Balance, multiple kids, and high needs.

[Tandem mama]

Cuppycake is high needs and a climber. I can't let her out of my sight and she cries a LOT. Mostly when I get her off of things like the fireplace mantle. Which is pretty much all the time. Like I said, she's a climber.

Sunshine feels left out and is acting out for attention. It's making me :crazy

I'm frazzled trying to find balance and meet both of their needs. Just now I was brushing their teeth and hair after a shower. I did cuppycake's first then put her down to do sunshine's. She SCREAMED and tried to push sunshine off the stool so she could get to the sink. She threw herself all over the ground :hissyfit

It takes a very long time to comb sunshine's hair. It's waist length and tangley. I had to just let cuppycake throw her tantrum so sunshine's hair wouldn't dry and get harder to brush. She cried for half an hour-red faced and coughing. When I picked her up to nurse her and calm her down, she fell right to sleep from exhaustion. And now sunshine is head butting her and licking me and being highly obnoxious trying to get attention. I'm getting angry. I can't put cuppycake down yet or she will start her massive crying but sunshine is trying to get yelled at. Just to get attention. And she's getting it because I'm so stressed.

How do I balance their needs without going insane? How do I keep sunshine and cuppycake both relatively happy with met needs.

And now sunshine is laying on the kitchen floor sobbing because I told her to get something out of the fridge or else shut it and not stand there with it open. :sigh :help

[Soliloquy]

Short hair, deep breaths, classical homeopathy, good planning, toxin-free diet/environment o as much as possible). I'm still working on it, myself.

People before things, and hair is a thing. I would've let the hair be tangly (actually I'd cut it) and gotten her engaged in a video or something if I needed 30 minutes uninterrupted.

[Tandem mama]

No matter how much I plan cuppycake still screams and climbs constantly. I can't find time for sunshine without letting cuppycake scream. I'm not okay with that but I'm also not okay neglecting sunshine. She never gets snuggled with or played with. She mostly plays alone I the kitchen behind a baby gate so cuppycake won't eat her toys. The ONLY way I've found to get time with her is when cuppycake is screaming...even when she's asleep I get maybe ten minutes before she wakes if I'm not holding her. I try getting her to do something but she has to be within my sight. Meaning she sees me with her sister and needs to nurse right now. She pushes sunshine away and wants to nurse anytime she sees me with her. I want to try getting them doing things together so there's less of this rivalry.


I won't cut sunshine's hair without her permission and she loves it long. If its allowed to get tangly it takes even longer to comb and that would be even more crying from cuppycake. I can't shave her head. That's the only way to avoid having to comb her hair. :shrug3

[Soliloquy]

Ah, I see. It sounds like cupcake might be more than high needs. Have you considered that? Does she have allergies? Justice was like that until he got his constitutional remedy. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I am NOT a meds or even a diagnosis person (meaning I don't think it's always useful to have a dx) but what you're describing sounds like more than spirited if she's like that all the time. I spent a long time thinking Simon would grow out of his "spiritedness" with love, attention, and boundaries. He didn't, it intensified as time went on.

I also would talk to my dd about her hair length. It can still be long without being waist length. With a high needs, possibly special needs, child in the family, compromises have to be made. We have to do a lot of that, my dh isn't well and Simon suffers from anxiety.

I also find that combing long hair while still in the shower, when there's gobs of conditioner in it, makes the final combing go a lot faster.

[LilacPhoenix]

:hugheart:pray4

[MarynMunchkins]

I really despise that 15-21 month stage. :crazy2 Loud, clingy toddlers that destroy everything and want to be with you all.the.time.

All of my kids have been climbers, so a toddler slide has been the best option. They can climb up that to their heart's content, and I really don't have to worry about them falling. If you have stairs, giving them access to 2-3 can help too. Or just use a low, sturdy step stool. :)

Maybe cleaning/getting ready would go more smoothly if you left the baby in the tub to play. Mine always loved being in the bath, so they would have been thrilled to have extra time to splash. Detangling hair does go a lot faster if you run a detangling comb through it while there is still conditioner in it. :yes A spray on conditioner or detangling spray should also help.

A playpen can be useful at this stage too. The older kid can climb in it with their toys to stay safe from the toddler, and the toddler can learn to sit in it happily. If I put a baby in one, I had the older kids play peek-a-boo and such with them until they were happy, and then distract them with a few toys. It would usually buy me a few minutes.

I can't function if I have to hold a kid during naptime. I *need* to be able to put them down and do some things. Around 11 months or so, I would nurse a baby until they were almost asleep and then lie down with them on a bed. It took a good 6 weeks to work up to an hour of sleeping alone, but it was well worth the effort.

Staggering bedtimes can help give one kid needed alone time too.

It's hard to triage everyone's needs, including your own. It will get better as they get older though. :hug

[Tandem mama]

Ah, I see. It sounds like cupcake might be more than high needs. Have you considered that? Does she have allergies? Justice was like that until he got his constitutional remedy. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I am NOT a meds or even a diagnosis person (meaning I don't think it's always useful to have a dx) but what you're describing sounds like more than spirited if she's like that all the time. I spent a long time thinking Simon would grow out of his "spiritedness" with love, attention, and boundaries. He didn't, it intensified as time went on.

I also would talk to my dd about her hair length. It can still be long without being waist length. With a high needs, possibly special needs, child in the family, compromises have to be made. We have to do a lot of that, my dh isn't well and Simon suffers from anxiety.

I also find that combing long hair while still in the shower, when there's gobs of conditioner in it, makes the final combing go a lot faster.


I've considered SPD. She does have allergies. She's "outgrowing" a lot of her SPD type symptoms. (the longer we are without her allergens the less they appear) I had her evaluated by early on and they said because she's developmentally normal that she's fine. They didn't test anything about sensory issues. :shrug3

We clean with only natural things (vinegar baking soda and eos)

She's either REALLY happy or REALLY upset.

---------- Post added at 02:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:46 PM ----------

I really despise that 15-21 month stage. :crazy2 Loud, clingy toddlers that destroy everything and want to be with you all.the.time.

All of my kids have been climbers, so a toddler slide has been the best option. They can climb up that to their heart's content, and I really don't have to worry about them falling. If you have stairs, giving them access to 2-3 can help too. Or just use a low, sturdy step stool. :)

Maybe cleaning/getting ready would go more smoothly if you left the baby in the tub to play. Mine always loved being in the bath, so they would have been thrilled to have extra time to splash. Detangling hair does go a lot faster if you run a detangling comb through it while there is still conditioner in it. :yes A spray on conditioner or detangling spray should also help.

A playpen can be useful at this stage too. The older kid can climb in it with their toys to stay safe from the toddler, and the toddler can learn to sit in it happily. If I put a baby in one, I had the older kids play peek-a-boo and such with them until they were happy, and then distract them with a few toys. It would usually buy me a few minutes.

I can't function if I have to hold a kid during naptime. I *need* to be able to put them down and do some things. Around 11 months or so, I would nurse a baby until they were almost asleep and then lie down with them on a bed. It took a good 6 weeks to work up to an hour of sleeping alone, but it was well worth the effort.

Staggering bedtimes can help give one kid needed alone time too.

It's hard to triage everyone's needs, including your own. It will get better as they get older though. :hug



A slide would be awesome! I should check Craigslist for one. We have a mini trampoline and ball pit for big muscle needs

I've been discussing with dh the possibility of staggering bedtime so sunshine can get some time with me.

Unfortunately cuppycake can get out of the pack n play. :doh

[Soliloquy]

One of the things that frustrates me the most is that I almost never get one-on-time with any of my kids. It's one if the reasons I don't plan to have any more babies. In theory, balance should be easy but it's one of the hardest things, ime.

[Tandem mama]

I'd like even one on two time so that sunshine is more included. Cuppycake monopolizes my time. I'm trying to get them to play things like little people an kitchen with me that they can both do. I'd be happy with that.

[sewing3girls]

Hi! I so hear you on trying to balance giving each child attention when one or more is pulling you in another direction. I have 3 kids... a 4.5 year old and twin 19 month olds. It has been an adjustment for me and my oldest DD.... it used to be JUST us...then we had to get used to not one, but TWO more babies in the mix.

Anyway, another mom I know found her daughter with INTENSE behavioral issues. She wasn't ADD or ADHD, but her temperament was INTENSE. Tantrums, and wild behavior and the list goes on. She has found great success with the Fiengold Program. I don't know a great deal about it, other then it focuses on nutrition. She said it's not just about cutting out processed foods...but that some NATURAL foods... like ORANGES can trigger hyper activity in kids. They went through the program (purchased it online, I believe) and found what her daughters trigger foods were and have stayed away from those triggers. Since, she said her daughter is a different person.

She said obviously processed foods can wreck havoc on your system, but some people are just more sensitive to food in general and this program helped identify what her daughter just couldn't tolerate. She said the list of potential triggers is very odd and has a bunch of things you just wouldn't think of.

Anyway, thought I'd throw it out there as a suggestion. Something to consider. I'm all about looking at all different options and finding the best one for my child. :-) Good luck!!