When does "I don't want to" stop sounding reasonable?

[Sonata]

My son is 3 and very verbal, and he often explains "I don't want to do dat" or "I don't like dat" as a calm and reasonable excuse for refusing to do things. You know, important things, or safety related things, or things we do every single day. Then, when he still has to do them, "I DON'T LIKE THAT!!!" becomes more urgent, as though we just misunderstood the first time. I tell him that grown-ups do things all the time that we don't like to do, we have to do..... I know perfectly well this doesn't mean much to him, but I have to say SOMETHING!

I know 3 is quite young to process this, but then the other day my 9-year-old student explained that he hadn't followed my practice instructions because "I don't like practicing with the metronome." Not as an excuse, but as a perfectly logical reason. I was kind of :hunh ?!

So at what age do they start to figure out that there are other reasons to do things other than what they LIKE to do? Or that there is a benefit to just sticking to it? Or that you slog through the rough to get to the fun parts? Or something like that?!!

[GraemesMomma]

I guess I don't have that 100% figured out. :bag

I don't want to go to bed early sometimes (even though I should). I don't want to do the dishes, so I don't :shrug3

That's a VERY 3 thing, too :yes Don't waste too much breath explaining. Just make it happen. He's not going to change his ways bc you explain to him that adults do ____ :shrug3 It takes maturity to see that sometimes, even though you don't want to, it's better to. And even then, we may not choose it :giggle

[swimming with sharks]

:shrug3 There are still things I avoid doing because I don't like doing and I'm 38. :shifty :giggle Normally, I say Yeah, I don't want to do a lot of things either, but we've got to. So can you do it, or do you need help then we do it. :yes

[forty-two]

I just say, "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do - I know it's no fun :hugheart" :shrug3.

And I do try to minimize "don't wanna but hafta" :lol stuff as much as possible for everyone :yes - I make an effort to figure out a win-win solution as much as I possibly can. Because I don't like doing stuff I don't want to do, either :no (and mostly I don't :shifty - I work hard to arrange life so that there's very little I must do that I really don't want to do).

[GraemesMomma]

I just say, "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do - I know it's no fun :hugheart" :shrug3.

And I do try to minimize "don't wanna but hafta" :lol stuff as much as possible for everyone :yes - I make an effort to figure out a win-win solution as much as I possibly can. Because I don't like doing stuff I don't want to do, either :no (and mostly I don't :shifty - I work hard to arrange life so that there's very little I must do that I really don't want to do).

Especially :heart the last sentence. :yes I must needs learn this skill :lol

(And now back to the thread...)

[NeshamaMama]

I care for a 3 y/o during the day and he hits me with this one sometimes too, it's drives me crazy. :crazy I just guide his body into doing it IMMEDIATELY while calmly/firmly saying, "We must do it anyway." After whatever it is has been completed I actually do take some time to explain, "I know you don't always like certain things or want to do something right now, but when I ask you to do something, you must do it right away, even though it's hard to feel like you'd rather not. I have to do things that I don't like to do, I know that it's hard, but it's part of getting bigger. So next time I say to [insert original request here], what should you do?"
He knows and tells me what he should do, and I leave it with a big, positive "That's RIGHT! You must do it right away, just like I helped your body do a minute ago! I know you can do it next time. :)" Whether or not it's typical, the "review" afterward has absolutely helped in our case and the incidence has gone way, way down.

[Sonata]

Just to clarify, I'm not having problems with Ds about this. I know it's totally normal behavior and we're doing fine in the day-to-day. Just after my student echoed DS's normal complaints (almost word-for-word!) I kind of thought Really? Do we have this long to go? Is this something that they don't figure out until the brain developments in the early teens?

When do they develop the ability to do the self-talk to explain to themselves that they just have to get through the task (or follow a teacher's directions, etc), without us moms walking them through every time?