I wish Christians understood this :(

[Mama2MeadowRose]

*warning: very sensitive*

http://emethhesed.com/2012/06/17/how-spanking-can-cause-sexual-arousal-in-children-and-affect-them-in-adulthood/

This article is pretty self-explanatory and makes sense. But of course may Christians (not on GCM of course) would quickly dismiss this.

[Transformed]

That explains a lot :( Thank you. We've chosen not to use spanking as a punishment for our daughter and future children, and this is yet another reason not to.

[Domina]

If you believed spanking were biblically mandated, and especially if you had already done it to your children, this would be a truth so tough to face that it was a hundred times easier to deny. :sad

But it's true. It happens all the time, and it affects people's lives for years.

[WaitPatientlyOnTheLord]

I *might* be losing my mind, but I just shared this on FB. :shifty

[MaryPoppinsIAin't]

You're braver than I am... I've had enough FB drama this week to last me the year!

[racheepoo]

I don't dismiss it. Neither do I think it's true for everyone who has been spanked (as she acknowledges). So if I was still in that mindset, knowing I'd been spanked without any of those feelings resulting, it would be easy for me to dismiss the whole concept.

[Petie]

I don't dismiss it. Neither do I think it's true for everyone who has been spanked (as she acknowledges). So if I was still in that mindset, knowing I'd been spanked without any of those feelings resulting, it would be easy for me to dismiss the whole concept.

I will say, I agree with this as well as, if there is an actual study I would cite that on Facebook. With my family and friends it would have to a reliable source, not testimonials, for them to take it even a little but seriously.

[SewingGreenMama]

This is what finally convinced me to stop keeping spanking 'in reserve'. I recognized that I'm one of the adults affected in this way.
My husband doesn't hold the same conviction but I will not allow him to spank the kids because of this, no matter his opinion. If that means I am the primary disciplinarian no matter if he is home or not so be it.

[Peridot]

I don't dismiss it. Neither do I think it's true for everyone who has been spanked (as she acknowledges). So if I was still in that mindset, knowing I'd been spanked without any of those feelings resulting, it would be easy for me to dismiss the whole concept.

:yes2

For myself, I just plain old don't remember the actual spankings. I know what led up to them and I know what happened afterwards, but there is nothing in the middle.


And now I wonder if this is why...

[melliethepooh]

I shared it too. Did not go over well.

[rjy9343]

I remember reading a couple articles like that before Ivy was born and talking about them with James. He tends to think that they are hyperbole, but has conceded that there are just some chances you don't take. Given the way that is portrayed in movies both in regular cinema and adult entertainment I have to wonder how large of a segment of the population struggle with this.

[SewingGreenMama]

I remember reading a couple articles like that before Ivy was born and talking about them with James. He tends to think that they are hyperbole, but has conceded that there are just some chances you don't take. Given the way that is portrayed in movies both in regular cinema and adult entertainment I have to wonder how large of a segment of the population struggle with this.

Yeah I wonder this too, most people I know spanking is the first fetish they learn about, I know it is the first I heard of. I think it is very pervasive in our culture.

[MaySunflowers]

I didn't know about the spanking and blood flow. I've always wondered how some people could associate pain with pleasure, that pretty much explains it.

---------- Post added at 09:28 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 AM ----------

Some links with lists of studies and resources... (as I looked it up since i shared the above link on fb and surely someone will have something to say about it).


http://www.unh .edu/frl/cbb.htm (list of studies and books about corporal punishment on children and later effects)

http://www.cfw. tufts.edu/?/category/family-parenting/2/topic/discipline/27/site/family-research-laboratory/46/

[GlobalMama]

This is a public forum, but I will agree 100% that it can affect you negatively as an adult and I, unfortunately, am an example of that. Thankfully through my husband's love and understanding, I've opened myself to be loved in a tender and gentle way.

[DoulaClara]

I think there are two distinct pieces here, and that's why spanking Christians feel all smug in their spanking stance. One piece is that spanking causes increased blood flow to the genital area, heightening all nerve ending sensations, and another is the shame/ mortification/ confusion/ anger part. They go hand in hand with instances of prolonged spanking, which can cause children of parents who believe in a huge spanking to grow up with both of these distinct issues- not only the automatic arousal, but the fear-shame-rage response, which is truly the heartbreak. However, children who were never spanked can grow up with this preference in sex and be aroused anyway just by the instances of it happening around them. The difference is that it's fairly easy to say that outside of additional factors to the scenarios, the fear-shame-rage aspect is missing.

In other words, because it doesn't happen to everyone who was spanked, it's easy for them to jam their heads into the sand and acknowledge it. And when they do, it's treated as just a variance or fetishism, when really, the main problem is the fear-shame-rage aspect to ALL sex, not just S&M stuff.

Does that make sense? There isn't a logical fallacy, IOW, merely more pieces and parts.

[alexis]

I shared with the article with some spankers I know. It is probably not going to go over well. I care more about the harm they are causing their children than what they think of me.

[TenderLovingWillow]

The link didnt work for me. :scratch

[SewingGreenMama]

Alexis, I shared it on my page after reading it and praying. I've had one aunt pm me asking me to remove it because of the trigger it was for abuse in her past...I said I wouldn't but that I would change the settings so she couldn't see it, she was satisfied and we discussed boundaries for future posts as she didn't want to block me and I didn't want to be blocked from her.
Her sister commented and was harsh and rude, but so was I the first time I read a similar post while pregnant with M before even considering a different way of parenting. I am really close to my family, I don't block and unfriend easily, I prayed over her response, I was tempted to pm her and let her know that in fact she did know someone suffering as an adult because of the sexual side of spanking, but didn't feel comfortable sharing that kind of personal information as that side of my family are HORRIBLE gossips, I felt lead to leave it be, pretend like she never answered. I just hope that in the future she has a heart change.
All I can do is give information and pray. I'm different from everyone I know in real life. I'm used to being different, I'm used to having my beliefs, my thoughts, my life, and my actions picked over and ridiculed. I'm not going to flinch back now that I have tough and painful information to share because it makes people defensive and start lashing out.
Women started women's liberation movement because they were tired of being second class, children don't even have the little power and voice that women did in the beginning of the movement. We have to do the fighting for them, we have to step up and let people know that spanking is harmful and hurtful and abusive. We need to let Christians know that wanting to remove spanking as an option for disciplining children is not an attack against them, it isn't trying to deprive them of a biblical right or mandate, it is the freeing of children from fear and abuse...what we as Christians are given through Christ, Freedom from fear.

Wow, totally didn't mean for my, supposed to be short, post to become a sermon...I guess my heart had a lot to say.

[iwillhope]

Women started women's liberation movement because they were tired of being second class, children don't even have the little power and voice that women did in the beginning of the movement. We have to do the fighting for them, we have to step up and let people know that spanking is harmful and hurtful and abusive. We need to let Christians know that wanting to remove spanking as an option for disciplining children is not an attack against them, it isn't trying to deprive them of a biblical right or mandate, it is the freeing of children from fear and abuse...what we as Christians are given through Christ, Freedom from fear..

:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart

Ok...so I really want to post THAT on my fb!!! ha! I love it!

[SewingGreenMama]

:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart:heart

Ok...so I really want to post THAT on my fb!!! ha! I love it!
Feel free!:rockon I don't mind, I'd be honored! :blush
That whole post was prompted by the Holy Spirit, I can't really take credit for it. :no

[WildFlower]

I want to share your post too. It really was inspired by the holy spirit. I justs read it to my husband. It makes SO much sense.

[Virginia]

Women started women's liberation movement because they were tired of being second class, children don't even have the little power and voice that women did in the beginning of the movement. We have to do the fighting for them, we have to step up and let people know that spanking is harmful and hurtful and abusive. We need to let Christians know that wanting to remove spanking as an option for disciplining children is not an attack against them, it isn't trying to deprive them of a biblical right or mandate, it is the freeing of children from fear and abuse...what we as Christians are given through Christ, Freedom from fear.

YES YES YES! This is so beautiful; thank you for being an instrument and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through you <3

[Beautiful Chaos]

I won't overly indulge my experience, but I can say that yes, I had adverse reactions to spankings into my adult hood.:sick:shiver

[TenderLovingWillow]

I finally got to read the link. :bheart

The effects on me are so personal and run so deep, I have never shared them with anyone IRL. Some with my DH, but not even he knows the extent of it. :bheart

[NavaNessa]

I'm so, so, so thankful we are a GP household...and not just because of the extreme things that can happen, as in the article.

I can't say that issues I've struggled with regarding sexuality have stemmed from the (very few) spankings I received, but I do know that those spankings have affected me in other ways - especially one that I remember very clearly and specifically, that I had never talked about with anyone until almost 2 years ago, when it came up in a conversation and I had to address it (as well as share with my husband what had happened) - it was so difficult, and I still don't feel like the damage, the shame, is understood.
I was by no means sexually abused, and my parents are fantastic people - they thought what they were doing was right. And while they've relaxed in that area exponentially, and rarely if ever spank, they still consider it acceptable when nothing else works, or when giving options for punishment.
It breaks my heart for my 2 youngest siblings that spanking is an option. No amount of information or books or discussions make a difference, so I can only hope and pray that they'll see from our example.
That being said, I'm thankful that my siblings are in a much more relaxed environment than my older siblings and I were.

It just seems like the logical thing to do (and I'm a heart/emotions person, more than a logic/reasoning person!!) is to avoid all forms of spanking, slapping, hitting, smacking because of the minor and not so minor things that DO come from using those methods.

[JessicaGhig]

I cannot thank you enough for sharing this! This, um, explains a LOT about me and situations I've gotten my adult self into :troubled It also might explain the glee on my dad's face whenever he or my mom punished us, because he was a victim in childhood as well :cry2

I'm so grateful God is leading me to a better way and helping me break the cycle with my own children!

[MariJo7]

This is an important topic. I wonder who have seen movies or read books about those old, horrid English boarding schools for girls? I mean, books such as Jane Eyre? As horrid as those descriptions were, the physical discipline was done by whipping on the hand, by a cane, a ruler or a bush of twigs. I'm certainly not in favor of that kind of practice either, but I have been wondering where this bare-buttocks-thing comes from. The backgroud of this practise may be even unhealthier than we suppose.

---------- Post added at 11:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:27 PM ----------

And I remember reading Watchman Nee's advise on family life. He was not a GP, no way, but his advise for corporal discipline was to call the whole family together and to whip the offender on his/her hand. The others siblings were then asked to press the wound with a wet, cold clotch cool in order to ease the pain and to show compassion. I would say, that's quite weird also. But no spanking on the bare buttocks in Watchman Nee's books.

[tessiemae]

Thank you for sharing this. I actually feel a bit sick in trying to process this.

I'm so thankful that we've never spanked our children. Each person's experience is very individual, but I have to say that it has never been tough for me to stop the cycle in terms of discipline and for both my husband and I to not use any physical discipline at all with our children.

I actually think that children understand sexuality more than adults, whoever they are, might think. I was really surprised when my kids saw football on TV for the first time. They were tweens and told me that the players were "doing homo-erotic butt slapping" and "acting all confusingly macho and dominating gay at the same time." This was from kids who are pretty sheltered and had just been reading "Little House on the Prairie" before the game.

I so, so wish that our pastors would preach in favor of gentle, loving parenting and against spanking and harsh discipline.

How can a child who is hurt by his dad believe in and know an all-loving heavenly Father?

peace,
tessiemae

[LovingMummy]

I just sent this to my DH, :pray2 that it will touch his heart. He is VERY pro spanking, but if anything will touch him this will.

[SewingGreenMama]

Hopefully it will.
My hubby isn't anti spanking, but he sees what spanking did to me. and is willing to never spank the boys. (in the lines of the article above).



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[LovingMummy]

Is that your article?

[SewingGreenMama]

No it's not. It just applies to my experience.


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[LovingMummy]

Ok. Sorry to hear that. :(

[Hermana Linda]

Just noting that 2 posts were removed from this thread for admin review

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[JessicaGhig]

How can a child who is hurt by his dad believe in and know an all-loving heavenly Father?

peace,
tessiemae

Yes!