Age when a child can reasonably be put to bed awake?

[OperaDivaMom]

I am completely anti-CIO, pro-night nursing, pro cosleeping, but I occasionally find myself slightly jealous of my CIO friends who just put their toddlers in their crib/bed, walk away, and they are asleep shortly. I know, logically, this isn't healthy for anyone involved, and getting there involved a lot of mental anguish, but it is hard to see how much *easier* their nighttime routine is. Contrast that with my 2.5yo toddler who nurses while rolling across my belly from side to side for at least 30 minutes before going to bed.

I guess my question is, with the nighttime nursing/cosleeping form of parenting, what is the average age when you can read them a book, sing them a song, tuck them in, and leave the room with them awake? I need to know this will happen eventually!

[Marzipan]

With all of mine this has come between 3 and 4. And very painlessley.

[Taedareth]

My 6yo's love language is cuddling. He would think he was being punished in the most cruel and unusual way if we just kissed him and left :giggle My 3.75yo would feel about the same. But I am sure there are lots of kids who would be totally cool with a short time of talk/cuddle/prayer and then could fall asleep on their own. They just aren't related to me :haha

[NovelMama]

I think AJ was 5 when we were able to leave her awake.

[jujubnme]

For us it was a gradual weaning away. At first I'd nurse and then snuggle for a while, and then excuse myself ("I need to go to the bathroom, but I'll come back in a few minutes."), and then wait a few minutes and go back. If he was still awake, I'd go back to snuggling to sleep. If he was sleeping :rockon! Once he was used to me taking an occasional break, I extended it time-wise, and then eventually started saying, "OK, I'll stay through one song (we always played music as he fell asleep) and then I'll say good night." I'm not sure exactly how old he was when he reached that stage, but I just stopped that first 3 minutes of putting my hand next to his cheek (that's what snuggling evolved into) this last year. (ds is 10 now) I kind of miss it. :shifty

[amyjoy]

For DD, it has gone in cycles. There was a time from about 2.5 until almost 3.5 that we could just put her in bed awake and she would fall asleep quickly and painlessly. Now I have to lay down with her for about 10 minutes until she falls asleep. (We've had some family changes, and I think it affected her sleep.)

DS, um, he's one of those dream babies. :shifty I have been able to lay him down sleepy but awake nearly from birth. Then again, he's always been very business-like about his nursing, and has never really done it for comfort, and has very rarely nursed totally to sleep. (Does like his paci, though. :shifty)

For both kids, I have mostly put them to bed and then gone to bed myself later when we were co-sleeping instead of all falling asleep together. I will say that before I really learned and got into being AP, I tried the Ferber method for awhile with DD when she was about 11 months old. While it "helped" her sleep better for a time, she really has always had more sleep issues than DS, who has never experienced any remote form of CIO.

[Niphredil]

My kids were able to do it at increasingly younger ages. N was 3 when we first really tried (with melatonin). E was eager to do it at two. A is 18 months and I can lay him down awake for his nap. It depends soooo much on the kid.

[WingsOfTheMorning]

Lydia is just over 3.5 and DH snuggles her to sleep. She doesn't usually do the roll-around-the-bed thing anymore though, :phew so we're happy letting the snuggles continue for now.

[cbmk4]

It's impossible to name a particular age, because so much depends on the temperament of the child and family preferences.

Some of my children could be tucked into beds even as infants, after being nursed, rocked, sung to, etc. and fall asleep "on their own." I believe that it is possible to help children learn to fall asleep and have healthy, predictable rhythms to their days without using CIO methods--no cruelty or mental anguish involved. The kids all went through phases when they needed more or less help falling asleep, but I hold the belief that helping a child to learn self-calming and self-soothing skills (in an age-appropriate and sensitive manner) is not a bad thing.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

My oldest was about four, the first phase. Then he needed help again off and on for years. Now he's eight and reads before he goes to sleep. My middle child started around five but still needs some help some nights.

I've heard some parents say they just lay them down and walk out, but the reality I've seen is kids getting up out of bed and parents getting up to lay them back down repeatedly until they are frustrated. Of course that's not always the case. I'd rather have a peaceful bedtime with more realistic expectations; it's the expectations that'll get ya.

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

We didn't wait - at 2yo7mos we made it happen. Read book together, kiss goodnight, but tell DS1 to stay on the bed and call us if he needs us, so we kept coming back at intervals.

Now...sometimes he falls asleep quickly, sometimes he doesn't feel like sleeping without company.

[3PeasInAPod]

I think it's different depending on the kid. We were able to do that at about 3. But even now at 6yrs old, sometimes he'll ask me to stay with him (it's only like 1-2 in a 6 mo period)...but I still will if he really needs me.

[Iarwain]

It is totally and completely individual and it is NOT linear - meaning an individual child can go back and forth and may have different stages of neediness even as they get older.

[HuggaBuggaMommy]

Ds was 5, though it wasn't consistent until about 6. He is a total cuddle-bug, though. He needed it, and even still does some nights (like once a month).

ETA: I definitely see dd being able to do it earlier. She probably could now, but dh and I like our snuggle time with her at night.

[milkmommy]

I was able to do that with Cecilia from around 9 months on.. Just pure luck...

I do it about 1/2 the time with Margaret I do nurse her down but sometiems she is not quite ready on those days we jsut add a story and let her sleep on her own some days she doesn't wan to nurse just and would rather fall asleep on her own..

Deanna

[backtobasicsmum]

By about 2.5 all our kiddos have been able to be put to bed awake. Our current 3 yo has a very occasional night when dh lays with him a bit...but it takes all of 3 minutes for him to fall asleep most nights.

[Barefoot Bookworm]

It really depends on the child. I could do that with all of mine as babies but I know others couldn't do it until their kids were toddlers.

[LadybugSam]

C started sleeping alone about 3. We have a good bedtime routine for him and we read, pray, turn on nightlight, and tuck him in.

He's 8 now (with developmental delays) and we tell him its time for bed and he'll go get dressed in pajamas and brush his teeth and then call for us to put him to bed :heart

[Earthmummy07]

I havent read all the replies yet, but T was 4.5 before we could leave him to go to sleep :yes Sometimes he still needs us to sit with him now. I'm not sure if that's reasonable or not :shifty

[Stiina]

DS will soemtimes go down for naps on his own. I started out saying the "I need to go pee, be back in a few minuets:" and it turned into "I'll come back in ten minutes, I need to go feed the baby"...and he will softly say "mm-hmm" and remind me to close the door :giggle

Often he is sleeping when I check on him. But it's so funny when he's not. He's just laying in the same spot, staring at the ceiling, fiddling with the edge of a blanket or twiddling his fingers somehow...seems like he's saying "ok, 3 more minutes...twenty more seconds....geesh isn't she coming yet?"

Nighttimes Daddy still lays with him.

[PaperMomma]

My daughter has been able to for about a year or year and a half now, but only if she knows that I'm putting Scoomer down. If I'm not putting him to sleep, then she wants me laying with her until she falls asleep. I don't mind doing it- she's normally asleep in 10 minutes or less.

Does he still nap? He might fall asleep better if you cut the nap out. Scoomer stopped napping around 18 months, and then shortly after that I moved bedtime from 8 to 7, and it's been one of the most glorious things. :rockon

[luvinmama]

DD needs DH or myself every time she sleeps. She's 3.5 and highly sensitive. But, I haven't tried any other way yet--we are both content (for now :shifty ) with snuggling her down to sleep. We tried CIO when she was around 8-9 months old that didn't last more than a few minutes one time. DH could not stand it :giggle (thank God for him :heart) and swooped her up despite my wishes. :blush

Anyway, she is a huge physical touch/quality time kid and definitely needs the extra support for bedtimes/naptimes. Things will probably need to be adjusted a bit when baby arrives in the fall. :think We'll cross that bridge when it comes. :shrug3

[Cookie Momster]

Around 18-24mo is when I've been able to do that with my kids. My kids won't do it until they're weaned.

[saturnfire16]

I haven't read the other replies, but it really totally depends on the child.

My 6 year old still needs me to lay down with her/ be with her. She nursed to sleep until age 3 and is very much a snuggler.

My 3 year old would probably be fine going to sleep on her own if we developed a routine like that.

My 14 month old still nurses to sleep most of the time, but is also the baby who has been the easiest, at this age, about going back to sleep if she wakes up when I'm trying to lay her down. She'll lay there and look at me and I just say "go back to sleep" or "ssshhhh" and she closes her eyes.

The easiest thing for us regarding sleep, has been completely reframing our expectations about things like "bedtimes." We don't have bed times and I don't particularly care where they fall asleep.

Some nights we all watch a movie in the living room and they fall asleep on the couch and I leave them there.

Some nights I see tired signs or they say they are tired and dh and I want some alone time later, so we lay down with them in bed until they fall asleep.

Some nights we are out late and they fall asleep in the car and we carry them to bed.

Most nights the baby falls asleep in my arms while I GCM/watch tv/ read and I lay her down.

We have had periods of trying to do a night time routine, but frankly I don't see the point of going to that much work when my kids fall asleep just fine without it.

If it's taking 30 minutes for him to fall asleep, I'd change the routine. Let him learn to recognize his own body's sleepy signals. You can help him by watching for tired signs and creating a relaxing, peaceful environment around that time of night.

[Auroras mom]

We still lie down w/ our six year old. We don't mind, b/c it works for us, especially as she is an only child.

[OperaDivaMom]

I haven't read the other replies, but it really totally depends on the child.

[Snip]

If it's taking 30 minutes for him to fall asleep, I'd change the routine. Let him learn to recognize his own body's sleepy signals. You can help him by watching for tired signs and creating a relaxing, peaceful environment around that time of night.

Part of the 30 minutes to get to sleep thing is due to our uncertain nap/no nap issue, he ends up taking late naps some days, which makes bedtime awful. I wish switching to his schedule was an option, I work FT as a nanny and bring DS with me, we leave the house by 7am. His ideal sleep clock if he got to choose would be 11pm to Noonish, obviously not going to work here.

[saturnfire16]

Part of the 30 minutes to get to sleep thing is due to our uncertain nap/no nap issue, he ends up taking late naps some days, which makes bedtime awful. I wish switching to his schedule was an option, I work FT as a nanny and bring DS with me, we leave the house by 7am. His ideal sleep clock if he got to choose would be 11pm to Noonish, obviously not going to work here.


I think the uncertain nap thing is pretty common around 2-3. It was for mine. :yes

Some ideas:

Can you let him sleep until you leave the house and bring him to your nanny job in his pjs? Maybe he'll fall back to sleep in the car?

If you keep the same bed time, just change the routine to snuggling on the couch with a grown up tv show on for you. Something ok for him, not violent or anything, but something he would be bored with. Lights off, sound turned down low.

[OperaDivaMom]

I think the uncertain nap thing is pretty common around 2-3. It was for mine. :yes

Some ideas:

Can you let him sleep until you leave the house and bring him to your nanny job in his pjs? Maybe he'll fall back to sleep in the car?

If you keep the same bed time, just change the routine to snuggling on the couch with a grown up tv show on for you. Something ok for him, not violent or anything, but something he would be bored with. Lights off, sound turned down low.

Very good ideas! I already do the first, and somewhat do the second but hadn't thought about lights off :)

[WingsOfTheMorning]

If you have a smart phone or a Kindle, that can be another way to give yourself something to watch/read something for you in a dark room while he winds down.

Lydia still takes an occasional nap and we never attempt bedtime at her regular time those days. She needs to be up for about 5 hours before she can go back to sleep. We keep the same routine, we just do it later in the evening or we let her watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch those nights.

[ThreeKids]

Awake or alone and awake?

I still can't put 6yo ds in bed alone and walk away. As long as someone is in the same room with him, even if it's dd1 already asleep, then I can walk away just fine.

[Buela]

My first went to bed awake and fell asleep alone from infancy, no CIO but lots of work ;) It was lovely. She's actually more work now that she's 4, but she still will not fall asleep if anyone else is present because she. will. not. stop. talking.
My second is now being put to bed awake but does not fall asleep alone (she is 16 months), we stay with her and pretend to sleep (and sometimes we do fall alseep lOL) and then sneek out. I don't mind though :shrug3 unless she is full of beans, it takes less than 15 minutes (assuming we don't fall asleep ourselves)

[ThreeKids]

When my nephew was 18 months old, you could feel his muscles start to relax as you lowered him into his crib. He seemed so relieved to be put there if he was tired.

He's become more of a challenge to get to sleep over the years. He's more aware of all the stuff he's missing out on.

[ReedleBeetle]

I don't know...almost 7 and we aren't there yet. I have to at least be in the room/right outside the room...but usually I lay with him because it is more comfie. :shifty

[TuneMyHeart]

E is 6 and we've only been able to leave the room with her still awake for a few months. She never stops talking if I stay in the room.

Sometimes Ak (3.5) will fall asleep while waiting on me to come put her to bed :lol, but I lay down with her just about every day. She typically is asleep so fast that it's not a big deal...

yet, my 5 month old sometimes goes to sleep easier if I give her a paci and put her down awake! I hold her till she's asleep most of the time, but sometimes she just won't settle in my arms.

They really are all so different.

[NutellaLover]

Both of my girls, ages 2 and 4, go to sleep on their own. They share a room and talk to each other or play in their beds separately until they fall asleep. Sometimes they complain, but it is not for me to stay with them, they just don't want to go to sleep.

[Bethany89]

I think it totally depends on the child. We rocked my DD to sleep until she was.. hm.. 17-18 months old. At that point, she started asking us, after we rocked for awhile, to go nini in bed.. so we rocked and she would tell us and point to her bedroom and she would lay down and fall asleep on her own.

Now, we just sit her in bed and do our kiss routine. She might whine but only because she doesn't like to go to bed lol. It lasts a minute. She has some toys and books that she falls asleep with. Some nights, even now, she asks for some rockie time and we gladly rock with her.. but I suggest just following your child's lead.. They know when they are ready!