How does a baby get there conversation?

[DavidKelleyMay18]

Not sure if this is the right area. I've always told my kids that God helped to put a baby in Mommy's belly. Well the question that I've always wanted has come. So how does the baby get there to begin with. When I told DH about him asking he said that kids just ask questions, but it's sometimes just in passing. About a mo. later he asked again, so I told ds that we'd talk about it when we had more time, and told dh that we need to talk about it with him. My DH I have to make things happen for him. I want my kids to know they can come to us/me for any question, and my kids do talk to me. By the way now it's been a mo. or 2. I don't want it being an anxious conversation just more natural. So what do I do? Do I approach this with dh again? Is there a book in this area? BTW I do home-school and this yr. we are doing Creating Anatomy I think it is called with Apologia, so we are talking about the body now, and my oldest two are 12 ds and 10 dd.

Kelley

[mom2afew]

Sounds like a great time to study it through homeschooling! I'm pretty sure I was in that age range when my parents had "the talk" with me. GL! Let us know how it goes!

[Maggirayne]

Do they know animals mate? You could start there.

[sprout]

there are a couple of books that people around here have mentioned before..something about a stork...but, I cannot remember the names myself...and, I am interested in getting them as well.

great topic and one we need to approach very soon ourselves.

[DavidKelleyMay18]

Sounds like a great time to study it through homeschooling! I'm pretty sure I was in that age range when my parents had "the talk" with me. GL! Let us know how it goes! I agree, but I'm so clueless how or where to start!! A book or some other way to approach it. I thought somehow I can apply this to our body since right near we are talking about our body in general. Today we talked about how our body digests.

Do they know animals mate? You could start there. No, my kids don't. They know that it takes a male and a female but that is about it. I've always just told them that God helped to put the baby in a Mommy's belly. Now, the question is it takes more than that. How exactly is the baby put there to begin with?

there are a couple of books that people around here have mentioned before..something about a stork...but, I cannot remember the names myself...and, I am interested in getting them as well.

great topic and one we need to approach very soon ourselves.

Anyone know about the book you are referring to or any other ideas would be great!!!

Thanks, Kelley

[sprout]

we need to poke backtobasicmom...I think she recently got them.

there are two...the stork one and another..but, my brain just cannot come up with the names.

BUMP!

[Marsha]

Your 12 year old doesn't know about sex? Or did I misread that? We had a book that was very factual. It talked about lots of other stuff, blah, blah, blah male inserts p**** into female's v*g*n* and blah blah blah.

My kids alredy knew everything else except that crucial bit. I should add that my 6 year old isn't aware of the crucial bit, nor has she seemed very curuios about it.

I REALLY wanted my 8 yr old to know cuz that's about the time kids are gonna talk about it. She skews older and hangs withslightly older kids, too, so that fueled my decision. HOwever, I would think by 10 kids would have a burning curiousity, esp if they had one of the crucial bits mentioned.

[Wonder Woman]

I would just be very matter of fact about it - there's no shame in naming body parts, or talking about what happens :shrug

My son asked when he was 7, and got answers - the only one I wasn't comfortable asking was "what does it feel like?"

I explained to him that it was private, that God designed it to feel good, and that when he was married he and his wife could discover how it felt for them - but that details of how it felt for me and his daddy were personal. He was fine with that answer.

Everything else got as many details as he wanted :shrug I'd rather he get the info from me than from anywhere else, you know?

[Katigre]

Do you mean that your 12 yo and 10 you don't know about sperm and eggs (that's pretty relevant to their own body parts)? Do they know that women geta period each month? Those are the places I started with my kids and at age 5 DS knew that a baby is made by sperm + egg (one part from the daddy and one part from the mommy) and that the mommy gets blood (period) when there isnt a baby growing.

I'd start there - but there are definitely more conversations that need to be happening about puberty, masturbation, sexuality, etc... At age 12 I had a raging sex drive and if I hadn't known some of these things it would have made understanding my feelings more complicated.

Here is a good Christianbook series that tackles this stuff in age appropriate detail (you can start with the younger book and then move onto the older ones if you want): http://www.christianbook.com/gods-design-for-sex-books-revised/stan-jones/pd/060130

I'd start with Book 2 and Book 3 (that's the book for the ages that your kids are - though your oldest is probably read for Book 4 - be aware they have details).

I'd also get a book like 'a child is born' with the photos of the sperm + egg and how it developes and grows. My DS calls it 'the great sperm race' b/c he knows that the sperm have to swim to reach the egg and only one 'wins' and gets to fertilize it :giggle.

He doesn't know the mechanics of sex at this point as it hasn't comeup but I assume that sometime in the next 3 years he'll learn that penis+vagina is how the sperm gest to the egg.

---------- Post added at 08:08 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:06 AM ----------

IMO at their ages it will be more awkward than natural, but that's ok. Maybe have it in the car or somewhere they don't have to look you in the eye when you talk about it :yes. Also, do you think that they really don't know or that they're just wanting you to be honest with them? I did that with my parents about several issues (sex being one of them) when I was around that age - I'd ask questions I already knew the answer to in order to see if they'd give me an honest answer or dodge the question. In one case they didged the question (it was about homosexuality) and I didn't appreciate it and called them on it :shifty.

[camperjen]

Books suggested on another chat board just earlier today on this topic:

"It's so amazing!"
"It's not the stork"
"Where did I come from?"
"Hello Baby!" (explains a lot without the actual 'how does the sperm get into the mommy' part)

The top two books were recommended the VERY most.

[MomtoJGJ]

ETA: I know some people are shocked to see older ones who don't know... so, with all this said...

I'm very interested in open communication with my girls, but they've never once asked anything about how babies are made. Never, not anything.... They are obviously very interested in their own body and puberty, what changes will happen, etc. So we've talked about that... Oh, let me change something, they did ask one time where the baby actually was in my tummy... was it in my stomach or somewhere else? and I told them about a uterus and how contractions work and things like that. but that's the extent of their questioning... even at 3,4, or 5 when I was pregnant, they never once have asked how the baby got in my tummy. Not even to get the "God put it there" answer.

So, should I just wait for questions? Should I open up the topic at some point? How?

[sprout]

quite honestly, I don't think you should give a hoot about whether people here are shocked or not :hug.

this is your relationship with your children, I am sure that you can handle it just fine.

I appreciate the above book suggestions....we also have a book called First Discovery on the Human Body that has very basic information in it for the younger crowd that mine seem to enjoy.

---------- Post added at 01:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:19 PM ----------

I also wanted to add that I think the discovery channel did a series on birth that mine have seen and were really into as well.

it shows the developing baby in utero, which, is really neat.

mine have also seen live birth as well, so the show did not phase them too much.

[ArmsOfLove]

The book I highly recommend is "The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made"

I strongly encourage having this talk earlier rather than later. :heart

---------- Post added at 03:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:51 PM ----------

ETA: I know some people are shocked to see older ones who don't know... so, with all this said...

I'm very interested in open communication with my girls, but they've never once asked anything about how babies are made. Never, not anything.... They are obviously very interested in their own body and puberty, what changes will happen, etc. So we've talked about that... Oh, let me change something, they did ask one time where the baby actually was in my tummy... was it in my stomach or somewhere else? and I told them about a uterus and how contractions work and things like that. but that's the extent of their questioning... even at 3,4, or 5 when I was pregnant, they never once have asked how the baby got in my tummy. Not even to get the "God put it there" answer.

So, should I just wait for questions? Should I open up the topic at some point? How?
I would introduce the subject--the same way you might introduce teaching them about birds, or a holiday. It's important information and it's good, when they're younger, to wait for curiosity, but fwiu it puts them at greater risk personally when they get older and don't have this information.

It's a wonderful thing that God created for us and making sure you get to frame it for them prevents them learning (mis)information from friends and neighbors. Most people find when they talk to their older children that they already know *something* and it's not often very accurate :doh

[DavidKelleyMay18]

No, you did not read it wrong. My 12 yr. old doesn't know. My kids do talk to me about things, so I've tried to wait until they were ready. Maybe each time I didn't tell them enough. But my answers always seemed to satisfy back quite a time ago when I told them that God helps to put babies in Mommies bellies. I always hoped more would come in pregnancies, but it didn't. I do home-school which I think does help that the school talks about it don't start. No, my kids have no clue about periods too. For me pretty much I've only gotten periods after having babies, so they don't know this. And no I do believe that my kids are clueless as my kids do talk to me. I'd be surprised if they knew. Because of the questions now I am worried that at least my oldest son (12 yrs.) may go else where. I know last yr. my daughter came home saying that a neighbor friend told her that the way to make a baby is by hugging, and kissing. She asked me if that was true. I answered her, and she asked no more, so because I've always tried to make them okay to come to me is why I don't think they have any thoughts on it. They do however know about body changes like breasts, hair..etc that we've talked about. And I always use real names for private parts.

Kelley

---------- Post added at 08:02 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:49 AM ----------

quite honestly, I don't think you should give a hoot about whether people here are shocked or not :hug.

this is your relationship with your children, I am sure that you can handle it just fine.

I appreciate the above book suggestions....we also have a book called First Discovery on the Human Body that has very basic information in it for the younger crowd that mine seem to enjoy.

I also wanted to add that I think the discovery channel did a series on birth that mine have seen and were really into as well.

it shows the developing baby in utero, which, is really neat.

mine have also seen live birth as well, so the show did not phase them too much.

My kids have also seen live births on tv. I'm going to look for developing utero on tv as well though. And can you tell me who the author is to "First Discovery on the Human Body". I found quite a few. That would be great!!

The book I highly recommend is "The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made"

Thank-you for the book!! It sounds like this is exactly a book that I was looking for. I really appreciate it!!! I guess I'm clueless about this sort of thing. I don't know how I found out as a subject, but there are some reasons that this subject is hard of not knowing how to go about it as well.

[sprout]

it is produced by scholastic and has a little girl eating an apple on the front. there is on specific author as far as I can tell.

[Proverbs31]

A good book for you would be What Your Child Needs to Know About Sex (and When) by Fred Kaeser. http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Child-Needs-About/dp/158761250X

This is a book for parents (not one you'd read with your kids). He provides scripts that can give you a starting point for talking with your kids at various ages. You DO need to initiate those conversations. :hug

While I don't agree with everything he says (for instance, he seems to buy into society's negative assumptions about teens somewhat) or all of his verbiage (for instance, he used "makes me feel" in a script instead of "I feel"), by and large it is a very helpful book.

He believes it is crucial for parents to be the main source of information and influence for their kids. He explains how and why. He believes in abstinence for teens.

[kiloyd]

At 12 yrs old I'd have "the talk" and tell them that the daddy has the sperm and the mommy has an egg and daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina for the sperm and egg to meet. This is what my mom told me at about age 9

And add whatever else you want. You want them hearing from you not other children.

[J3K]

At 12yrs old and male , I would let the dad answer all questions. Have a sit down talk.

At 10yrs old and female , she needs to have you sit down with her PRONTO for the talk about menstrual cycles. Girls start as young as 9. My dd's started at 12 and 13. I've counseled too many girls who didn't know , either because the timing wasn't ever right and the mothers didn't tell them , or for shameful reasons...and they are simply traumatized by the whole thing.

Sit down and talk. Soon.

:hug

[DavidKelleyMay18]

I just thought I'd bring this thread back up. I had the "sex talk" with my son, and it went very well. I did get a few books at the library, but I didn't even really end up using them. I'm soo glad that we talked instead. I think it was more personal this way. He was not grossed out at all. Thank Goodness we talk about everything together. He was fine with it. This past week I asked if he had any questions, and he didn't. I guess I'm not doing as bad as I originally had thought from feeling guilty. So I guess I was doing it more right than I originally thought...thanks!!

[kiloyd]

Glad you had "the talk". It is important for our children to know we will answer whatever questions they have.

[SewingGreenMama]

I haven't had to have this conversation yet and probably won't until the next pregnancy, but I simply plan to say, "You know how trees (he could care less about any other plant) have seeds, and when you put a seed into the ground it grows into another tree? (I'm actually planning on teaching him this in the next couple of weeks so he has the back ground in formation already) Daddy has a special seed God gave him and he puts it into mommy's uterus and God makes a baby grow."
If he asks how the baby gets out I'll say, God put 2 doors and a hallway inside of mommy, the first door is called a cervix and it is tightly closed until God says it is time for baby to come out then he starts to open it, the hallway is called a Vagina, and the second door is the vulva." With this explanation will be those pictures we see of internal side view of the reproductive organs. I believe in facts when it comes to anything touching sex. And I won't go into the pleasure or emotional part of sex for a while, just the reproductive part, and that is was created by God and is beautiful just because of that fact, I believe this aproach will instil a deep respect for the sex and the sexual relationship.
I haven't thought much farther then that, but I need to in case that isn't enough information, I want to anticipate any questions!

---------- Post added at 01:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:36 AM ----------

Oh and it is very very important to have the full talk (though I believe it should be a continuing conversation starting from their first questions all throughout their childhood not just one all out long gross, embarrassing, stressful talk and your done) they should know all the details BEFORE they are 10, statistically most boys are already exposed to porn By The Time they are 11. This makes it imperative that you have an open and continual conversation about sex and morals and Christ, and everything in between before, during, and after this age. boys and girls alike.

[Hannah Elise]

Do they know animals mate? You could start there.

Yeah, that's premuch how I learned. While I was growing up, my parents bred/raised/showed dogs, so I saw my share of matings. One day I must've asked just the right question, and my mother sat me down with the 'Canine Reproduction' book and at the end was premuch like, "It works like this for people, too." :p

Pardon the typos - this was sent via Tapatalk on my cell phone!

[J3K]

Have you talked to your dd yet about her menstrual cycle ? It may be approaching rapidly. :nails

[SewingGreenMama]

Have you talked to your dd yet about her menstrual cycle ? It may be approaching rapidly. :nails
LOL, I only have boys and my oldest is only 4 but he almost walked in on me taking care of things during my cycle:blush, so I decided to start talking about it so he would understand if he ever does walk in, for the simple reason he FREAKS OUT:wow any time he sees even a tiny drop of blood. So I'm not sure he would be calm enough to talk about it and understand for a few hours:there2.

So this is what I've started to tell him.
"G, did you know mommy has a balloon in my belly? It is called a uterus and it is where you and M grew when you were to little to live outside of mommy!"
"Oh." (he hasn't changed the subject so I continue)
"Did you know that when there is no baby in mommy, every month my uterus gets ready incase a baby comes? It fills with blood and other things that a baby would need, and when a baby doesn't come and start growing then the blood has to get out through mommy's vagina, and do it all over again, It takes about a month for the whole process."

I switch around the exact wording etc so he hopefully understands soon.