Eliminating tv whining by limiting tv

[tigerlily]

I'm so sick of whining about tv!:ph

What I'm looking for is people who have limited tv successfully -- I don't want to just start another "great idea", just to fall away from doing it, to the point it makes no difference that we started it in the first place (ideas like this would include anything that had to do with a chart or instigating a way to get kids to do their chores, etc.). :shifty

So, here's my idea (if it's just going to be another like what I mentioned aboe that I want to avoid, please tell me).

Limit tv viewing time to a certain number of hours a week. Possibly breaking that down for them in a more concrete way of either short shows or movie length shows.:think When the tickets or tokens or hours or whatever are used up for the week, no more tv.

Probably the biggest obstacle to this plan (or any of my "great ideas") is me.:shifty Yes, I am the biggest reason these plans fail. The likely casues of failure for this plan is that I like to have the option to watch a movie together (very rarely) or (more likely) catch Wipeout on Saturday night or Amazing Race with Daddy on Sunday. Or just a random educational show during the week or sanity break for overwrought mommy.

So how can I work in a few exceptions without scrapping the plan? OR is there some method/plan you've tried that has worked miraculously well?

A little revelation I just had as my dd1 walked through the house, asked if she could have a show, I answered no and she whined her standard "you always say no, you never let us have a show!" :rolleyes
It really isn't much different that partners with differing libidos. One with high libido thinks they never get enough, one with low libido feels like they are doing it all.the.time.

[Aerynne]

We don't own a tv. That works really well because my kids don't whine for tv because I really would ALWAYS say no if they asked, which they don't. So I would say that is a very good plan for avoiding tv whining, and I've kept it up for many years. I think allowing any can easily lead to backsliding. It's easier to do none at all.

[tigerlily]

I agree that eliminating tv would solve the problem, I don't feel that dh would be agreeable to that though.:no

To further throw a monkey wrench in it, what considerations do I need to make for 2 viewing children. Do they each get their own set of tokens or just one set for the 2 o them, since all viewing is done simultaneously.? And how do we avoid the dreaded "It's not Fair!" :giggle

[Aerynne]

I agree that eliminating tv would solve the problem, I don't feel that dh would be agreeable to that though.:no



What about just having it off while dh is at work? Does dh want to watch his own shows or does he actually want the kids to be able to watch? We watch hulu occasionally on the computer after the kids are in bed.

[ReadingMommy]

When we were WAY overdoing the TV, I too found that I was really the one at fault. I was using it as a crutch to get a break, and then once it was on, it would just stay on and on and on. :shifty A couple weeks ago, I unplugged everything and stuck the TV in an out-of-the-way place. The plan was to live without it for a month or so before we made the decision to pitch it or not. (Our tv is nothing special, however, it's one of those big boxy ones we bought when we were first married! We also don't pay for cable, so there's not much to miss.)

It only took a day or two for the kids to stop asking about it. Yay! We still do netflix shows for the kids, and DH and I watch hulu stuff at night after they are in bed. I like, though, that it's easier to limit the netflix for them. I can say ONE SHOW or two shows, or however long I think is appropriate, and then we're done. No commercials and no more shows automatically starting to keep them glued to the screen! If you wanted to keep the tv as an option, could you let them each pick their favorite show(s) during the day/week and limit it to those?

[tigerlily]

Honestly, I don't mind tv viewing. I just hate the whining.:yes

So I mentioned the idea of tokens to the girls and my oldest went nuts devising a plan. We agreed on tokens being worth 30 minutes of tv time each (approx). So, 1 token for a short show, or 3 tokens for a whole dvd/movie. Additionally, if they want their Saturday "show morning" they'll have to budget for that. This is a short week, since we started in the middle of the week, so they'll actually have extra tokens this week.

Alright, time to instill in myself some adult self-control and not foil my own plan.:nails :O

---------- Post added at 01:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:36 PM ----------

We actually don't watch tv, usually a Netflix show or a DVD. We don't have cable anymore so that isn't a problem and the only tv that gets local stations is in my bedroom. The girls usually use the big tv downstairs

What the problem is, is that I usually just let them pick show after show or watch the whole dvd -- so 1 1/2 to 2 hours at a time and they expect this everyday. (although they certainly don't get it everyday). My goal is to help them learn to budget their tv time, and to provide oppurtunities to go without tv for a day or two at a time with no fussing. I prefer to not allow a lot of tv viewing during the school week -- the focus should be learning or playing. During the weekend, I'm cool with a few more shows to unwind with. I like to unwind with shows now and then, too. ;)

I just thought of another foil to my plan. When I exercise they come with me and the babysitting is mostly just letting the kids watch an hour of tv. I'm not sure how to consider that in their time.:think

[forty-two]

I'm the problem here, too :shifty. And I can't say we limit it all that much :bag (certainly not as much as I'd like :sigh). And since I am the problem, the solution must solve *my* core issue, and not just attempt to treat the symptoms of kid whining :yes;). There's a *reason* I give into the kid whining, and unless my solution addresses that reason, the limit's going to be DOA :doh.

For me, the reason is, sadly, that it is easier to do what I want to do when they are watching TV :bag.

We have one hard and fast limit - no TV (and by this I actually mean TV-substitute, b/c we do no broadcast/cable, but do DVDs, Netflix, and Youtube, which is totally "TV" in my book :yes, although blessedly minus commercials :phew) until after lunch/quiet-time, which we've done since I was pg with A. It is much easier to not turn it on than it is to turn it off :yes, plus I'm at my best in the morning. First establishing it was hard, but our day went so much better when I stuck it out that it kept me motivated. Plus my ability to actually *do* stuff was v v v low, but *not* turning on the TV was at least within the realm of possibility, so it gave me a big sense of accomplishment to succeed in keeping it off till after lunch. And now it is a given - there're no complaints about it.

I've been now trying to find a part of our routine to hang turning it *off* on (b/c we are very hit or miss there :bag) - hit a natural stopping point, make it less "turning off the TV" and more "go do something else" - cuts down on the difficulty (from both them and me :shifty). Since my problem is ease of doing my stuff while they are watching TV (in the living room), it's helping a lot to find things I want to do that I can do while watching them outside or in the basement. Then we're *all* enjoying our time, it's not a matter of me being a martyr for the good of the family (b/c I don't do martyr well :no - doing *anything* I don't truly want to do at some level just doesn't happen :shrug).

Basically, I'm trying to find activities to replace TV watching that still provide the same reward that TV watching does - that's the key to successful habit changing :yes.

(The token thing would *never* work for me - I would get no "reward" from holding the line - I would just resent the heck out of the inflexibility - and would chuck it all posthaste :shrug. But I hate stuff like that in general - I like my days, and rules, to flow naturally and organically. So I put a lot of work in on the front end, to create the necessary conditions so that we naturally fall into a beneficial routine with the least amount of effort :tu. But if you like token things in general, it might work well for you :shrug3. ETA: I think the key is if you'd *like* to be able to point to the tokens as the cause of no more TV - don't whine to me, whine to the tokens :giggle - or if *you'd* be just as frustrated with the stupid inflexible tokens as they'd be :shifty.)

ETA: I will say that serious overuse/unrestricted watching (after lunch) for longer than I care to admit has indeed broke TV of much of its power :shifty:shrug3 - they often quit watching for a while on their own accord :jawdrop, and are always game for another activity if I make it happen. We still watch too much, but they aren't hooked like they used to be :phew.

[Niphredil]

We watch movie at rest time (AKA mommy sanity time. No one rests anymore. I can hear them climbing and playing in there.) and that's all the TV for the day. It's usually about 1:30 -3:00 but sometime mommy puts on another show. :shifty We alternate days to pick and on the odd day I pick.

People who whine about about their siblings choice of show have the option to stop or sit in the laundry closet with a book to read until they stop.

[tigerlily]

I've definitely learned the "no tv in the morning" lesson,and I love it.:yes But, even though they know that there is no tv on weekday mornings they still run into my room every morning and ask if they can watch t.v. :doh I say no, they whine briefly and then run off and draw or make up a game or generally playy really creatively.

I'm not looking forward to the first moment the tokens run out and they are wanting to watch tv.:no That's the beauty and the curse of natural consequences though, I suppose.;)

[Niphredil]

Is DH home one the weekends, is that what makes it different? Do you something new you could sub for weekend morning routines? :think

[tigerlily]

Lindsay -- that's been our default up till now, too. Mostly it's changing, because since they are more school -age, I feel like they need to spend their afternoon time either learning or playing (or reading, etc).

At this point, I don't feel comfortable with the idea that we default to shows anymore, which is why I'm seeking alternatives.:yes

[forty-two]

I've definitely learned the "no tv in the morning" lesson,and I love it. But, even though they know that there is no tv on weekday mornings they still run into my room every morning and ask if they can watch t.v. I say no, they whine briefly and then run off and draw or make up a game or generally playy really creatively.
Eh, brief whining that subsides on it's own into good playing :tu doesn't register much:shrug3.

I'm not looking forward to the first moment the tokens run out and they are wanting to watch tv.:no That's the beauty and the curse of natural consequences though, I suppose.;)
See, that's less "natural consequence" and more "logical consequence" to me :shrug3. *I* gave them a set amount of tokens that corresponded with how much TV watching *I* thought was appropriate - I'm not letting the natural consequence of their watching as much TV as they want happen b/c I want to protect them from it. And I'm choosing to use a token system to enforce it. But the token system isn't a law of nature - I could change it any time, in any way, if I wanted to.

(And this is why I don't use token systems - anything not an unbreakable law of nature or backed up with more force than I can surmount is negotiable - a system to be gamed in order to do what I *really* want :shifty. I only hold to my own plans if they reflect what I *really* want - otherwise, what's the point? The whole point of plans are to get you to where you want to be - if you don't want to be there anymore, than it's kind of silly to keep going :shrug3.)

---------- Post added at 02:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:15 PM ----------

I don't want to rain on your token parade :hug. I just know that, while I could use a token system to help with dc whining - i.e. it's to help *them* deal with the tv limit - there is just no way it would work in helping *me* uphold the limit :no. Relying on a system *I* designed to keep *me* in line :doh - I'd game that sucker in a New York minute :shifty.

But it actually works for my mom :scratch, as unfathomable as that is to me :shrug3. Do you usually follow your own plans well, do they generally work as accountability for you?

---------- Post added at 02:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:29 PM ----------

Anyway, if I'm reading you right, your core problem isn't the amount of TV watching to allow (you're solid there), but that you can't hack whining and so go against your better judgement re: tv watching to stop the whining. So you need a plan that either lowers the amount of whining or raises your ability to stand firm in the face of whining. Is that right?

Are you hoping the token system will sharply reduce whining? Or that being able to point to the tokens (and their own choices) as the final arbiter of yes/no wrt TV will take the pressure off *you* and make it easier to stand firm - the whining isn't to *you*, but to the *tokens*, an impartial third-party we can all blame together :giggle? Both?

ETA: The key to whether it's likely to work is whether the token system is targeted toward solving whatever your key issue is, and not just a symptom.

[Jenny]

I could have written the OP. In fact, we just started a token system (um, again :doh ) and it promptly went out the window when a stomach bug went through the family. :doh
Posted via Mobile Device

[tigerlily]

--------- Post added at 02:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:15 PM ----------

I don't want to rain on your token parade . I just know that, while I could use a token system to help with dc whining -i.e. it's to help *them* deal with the tv limit - there is just no way it would work in helping *me* uphold the limit . Relying on a system *I* designed to keep *me* in line - I'd game that sucker in a New York minute .

well, I guess I see it as them having a visual, concrete way to see what the limit is and a chance for me to give up my self-indulgence and be a better parent. Normally, these systems don't work for me -- hence asking for other ideas, but something is going to have to change if I'm going to find ways for both me and my children to succeed at this.:shrug3

Also, this will give them a much-needed opportunity for them to practice budgeting and self-control.

---------- Post added at 04:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:59 PM ----------

I could have written the OP. In fact, we just started a token system (um, again :doh ) and it promptly went out the window when a stomach bug went through the family. :doh
Posted via Mobile Device

Yeah, that was my concern, too. What to do when the abnormal strikes (like next week on spring break when we go to visit the in-laws).

My plan is to work the plan on normal weeks and to stretch myself when it's just my discomfort that makes me want to give in. If we're dealing with something like sickness, then I'm going to extend grace to myself and allow a bit extra. The tough part is picking the plan back up afterward.

[MaybeGracie]

The whining stopped the day I instituted a "no TV except on Fridays" rule. Most Fridays he forgets anyway. When he remembers, he either watches a movie in the afternoon or we have a family movie night in the evening. Before the rule, it was all day, every day, "can I watch a movie pleeeeeeeease?"

[saturnfire16]

I know this probably isn't exactly what you are looking for, but we don't have tv whining here because we don't have rules about the tv. :)

It's one of many interesting options of things to do and they treat it as such. :shrug3

But it would take time to get there with previous tv control. :yes Let me know if you're interested in that info, otherwise I'll leave the thread to the no-tv moms. :)

[MomtoJGJ]

We don't have much more than the standard whining that I'd get with any answer I give to any question at this point. My 7yo is just whiny in general, I have a 5yo (which I've found to be insanely whiny at best, and this 5yo is my easiest one!), an almost 3yo and an almost 9yo :shifty So we get lots of whining and complaining daily....

Anyway, they are allowed to watch tv until I tell them to turn off the tv, but it's the one in the playroom, and downstairs doesn't come on until everything is done and dh is napping. We do kotd, so kotd picks the show/movie downstairs to watch when it is time. THen when it's over, tv goes off until DH turns it back on after lunch whenever I'm upstairs in the tub to play Wii with them.

Really though, even with the fairly liberal tv viewing we have, there is only one of mine who would watch 100% of the time.

[ReadingMommy]

The whining annoys the heck out of me as well! With some things, it really seems that if you give a little, they always be trying to take the whole cake. For instance, if I keep a bottle of chocolate syrup in the fridge my son will constantly be taking it out trying to eat it. I finally just threw it away because I was tired of it being an issue:shrug3 Some "issues" are worth the battle, and some aren't. I also stopped buying certain food items that always became a "whining issue", and often when I buy treats I get just enough for one serving and then they're gone. There are certain things my children lack self-control in that I just don't want to have to police all the time. So all that to say, I'm not looking forward to media becoming more and more of an issue as my children get older. Right now they're still easy to re-direct and can't start netflix shows by themselves. (Although they could turn on the TV by themselves, and that's when I got "done" with it because it became a policing issue I'd rather not mess with!) I hope you find something that works for you that gives your kids the defined boundaries they need and you the relief from whining. I'm watching for good ideas for as my kids get older:yes

[Castle On A Cloud]

bbl

[PDX Mommy]

I will answer even though I'm overdoing it today. :bag I try to avoid turning it on in the morning, too. And then I usually don't feel the *need* to have it on in the afternoon except for maybe one movie or something if I need to make dinner or just need a break (which I don't normally need after nap/quiet time). My kids are still little enough that they don't ask so much for TV but they will ask for DVDs, so I'm trying to think of a way to keep the DVDs out of reach (for littles) but still easily accessible for me. :think

[staceylayne]

It has helped the whining a lot here for me to specify times for TV watching. Right now "the time" is 5:30. At that time I have to drag them in from outside so I can make some dinner, everyone is cranky and it just helps me survive until Daddy is home. :) It helps them to know when to expect a show. We do KOTD so that determines who chooses the show. We'll occasionally have a special movie night or something...but that is a treat at parental discretion. (I'm still working on how to budget "screen time" overall...but progress is being made. Nice weather has helped. :yes)

Growing up, my mom did a token system for TV in the summer time (we didn't typically watch TV weekdays during the school year). We each had our own color of marbles and one marble = 30 minutes of TV. We could cash in unused marbles for a quarter a piece at the end of the week. We could watch a show "purchased" with a sibling's marble...but the purchaser had the power to choose. I remember my sister and I working together, combining marbles and bargaining over which movie to watch (Follow The Bird or The Muppet Movie were two of our favorite at the time :)). In my memory it worked alright...Mom might remember differently. I do remember planning for the weekend and trying to budget my marbles carefully.

[tigerlily]

The whining annoys the heck out of me as well! With some things, it really seems that if you give a little, they always be trying to take the whole cake. For instance, if I keep a bottle of chocolate syrup in the fridge my son will constantly be taking it out trying to eat it. I finally just threw it away because I was tired of it being an issue:shrug3 Some "issues" are worth the battle, and some aren't. I also stopped buying certain food items that always became a "whining issue", and often when I buy treats I get just enough for one serving and then they're gone. There are certain things my children lack self-control in that I just don't want to have to police all the time. So all that to say, I'm not looking forward to media becoming more and more of an issue as my children get older. Right now they're still easy to re-direct and can't start netflix shows by themselves. (Although they could turn on the TV by themselves, and that's when I got "done" with it because it became a policing issue I'd rather not mess with!) I hope you find something that works for you that gives your kids the defined boundaries they need and you the relief from whining. I'm watching for good ideas for as my kids get older:yes
Yes, exactly!
The problem is here, I'm still having to toss the bottle of chocolate syrup b/c the 7 yo can't control herself. I can't have candy/treats anywhere in the kitchen b/c she'll snoop till she finds them, then take them. I'm working on this with her, but it's a huge struggle right now. :sigh

I love the idea of cashing out at the end of the week.:tu Right now the tokens are communal, so they'll have to share anyway.

I have heard of the idea of no-limits to teach self-limiting, but I think I'm a bit too much of a control freak for that. :shifty

[saturnfire16]

I have heard of the idea of no-limits to teach self-limiting, but I think I'm a bit too much of a control freak for that. :shifty

It's not no limits to teach self-limiting. At least not here. :no It's limits based on principles instead of rules, real-world limits (the budget, sharing with everyone, etc) instead of arbitrary limits.

And it's not to "teach" them self-limiting. It's to give the opportunity to practice making choices, so when they are adults they know how to make choices.

I don't want my kids to create arbitrary limits for themselves and then learn how to enforce the rules on themselves. :no I want them to see all the options available and make choices based on taking into account a variety of factors. That takes practices and some trial and error. I'm here to provide the practice in safe and small ways when they are young so the trial and error isn't so big when they are older.

[thrillofhope]

Emily, that's really interesting.

I'm not feeling well today, so the TV is on :shifty, *but* I've figured out that she usually only whines for a minute or two and then goes on about her playing if I stay very firm and just say, "Nope. No TV." I try to give myself grace about it, though. She's allowed to watch Sesame Street while I make lunch, do homework, clean, etc. That hour buys me some time to get things done. She can tell when I'm not serious about my "no" though. Like today, I don't feel good enough to be firm, and she can read that and whined until I turned it on. Normally a "no" is enough to stop the whining and lead her to something more creative.

[tigerlily]

Update:

In 2 days they've already used up about 1/2 of their tokens. They've already planned that they are not going to watch tv tomorrow, so they can watch Saturday morning.

For now this seems to be working. I like that they are planning how to use their time and they are excited and taking ownership. There has been no whining or begging to watch tv today. We'll have to see if they take responsibility for their decisions the first time they run out of tokens before they expect to.:nails

Emily, you said it's not no-rules? Then what is it? I'd be interested to hear a little more.

[joysworld]

We don't own a tv. That works really well because my kids don't whine for tv because I really would ALWAYS say no if they asked, which they don't. So I would say that is a very good plan for avoiding tv whining, and I've kept it up for many years. I think allowing any can easily lead to backsliding. It's easier to do none at all.

I would LOVE to get rid of our tv's, but dh is an electronic lover :/

I tried to limit tv a few weeks ago, then had a few bad days, and it was back on again. Then we had this week:) The tv has hardly been on. They can watch it in the morning until I get up and going, then it goes off. The tv can come on again, after our afternoon reading time, which is about one. It can stay on till 2.30 ish, then it's off till after they are asleep. I really am amazed at how much the whining has decreased. For me, it has helped to have a set schedule for our day. That way, they know what to expect and when. So I don't hear 'can I watch tv' allllll day, because they know that there is time set aside just for that. I've also been going outside with them. That seems to be a HUGE help. They don't need me to really play with them, but just being out there with them encourages them to stay out there. Before, I just sent them out to play by themself. They would stay for a bit, and then come back in whining. But with me out there, they are content to stay outside and play.

[allisonintx]

We've done "no rules" and that didn't work for us, because the commercial TV was, um, obviously an inappropriate behavior instigator. I have noticed that DIY, HGTV, How It's Made type things, Food Network and other informative shows do not have hte same effect. They can watch those together all day long and we get no disrespectful behavior out of them. We learned this during the summer when it was 130 outside and 85+ inside with the air running full blast. It was too hot to do anything else.

[saturnfire16]

Emily, you said it's not no-rules? Then what is it? I'd be interested to hear a little more.

It is no rules. :yes It's not no limits. ;)

I'm not God, so I can't create a limitless life. :no There are realities to deal with that create natural limits- we can't afford cable, so we have netflix. Netflix only has certain shows streaming and other things they have to wait for them to come in the mail. Then we only get one at a time, so we all take turns. We have two tvs, but only one hooked up to streaming netflix, so that limits what they can watch on the other one. The one with netflix uses the same cord for the internet as our computer. So we take turns with the internet on the computer and on the tv.

These are limits that are created because of the realities of life, NOT limits I impose based on some arbitrary rule about the number of hours a day they should watch. I try to *expand* the limits, so if I could afford cable and my family wanted it, we would get it. :yes

We don't have rules about sharing the tv (number of hours each, limits on hours per day, etc.), but we have principles.

Tv is just one interesting thing to do in our home and it is given no more power than anything else. When you control and restrict something, it gives it power- it's the supply and demand of economics. ;) They have toys, games, movies, crafts, paints, the bath, bike, skateboard, tv. All options available to them at any time, unless aforementioned limits of reality apply. They choose what they want to do.

I do offer ideas, suggestions, and get them started with things if they seem bored. :yes

[joysworld]

It is no rules. :yes It's not no limits. ;)

I'm not God, so I can't create a limitless life. :no There are realities to deal with that create natural limits- we can't afford cable, so we have netflix. Netflix only has certain shows streaming and other things they have to wait for them to come in the mail. Then we only get one at a time, so we all take turns. We have two tvs, but only one hooked up to streaming netflix, so that limits what they can watch on the other one. The one with netflix uses the same cord for the internet as our computer. So we take turns with the internet on the computer and on the tv.

These are limits that are created because of the realities of life, NOT limits I impose based on some arbitrary rule about the number of hours a day they should watch. I try to *expand* the limits, so if I could afford cable and my family wanted it, we would get it. :yes

We don't have rules about sharing the tv (number of hours each, limits on hours per day, etc.), but we have principles.

Tv is just one interesting thing to do in our home and it is given no more power than anything else. When you control and restrict something, it gives it power- it's the supply and demand of economics. ;) They have toys, games, movies, crafts, paints, the bath, bike, skateboard, tv. All options available to them at any time, unless aforementioned limits of reality apply. They choose what they want to do.

I do offer ideas, suggestions, and get them started with things if they seem bored. :yes


So if they want to watch netflix all day, everyday, then they do?

[saturnfire16]

So if they want to watch netflix all day, everyday, then they do?

In theory, but they never do. Not even close.

[joysworld]

In theory, but they never do. Not even close.

That doesn't happen hear. We had no tv rules for a while, just because I had other things in life to deal with besides tv. They would watch tv all day, every day. It would be nice if that wasn't an issue though:)

[saturnfire16]

That doesn't happen hear. We had no tv rules for a while, just because I had other things in life to deal with besides tv. They would watch tv all day, every day. It would be nice if that wasn't an issue though:)


It was an issue with my oldest when we had rules about tv. :yes Every time I let her, she was glued to it. I had EVERY argument about the tv being an evil brain sucking device and said that she'd do it all day every day if I let her.

Then I started letting her. ;) And started enjoying it with her and enjoying her enjoyment of it. I started seeing that it, like everything, can be used for learning.

She went through a phase of watching a LOT of tv. Then it lost it's power. And now it's just one option among many. With my middle child, tv has just always been there, always an option and she's never gone through that phase.

There are times with both of them that they watch more than other times when they watch practically none. It ebbs and flows, just like many other things. But it isn't any more important than any other option.

Now I need to get off the computer because my kids want me to read them a book. :)

[tofufoofoo]

We have no rules about TV right now, but we only have Netflix upstairs on our Wii (that doesn't work besides the Netflix :giggle). I will say no if it is time to eat, or if we have somewhere to get ready to go to, or I will distract. DD1 :heartLOVES:heart tv :dohIt drives me nuts.

We are cancelling our cable as soon as the contract runs out, and I wouldn't let her watch commercials (so any un-DVR'd tv) alone. She watches probably one show a day on average but sometimes lots more.

I've gotten advice- let her choose how much she watches, let her choose what she wants to eat at the store. She would choose to watch it all day, and pick lots of junk (that we can't afford anyway) at the store. She isn't forbidden and never was forbidden from these things so I am so disappointed/confused why that theory doesn't work for us:(

[saturnfire16]

We have no rules about TV right now, but we only have Netflix upstairs on our Wii (that doesn't work besides the Netflix :giggle). I will say no if it is time to eat, or if we have somewhere to get ready to go to, or I will distract. DD1 :heartLOVES:heart tv :dohIt drives me nuts.

We are cancelling our cable as soon as the contract runs out, and I wouldn't let her watch commercials (so any un-DVR'd tv) alone. She watches probably one show a day on average but sometimes lots more.

I've gotten advice- let her choose how much she watches, let her choose what she wants to eat at the store. She would choose to watch it all day, and pick lots of junk (that we can't afford anyway) at the store. She isn't forbidden and never was forbidden from these things so I am so disappointed/confused why that theory doesn't work for us:(

What are you expecting it to "work" to do? If you're hoping that if you let her watch as much as she wants, it will work so that she only chooses to watch as much as you would prefer, it's probably not going to work. :shrug3

If you let her read as much as she wants, but then get disappointed that she chooses to read 5 chapters a day when you think she should only read one a day, you'll be disappointed.

If you let her read as much as she wants, and see that she is enjoying her choice and learning from it, you'll be pleased.

Same concept with tv, different medium.

Also, I just looked at your siggy and realized you're talking about a two year old. She's exploring with tv and food, just like she is with everything else! It's all new and fascinating. And an average of one show a day isn't much. That's a lot less than many happy, productive adults watch.

[tofufoofoo]

I would just hope it would loose it's appeal. I would hope she would turn it off herself and ask me to read her a book, or play with her toys instead. But most times she will ask for "another show" over and over again- that's where I have to do GOYB parenting I guess and distract with an offer of going outside or playing with me. Not always realistic if making a meal or helping DD2 nap, etc.

My goal is not no TV. I just hate to have it on all day.

I also don't like the aspect of what someone else mentioned already- I don't want to accidentally turn on something that will scare her/model stinky behavior. I let her choose the shows on Netflix and when she picks a new show, im not always sure what the content will be.

[MomtoJGJ]

She's two.... even when she's three, it's going to be hard for her to remember there are other options unless someone shows her (distracts). It's way different here with my older ones, even my dd2 who LOVES tv.

My kids are pretty well unrestricted upstairs. They have certain shows that are absolutely no, some that they have to ask, and depending on how attitudes/behavior has been they can watch (Max and Ruby is one of those!) and some that are ok. They have a bunch of movies up there too that they can watch at any time. But even my tv loving child, I'll go up to tell them something like lunch is ready, and the tv will not be on and they'll be playing. Happens a TON. It never would have happened when she was 3. Yesterday for example, I think they watched maybe 30 minutes of tv. The rest of the day they were playing and doing other things. Most of that time was by their choosing.

Our tv limits are all downstairs. And basically just because I dont want the extra noise down here.

[Zephan]

I haven't read all the replies, but thought I'd add my thoughts!

We had no tv for quite awhile. I loved it. The boys never asked for tv, because it wasn't an option. We live with my parents now, and have tv. I find the more they watch, the more they want to watch, and the more they whinge for it.
I set up some flexible guidelines. No tv in the morning until everyone is ready for school (which means maybe 5 mins at the most!). No tv on Sunday before church at all. After school there is a short amount of tv time while they have a snack, and then it goes off for homework. If it is a really hot day (too hot to play outside), they might be able to watch a bit more, but otherwise it is outside.

The thing I have to also accept is that for my oldest (almost 6), it is how he likes to switch off and unwind from a day at school. He does struggle with 5 full days of schooling, and really needs time to switch off.... if tv does that for him, then I need to be a bit mroe flexible and help find the middle ground.....

The other thing is, whenever we talk about tv time, I include him. If I come in and say "no more tv" and then switch it off, my kids get incredibly upset, and understandably so! I would if someone did the same! So we negotiate, "after this show finishes" or "in 5 minutes" etc....

[Bethany89]

I need tv help too. I think part of it is me and part of it is DH. I grew up differently. I grew up in a house that the tv was background noise. I played a ton without tv - my playroom had no tv.. I loved to play outside.. Now DH will say he watched tv all day every day.. And I think its why he was a chunky kid because he never really went outside.. He blames it on not having other kids to play with - he was an only child and the neighborhood had noooo kids at all, at least according to him.

I tried to do a no tv after 7pm, including xbox games, and he threw a bigger tantrum than my DD. She would cry and whine for like 10 minutes then go on her way while he pouted and whined because he was bored and has no hobbies. IDK how to solve this issue.

I can shut the tv off and not watch it, but even after reading to my DH about all the negative effects that too much tv can have a child, he still will cry and whine about it being back on.
So... what to do in that situation? No idea.

[tigerlily]

See, I'm like your dh -- I grew up in the country, I had no playmates (older brother played with me rarely), and the tv was always on. I would spend HOURS a day watching in the summer, and hours during the school year, too. It's always been a go-to for me and I've always hated that.

Since being on my own/getting married, I've intentionally made sure to shut it off -- I hate it running all the time, but I still watch lots. Now, I'm probably on the internet more than I watch tv.:shrug3

I want my girls to learn a balance and to realize that there are other options to turn to when bored. I love that they voluntarily went all day yesterday and didn't ask about tv once, b/c they had decided to save there time for Saturday morning.:tu At this point, I'm willing to keep up with it, b/c I'm seeing a lot of positive coming from it already.

I wouldn't mind trying something like Emily posted about, but frankly, I'm not there yet.:shifty.

[saturnfire16]

It sounds like the problem in the homes of the all-day tv watchers was the same- no playmates, nothing else to do. Make it one of MANY options.

---------- Post added at 10:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:54 PM ----------



I wouldn't mind trying something like Emily posted about, but frankly, I'm not there yet.:shifty.

I understand, I really do. :yes I was there myself once.

But the longer your kids see it as something so powerful that it has to be closely guarded and rationed, the harder it will be if you eventually do let go. Then they will watch all day and you'll have a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[joysworld]

Emily, the last three days, I've just let the kids do whatever with tv because I had too much to do. I've notice my girls do fine with self regulating tv. The tv would be on, but they would go out back and play, play in their rooms etc. The issue is with my son, and not with tv shows, but with game systems. He could and would literally play it all day long, everyday. He's also my sn child and don't know if that plays a part in his tv obsessions. If I were to do more limits and not rules, what would that look like? Also, I know you are very much into unschooling, but do you have a daily schedule of the flow of your day? If so, what does it look like? If not, what do y'alls days look like? Do you put rules on food, such as when they can and can't eat, or are those more limits? I would just love to flesh this out:)

[FebFaith]

Emily, I would love to hear more also. I know that we go through seasons of too much tv viewing, such as spring time when the snow is melting and outside is just too muddy for play. We are about to head to America and we'll be in GA which will be very hot. That may bring them inside also.

Good thread!

[saturnfire16]

Emily, the last three days, I've just let the kids do whatever with tv because I had too much to do. I've notice my girls do fine with self regulating tv. The tv would be on, but they would go out back and play, play in their rooms etc. The issue is with my son, and not with tv shows, but with game systems. He could and would literally play it all day long, everyday. He's also my sn child and don't know if that plays a part in his tv obsessions.


Are your girls really self-regulating? I know I probably seem nitpicky about that phrase, but I think it makes a HUGE difference in how one views the whole issue. Self-regulating means they are setting up regulations for themselves like "only one hour a day" and then forcing themselves to follow those regulations. Hopefully what they are doing is *making choices.* They see the options- tv, play outside, play with toys, etc. and they choose the thing that is most valuable to them at the time. That's going to depend on how they feel (energetic, tired, etc.), what they are interested in, the weather, if they need your help facilitating it, and many other factors. I'm not saying that's they are consciously aware of all of those things and making a mental list and weighing the pros and cons before deciding. :no But that IS the subconscious process we all go through when making a choice about what to do with our time, UNLESS we've been taught we "have to" do things a certain way, regulate ourselves, etc.

So why is your son *choosing* to play video games all day?

Well, first, how do you know he would play them all day long? Have you ever let him? For how many days? If so, then the question becomes *why* is he choosing that?

It could be because:
It's really important to him at this point in his life. Why can't that be enough?

Or maybe it's because you have had rules about it and he knows he has to get in as much as he can before you take it away again. How would you feel if your husband limited what you love to do to an hour a day? When he left the house or forgot to set the timer wouldn't you sneak in as much as you could before he stopped you? (not saying that a husband has a right to do that! ;) I'm saying put yourself in his shoes).

Or maybe his SN means he has the tendency to become obsessive about things. He picked video games, some other SN kid picked rock collecting. That doesn't make video games or rock collecting *bad* or *addictive.* If obsessing is a problem *for him* and *he* wants to change it, then he might need some help from you learning how to switch gears. BUT first, be sure that he's not just doing it because of the aforementioned reason of being sure that you're going to take it away at any time.


If I were to do more limits and not rules, what would that look like? Also, I know you are very much into unschooling, but do you have a daily schedule of the flow of your day? If so, what does it look like? If not, what do y'alls days look like? Do you put rules on food, such as when they can and can't eat, or are those more limits? I would just love to flesh this out:)

I think you're misunderstanding what I was saying about limits and rules. :) I'm not "doing limits." Artificially imposed, arbitrary limits ARE rules. Someone said something about there being "no limits" and I was saying of course there are limits because natural limits are a part of the realities of life. We can't afford cable right now, which means that the types of shows my kids watch is, naturally, limited. That's based on a reality of our current financial situation, *something I would change if I could,* NOT an arbitrary rule about having no cable.

How it looks is by living by principles instead of rules. No one gets to watch tv all day in my house, not because I have a rule about it, but because we have principles about sharing. We share the internet connection which supplies both the netflix and the computer.

It's going to look different in your house, but the principles of kindness and generosity and helpfulness can all be the same.

It's the same thing with food. I don't have rules about food, when they eat, what they eat, etc. Limits are a reality of life. If they want peaches, the reality of life is that they probably aren't available this time of year or if they are, they aren't very good. If they want cake at midnight, the store isn't open and my oven is broken.

But they have free access to everything in the kitchen that they can get themselves. That includes chocolate chips, candy, chips, etc. I make them pretty much any food they ask for. Again, that's all based on principles- if we buy icecream for them and their dad, they don't get to eat it all if he's at work and hasn't had any yet.




*I* have a pretty detailed schedule for *my* day. :yes Every morning I make myself a to-do list for morning and afternoon that is about as Type 4, organized and structured as a person can get. :giggle But then it's flexible as needed with their needs/wants.

I don't schedule *their* days like that. :no We have some general routines that either I have fallen into because of the way they tend to do things or they have fallen into because of the way I tend to do things. Most of the day, they play or watch tv or play games or paint or whatever, whenever they want. I help them find things to do if they are stuck. I bring up something to do just about every day, based on their interests or just to introduce something new to them. I offer to read to them at some point during the day. We talk and I pay attention to what they are watching and that gives me ideas of things to introduce to expand their world. I take them new places and show them things. I let them know at the beginning of the day what's happening, like classes or grocery shopping or taking dad to work or whatever. We talk about what is happening later in the week. I'll say "No painting right now because we are leaving for your dance class in 20 minutes." Or "if you start that movie you won't have time to finish it because we need to go pick your dad up from work." But no, I don't schedule their days.

---------- Post added at 06:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:09 PM ----------

And if that wasn't long enough already :giggle I just wanted to add that yes, I am very much into unschooling. :yes Which is one reason I am ok with tv. We are all learning from everything all the time. Tv presents information and entertainment just like books present information and entertainment. Same concept and purpose, different medium.

---------- Post added at 06:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:13 PM ----------

Emily, I would love to hear more also. I know that we go through seasons of too much tv viewing, such as spring time when the snow is melting and outside is just too muddy for play. We are about to head to America and we'll be in GA which will be very hot. That may bring them inside also.

Good thread!

Instead of seeing it as "too much" why not see it as a logical choice of something to do when it's too muddy or too hot outside to play. Make sure they have LOTS of interesting and engaging options for when they can't play outside. Be willing to play in the mud with them and let them get completely covered head to toe. Be willing to take the effort to set up games and other things to do inside. Be willing to snuggle on the couch with them while they watch tv and enjoy their enjoyment of it.

[CCmomma]

I am really appreciating the many different takes on the tv watching for kids thing! I find myself feeling "guilty" if I let my DD watch more then just a show a day-and there are def. days when she watches a lot more then that.

I have also noticed that for our house, if the tv isn't on when she comes downstairs in the morning she tends not to ask. Also, I have noticed a direct correlation to her whining and complaining about things in general when she has been watching lots of tv during the day.

Right now, I am just trying to not start our day with tv-it is too tempting for me to say "you can watch one more show" and then another and then another. So we will put on a video at rest time (probably) and then maybe when I nurse DS before I make dinner-this can sometimes be a whiny time of day for DD.
And I am going to work hard to stop feeling guilty about what is working for our family!