that the relationships will be restored following the Ezzos' repentence.
Source: emails on file from Paul Luedke, dated January 25, 2006, July 31, 2008, and June 24, 2011"


Beneath that listing are further notations that mention that the estrangement includes both of the Ezzos' daughters.

[jewelmcjem]

Our church used to have a couple that taught it, and several parents who followed it, but it wasn't a huge church thing. The minister was aware, and OK with it, but was a pretty much "parent how you feel led" sort of guy. There were other non-ezzo parenting classes available from time to time as well. It's gone now (the couple with the passion for it moved), and hardly anyone here even remembers it now.

[katiekind]

That's a great perspective to add, Jema. Some churches get really into it, in others it's more like you describe.

[CelticJourney]

One thing to keep in mind is the age of the pastor and who is teaching the class. When I first encountered Ezzo and talked to my pastor about it, he was clueless because his daughters were older. At the time Ezzo was coming to speak at my church and I made it very, very clear to him that he had literally invited controversy to the pulpit and why. Ezzo did NOT come (thanks mostly to resources I was provided by those researchers who went before me, like Katiekind :heart) but the classes continued for another season due to pressure from a few couples who wanted it.

Give the pastor an opportunity to clarify if this is a church researched and approved class or a 'whatever, do what you like, the names sounds alright' kind of class.