Consequences for Children

[CTK3989]

My children are 5 (6 in Nov) and 3 (4 in July) and they are causing me to :ph

I have decided to make a chore chart in hopes that it will help them listen more.
http://i39.tinypic.com/2gvk8k5.jpg

My kids have so much energy and they are constantly irritating each other and me.

What are appropriate consequences for children if they don't do a chore for the day or don't obey something that I tell them to do? Should I expect them to remember on their own to do their chores or should I remind them?

My kids will do what I say for literally 2 minutes and then they start doing whatever they want.

I've tried non-gentle discipline by giving them a pop (with my hand) on their bottom, but that no longer works. They don't care if I spank them or not.

Please help me!

[3boysforme]

:hug I am dealing with those ages too.

At this age, I am still very actively helping them do chores. There are a few they can do independently, but I always have to remind them. In fact, I still remind the 7 year old most of them time.

My kids get paid for chores, they love putting their money in the chore jars! If they refuse to do a chore, the child that picks up the slack gets the other child's money. That has worked quite well with the older two. The 3 year old does not have very many chores at this point, and he gets help for all of them.

[Kiara.I]

Well, I don't have an almost-6 yet. Still, I imagine it will take quite a bit of redirecting and making it happen on your part.

The 3-almost-4? Definitely, you're going to be walking him? her? through it.

The consequence of them not doing it is that you help them do it. :hug2 Frustrating, right? I bet you were hoping they'd be past that at this age. ;) Ah, well.

By the way, if you *expect* them to need help, then you get to be pleasantly surprised when they comply on their own. If you *expect* them to do it themselves, you get frustrated when they need help... You'll need to help them the same amount either way, but you'll be much *happier* if you set it up the first way. ;) Consider it setting yourself up for success.

[CTK3989]

Thank you both for the advice!

I don't want to reward them with money, so I'm still coming up with a reward system. Right now, they are happy with getting smiley face magnets on their chore charts.

[CelticJourney]

Mine are 17, 14 and 6 so I've btdt and this is what I would suggest: team building! I suggest you make a chore chart for the family and work together to get it done. 5 and 3yo should not be expected to remember their chores - they are still very little and they need you to help them along anyway. Team building means working together, sharing the burden and when it is all said and done builds a foundation of living and working together and removes the burden or 'chore' of maintaining the material aspects of the home.

One thing we have done in the past....still do from time to time... is a timed clean up. Set the timer for 20 minutes and just pick up and do little things. And that means EVERYONE - kids, mom, dad, heck the dog if you manage it. It's also a good tactic for commerical breaks on tv or half time of the soccer game (well, at our house :)) You would be amazed what can get done in 5-20 minutes when everyone is having fun and working together.:yes It has payoffs down the road - my girls and I can vacuum the entire house, dust and clean the bathrooms in less than an hour, leaving the guys to do other chores. Everyone works until it's done so no one feels like they have done more than the others.

[CTK3989]

Thanks for the advice!

[saturnfire16]

I find it really helpful to focus on the traits and abilities I want my children to have when they are adults.

There are a lot of adults who hate cleaning because it's something they "have to" do. It's a burden, a chore. They will either punish or reward themselves for it, but never just *do it.*

I want my children to clean because they feel better having a clean house. Because it's *intrinsically* rewarding. So I do not reward cleaning or punish for not cleaning.

I create an environment of teamwork. We all work together to get the job done. Mostly, I only ask them to pick up their own toys, but I invite their help with anything else. I also have a list of 6 jobs that they can do themselves (to some extent, mostly the 6 year old). We have an spinner from some old game that has the numbers 1-6 on it. They find it fun to spin the spinner and see which number it lands on and then do the corresponding job.


You said "I have created a chore chart in the hopes that it will help them listen more."

You've created *more* things that they need to listen to you about.

IME, that just causes more frustration. Focus more on teamwork and problem solving. Make less things they need to listen to you about, and then when you DO have something important to say, you'll have the energy to follow through and they will take it seriously.

[katiekind]

A nice cleanup strategy -- and a helpful attitude -- is outlined in this lovely post at "A Holy Experience" (a blog). I really loved the way the momma weaves a scripture into this post, too. http://www.aholyexperience.com/2008/08/how-to-parent-just-guide-gently/

[CTK3989]

Thank you both so much for the help!! I really appreciate it.

[Codi]

:hug I have a 6.5 and 3.5 and the constant nagging on my part, and NON COMPLIANCE on theirs has been making me ABSOLUTELY crazy for the last few months. And the bickering between the two is even worse! So I get it. :hug

What we have recently started (and by recent I mean like, just on Monday!) set daily "chores." I got three cups. One with Big A's name on it, one with little A's name on it, and one that says done. They each have colored popsicle sticks in their cups. And each stick has a "chore" on it. They say things like toys (all toys off the middle floor to their room), laundry (all laundry from rooms down to me), crafts (pick up crafting mess, since there is ALWAYS a crafting mess in the dining room :giggle ), school (we homeschool), stairs (toys off stairs that were set there to take up later), ds has one that says recycling, dd has one that says fish (feed fish). Once they complete an item, they move their stick to the "done" cup.

Once their sticks are all in the done cup, they get to use their TV TOKEN that I give them each morning (good for one tv show).

I don't want to pay my children for chores because they are part of the family and there are just certain things all members need to do. I give them their token first thing in the morning. It is not contingent on anything, it is just something they get. BUT...they may not use it until all their work is done. It goes along the idea that we work hard, we play hard. Once our work is done, we get to relax.

And can I just say WOW! My house has been so neat and tidy all week! Im no longer fighting them to clean up all day long! :woohoo Im not nagging them to get stuff done, they KNOW what needs to be done (their sticks are a great visual) and the only time I remind them is when they ask to use their tv token. "As soon as all your sticks are moved you can use it!" Dd is bringing me sticks constantly saying, "What does this one say?" and after I tell her she runs off to get it done. An you know what? Busy kids have less time to whine, complain and bicker too! :rockon

The key here though, is that the "chores" are small. Things I KNOW they will be successful at, and nothing TOO difficult. As they master certain things, I will add more. But I want to set everyone up for success. Also, I need to check their job before they move their stick. If it's not done properly, I will direct them... "Oops! You forgot those scraps and that marker on the floor." This will repeat until they are done. These ages very much still need a LOT of direction. :yes A 2 minute attention span is normal. :hug

There are no punishments for a job not done. :no Their motivation is to get to relax in a nice clean house and they get to use their token to watch a show! (The ONLY tv they get to watch daily) Added bonus? When one is watchign their show, the other gets to as well...so one will help the other finish to get to watch their show with them too. :tu

Well that was long. :giggle Hope that helps with some ideas!