How to handle a Velcro preschooler

[Tandem mama]

I feel like I should enjoy the fact that my little girl enjoys being with me. And I do. I really really do. I love that I'm her best friend and I love that she adores me and wants to be just like me.

But I wish she would get out of my space once in a while!!! :bag

She spends most of her day touching me. I have to BEG her to get out from behind me on the couch and just sit next to me holding hands or with my arm around her. I have to move her out from under me all night long. She is uncomfortably close like she's trying to climb inside of me.

Then there is the frustration of her new fears. I don't know if she is really afraid of being alone as she claims but do I really have to go to the bathroom with her? Does she really need to sit this close? She's not any more alone if she's holding my hand 1/2" from me.

I'm really touched out and frustrated about this need to be *on* me all day.

:help

[Niphredil]

I've never had a velco preschooler, at least to that extent, but, oy, that would make me a crazy mama! :hug2

I think, if it were me, I'd start insisting on small separations. Itsy steps at a time. Like, she may wait outside the bathroom, with the door open, while you are in there. And then you can talk her through it, I'm safe, you're safe, I'm not going anywhere.

We have a rule that when mama is sitting in a certain chair that you need to be invited up. Cause dude. :shifty I'm not a jungle gym. :no I mean, obviously, that's a ways out for you. ;)

Has it gotten worse lately? I've found on a few occasions when my preschooler is pulling in more, acting smaller that she's ready for new, bigger boundaries. That seems totally counter intuitive to me, but it's definitely held true.

[Tandem mama]

Yes, it is relatively recent. Over the last month. No big changes or traumas. She claims she is afraid of things. She does have a big imagination.

She's ok if we have people over for he to play with. Otherwise she's stuck to me like Velcro. This morning I went to the trash to throw something away and she was so close that when I turned around she fell over. :-/

I wonder if giving her chores would help. Is 4 old enough for some basic chores? She dusts but anything else (like picking up toys) results in crying and whining when I ask.

[Niphredil]

My four year old has three pre breakfast chores and three post dinner chores. My three year old is just graduating from one chore to two chores. Definitely not to young, IME. I can give you their lists, if you'd like.

We had a lot of fears pop up at four, but we also had a lot of success talking through them, a lot of real life scenarios. It helped her to know if there was a fire (or whatever) that we have XYZ steps in place, and everyone would be okay. So you might try to dig a little deeper and see if she can't put some more names on those feelings and help her work to resolve it a bit. :hug

[Tandem mama]

She is afraid that Satan thinks he is God and is going to turn everyone evil so they'll kill her.
She's afraid there are ghosts in the shower.
She is afraid lions are going to eat our friends who are in Africa.
She is afraid that bad guys are hiding in the toilet to jump out and kill her.
She is afraid that monsters are in the hallway waiting to eat her.
She is afraid that Satan is behind all these creatures wanting to eat/kill those she loves. She is pretty sure he is hiding behind everything and won't move without me helping her basically 90% of the day.

To be fair, when I was 6-9 I was afraid Satan was going to reach through the ground, my floor, and my mattress and rip my heart out so I didn't sleep much. When I did sleep it was on top of a pillow (because that would protect me :shrug :scratch) I also kept a lot of stuff under my bed. If it wasn't Satan who was going to do that, then it was a bad guy with a gun who would shoot through my window and kill me in my sleep so I lined up stuffed animals along the window (again, thought this was protecting me). I also was pretty sure I'd be killed at school. By someone with a gun. Or I'd be paralyzed by a potato gun. My mom let me watch picket fences and kindergarten cop and ghost when I was 5-7.


So I think she might truly be fearful due to her big imagination. Um...wow now that I just drew that connection and recalled my fears from my youth, I feel awful for getting frustrated with her. :cry

So that's why she won't leave my side. She's terrified.

So far we've prayed and read Bible stories.

How do I help her not to fear Satan? I've told her God is stronger and that prayer will protect her. She doesn't believe that.

[WildFlower]

does she watch much tv? It sounds like it is her big imagination and she doesn't know what reallly can happen and what really isn't likely. :hug2 This sounds so rough. I can only imagine a preschooler being that close/clingy as my toddler has always been clingy.

[Tandem mama]

She watches up to 1.5 hours a day, generally not more and Only cartoons. Not that it can't cause issues still, but we are very careful about it. Once a week she watches more than that.

I really need her to watch it, though because I haven't been able to find any other way to keep her quiet and occupied while I put her sister down for a nap.

We've had success with some of this since I realized the source. It's helped me to be better able to be patient and nurturing through it