independence?

[Keeper-of-Mr.Monks]

OK my lil guy will be 2 very soon hes very attached to me i :heart it but was wondering if AP kids gain idependence on their oun...like he don't care to play alone in his room without me...someone told me yesterday i had to make in idependence happen that didn't sound right to me and i ask these questions cuz when he is 2 1/2ish we are thinking about trying for a second baby but i don't want him to feel "mom left me!!" allthough i will do everything to make him never feel like that but it be nice if he could entertain himself

[DoulaClara]

Well, I thought my daughter would be brought to her college classes someday in the future vis me wearing her in the Ergo. :giggle She seriously was the poster child for what some people tried to tell me was "overly attached." :no Two came and went with her, and she never left my side. I took a shower, she was on the other side of the curtain. I was on the toilet, she was wandering the bathroom, talking to me. Wherever I was, there she was, too. Then three came, and suddenly, one day, she went upstairs to her bedroom without me, to get something. Hmm... and shortly after that, she decided that she wanted to sit on her bed and play with toys. Without me. :jawdrop She'd come downstairs after a half an hour, and that would be it, but now, at four and a half, she is still quiet and introverted, and she still prefers to be in my line of vision in strange places, but she does her own thing. Gets herself dressed, takes herself to the bathroom, finds her own thing to do. She even plays outside on her own. Not because I "made her" do anything separate, and not because I "toughened her up," but I think she saw that when I said I'd be here for her, and help her when she asked, I meant it. ;) And when she saw that she could go away for a bit and come back and we were fine, she was able to create her own independance all on her very own! Self created independance, not some farce of a thing because I trained her to be without me when she wasn't ready.

Now, conversely, my son has been extroverted from birth. He's happy to interact with others, except for when he's tired or overwhelmed. And now that he's about six weeks from two, he's turned into my cling little monkey, and neeeeeeeeds to be on my hip all the time. I think some ages and stages just need to happen like that, so they can form their own understanding of mama's reliability, you know?

:hug2 You're the mama, and you know your boy. I say just keep on keeping on. Our children stick to us like glue at certain ages so they can learn what it is we do here on planet Earth. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Heather Micaela]

Every single one of my kids have been high needs and ultra-clingy till almost 3. To the point of my exhaustion. I am AP by pure necesity.

Now, my Special Needs kids may have varying levels of idependence as an adult, but I can tell you that my 10yo goes to sleepovers without a blink and even stays home alone for small periods of time without missing me or burning down the house.

My 8yo cried a bit at her first two sleepovers and now looks forward to them. She does not need me at her baseball practices.

My 5yo walked happily into the kindergarten classroom without me on the first day. Shy is who she is, but there are shy adults.

My 3yo goes to preschool daily and has so much fun it is hard to get her to leave.

So when my 22 month old is like a human leech, I remember it is just a season.

And all but the 10yo sometimes still come sleep in our bed.:heart That is a chance to let them be little a tad longer while watching them grow. That attachment is the ground they need below them so they can see the horison and soar above it.:heart

[WildFlower]

Well, I thought my daughter would be brought to her college classes someday in the future vis me wearing her in the Ergo. :giggle She seriously was the poster child for what some people tried to tell me was "overly attached." :no Two came and went with her, and she never left my side. I took a shower, she was on the other side of the curtain. I was on the toilet, she was wandering the bathroom, talking to me. Wherever I was, there she was, too. Then three came, and suddenly, one day, she went upstairs to her bedroom without me, to get something. Hmm... and shortly after that, she decided that she wanted to sit on her bed and play with toys. Without me. :jawdrop She'd come downstairs after a half an hour, and that would be it, but now, at four and a half, she is still quiet and introverted, and she still prefers to be in my line of vision in strange places, but she does her own thing. Gets herself dressed, takes herself to the bathroom, finds her own thing to do. She even plays outside on her own. Not because I "made her" do anything separate, and not because I "toughened her up," but I think she saw that when I said I'd be here for her, and help her when she asked, I meant it. ;) And when she saw that she could go away for a bit and come back and we were fine, she was able to create her own independance all on her very own! Self created independance, not some farce of a thing because I trained her to be without me when she wasn't ready.

Now, conversely, my son has been extroverted from birth. He's happy to interact with others, except for when he's tired or overwhelmed. And now that he's about six weeks from two, he's turned into my cling little monkey, and neeeeeeeeds to be on my hip all the time. I think some ages and stages just need to happen like that, so they can form their own understanding of mama's reliability, you know?

:hug2 You're the mama, and you know your boy. I say just keep on keeping on. Our children stick to us like glue at certain ages so they can learn what it is we do here on planet Earth. There's nothing wrong with that.


THANK YOU SOOOOOO much! I needed to hear your story.
My daughter is just like this. I can not leave her sight. I thought it would get better when she learned to crawl. :no I thought it would get better when she learned to walk. :noI know "some" day it will happen. I keep wondering if I am making her even clingier by responding to her needs and allowing her to stay with me. I never leave her in the nursery. I haven't tried. I KNOW without a doubt what will happen. But I still wonder, maybe I should just DO it and let her get over it. My gut says NO. She's not ready. She will be ready and be independent in her own time.

THANK YOU.

[ArmsOfLove]

you are mom enough for two :heart He doesn't have to feel like mom left him--don't leave :)

I have 5 very very ap'd children who are various levels of independent--based more on their personalities than anything I did or didn't do :)

[Keeper-of-Mr.Monks]

well girls thats what i thinking it didnt set well with me that the lady eye rolled and said hes too attached hes my baby! hes supposed to be!!!!!! and i do not mind a bit :) thanks for the encouragement that i can AP 2 kids but then u never know if/when we have another that lil one might be a loner lol

[Wonder Woman]

If I tell you that The Boy literally did not cease contact with my body until he was 18 months old, does that help? :giggle He was over 2 before he'd take more than 8 or 10 steps away from me.

And then...he was all grown up :happytears

One of my favorite posts ever, and one I remember and use unless I just feel like arguing :shifty http://goybparenting.com/?p=57