creating a culture of love in the home

[sprout]

I would like to explore this topic a bit and brainstorm some ideas of how to really create a culture of love in the home. I recently read a blog post by Sally Clarkson and it really spoke to me about the importance of having such a spot like this in a home to recharge members of the family.

I think we will talk it over with the kids tomorrow over breakfast as see what we can come up with as a family.

I know in the rustle and bustle of life sometimes we get so busy in living that we miss the real meaning. And, we need to become grounded again. I think this will be our spring commitment.

[ReedleBeetle]

Do you have a link? :) I would like to read more. :heart I'm really focusing on the tone in our home as we move into and through this year as well. :yes

[mummy2boys]

http://www.itakejoy.com/

This is the link to Sally's blog and if you scroll down a little the post is there called "Creating a Family Culture of Love"

HTH :smile

[sprout]

thank you for the link as I am linkuneducated myself!

[mummy2boys]

thank you for the link as I am linkuneducated myself!


:smile You're welcome


You just go to the blog page and up the top you will see the link (http://.......) just copy that (control c) and then paste here (control v) It took me a bit to work it out myself so don't feel funny :heart

[Codi]

:cup

[peacefulveganmom]

Subbing. <3

---------- Post added at 06:27 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:18 AM ----------

(from the link mentioned) :

"All of us as families create a family culture of some kind. The traditions we keep, the meals we make, the routines we practice, the values we espouse and hold, the movies that are our favorites, the church we attend, the generosity we practice, the way we invest time, the company we keep—all of these invest in crafting a family culture. We can also, inadvertently create a family culture negatively—a culture of anger, neglect, guilt, discord, disharmony, worldly values, and so on.
But, I have realized over many years, that crafting a culture of love requires that I as a mom become the conductor of a loving and generous heart that leads all of my children to understand gracious, generous, sacrificial, validating, forgiving love. To create such a culture requires planning, intention, mature responses, words of life and affirmation, patience and just lots and lots of unconditional love.
So often, we as moms are caught up in the immediate things—getting the tasks done, housework, homework, bills paid, child discipline. Yet, it is the air our children breathe, the foundations we live by that will attach their hearts to ours and ultimately to God."

-Sally Clarkson

[backtobasicsmum]

:heart

[sprout]

well, I have put some thought into the issue and I think for a week (or rather, however long it takes us to really get it and implement it well) we are really going to focus on the golden rule...treat others and one wishes to be treated.

and, I also think we are really going to focus on showing love toward others.

now, these two items seem simple and in a sense I suppose they are, but I want to make sure we do it without thinking.

I think we will talk about what the word love means and how we can express love to each other. I think we will really focus on the word love in some of our scripture studies.

so, this will be our start. not sure what our second move will be, but we will figure it out as we go.

what are some ideas you have for your family?

[ReedleBeetle]

After reading the article and talking to DH, my plan for now is to also focus on the word love and what it means, about what it means to be loving and kind.

Part of my commitment to setting the example is that I am committing myself to daily doing one thing with Isaac that is an interest of his. Today, it was playing a game of croquet with him. I engage with him a lot. I don't join him in anything that interests him much though...and he needs that.

I have also been committing myself to being more engaged with DH and tried to make the small moments more special or thoughtful. One night, it was having coconut milk hot cocoa ready for him and I to drink as he walked in the door from work...and then we had something to warm us as we sat and chatted about our day.

As a family, we have been working on finding all the pieces to, and building, Isaac's Millenium Falcon (Lego) that he got for Christmas. It started coming apart and he threw it in the Lego bin and it came apart even more. So we are taking our time, working on it together. :heart We do this after dinner most nights...and every single night that Daddy is home. I want to keep an after-dinner-family-project/time as part of our regular routine from now on.

[Hopetobe]

Thank you for posting this.:D I think this will be something I will read and ponder on how this would feel natural for our family ...

[LoveIsGentle]

:cup

[L-Boogie]

:cup

[sprout]

I really like the idea of creating the culture specifically for our husbands reedlebeetle. I had not thought of the idea in that way and it is a wonderful thing to do. I think I will try to do something special for dh in that way next week.

the little things are what creates the culture, not the large. lots of littles add up to a big quite quick.

his favorite cookie is the pb one and we made a special effort to make him some even after cleaning all day...perhaps this is a good start!

---------- Post added at 10:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:31 PM ----------

here is another quote from Sally Clarkson that I wrote down a while ago in my journal to think about...

Every night, no matter what, I know that my Mom would come to my bed and spend time with me and talk with me and pray with me before I went to bed. It was our time.

I like the idea of giving each child his/her own special time. We currently do this as a group, not individually. So, that may be something I wish to implement as well. It is something to think about anyway.

I also would like to explore the fruits of the spirit more as a family...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness and self-control.

I will need to think about these a bit more before doing anything with them though.

so, is everybody just subbing? or is anybody working on this too?

[Victorious]

I need to do this. I would like to give each child individual attention, but I have 3 kids five and under in a 2 bedroom house so I need to be creative with this :think

[sprout]

we are in the same boat with little home, little people, people sharing rooms...so, yes, it is tough.

tonight we played games. we have been doing a lot of that lately. just stopping randomly and making time for one on one. (we homeschool so it is a bit easier to fit into the day I think). anyway, tonight before bed, I played checkers with each child individually and tried to connect. It was not my favorite way of connecting b/c it was win/loose game, but it is a start.

I am thinking we may need to add some cooperative games to our stash to create the atmosphere in which we are trying to create...working together and thinking of others.

[staceylayne]

We've been discussing love at dinner time each night as a part of celebrating Valentine's. I had the kids decorate some pink and red and white paper with heart stamps, stickers and their own drawings and then cut out heart shapes. Each night we pull out one, write an attribute of love (as described in 1 Corinthians 13...love is patient, kind, does not envy, etc), talk about it and and stick the heart on the wall by our table.

My kids are pretty little so it's been challenging to explain some of the phrases on their level, but I've really enjoyed our little project and hope to make it a February tradition. It has been a good jumping off point for discussions throughout the day. I will apologize for being impatient or quick to anger and talk about how that wasn't a loving response. B is learning the meaning of boasting and we discuss how bragging about being faster and smarter than his little sister doesn't make her feel good. My favorite part is we get to talk about how God is perfect at loving us ALL THE TIME. :heart

That's just one little thing...but it's something.

I so want our family culture to be one of love and kindness toward one another. I sometimes wonder if I hope for too much between B and D. I would love for them to be best friends, look out for each other and protect one another. But it is more like talking over one another, grabbing toys and running away laughing and B tackling D just because she's in his path...then hiding when she cries. :sigh

[MaiMama]

Thanks for posting this. It is something that I really want ot work on too.

Staceylayne, that was almost exactly what I had planned to do with the kids leading up to Valentine's Day, but I didn't do it. We only talked about it a little. Never made the background. :sh4 Now isn't it almost Lent? Maybe we should do this anyway. There's a lot of developmentally expected selfishness around here. I could certainly do a better job modeling, well, just about all of those characteristics. Hmm. I get grand ideas and pour lots of time planning, but then when my kids don't jump and cheer at the chance to do it, I give up and don't try to make them do this fun important thing. :sigh :shrug I"m pretty sure baby steps is the answer, as well as spending my own time with the Lord first. And yet, if I wait until I have my stuff together, it'll never happen. So back to baby steps, right? :)

[filmgirl2911]

if I am honest (and I gain little if I am not at least that), this idea resonates deeply with me. it is something I crave.

But I am at a loss as to how to create such a culture. mainly because I need to undo some of the negative vibes that have been set in motion recently in small spurts, but set in motion nonetheless :cry :blush

so for me, I am subbing in order to cull seeds that I can plant and nurture. in me and in my home. my husband and I just talked about this idea this morning. and then I stumbled across this thread. no coincidence I am sure.

I am subbing so that I can have a reminder that this is ultimately where I want to be. almost a self-accountability kind of thing.

thank you for sharing this idea :heart

[swimming with sharks]

I think this 'sounds' wonderful but again am clueless to how it would 'look'. I grew up in what I would consider a general culture of love :heart but there are definite aspects that I do NOT want to repeat. :no :think Reading and thinking. I'm guessing that just using gbd doesn't take care of it all. :no:doh:shifty and I totally understand the ...have a big great idea and then not being able to follow through. :bag

[sprout]

I really like the heart idea.

I am wondering if I could incorporate it with lent.

something more to ponder.

I honestly think that just by trying to create the culture and talking about it in the home, that the culture will shape itself for the family. And, I think it will look different for each of our families depending on our immediate needs, but I really believe that if we encourage one another in love, then how can it not eventually come to be?

or, at least, that is my hope. :heart

[peacefulveganmom]

I'm thinking along the lines of the 5 love languages. In our home, we pretty much know what everyone's is, and have read the book, but we aren't actively working on "speaking" them. I'm going to post them on the fridge as a daily reminder to all of us that love languages are important. I think it will help immensely. I mean...if everyone's love tank is full, love will naturally flow outward from that. <3 (I hope.) Thoughts?

[sprout]

I completely agree that it is very important to keep the love tanks topped off!

[WingsOfTheMorning]

I love the Hearts idea. I love celebrating holidays in meaningful ways.

[Hopetobe]

We've been discussing love at dinner time each night as a part of celebrating Valentine's. I had the kids decorate some pink and red and white paper with heart stamps, stickers and their own drawings and then cut out heart shapes. Each night we pull out one, write an attribute of love (as described in 1 Corinthians 13...love is patient, kind, does not envy, etc), talk about it and and stick the heart on the wall by our table.

My kids are pretty little so it's been challenging to explain some of the phrases on their level, but I've really enjoyed our little project and hope to make it a February tradition. It has been a good jumping off point for discussions throughout the day. I will apologize for being impatient or quick to anger and talk about how that wasn't a loving response. B is learning the meaning of boasting and we discuss how bragging about being faster and smarter than his little sister doesn't make her feel good. My favorite part is we get to talk about how God is perfect at loving us ALL THE TIME. :heart

That's just one little thing...but it's something.

I so want our family culture to be one of love and kindness toward one another. I sometimes wonder if I hope for too much between B and D. I would love for them to be best friends, look out for each other and protect one another. But it is more like talking over one another, grabbing toys and running away laughing and B tackling D just because she's in his path...then hiding when she cries. :sigh

I really like this idea! And, it helps me to start visualizing and defining it in a more tangible way. Now I can brainstorm more. TY!

I'm not exactly sure how/when to start this as our family is pretty small right now and DS is only 1yo. I'm thinking it starts with me and DH, which probably means it begins with me. DH is loving, but I'm not sure how I would approach this with him. Maybe after I pray about it and visualize/brainstorm ideas a little more it will become more clear.

Thanks everyone so far. I honestly had been putting off coming back to this thread because, while I loved the loving culture idea, I was not sure at all about implementing it. All these thoughts and ideas have helped me, and I'm inspired! :D :heart

[Maggirayne]

I've been wanting to work on some memory verses, so I will start working on 1Cor 13 for me and talk about it with the girls.

I haven't read LL for kids since I've had kids.

I'm thinking along the lines of the 5 love languages. In our home, we pretty much know what everyone's is, and have read the book, but we aren't actively working on "speaking" them. I'm going to post them on the fridge as a daily reminder to all of us that love languages are important. I think it will help immensely. I mean...if everyone's love tank is full, love will naturally flow outward from that. <3 (I hope.) Thoughts?
:yes
I think this 'sounds' wonderful but again am clueless to how it would 'look'. I grew up in what I would consider a general culture of love :heart but there are definite aspects that I do NOT want to repeat. :no :think Reading and thinking. I'm guessing that just using gbd doesn't take care of it all. :no:doh:shifty and I totally understand the ...have a big great idea and then not being able to follow through. :bag
This is very much me.

[blondie]

I'll be back later to read more of this and reply. I'm reading "The Mission of Motherhood" by her right now, and it is SO good.

[ReedleBeetle]

We are cleaning up our house over the next couple of weeks, painting, scrubbing everything down, getting it comfortable and just nice again. It sounds weird to put this here, I'm sure, but it just makes our house more pleasant to live in....and thus easier to be loving.

[Victorious]

I think that may be exactly what I need to do Reedle

[sprout]

I am feeling really good about how things are going in our home. We are making an honest effort to really connect with each other. I think this might be the key...if one can answer the question...How can I connect with each person at least once or twice a day? then, the culture of love is sure to form.

Tonight, we sat and read two stories out of our children's bible and then we put each child to bed individually giving each a little attention and a special prayer. Once the youngest was asleep, I read a special book with each child, then the child got to go to bed.

tomorrow, we hope to work together to clean our porch and make no bake cookies. Not only connecting with one another, but making each person feel valued is another goal we are trying to achieve.

My oldest would like us to watch a special episode of Franklin with her, so we may make popcorn and try to connect that way as well.

we are also working on language as a family with special emphasis on tone of voice and being kind. For example, instead of yelling at someone because she took your toy, we are trying to do more scripting of nicer ways to ask for things. This, will be years in the making, but we are making an honest effort.

[ReedleBeetle]

The office is painted. We made a point of including Isaac in what we were doing as much as possible, letting him paint when and where he could, drilling holes to hang curtains with Daddy's help, etc. I admit, DH did better at this than I did, because I kept getting the meltdowns. :-/ Tomorrow, we will be redoing the things on the shelves and putting furniture back. I'm hoping I can do better with that. :shifty However, I LOVE the color of our office now....not as happy with the curtains and trying to figure out what to do there. :)

DH and I made it *4* days with him home and it went well!! :rockon AND we were doing a project. Now, we are completely spent though. :giggle

[Hopetobe]

I just wanted to share something that happened a couple days ago about this...before I had said that I wasn't sure how I would approach this topic with DH. He's kind and loving, but I try to not be pushy about God and Christian related topics with him(long story). Well, I didn't have to be concerned with it at all. I prayed about it and then was busy with other things and wasn't really thinking about it much. Then, a day or two later, I can't remember how the conversation started, but DH just started saying how we need to teach our children to care for each other, etc. So, I told him about the idea of creating a culture of love. He seemed open to it :)

Now, to actually carry it out!

[sprout]

that is so awesome!!!!

do let us know how it is going!

[Wishing Well]

We have been working on something that sounds like this a lot in the past weeks, DH and I. :heart

What it looks like for us is centering our family life a lot more focused around our religious beliefs - our days, and our routine. Sometimes it feels like we believe what we believe, but we can live it more. So far we have...

~Made a quiet/prayer corner (it's like a mini-chapel in our living room, in a nook we have). We keep some religious art, a crucifix, candles, and prayer books there, and each morning and night we pray there together as a family.

~Worked on a better routine. It's very important that we all discipline ourselves in our family to stick to a "routine" the best we can, because we all know what to expect and get a lot more done and have a lot more harmony.

~Focused on working and taking the load off of each other. I get housework done; I try not to let myself be too lazy. DS works alongside me and it's playful for him. DH does a lot of the work at home besides at work (cooking big meals for lunches, getting jobs done I put on his "list") and we both try to lessen each others' load.

~Becoming less materialistic. I've been going through "stuff" and getting rid of "stuff." We have so much junk we hang onto and never use, and I personally have a clothing vice... and it makes for so much waste and so much laundry. I'm trying to let go and purge there, and our whole household.

~Focusing on each other. We play together, we turn off the TV, we talk, we eat meals together. We've become more compassionate and understanding of each other and our relationships are already deepening just from those little things. :)

[Hopetobe]

that is so awesome!!!!

do let us know how it is going!

Well, it will probably be a slow process as our family is small right now (only me, DH and DS(1yo). But, we can work on me and DH being loving and creating a caring atmosphere, along with brainstorming and planning traditions, etc. that will help to define our culture of love :) Oh, and :pray4

---------- Post added at 10:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:54 PM ----------

We have been working on something that sounds like this a lot in the past weeks, DH and I. :heart

What it looks like for us is centering our family life a lot more focused around our religious beliefs - our days, and our routine. Sometimes it feels like we believe what we believe, but we can live it more. So far we have...

~Made a quiet/prayer corner (it's like a mini-chapel in our living room, in a nook we have). We keep some religious art, a crucifix, candles, and prayer books there, and each morning and night we pray there together as a family.

~Worked on a better routine. It's very important that we all discipline ourselves in our family to stick to a "routine" the best we can, because we all know what to expect and get a lot more done and have a lot more harmony.

~Focused on working and taking the load off of each other. I get housework done; I try not to let myself be too lazy. DS works alongside me and it's playful for him. DH does a lot of the work at home besides at work (cooking big meals for lunches, getting jobs done I put on his "list") and we both try to lessen each others' load.

~Becoming less materialistic. I've been going through "stuff" and getting rid of "stuff." We have so much junk we hang onto and never use, and I personally have a clothing vice... and it makes for so much waste and so much laundry. I'm trying to let go and purge there, and our whole household.

~Focusing on each other. We play together, we turn off the TV, we talk, we eat meals together. We've become more compassionate and understanding of each other and our relationships are already deepening just from those little things. :)

I really like all these, thank you for sharing :)

[ReedleBeetle]

So, my whole first floor is practically sparkling! We spent the weekend working together as a family, and although I didn't always do well with kindness :shifty, I am working on it. We are switching from more fru-fru TV for Isaac to more educational as much as possible. When his brain is more engaged, he is easier to parent. I'm trying to give him more along side me kind of jobs so he feels necessary and important in this family. I have a place in my office that I want to make a "quiet corner" kind of area.