How to get one-on-one time with siblings?

[joyinthejourney]

I have a 5yr old ds and a 3yr old dd. I can't help but notice how nice the one-on-one time is when one of them is asleep or otherwise occupied. I wish it could happen more often. Ideally, I'd love it daily. But, once a week is all we can manage, on dh's days off. Then, the kid we're one-on-one with is a little distracted wondering what the other parent/kid pair is up to.

Naptime for the little one isn't an option for time with the older, bc she naps only sometimes, and usually on me. ;)

Any other ideas, besides tv, (which I'm not above trying...but it's not the best option either, since the show distracts the one I'm trying to spend time with...)?

Going to be homeschooling eventually, so it'd be nice to figure this out now. But, more than that, I just really miss time with my older. The little one gets me almost as much as she wants. Still has to share, but being littlest, she gets more of me. Ds, otoh, had to begin sharing me SO young. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on the things I was waiting for when he was little; like reading fun novels together, science experiments, or just really listening to him talk. <3

---------- Post added at 02:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 AM ----------

Just to add: putting one of them in a half day or morning out program isn't an option. And neither is a babysitter.

[joyinthejourney]

:bump

[Lady TS]

:popcorn

Interested to see how others do this...I still struggle w/it (generally, and also "homework time") and my kids are 10, 8, and 6yo.

I sometimes take one of them shopping with me or to run errands. We can't really afford to eat out or anything that involves money...

When I have dh home with me, it's a little easier. But that 3:30-6pm period of time can be a real challenge, when they're all home and all want my attention at the same time.

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

How are evenigs for you? Is your DH around in eveings to play with your DD, whil you play with DS? Rather than take DH's presence as opportunity to catch up on housework/making meal...? Don't bedtimes count as quality one-to-one?

[joyinthejourney]

When dh is home in the evenings, ds wants to be with dh. There's no way I could have a true quality moment with him if I was taking him away from dad. Dh also does ds's bedtime, and I still do dd's. We could switch, and we do sometimes. But, dd cries for me, so it's not possible to do it every night.

I have to admit, I get jealous of the quality time dh gets with ds. He gets to read him fun novels at bedtime, and he gets to really listen to him talk. And, on his day off, dd sticks by me so much that dh and ds naturally end up off to themselves. I feel like he's getting to do all of those things I've been waiting to do with ds.

We've tried to solve his by planning dates with the kids once per week. But, like i mentioned before, the kid we're having time with is somewhat distracted wondering what the other parent/child pair is up to, and I think they get a feeling like they're being left out of something.

When dd happens to be asleep someplace other than on me, I get some truly quality time with ds. But, that doesnt happen often.

---------- Post added at 03:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:54 PM ----------

Wanted to add, I don't resent dd napping on me. I'm glad for that time with her, bc wh

---------- Post added at 03:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:55 PM ----------

bc when she was a baby, I HAD to put her down when she was asleep, bc ds needed more "handling" than I could do with her in a sling. So, he got naps in my lap before she was born, so I do feel it's her time to have naps on me now.

[AngelaVA]

Usually I wait until they are both occupied with something and then do a sneaky swoop in to join one of them. It quick and spontaneous but it helps it happen more frequently

[joyinthejourney]

Seems like when I do that, the other one perks up and notices, and tries to join in. So, then it's just the two jockeying for my attention.

I don't want to be one of those folks saying no to every proposed solution, but I know that's what I sound like. But, truly, I'm sure there's a solution out there I haven't thought of, and this is probably a common issue. I hope, anyway.

[milkmommy]

my kids are homeschooled and further apart in age so it likely helps but..

9 year old- gets one one one
during DD naps times (which varry)
after lunch when we typically do some one on one school work (baby distracted)
after Sunday school when I typically take her out to lunch just us
Saturdays we ussually go to the liabary movie day or craft day and DH watches the baby (about every other SAturday)
various opening duing a day...

22month old
during older sisters independent studies
evening when older sister gets some computer time
Wednesdays during toddler story/play time at liabary
Thursdays during DD#1 gymnastics
Tuesdays during DD#1 Choir practice (though not always I often run errends at this time and have DH watch the baby at home so daddy time!)


Deanna

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

Some solutions do involve money...for example, when DH comes back, I'd take DS out for milkshake or some nice cafe with croissant. On everyday level, it's difficult indeed...the good thing is that your kids are small and close in age, you are more of a trio than separate mutually exclusive things battlig for your attention...I am not sure that parents' of twins think too much about how to do one-to-one with them separately?

And it will get easier when they are older...soon you'll be readig chapter book to one while other is playing with Lego. Or tuck them in bed separately, sitting down with them hear-to-heart first. These are special not entitled times for them I hope.

You're doing great job already and you will achieve as you have such best interest at heart :)

[joyinthejourney]

Some solutions do involve money...for example, when DH comes back, I'd take DS out for milkshake or some nice cafe with croissant. On everyday level, it's difficult indeed...the good thing is that your kids are small and close in age, you are more of a trio than separate mutually exclusive things battlig for your attention...I am not sure that parents' of twins think too much about how to do one-to-one with them separately?

And it will get easier when they are older...soon you'll be readig chapter book to one while other is playing with Lego. Or tuck them in bed separately, sitting down with them hear-to-heart first. These are special not entitled times for them I hope.

You're doing great job already and you will achieve as you have such best interest at heart :)

I guess bc they're aren't twins, and I do remember time alone with ds, that I miss it so much. I don't think they miss it or think of it, but I do think it effects their behavior when they don't get it. When ds has had time alone with me, he's much ore connected to me and more willing to behave, and less likely to be aggressive.

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

I do remember time alone with ds, that I miss it so much.

When ds has had time alone with me, he's much ore connected to me and more willing to behave, and less likely to be aggressive.

:hug2

I miss just one-to-one with my DS1 very much too...On daily level, there are still ways - looking at DS directly into eyes and just talk to him without string of commads, involve him, have bath together with him while DH is holding DD...

Not easy. Life with under 5s never is.))

Just noted that even at 3 DD seems to be demanding a lot of your attention at the moment - is she high needs?

[Barefoot Bookworm]

When the other ones are distracted, when DH is home to distract the other three, when the other kids are sleeping, when DH can stay here so I can do a mommy/kid date.

Sometimes all I can sneak in is a few minutes to read a book to just one or playing a quick board game but they *do* get individual attention every day. Also, I sometimes tell the other kids that it's *insertkidnamehere*'s turn for attention and to go find another thing to do then in 15 minutes I'll spend individual time with the next kiddo. Most of the time they want to be with their siblings anyway and have me or DH spend time with all of them.

[joyinthejourney]

Is dd high needs? No, not until she was 2. It's been hard for me to determine if it's just her age, something I'm doing to make her feel insecure and needy of my attention, or if I baby her too much. I'm leaning towards just her age. On the spirited scale, she's spunky, and he's the spirited one. She was a super easy baby, though.

Tonight, dh and I switched during storytime. I read to ds and he read to dd. Then we switched for tucking in. That was VERY nice. And dd seemed to enjoy Daddy for stories, as long as she got me for cuddles afterwards. I think we'll make this a new habit. Unless dh misses stories with ds, then maybe every other night. I'm also going to make more purposeful efforts with those suggestions above from urbanfamily. Thank you! <3