are we supposed to be our child's playmate?

[greengirl19]

sort of spinning from another thread . . .

to what extent are we (as mothers) supposed (whatever that means?) to be our child's playmate? Particularly to an only, younger child?

I'm asking because I just now realized that I don't remember my mom playing with me at all. Granted, I have a younger sister who's 2.75 years younger than me so I pretty much only remember having her around. My mom spent time with us, but it was usually doing her own thing. Like we'd be playing outside and she would be gardening. We'd be sitting at the table coloring and she would be cooking. Etc.

G is currently VERY needy in the play-with-me department. I can't say it's how I envisioned having a small child (but nothing is). I do lots and lots of incorporating him into whatever I'm doing around the house (he's excellent at cleaning and laundry and cooking) but if it's not something specific like that he expects me to sit down and actively play with him.

Down the road I would hope that he would be able to play on his own some. And with a sibling when that day comes. But I also think I want to be playing with him and participating.

I want to have kids that I want to play with and I want to be able to let myself having fun and 'be a kid' with them. What's the balance? And how does it change for different ages?

[bananacake]

My parents never played with me. I was invited to join my dad in what he was doing, but was not asked what I was interested in.

I do play with my kids a little each day. We also read, "homeschool" (really arts & crafts), and go outside, weather-permitting. I play with them because it is important to them.
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[Can'tTurnLeft]

I don't play with my kids and have no intention of playing with my kids. I do include them in my housework, cooking, and am in the general area where they are, but I don't play with them very often.

I am not their playmate. I am an adult and I don't like to play with kids. Yes I'll drink some imaginary tea sometimes, and yes I'll play candy land, but that is about the extent of it.

I am also an only child and I don't remember my mom playing with me either. I can say it is one of her better moves as a mother. I never looked on her as a playmate, she was my mom :shrug3

[heartofjoy]

I don't think mothers are "supposed" to play with their children. I think they can if they want to. I don't play with my kids. I see myself as a guide, not a playmate. Then again, I tell my kids all the time that I had 5 kids, so they'd have someone to play with!

I do play board games or card games with them. And I swim with them in the summer. That's the extent of my playing.

[Barefoot Bookworm]

I don't think parents should be required to entertain their children 24/7 but I do think it's important to play with your child (or children) at all ages. I find myself more apt to read a book, wrestle/tickle, play a game with them, or something like that instead of imaginative play. I do pretend play with them if they are serving me something from their restaurant or what not but I don't create a story to play with them, I leave that up to them. Most of the time they don't want me to interrupt their play, they prefer to play with each other but they also look forward to time with me too be it playing a game or baking or doing some chore.

[Emerald Orchid]

I don't like playing at all. Seriously dislike it. And so I don't do it. I don't think it's my job to either.

I don't mean that I don't do activities with them, because I do, everyday. Arts and crafts, nature walks, baking, reading books (a lot), etc.

I used to have a lot of guilt about not playing with my oldest because he asks to play a lot. But I've come to terms (most days) that I can be a good mom and not play. I'm a good mom because of other things. So what if I'm not the fun mom? Their dad is good at that. ;)

[bananacake]

I don't think there is one answer to this, not one "supposed to". It depends on a child's love language, personality type and specific needs :)

My sister did not have any interest in playing with me. I look back and wished my parents had engaged me more in what I wanted to do (a combination of my LL & personality type). I see that same desire in DS1. He loves to play with his dad, especially. It'd be easy for DH to say, "I'm a dad, not a playmate." But that would be heart-breaking to DS1.

ETA: I don't like playing, either :) But I do plenty of stuff I don't like for the sake of someone else. I consider it to be a sacrifice. That said, I do not spend lots of time playing because, yeah. It's completely boring to me :giggle

[relizabeth]

I play with my son as part of his therapy. I'm "sposed" to do it, and I do it every day. But I would anyway. This is a different strokes issue...like personality types.

[Emerald Orchid]

ETA: I don't like playing, either :) But I do plenty of stuff I don't like for the sake of someone else. I consider it to be a sacrifice. That said, I do not spend lots of time playing because, yeah. It's completely boring to me :giggle

See, I consider that I already sacrifice so much for my children that playing is where I draw the line. :shrug3

I will force myself to play chase or wrestling maybe once a day, but that's as far as I'm willing to "sacrifice" in that area.

[bananacake]

See, I consider that I already sacrifice so much for my children that playing is where I draw the line. :shrug3

I will force myself to play chase or wrestling maybe once a day, but that's as far as I'm willing to "sacrifice" in that area.

It's a personal decision :) I do it because I see how meaningful it is to DS1.

[MudPies]

I play with mine. not all the time and i let them direct it. i also do other things while they play and get them to help me.

[babyb4us]

I don't like to play :no at all...But, to DS, it is showing love to him. If I didn't, he would be crushed, so I do. But I can't stand it! I am not good at pretending, I never was, and I'm thinking I never will be.

[WalkByFaith]

I don't think parents should be required to entertain their children 24/7 but I do think it's important to play with your child (or children) at all ages. I find myself more apt to read a book, wrestle/tickle, play a game with them, or something like that instead of imaginative play. I do pretend play with them if they are serving me something from their restaurant or what not but I don't create a story to play with them, I leave that up to them. Most of the time they don't want me to interrupt their play, they prefer to play with each other but they also look forward to time with me too be it playing a game or baking or doing some chore.

I don't pretend play, either, except for the above reasons. :) I do activities with them and snuggle and still have fun. We laugh a lot and I love them (different ways to show that other than playing).

[PaperMomma]

I play with my kids. Not as often as I feel like I should. I really don't have anything to go off of as to what's "normal" or "acceptable", and it's encouraging to hear that so many other moms also don't always enjoy it.

[saturnfire16]

Have you ever read Continuum Concept? I do that, with a grain of salt. I think kids are hardwired to want to do what we do and I think it's best for them to move into the adult world at their level rather than us moving into the child world. With that said, it's a lot easier to do with multiple children. That book records a tribal culture, where only children had lots of other playmates in the tribe. Most Westernized kids don't have that kind of community.

We are also unschoolers though, so being very involved with my kids lives and interests is a part of that. So..... exploring the world with them, doing things with them, being playful and silly sometimes- yes. Playing their levels games with them- not very often, though more when my oldest was an only.

ETA: I also just thought as I read the thread- I had a really hard time playing with my oldest because it was too much connection. Frankly, I was scared of the level of closeness and openness with another human being. It was very helpful to move past that to learn to be *playful.*

[Aisling]

I love the idea of playing with my kids...mine would adore it if I did several hours a day.

In reality, though, I do so much listening and reading and talking and instructing that the *very* last thing I want to force my tired brain to do is play with children. I really, really dislike playing. I'll take bubble baths with them, go for hikes, do hair together, bake, cook...anything, anything but forcing myself to build with blocks or pretend :shiver If I force myself to, I become really resentful.

[teamommy]

When they are little, it comes naturally to me to play with them some, but mostly they just join in with what I'm doing.

I think it's a modern idea to even consider playing with our kids. People in the past had to work much harder just for the necessities of life and did not have as much free time as moms at home have now.

[Heather Micaela]

I don't think there is one answer to this, not one "supposed to". It depends on a child's love language, personality type and specific needs :)

My sister did not have any interest in playing with me. I look back and wished my parents had engaged me more in what I wanted to do (a combination of my LL & personality type). I see that same desire in DS1. He loves to play with his dad, especially. It'd be easy for DH to say, "I'm a dad, not a playmate." But that would be heart-breaking to DS1.

ETA: I don't like playing, either :) But I do plenty of stuff I don't like for the sake of someone else. I consider it to be a sacrifice. That said, I do not spend lots of time playing because, yeah. It's completely boring to me :giggle
YOu know, my love language is quality time. I LOVE doing things with my kids. I love them playing NEAR me and offering me a teacup for a second, showing me what I built, asking me to draw something for them, watching the play they put on, letting them mess up style my hair while I watch TV, watching their play or dance show, telling silly jokes or singing silly song with them, and so much more. Put I do not play like a child with them. I take them to places where adults and kids enjoy things together - like an amusement park or children's museum. And as they get older I DO play with them. Sports. Board Games. Social Party games. Video games. I also interact by teaching them fun things I did as a child. But then once they have it down, I let THEM do it unless they ask for feedback or more assistance. I am team mom and girl scout leader.

So even aside from all the acts of service done just by keeping them safe and fed, and the hugs I give in the name of comfort, and the gifts I give in the name of tradition, and the encouragement I give inthe name of emotional and mental health, they get PLENTY of quality time. My half-baked play with My Litte Ponies is only going to detract from that. :shrug3

My mom never played with me. I was given plenty of space and time to play and but she was always there, interested and interacting. I felt very very loved and I felt my imagination was supported. I have a very close relationship with my mom.

---------- Post added at 06:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:15 PM ----------

When they are little, it comes naturally to me to play with them some, but mostly they just join in with what I'm doing.

I think it's a modern idea to even consider playing with our kids. People in the past had to work much harder just for the necessities of life and did not have as much free time as moms at home have now.
Yeah I woud do peek-a-boo and this little piggy" with my babies. And I still do some for my toddler, but not for as long as he would wish because I would do nothing else.

And I do "Play" but most of it is really playful parenting. Even when I say "Where is your hand" to my baby then shouting "THERE IT IS" , I am teaching more than playing.

[Katigre]

I think this is really personality-specific and there isn't a 'right' or 'wrong' answer as long as you're making sure to engage regularly with your kids, yk?

My mom was a teacher before she had kids, so she often played with us by creating fun games and initiating special 'mommy-child' time with each child to play what they chose. As a grandma, she does the same thing and does a lot of special play things with each child. She would make a perfect Montessori teacher IMO b/c the activities she sets up are exploratory in nature and pretty imaginative (one game was to get yarn and string it between the couch and coffee table to make a 'spider web' we'd have to crawl through as preschoolers).

I never thought of her as my playmate vs. mom :no. I just thought of her as my mom who also spent time playing with us :shrug.

I play with my kids a little but usually they want me to watch what they're doing vs. actually doing it with them. DH plays roughhousing games with them which they LOVE and that's hugely beneficial IMO. I play board games with DS too.

[Heather Micaela]

I never thought of her as my playmate vs. mom :no. I just thought of her as my mom who also spent time playing with us :shrug.


I do not think most are saying it is one versus the other just that the role of "playmate" or those activities do not have to be part of being a good parent.

Honestly I play a LOT with my kids in some ways and almost none in others. It is far from all business here. But this was spun from the idea that we ought to get on the FLOOR and play with them. Like with thier toys. I am not sure I enjoyed that much when I WAS a child. And I seriously cannot do it.

[GraemesMomma]

Big difference between having one child vs. Multiple, when it comes to playing with them. You kinda need to be more of a companion at times when it's just you and a child. Whereas, multiple children become each others playmates.

There's no right/wrong here. I play with my children whenever I can :) It's a joy. And I try to couch our "work time" together in playful language. This does not come naturally to me, nor do I work hard at it, per se. I just try to be more playful, as I'm naturally a more literal/critical type, but that wears down a child's atmosphere of wonder and curiosity very quickly...

No, we're not their playmate by any stretch.

But why would you NOT want to play with them, if and when you could :no??

[Amazement]

My dad played more imaginative type stuff than my mom. Like, when he took my sister and me to the park, he'd pretend with us that the pond was an alligator swamp and that the sticks poking out go the water were alligators. Those are happy memories and certainly didn't cause me to see him as less of a dad. I'm not sure what that means, actually. Do people think that playing lowers the dignity of the parent, or something? Or that it's spoiling them somehow? :shrug3

I play a lot with DD1, although as DD2 gets older I expect to pull back and encourage them to play with each other more. I probably need to work more on encouraging independent play, but I sympathize with her. I didn't much like playing alone, either. When my sister wouldn't play with me, I was bored.

Anyway, I have a very high tolerance for playing with toddlers. Given the choice between playing with DD or doing housework, I will take playing every time. So in part I do it because I can procrastinate on chores and still feel virtuous. :O:giggle

[Can'tTurnLeft]

But why would you NOT want to play with them, if and when you could :no??

Because I hate it. It makes my skin crawl and I want to cry. I loathe getting on the floor and building a tower, or legos :shiver or dress up or store or whatever. It does nobody any good to have mommy resenting the time that she is spending with them. It can't be a good thing to have mommy hating to play and the kids picking up on it. Want to come sweep the floor with me....awesome. I'll spend twenty minutes doing with you and showing you how to hold the dustpan. Wanna help me cook dinner, :rockon. Clean the shower? Read books? But play...no I will not play.

And I'll do short bursts, but it is five minutes of playtime tops. Beyond that I start to get twitchy.

[KatieM]

I love playing with Angela- she is 13 almost 14 months old. She also likes helping me around the house- cleaning and cooking. When we are done we like to sit and read together, play with her block, etc. They are only young once- enjoy your time with them. :), Katie

[dakotablue]

I think play is really important for children, That said I don't know if it needs to be the mom, but if there isn't anyone else?

I personally think I need to play with my children, my husband needs to play with our children. It is a joy and love and fun and teaching and wonder and all the great things here on earth.

I like what was said about love languages. I think this is important. Mine and my husbands main love language is quality time. So for now since the boys are young and we don't know theirs' quality time on their level is how we show them love.

I don't think it makes you a bad mom not to, My grandmother was a wonderful mom to me and I don't remember her playing with me...but that doesn't mean she didn't either. I just wouldn't want to parent my children that way...it would make me feel unloving.

[RainbowMummy]

It depends on a child's love language, personality type and specific needs :)


This comes into it a lot for me. Day to day I don't spend a lot of time playing with my kids but I do play & they are so thrilled when I do. Especially if we feel our kiddies love tanks have been starved we plan some one on one time with them playing something they really love.

Each day I try to include them in some things that I do (loading washing machines/chopping veggies), talk/listen to them as I work, have fun, laugh, dance with them during the day, thrill over flowers or imaginary food gifted to me, set up an obstacle course or treasure hunt type play but I don't spend ALL day playing blocks/tea parties etc with them. My children beg me to play with them which probably comes back to their love language so I think it is important for me to fulfil that need of theirs too. I can't get my head around why God would have them beg me to play with them if it's not my role to do that. The amount that my kiddies feel crushed when I can't play doesn't seem like gentle parenting to me. I know I can't play all day but I think I should factor it into my day just like any other need they have. I don't always feel like it but I don't always feel like making a sandwich for them either. Playing is part of their world & they love to share their world with me because they love me.

[joysworld]

I don't think there is a 'suppose' to answer. I play with them occasionally, meaning getting on the floor and following their playing lead. That maybe playing restaurant, or ponies, etc. Thankfully it's only my girls who want me to play with them. My oldest just wants me to help him reach his goal. Well, he does asks to play chess with me. Other than that, I read more to them than I play with them. I literally will fall asleep if I pretend play with them too long. We do a lot of tickle fights, or pillow fights opposed to imaginative play.

[SweetCaroline]

Because I hate it. It makes my skin crawl and I want to cry. I loathe getting on the floor and building a tower, or legos :shiver or dress up or store or whatever. It does nobody any good to have mommy resenting the time that she is spending with them. It can't be a good thing to have mommy hating to play and the kids picking up on it. Want to come sweep the floor with me....awesome. I'll spend twenty minutes doing with you and showing you how to hold the dustpan. Wanna help me cook dinner, :rockon. Clean the shower? Read books? But play...no I will not play.

And I'll do short bursts, but it is five minutes of playtime tops. Beyond that I start to get twitchy.
this is how i *feel*

but, the way i see it is that in life relationships are give and take. my DH goes to antique shops with me- he'd rather be fishing

i listen to him talk about politics- i'd rather be ______ anything else.

just like with kids..they play. thats what they're interested in. i want to share that facet of their lives with them. even though i'd rather be doing many other things.

like others have said..its just here and there lots of times..but i will build, i will reenact The Nutcracker for the zillionth time (:shifty)- then when im done, im done..:yes

admittedly- i do struggle to play with my oldest. ugh. lego. i always hope that our relationship is more mental at this point. although he asks me to play all.the.time. :sigh

so i guess im saying that its not that youre "supposed" to be their playmate- im saying as part of having a relationship with your small child, you will need to meet their interests sometimes- and their intrests are playing :shrug and how you do that needs to work for the both of you

well..im off to do a giant floor puzzle :-/ :giggle

[Can'tTurnLeft]

In general I don't like little kids. Now of course I love mine, and I do like my kids, but in general I don't like kids under six all that well. I've always been the person who works with teens in Sunday school, not preschoolers. I can't wait until I have no more toddlers in the house.

I do not think it is good for me to play with my children because they will pick up on how much I dislike it and their minds aren't mature enough to figure out the nuances of what they are picking up.

But I question the idea that parents spending a ton of time playing with their child is good for any kid. Until fairly recently parents had limited time during the day to play. Children worked alongside their parents from a young age. Doing dishes or gardening or cooking was turned into a playful activity, but playing for hours was unhheard of. I think extended playtime with parents might not be super great for any kid.

Some parents are going to naturally play more. It is who they are, and that is great. But I truly think to much parent involved play is a bad thing.

[Housekat]

I'm allergic to 'supposed to's' :giggle

I think it's a personality/preference thing. I don't like playing - I'm just not a playful person. I guide and encourage. But there is no way on this good earth that I will spend long amounts of time (ie more than five minutes :shifty) on the floor playing. It drives me insane with boredom.

Now, engaging Theo in day to day activities and providing opportunities for play - that's different.

[Emerald Orchid]

I haven't read the latest replies, I will later.

I'm now totally going to contradict what I said yesterday about not playing: this morning, DS1 and I are the only ones up and he asked me if I wanted to play, to which I answered "not really". Then he says "Mommy, it would really really make me happy if you played with me." Well, asked like that, I can't say no. :heart So we played with mini John Deeres "shovelling snow" for 5 minutes and now he's a content boy stroking the cat.

There are times when it's THAT meaningful that I do play, but it's the exception. ;)

[CapeTownMommy]

Playing with the kids doesn't come naturally to me. I read them loads of books, and I'll engage in their imaginary play when asked (drinking the imaginary tea, talking to them in meows when they are cats) but most of our play is of the rough-house / physical variety. I'll twirl them around, chase them, tickle them etc. But the rest of the time I am close to them doing what I need to do.

[greengirl19]

Wow, so I'm not the only one who starts to feeling twitchy when playing building tracks for thomas for the 100th time. My love lauguage is quality time and I'm pretty sure G's is too. So right now with no siblings and not a lot of similar aged friends around it means I'm his only available playmate. It is a struggle, but I indulge him as much as I can when it's not time to be doing something else because I know it's really important to him.

I hadn't thought about the fact that until recently play with our kids wasn't an option, there was too much work to be done just to survive. I'd actually feel better if we spent more time 'working' together verses sitting on the floor playing.

But I did have fun last night crab crawling around on the floor chasing each other. And it was good exercise :)

[Can'tTurnLeft]

They are only young once

Thank God.

Seriously.

I love parenting my oldest now that she is 5.5. When she was 18 months until 4 I truly wondered if I had made a HUGE mistake in becoming a mother. I wasn't enjoying so much of it. I was trying to be this playful hippie mother ideal that frolicked in meadows with flowers in my hair. I hated it. She knew I hated it. And it really damaged our relationship.

The problem is I was guilted into doing things that I dudn't want to do, liked to do, or was good at, by statements like these But why would you NOT want to play with them, if and when you could ?? I would not want to play because it damages our relationship. But it is statements like this that are guilt inducing and make other mothers feel like they are failing in some way.

The day I asked my 3 year old daughter to help cook dinner was life changing. She was begging to do something and we had played all days. I was snapping and mean. Finally I got ready to start dinner, and she was still begging to play. So I asked her to help me. It was literally the first time in a few months we had laughed together. I never intentionally sat down to play with her again.

That isn't to say we never play. We do. But it isn't for long, and it is seldom intentional. It just happens :shrug3

They are only young once- enjoy your time with them. :)

I will. By avoiding playtime

[Katigre]

I will. By avoiding playtime
:think I wonder if part of your aversion to playtime is because it was something never modeled for you and never taught (i.e., you didn't have younger siblings to practice with, you didn't experience your mother playing with you). If your personality is also not playful by nature, then you had a nature+nurture combo of 'no play with young children - cringe inducing' that is strongly part of who you are..

And that is fine to not enjoy young children and to not want to play with them :yes. You clearly engage them in other ways.

I just don't understand your visceral reaction to the idea of others enjoying playing with their children or making it a priority even if they don't particularly enjoy it. I don't think it is harmful to their development as you have implied, and from my own experience having a mother who engaged in regular play and relational time with us was hugely beneficial (and I also see the benefits in my own children as she repeats the pattern as a grandma).

The other issue I have with your responses is that it feels dismissive toward mothers who really love the toddler/preschool stage and enjoy playing in that developmental stage with their children. Not every mother likes the same stages of childhood - ex. I looooooved the newborn stage, others hate it. Ok :shrug. Being part of one camp doesn't invalidate the other.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

I just don't understand your visceral reaction to the idea of others enjoying playing with their children or making it a priority even if they don't particularly enjoy it. I don't think it is harmful to their development as you have implied, and from my own experience having a mother who engaged in regular play and relational time with us was hugely beneficial (and I also see the benefits in my own children as she repeats the pattern as a grandma).

The other issue I have with your responses is that it feels dismissive toward mothers who really love the toddler/preschool stage and enjoy playing in that developmental stage with their children. Not every mother likes the same stages of childhood - I looooooved the newborn stage, others hate it. Ok :shrug. Being part of one camp doesn't invalidate the other.

My reaction is to the comments that are CLEARLY condescending toward those of us who don't like to play with our kids. If other people get joy and excitement out of playing with their kids. That is awesome. Good for them. I'm not having any sort of visceral reaction to others enjoying playtime, but toward others making it CLEAR that I'm not being the best mother I can be if I don't enjoy it.

But why would you NOT want to play with them, if and when you could ??

They are only young once- enjoy your time with them.

Those comments and the entire posts they are from make it clear that we SHOULD be playing with our kids. They are guilt forming and my relationship with my daughter suffered badly because I allowed comments like this to guilt me. That is my visceral reaction.

I was speaking of me, and only me. I never spoke of other mothers, except when I said that I'm not sure that spending a ton of time playing with kids is good for kids. Some, absolutely is good. But a Lot? I'm not sure. I think that adults in on the majority of playtime might not be a great thing. I don't think it is how kids are designed to best learn, or best play. Some adult play is probably great, but a lot of their play....I'm not sure.

The problem in these conversations when they happen on here is there are a few people who are saying things like the comments that I quoted above that are making broad statements about all mothers and how you should play and why would you NOT want to and you aren't enjoying them if you don't play. That isn't okay. It isn't fair to those of us who don't enjoy play, and who aren't good at it.

MY relationship with MY daughter was severely damaged because I bought into the whole "I have to play with my daughter a lot" ideology. I don't. It was damaging because she could tell I was frustrated and annoyed and she thought it was toward her, not toward the actual playtime itself.

*edited several times inbetween nursing, showering, watching elf, and eating. I might have peed too. So I'm sure it is disjointed

[Aisling]

I'm not at all convinced that children need playmates in order to play. If I notice that they do need more social enteraction (especially my more extroverted kid), I do my best to provide that opportunity for them. We go to the park, hang out with friends, have a friend over. :heart

They certainly don't need me to play *for* them. (something I refuse to do...if a 3yo can't put together a tough puzzle, the puzzle GOES. The point of a puzzle is spatial and problem solving skill; me doing it for them is really useless for both of us) I tend toward very open-ended playthings (manipulatives, sensory play, creative play, outdoors play, etc). My 6yo plays *at* things that look very adult-creating "tintures", mudpies, building fires (yes, I let her) in the back yard, constructing things outdoors. I detest board games, and, since the point of them is mutually fun interaction, we simply don't have any that we don't all enjoy. It's a cultural construct that adults should "play" with their children with specific toys and games (also a social/commercial construct) in order to experience quality time with them. Total horse pucky, IMO. :shifty

That doesn't mean that people can't enjoy those things. But I do think that a lot of the idea of "play" with your kids is built around the sacred cows of our materialistic culture, and it induces a lot of insane, unnecessary guilt. :twocents I spend a LOT of time with my kids, in ways that makes them feel special and loved and competent. :heart

I also think it's important for kids to grapple with boredom and learn the skill of making their own fun, without being entertained 24/7. :heart

I'll do things with them that they enjoy that I don't sometimes, but certainly not the majority of the time. I have no desire or need to be a martyr when there are plenty of ways we can enjoy the world around us together in a fun and meaningful way that doesn't drain me completely. They're not missing out. :shrug3

[3PeasInAPod]

I have an only, so I make an extra effort to play with him more often. It's not every day b/c he does play well on his own. But , yeah, he's into the imaginary games right now & he really wants someone to play with. Last night he wanted to play cops with his metal handcuffs, so I played the bad guy & let him cuff me & take me to jail, then we switched roles.
I do play a lot of board games with him. I think they're important for his cognitive & relational development.

[milkmommy]

I'm not my kids playmates. I am playful but not a playmate.THis doesn't mean I shove them into another room and refuse to be bothered.. I talk oh big kick do you like your ball.. Oh it landed by my foot here I'll kick it back.. I set up art stuff all the tiem as in I get out boxes or crayons open playdoh jars put on smocks and pour paints.. I'll help glue something if asked and we ALL clean up but its extrememly rare for me to sit down and do crafts with them.. expecially the toddler..Thats pretty much reserved to certain schooling activites.
We do lots together just not TOGETHER :giggle like I take my kids to the park a lot, I stay close to little ones for safety reasons I'll push on swings (last thing) and help go down slides but they do the playing on their own.. Once they are old enough they can do it on their own mama fionds a shady spot and reads...:shifty

IF there is some new toy that requires some "dirrections" I'll sit down long enough to show and demonstrate but then they are to do it them selfs.. If she brings it over its ussually to show me somethings and not mommy play with me. :shrug3

I grew up in the homes of a preschool a true preschool not a daycare but also a program designed to get the kids prepared for Kindergarden true preschool (all play based).. It was very easy to tell which kids had someone playing wit hthem all the time and which were more able to do it on their own. (and parents confirmend it) the ones with parents who always played with them has a very hard time. they second guessed a lot the had huge issues problem solving and spent a lot of time just wondering around the rooms refusing to play or insisting the teacher and helper contantly open something or put something together or just play with them.. OFten yes these were the only or first kids but not always.. They were kind sweet wonderful kids but they did have to be taught how to play. :shrug3 They all learned very fast and did great as well. :rockon
The more independent kids sometimes had their own issues.. They boldly tried going through parts of the house not allowed,:giggle they could be more bossy and more you can't make me ;) so dont think I'm saying one was ideal and the other horrid.. but yes we did see issues. :shrug3

[SillyMommy]

Have you ever read Continuum Concept?

This, yes. Best book I ever read!!

[Love&Joy]

I wondered about this a lot when DD1 was the only child. I played with her A LOT, more than I cared to. She has a sibling now so she doesn't ask me to play very often anymore. I don't miss it, but I also think it was time well spent.

[Aerynne]

I'm pretty much 100% with CTL on this one. I don't like to play. And I don't really like little kids except my own. Bigger kids are great! I spend tons of time with my kids- I read to them, work with them, do art with them, teach them, talk to them, and I'm around while they're playing. They draw at the kitchen table and I do dishes, etc. I'm happy to taste some pretend soup, kiss or diaper a baby doll, or occasionally play with blocks or trains for a few minutes. Elaborate pretend games- absolutely not. I will not "be the grandma" or "be the doggy" and I don't ever get asked to, probably because I have never done it. I didn't even like to do it when I was a kid.

Our kids need our love and attention, but not necessarily in specific ways. I see play as children's work. And I tell them that is their job, and my job is to take care of them and the house.

Oh, and I will tell them "You are in charge of your own entertainment".

It is totally, totally different with only one child. I played all the time.

[heartofjoy]

I really like little kids. I'm having more trouble relating to my 6-12 year olds. :think

And yet, I don't like to play with little kids. I like to show them my grown-up world.

[Amazement]

And I tell them that is their job, and my job is to take care of them and the house.

Oh, and I will tell them "You are in charge of your own entertainment".

It is totally, totally different with only one child. I played all the time.

I agree with most of this. I think play is children's work, too, and that's a big part of why I do play with DD1--I'm teaching her how to do her work. At this point she's just starting to learn how to play imaginatively and I want to model it for her. Eventually I want her to be the one modeling for her little sister how to play. But we're not there yet... they're only 2.5 and 3 weeks!

I wonder if my attitude is partly shaped by the fact that I don't view the housework as my job, or my grown up world. I do what needs to be done, but it is no more my job than my husband's, or than my daughters' as they get old enough to take it on. It's just a necessary part of life for all of us. My job is teaching, when I'm not on maternity leave. And paper grading and lesson planning not exactly something I can invite a toddler into! I think the idea of inviting your children into your work was easier in older times, when more work was concrete and physical. Nowadays a lot of the work parents do is mental work and done on a computer... not nearly so appropriate for kids.

[hotnostril]

I'm an only child whose parents played with me all the time! Some of my fondest memories are of my dad wearing a big summer hat with flowers on it after letting me put some make up on his face, sitting on my floor playing tea party with me & my dolls and stuffed animals. My mom would play "fashion show" and "puppet show" with me all the time too. Both would play vet er with me when a stuffed animal would get a hole and require surgery. I remember my mom placing a stuffed snake on the ironing board and she & my dad were wearing rubber dish washing gloves. rofl!

I played with mine all the time too. I really enjoyed it and watching their little faces light up when I played along.

[mom2g2b]

I love the baby stage. I feel like I'm a better mother at that age. The elementary years are harder for me. My two teens are 14 and 17 and I enjoy spending time with them talking or going to lunch. The 10 yr old has such a different personality than me, that I don't share interests with him. The 3 yr old is just at a fun age mostly.

I try to play the Wii with the 10 yr old ds each day because he enjoys it and it's good exercise for me. That is something I can do and it helps him feel loved.

[Aisling]

I personally don't mind playing baby games ("name the body parts", "peekaboo", etc) with my babies. Because that's the only way they know to communicate...I think my drive to do that is so strong because it *is* kind of me pulling them into the adult world. Similarly, I love teaching my 4yos to bake or swim, telling jokes with my 7yo...it's playful interaction, but not me going through the motions of being a child, if that makes sense. I'm teaching social interaction and relationship to them on their level, and we all enjoy it immensely. :heart I'm seriously adoring reading books with my 7yo and chatting with her endlessly about her favorite parts of the story and what she's noticing about the plot/characters. :rockon

Just spouting thoughts. :giggle

The Idle Parent, Continuum Concept and Last Child in the Woods are some of my faves. :heart They make a lot of sense for our family, and seem to strike a balance of letting our kids revel in the magic of childhood without wallowing in kiddie culture (something I really can't bring myself to do...literally *can't* make my brain do it :shifty)

[teamommy]

Del

[heartofjoy]

This thread is dragging up memories from when my firstborn was a baby. I'm recalling ny attempts at play being thwarted by her need to control. I would sit down and try to play with her and she would not let me play my way. She would try to control every aspect of it! Like if we were playing with blocks, she would dictate how every structure was built. I couldn't build my own structures. It was annoying!
Posted via Mobile Device

[teamommy]

Last Child in the Woods

:heart this book. Wish every parent would/could read it.

[bananacake]

Those comments and the entire posts they are from make it clear that we SHOULD be playing with our kids. They are guilt forming and my relationship with my daughter suffered badly because I allowed comments like this to guilt me. That is my visceral reaction.

I sort of agree with Katigre. I do see a very strong reaction in you when the topic comes up. I wonder if it's because you are reading too much into those questions/statements, through your filter.

The context:
No, we're not their playmate by any stretch.

But why would you NOT want to play with them, if and when you could?

I read it as an honest question. Not as "what's wrong with you that you don't want to do this" but as "what is it about playing that you don't want to do it?"

And the other, the same way. "I like to sit & play" she said, not "Moms need to sit & play". Ended with "They are only young once- enjoy your time with them."

I am literal, so I read that as "enjoy them however you enjoy them" :)

I will also clarify. I play with my kids for short bursts - very short ones :shifty But I do it because it's important to them.

[Aisling]

But why would you NOT want to play with them, if and when you could?


BC-Even if it's a literal question, I was surprised to see it asked, since so many mamas had already answered in really candid and vulnerable detail. :wink :heart

[bananacake]

BC-Even if it's a literal question, I was surprised to see it asked, since so many mamas had already answered in really candid and vulnerable detail. :wink :heart

Well, only a couple of people had specifically said, by post #21, "I don't like to play". It seems more of the answers were "I do play" or "I don't play because I'm not my child's playmate." Even then, the question could be asking "Why don't you like playing?"

ETA: I think the candid and vulnerable detail came later :giggle

[Aisling]

I guess at least I felt my post at post 16 was pretty open and honest. :shrug3 To have it called into question (if we're taking it literally and not rhetorically) was a little surprising. My feelings and experience just *are*. :) I kind of bet, though, that the mama who posted that will come back and clarify what she meant, if she wants to. :heart :hug Not everyone takes things literally or means them literally, and it's good to find out from the person who originally said something which they meant, rather than jumping in and explaining...when we can't know the mind of the other person. :heart

[Can'tTurnLeft]

I sort of agree with Katigre. I do see a very strong reaction in you when the topic comes up. I wonder if it's because you are reading too much into those questions/statements, through your filter.


I get frustrated because every.single.time. those of us who don't like to play or who are honest about not liking to play are told things like "they are only young once" "You should enjoy them while they are young"

It turns into two sides. Those who say "whatever. different strokes" and those who say "You are not a good mother if you don't play with your kids" They try to wrap that up in prettier paper, but that is exactly what they are saying.

And I would like someone to point out where I was speaking of any relationship OUTSIDE OF MY OWN, before Katigre spoke up, except in the one post where I wondered if a ton of play was good for kids.

[relizabeth]

I get frustrated because every.single.time. those of us who don't like to play or who are honest about not liking to play are told things like "they are only young once" "You should enjoy them while they are young"

There are different ways of "enjoying them while they're young". :yes Playing is only one way! My mom didn't play with us...board games sometimes I guess. She did other things, like cooking with us and whatnot.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

I guess at least I felt my post at post 16 was pretty open and honest. :shrug3 To have it called into question (if we're taking it literally and not rhetorically) was a little surprising. My feelings and experience just *are*. :) I kind of bet, though, that the mama who posted that will come back and clarify what she meant, if she wants to. :heart :hug Not everyone takes things literally or means them literally, and it's good to find out from the person who originally said something which they meant, rather than jumping in and explaining...when we can't know the mind of the other person. :heart

yeah....I tend to be *very* literal. Several of us had already explained why we don't play. And it was questioned. That marked the point for me when the thread turned. Then two posts later was the horrible "They are only young once" I *hate* that phrase and feel as if it is designed to be guilt inducing (though I seriously doubt that was the intention of the poster)

---------- Post added at 12:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:13 AM ----------

There are different ways of "enjoying them while they're young". :yes Playing is only one way! My mom didn't play with us...board games sometimes I guess. She did other things, like cooking with us and whatnot.

Absolutely. But when this phrase is thrown onto the end of how much a mother loves to play with her child, it is obvious that it means "her way"

---------- Post added at 12:18 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:14 AM ----------

And the reason I get so worked up is because playing with my child, the way that it is described, really damaged my relationship with the bee. I'm still not sure we have recovered entirely. Because of the questions and comments that people make about mothers who don't enjoy playing. Society in general, especially attachment parenting society, looks down on moms who aren't playful. I let that get to me and I let that make me feel guilty and I let that pressure me to become a mother who I'm not.

So I get worked up because it damaged me and my daughter, badly. And to have that questioned, or passive aggressive comments made, anger me.

[bananacake]

Thanks for explaining, CTL & Aisling. I appreciate your perspective :heart I've never felt any pressure to play with my children, nor have I heard the pressuring comments that you mention, CTL. So I'm reading through that lens and hearing something different in those comments. I'm also sharing through my own experiences as a child of not being engaged, as well as watching my kids interacting with DH & me, as well as other adults, and the ways they desire to be engaged. I'm sure that colors my views as well.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

Thanks for explaining, CTL & Aisling. I appreciate your perspective :heart I've never felt any pressure to play with my children, nor have I heard the pressuring comments that you mention, CTL. So I'm reading through that lens and hearing something different in those comments. I'm also sharing through my own experiences as a child of not being engaged, as well as watching my kids interacting with DH & me, as well as other adults, and the ways they desire to be engaged. I'm sure that colors my views as well.

You are right, our different perspectives color how we are reading the comments for sure :) :hug Since you already play with your kids, and it is something you feel called to/want to do our starting points are vastly different. :yes:yes

[musiclady]

You know, I thought I was the only one whe doesn't play with my kids. I used to think there is something really wrong with me. I do things like take an interest in what they do, they help with what I am doing. Anyway, nice to know I am not the only one.
Posted via Mobile Device

[GraemesMomma]

I read it as an honest question. Not as "what's wrong with you that you don't want to do this" but as "what is it about playing that you don't want to do it?"


Am I understanding this correctly that somehow my post is being blamed for this thread turning into a guilt/comparison thing? :scratch

:bag Um. I'm new. :cry

I was going to try to explain that I wasn't speaking of anyone here, nor had I read through all the comments before posting my own...But I honestly feel ganged up on a bit. Am I being too sensitive? :blush

[Can'tTurnLeft]

Am I understanding this correctly that somehow my post is being blamed for this thread turning into a guilt/comparison thing? :scratch

:bag Um. I'm new. :cry

I was going to try to explain that I wasn't speaking of anyone here, nor had I read through all the comments before posting my own...But I honestly feel ganged up on a bit. Am I being too sensitive? :blush

I'm sorry :hugheart

You aren't being to sensitive. I was *harsh* in my response based on how these threads have gone before.

I have been deeply DEEPLY hurt by these threads in the past. Like bad bad bad stuff.

I was harsh. I wanted to make it clear in my responses that it wasn't about *you* but the whole big picture of the question you posed. I didn't even attempt to make that clear (cause I'm an introvert, it was clear in my head and I forget the world doesn't have access there :blush)

I'm sorry.

[bananacake]

You are right, our different perspectives color how we are reading the comments for sure :) :hug Since you already play with your kids, and it is something you feel called to/want to do our starting points are vastly different. :yes:yes

I don't want to, nor do I feel "called to" (not sure what that means) :shifty :giggle And honestly, it doesn't sound as if I play with my kids much more than you do. It's simply we're coming at it from different perspectives and experiences.

---------- Post added at 09:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:13 PM ----------

Am I understanding this correctly that somehow my post is being blamed for this thread turning into a guilt/comparison thing? :scratch

:bag Um. I'm new. :cry

I was going to try to explain that I wasn't speaking of anyone here, nor had I read through all the comments before posting my own...But I honestly feel ganged up on a bit. Am I being too sensitive? :blush

:hugheart You know what? It is SO hard to read tone on message boards, especially when someone is new and the person reading the post may not know you well. I don't think anyone is blaming anyone :no This is a heated topic that lots of strong women with strong personalities have strong opinions on :giggle

Please stick around! We are all struggling with life here together and trying to make sense of being a mom.

[GraemesMomma]

I'm sorry :hugheart

You aren't being to sensitive. I was *harsh* in my response based on how these threads have gone before.

I have been deeply DEEPLY hurt by these threads in the past. Like bad bad bad stuff.

I was harsh. I wanted to make it clear in my responses that it wasn't about *you* but the whole big picture of the question you posed. I didn't even attempt to make that clear (cause I'm an introvert, it was clear in my head and I forget the world doesn't have access there :blush)

I'm sorry.

Goodness, I'm so very sorry. :hug Thank you for explaining...I just popped in and saw all this discussion and felt awful! I was mainly reflecting in my post, and I can see from a different perspective how it could have been misconstrued. Especially in light of your experiences.

I'm a Mother of three under five. I truly get not wanting to play with kiddos. It's not a right or wrong at all, nor does it make one a better mother one way or another. My question was coming from a reflection on why would one not want to play. Perhaps our definitions of the word "play" are different, I'm wondering. I'm Waldorf-leaning and therefore see play (i.e. wonder, curiosity, figurative, magic) as being the fabric of childhood. So I'm thinking why would a person not try to enter that world as a parent, at least every once in awhile? I struggle with being faaaar on the left when it comes to literal/critical thinking...so I make an effort to set that aside many times in parenting, just so I can reach out to my child. This is in discipline, when talking, working, dressing, bathing or "play"ing.

Does that clarify where I was coming from? I have a feeling we are all on the same spectrum here...just every Mother has a different plateau and brings to her mothering a varying degree of play-ful-ness. That's not wrong. Just individual. :thumbsup

:heart

[bananacake]

I was going to try to explain that I wasn't speaking of anyone here, nor had I read through all the comments before posting my own...But I honestly feel ganged up on a bit. Am I being too sensitive? :blush

Just a quick aside - it can very helpful to understanding where someone is coming from if they throw in a quick - "I haven't read the replies yet, but here are my thoughts." I was wondering if that possibly was the case with you sharing your thoughts :heart

[GraemesMomma]

:hugheart You know what? It is SO hard to read tone on message boards, especially when someone is new and the person reading the post may not know you well. I don't think anyone is blaming anyone :no This is a heated topic that lots of strong women with strong personalities have strong opinions on :giggle

Please stick around! We are all struggling with life here together and trying to make sense of being a mom.

Of course. I'm learning. :) I understand more fully now. I'll try to put a disclaimer when I don't read all the previous responses...that makes sense. :love

---------- Post added at 03:01 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:40 AM ----------

Ok, so I just read this whole thread in it's entirety. :wow

Of course no Mother should be brow-beaten into feeling shame if she doesn't like to "play! You don't have to play with your children to be a "good Mom". To answer the original question, no, of course we're not *supposed to* be our kiddos playmates.

I really regret that my original statement came across in that vein. :sigh

We are to meet our children where we are. We cannot be something we aren't. We can stretch a bit, try new things, even sacrifice sometimes to do something we don't like. But we also must be true to our personal boundaries, allowing our children to learn there are times when "no, thanks" is an appropriate response. :hug

And I think "play" could mean different things to different people. :)

[WildFlower]

I don't think parents are supposed to be their child's "playmate" but I do think it is good to play with our kids. Maybe not so much that they can't play alone?

DD is 15 months old and an only child. Sometimes I am not sure she knows HOW to play with some things. So getting down on the floor and playing/showing her and doing it with her I think helps. She showed absolutely no interest in her doll, till I showed her how to pat the baby, hold the baby, hug the baby. Now it's like a game. She will do it, and give it me or DH and want us to do it while she watches. She thinks it's fun. But now she walks around carrying her baby and pats the baby or her bear all the time. I really think they learn by watching and interacting. Play is just a form of interacting that is "fun". If you don't like traditional play, incorporating them into what you are doing and making it "fun" can be just as good. I don't feel like I really play with dd as much as I "should" or would like to. That said I don't think there is anything wrong with playing with your kids.

[Chaos Coordinator]

Here are my thoughts - I hate playing kid games, building with blocks, playing play. But I also consider "tag" and board games and reading books and setting up obstacle courses, singing silly songs, and rough housing as play, and those are things that I am willing to do. Also I see art as playtime as well.

Often times I will initiate play, demonstrate ideas for what to do with an object (this is how to link these things together) - I never used to demonstrate toys and he always figured them out but at some point he would just lose interest so it became futile. Some demonstration became needed. Probably when his desire to learn more exceeded the developmental capabilities of his brain, which is actually a common problem here. He's all out of balance. Also he has sensory issues so if left to his own devices sometimes he does well and sometimes it is pure disaster and injury.

I felt guilty for not enjoying play for a long time, especially because I love him so much, my husband is good at play, and I'm just not and it's very difficult for me to do. But having said that, I can recall in my own childhood my mother never playing with me (or engaging me, really, I see now this is the issue) and it just contributed toward my own feelings of rejection and inadequacy. Plus my child is a great big ole giant extravert. So we hopped right on the second baby train as soon as we could, and in the mean time I do bite the bullet at least for a few minutes each day and do something that might be drudgery for me because I can see how much he gets out of it

Yeah. Playing is awful :shiver I'd so much rather be chatting with him, reading, cooking, sewing, pouring glitter into plastic baggies for absolutely no reason. Just please don't ask me toplay with your dinosaur figurines.

[mamahammer]

I *hate* playing with young kids. Really, really. Passionately. Give me older kids who like a game of basketball or soccer. Who like adult board games. Then I'm all in. I'll read to the kids, cook with them, take bubble baths with them, look up sea mammals online ad nauseum. But down on the ground, block building, imaginative play? Kill me now.

[ReedleBeetle]

Coming back when I'm not on my phone.....

[RainbowMummy]

I *hate* playing with young kids. But down on the ground, block building, imaginative play? Kill me now.

I've been reading & mulling this over & am still trying to relate to sentiments such as the above.
I'm not picking on you mamahammer! yours just happened to be the last post I read :P~ :lol

Do any of the mummas who have no desire to play with their kiddies at all, have children who regularly ask or beg them to play? (cause I'm assuming that some kiddies wouldn't ask as much as mine do as it's just not their love language)

If your kiddies are asking for you to play & you say no, doesn't that hurt or upset them? if it upsets them, then I'm confused how someone who is passionate enough about gentle parenting to be on this forum wouldn't feel weird about always saying no to their child.
I understand that there are times we HAVE TO say no even if a child gets upset, like if they wanted to run out on a busy road. But I wouldn't have thought that saying no to playing is a HAVE TO so isn't it worth playing even though you hate it? Isn't that more gentle?

[Chaos Coordinator]

Not when the idea of playing fills you with rage. That's like the opposite.

I cannot sit and play cars with my child. Even if I found cars going down ramps repeatedly even remotely interesting, I'm not allowed to touch any of the cars because they're all his and he's two so thats a big deal. If he wants to play with me, we can Play a little game I like to call shopping cart, which involves putting all the toys I'm this bin er I mean shopping cart...

If he just wants to interact, oh look, let's cover the door to your bedroom with fish stickers. Yep I'd rather vandalize my own house with stickers. Much to my husbands dismay.

---------- Post added at 02:00 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:58 AM ----------

And of course my use of the word "bedroom" is merely hypothetical considering we all sleep in a pile on my bed.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

Do any of the mummas who have no desire to play with their kiddies at all, have children who regularly ask or beg them to play? (cause I'm assuming that some kiddies wouldn't ask as much as mine do as it's just not their love language)

Yes, my three year old asks me fifty gagizllion times a day

If your kiddies are asking for you to play & you say no, doesn't that hurt or upset them?

Sometimes it does, but typically I redirect them in a way that isn't hurtful or I engage them in what I'm doing. Once in a while I'll play with them. It isn't that I never play, it is that I'm not their playmate. It isn't a regular thing in my home.

if it upsets them, then I'm confused how someone who is passionate enough about gentle parenting to be on this forum wouldn't feel weird about always saying no to their child.
I understand that there are times we HAVE TO say no even if a child gets upset, like if they wanted to run out on a busy road. But I wouldn't have thought that saying no to playing is a HAVE TO so isn't it worth playing even though you hate it? Isn't that more gentle?

In my home saying no to play frequently is a "have to" I will resent and hate it. Kids are smart and they can understand that mommy is really upset and frustrated, but they aren't going to really understand WHY mommy is upset and frustrated. They will take it internally. So if I say yes, and spend an hour playing pretend tea shark princess and super spy then they are going to get that mommy is unhappy and frustrated. They are going to think THEY are doing something wrong, but the reality is they are doing everything right, it is me who is wrong because I didn't redirect them. Better to give them a minute, then disengage or redirect them to a project that we can enjoy together, or something that needs to be done, so that our family dynamic is healthier and happier.

[mamahammer]

Fortunately for me, my kids are close enough in age that they never really had a time when there wasn't a built-in playmate for them. And my oldest, who would have been the most likely, spacing-wise, to need a playmate has ASD and, well, doesn't so much play.

In all honesty, my kids do not ask me to "play." They just don't. It's never been something I've done so they've never expected it, I guess. But if they did, I'd say no while offering up an alternative I'm willing to do. I'm an angry, resentful person when I attempt to "play." Short-fused, irritable, etc. It's not good for me and not good for them.

[milkmommy]

e the last post I read

Do any of the mummas who have no desire to play with their kiddies at all, have children who regularly ask or beg them to play?

On occasional but not a lot. I play with my kids just not in the same on the floor play they will do alone with siblings or their own friends. One in a while I do floor play but its for like 2 mintues and not often.

---------- Post added at 10:05 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:54 AM ----------

Fortunately for me, my kids are close enough in age that they never really had a time when there wasn't a built-in playmate for them. And my oldest, who would have been the most likely, spacing-wise, to need a playmate has ASD and, well, doesn't so much play.

In all honesty, my kids do not ask me to "play." They just don't. It's never been something I've done so they've never expected it, I guess. But if they did, I'd say no while offering up an alternative I'm willing to do. I'm an angry, resentful person when I attempt to "play." Short-fused, irritable, etc. It's not good for me and not good for them.

this I think Cecilia has asked me to play with her liek a handful of tiems in her life. :shrug3 and shes never really pushed it eaither way. ON the occasiona offerign a somethign I will do eaither then or latter has been quite enough. No but I'll read you a book, no but I'd love to see it when your done, not but I'm baking cookies latter would you like to help me? I'll help with little things like mommy what should I name this new dog? (pretend) I'll goo humm well he has a black patch on one eye so how about patches..:shrug3 (see I'm imagining also) but I wont get on the floor and bark ;)
Ive for small amounts sat at Maggies level to help her with soem things but ussually just long enough that she can do it herslef. I've sat to keep her engaged with in a certain area say at the liabary ect and I'll do the what sounds does the duck make and where is maggies nose games.. Peek a boo ect.. I'll play one sized hidde N seek to a point.. YOU go hide mama will find you.. We play outdoor games of catch or kicking a ball ect on occasion but honestly fo the most part they totally play on their own. I'm busy:shrug3..
They play while I clean dishes why I prepare meals. The toddler plays while I school Cecilia they play while DH and I talk and occasionally they play while mamae mama watches her show.:giggle

Deanna

[Amazement]

Give me older kids who like a game of basketball or soccer.

Now this is funny to me because that's the kind of play that I foresee myself being unable to make myself do. I hate, loathe, and despise playing organized sports. I swear I have PTSD from my days of public school
P.E. So if my daughters end up being avid athletes, I will have to meet that need for them in other ways. I will send them out with daddy, or find them a neighborhood team, or a friend whose into sports. I'l gladly be their playmate when they want me to make little toy animals talk, but I won't be their teammate.

We all have to be who we are. God gave my girls a mommy who loves to pretend but who hates sports. He gave some of your kids the opposite. But we are loving caring parents and we will make sure our kids' needs get met one way or another. :yes

[Aisling]

I've been reading & mulling this over & am still trying to relate to sentiments such as the above.
I'm not picking on you mamahammer! yours just happened to be the last post I read :P~ :lol

Do any of the mummas who have no desire to play with their kiddies at all, have children who regularly ask or beg them to play? (cause I'm assuming that some kiddies wouldn't ask as much as mine do as it's just not their love language)

If your kiddies are asking for you to play & you say no, doesn't that hurt or upset them? if it upsets them, then I'm confused how someone who is passionate enough about gentle parenting to be on this forum wouldn't feel weird about always saying no to their child.
I understand that there are times we HAVE TO say no even if a child gets upset, like if they wanted to run out on a busy road. But I wouldn't have thought that saying no to playing is a HAVE TO so isn't it worth playing even though you hate it? Isn't that more gentle?

My whole family is in a post-gift and post-brunch stupor here in our respective zonked out places, so I'm back posting. :giggle

My kids generally don't beg for me to play with them, because they have each other, I spend LOTS of time with them doing other things, and they're pretty content playing with themselves and making their own "busy".

I'm not opposed to saying no to my children, or having them practice using their own "no" with me. No isn't a dirty word. It's just a word. It's a word expressing self and self-limits, and it's healthy to learn to use and hear. My kids also hear an overwhelming amount of "yes". :wink Balance is a good thing.

When my kids do ask, sometimes, I'll offer to play for 3 minutes, if it's really important to them, with the understanding that mama also has things I need to do, either for the household, or as part of my own interest or self-care. I'll very often offer to do something together that I'm sure we both enjoy. :heart I personally think it's a good relational skill to learn. :shrug3 Someone before used the husband analogy, and, to a point, I understand...however, if dh and I *insisted* that we spend our time split evenly 50/50 doing things together that one or the other is passionate about, we'd like end up wanting to scratch our eyes own from boredom. :shifty It's much, much smarter to find things that we both enjoy doing mutually, 50% of the time, and then spend the rest of the time pursuing our own lives and interests! :shrug3 That's pretty healthy, IMO. :heart

I think it's OK for kids to learn that mommy shows some interest in their play, understands that it isn't her favorite, and that it's OK to spend most of our time doing something we both enjoy doing, like, say, going for a walk or cooking together or working and laughing and joking. Likewise, I don't ask them to pretend to be interested in my hobbies or interests in order to get my attention (definitely my experience in childhood). We don't have to BE each other to enjoy one another's company. :heart Good life lesson.

[saturnfire16]

I've been reading & mulling this over & am still trying to relate to sentiments such as the above.
I'm not picking on you mamahammer! yours just happened to be the last post I read :P~ :lol

Do any of the mummas who have no desire to play with their kiddies at all, have children who regularly ask or beg them to play? (cause I'm assuming that some kiddies wouldn't ask as much as mine do as it's just not their love language)

If your kiddies are asking for you to play & you say no, doesn't that hurt or upset them? if it upsets them, then I'm confused how someone who is passionate enough about gentle parenting to be on this forum wouldn't feel weird about always saying no to their child.
I understand that there are times we HAVE TO say no even if a child gets upset, like if they wanted to run out on a busy road. But I wouldn't have thought that saying no to playing is a HAVE TO so isn't it worth playing even though you hate it? Isn't that more gentle?

When my oldest was a toddler, I HATED playing with a passion. I read Continuum Concept and that really struck a cord with me, BUT I did recognize that if I didn't play with her, she had no one else because we don't live in a tribal community. So, I tried to involve her in my day as much as possible, but I did also play with her. I tried to do more things like taking her to the park or outside to ride her bike than playing on the floor with blocks, but I did those things too.

It made my skin crawl and I felt like a caged animal who had to ESCAPE. :sick But I did it, because she needed it and I loved her. She is still my most *mama's girl* type child. :yes

This went on until my second one was old enough that they could start to play together. Some time when my second was a baby, I realized the reason I hated play so much- it was too much connection. I had this little person who loved me unconditionally and playing with her was the ultimate *look in each other's eyes and feel the love* kind of thing. I was terrified!

Once I realized that, I worked on it. I made a conscious effort to get better at connecting. It was HARD, but over time it got a little easier. I didn't sit and play with them all day. :no But 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there when they weren't happy with helping me or coloring or (insert other non-playing type of connection here). Also around this time, we were suspecting some sensory stuff with my oldest and she seemed to need a lot of big movement, so I would do games of chase and grab, catching her, holding her, rough housing, and that was easier on me than pretend.

Now my oldest and my middle play together REALLY well. Lately I have been having to seek them out to spend time with them, because they just go off and play and ignore me. :snooty I still don't seek them out to PLAY, but I will offer to read a book or color with them.

Usually once or twice a day they will ask me something like "mom pretend you are the owner and we are your dogs" and I will say ok and talk to them like they are my dogs while I do dishes or something. I'll be impressed that the dogs can talk and I'll give them water in a bowl and that kind of thing. :giggle

[jandjmommy]

I haven't read the other posts too closely, but I didn't notice a lot of people chiming in who do like to play. If you do love to play, I encourage you to keep doing what you love! When I was new here I noticed a few "not my job" comments about engaging in play and I started pulling back from playing, thinking play was somehow not GBD. We all suffered for it, and I truly missed playing with them, and now I'm back to playing and happier.
If playing is not your thing, it's not your thing. But if it is, don't think you're doing anything wrong by enjoying playing with your kids!

[RainbowMummy]

If playing is not your thing, it's not your thing. But if it is, don't think you're doing anything wrong by enjoying playing with your kids!

yes, i totally agree.
I think (well I know :lol ) that I over think so many things especially when it comes to raising my children.
I feel for myself I have at times needed to tell myself to stop fussing over the house & play with my kids & at other times I needed to let go of feeling guilty, my kids are fine & they can learn to have fun without me, I have other jobs to do too.
I think my personality & the tendency I have to over think things makes this a difficult balance for me. In mulling this over this morning I realised too that because we home educate I see myself as the main source of our childrens education. I see everything they do, even play, as part of their education so I have probably been putting too much on myself at times & trying to make it all perfect.
Also, even though I know they will survive, I want more than that, I want them to thrive & I want them to look back & remember a mum who had fun with them, laughed with them...not remember a mum who was always too busy & said No to fun stuff a lot.
My childhood was such a mess I remember very little of it & DH spent most of his childhood getting shooed out of the house so his mum could do whatever she did. When my kids are all grown & gone & my house is empty, I want to look back & remember that I put aside the washing & played with my kids. I guess I just need to make sure I'm not burdening myself too much with it. :P~

[gardenfreshmama]

I do not enjoy playing. :no I DO, however, enjoy reading books. :tu whenever I start feeling guilty about not playing or saying no for the thousandth time that day, i'll say "go grab some books." I can sit on the couch for 45 min and read if no one is whining. I learned a long time ago it's better for everyone if I focus on spending time together in the ways I enjoy and don't leave me feeling resentful!

[ReedleBeetle]

I started reading this thread and was like, "Of COURSE I play with Isaac!!" Then, as I kept reading, I was like, "Oh, well according to that and that...oh and maybe that....I don't play with him." I think it is a LARGE discrepancy in what people are viewing as "playing".

Currently:
I read to him.
I play games with him. (Wii/board games)
I watch TV with him.
I talk to him about what he is playing.
I show him how things work if he isn't sure.
I help him build things like his marble run, harder Lego sets, etc.
We play tickles, wrestling, pillow fighting, etc.
I do therapy with him, which involves sound games, physical activities, etc.
I talk to him.
We tell jokes.
I take him to the park and push him on swings, play chase, etc.
I take him outside and help him with his bike, take him hiking, walking, bowling, to play pool, to the pool, mini-golfing, etc.

I do not "play toys" beyond when we had to teach him HOW to play toys. He seriously did not know how and had to be taught. He could not figure it out. He would just sit and either pile stuff up, throw it all behind a speaker, or just randomly toss it all over the room. So....we had to teach him. It would have been detrimental to him to have *never* played toys with him. He could help me with laundry, but he could not play toys. It was...weird. LOL

I very much invite him into my world. He does a LOT with me and no one I know IRL lets their 6 year old cook independently without being *right* there. Isaac is allowed to flip pancakes, scramble eggs, etc even if I'm in the bathroom or something. Because I've taught him. :shrug3 I think I "play" with him a lot, but I'm seldom in the floor playing toys...very seldom.

---------- Post added at 11:22 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:16 PM ----------

Oh, and my dad played with us a lot. My mom didn't play with us alot, but she played with us special, and it was special. And she kept special things for playing with her. Like her Barbies from her childhood. We knew if they came out, we got special play time with Mom. :heart She did play a lot of games with us, but toys, not a lot.

My DH's parents did not play with him. He does not know how to play with his child, but he tries. He is learning. He actually started crying one day, because he was talking about me playing with Isaac and how his mom/dad never did that. He had to play alone and leave them alone pretty much. He grew up very lonely. I think they could have done a world of difference by just playing with him even a little.

[mamahammer]

I have one statement at the park: Mommy doesn't push swings.

Period.

I *hate* it. The park is for kid exercise and mommy breaks around here. I know that might make me sound like the worst mom ever and I'm okay with that.

Fortunately, even the youngest has figured out how to get herself started on the swings now. Yea, 4 year olds!

[ReedleBeetle]

I push, because he can't do it. He tries. He tries hard. He has developmental delays, and he can't consistently get it. So....I push some. Not the whole time, but he can get a few minutes here or there. ;)

[mamahammer]

I get that :yes

Thomas has dev delays, also. And sensory issues that make it so the only way he likes to swing is on his stomach. Which, on a positive-for-me note, requires no mommy-swing intervention. I know. Worst Mom Ever.

[milkmommy]

my rule during the too young to do it them self phase was we do swings the last 5 minutes of park time.. Then it s home tome.

Deanna

[ReedleBeetle]

I get that :yes

Thomas has dev delays, also. And sensory issues that make it so the only way he likes to swing is on his stomach. Which, on a positive-for-me note, requires no mommy-swing intervention. I know. Worst Mom Ever.

:giggle :no I'm most likely a push over mom. :shifty

[klpmommy]

I hate pushing swings. I'll push for a few minutes, then I'm done.

[bananacake]

When I was new here I noticed a few "not my job" comments about engaging in play and I started pulling back from playing, thinking play was somehow not GBD

This is certainly an important reminder. It can be hard for me, being very literal, to read statements such as "I am not my child's playmate" or "As a mom, it is not my job to play with my child" and remember that the person is only speaking her experiences and opinion, even though the statements seem so definitive.

Again, these are only opinions :)
Posted via Mobile Device

[ValiantJoy07]

I do not enjoy playing. :no I DO, however, enjoy reading books. :tu whenever I start feeling guilty about not playing or saying no for the thousandth time that day, i'll say "go grab some books." I can sit on the couch for 45 min and read if no one is whining. I learned a long time ago it's better for everyone if I focus on spending time together in the ways I enjoy and don't leave me feeling resentful!
I could really relate to this. I love to make a "nest" on the floor and read for as many books as my voice will hold out. I will gladly snuggle and visit with them. Dd1 really needs play, or a project to work on with you...So I try to sit down with her once a day and do a project together (build a tower, paint together...some thing). But I HATE it (well not the painting, but the playing with toys- DH has a blast with their stuff- I find building things kind of boring. :O ). I have a much harder time connecting with Roo than with my snuggle bug Friendly. :(
I think also Roo's personality is so point-blank. She wants to connect in such a relational intense way that I walk away from interactions feeling like I need 60 minutes of quiet and space for the 10 minutes I just spent with her. :ph Where as I can easily spend 60 minutes with Friendly (doing "nothing" but sitting holding her hand or rubbing her back while I do my own thing) and I'm fine.

I have one statement at the park: Mommy doesn't push swings.

Period.

I *hate* it. The park is for kid exercise and mommy breaks around here. I know that might make me sound like the worst mom ever and I'm okay with that.

Fortunately, even the youngest has figured out how to get herself started on the swings now. Yea, 4 year olds!

Oh I so get it, Roo started getting in the big swings alone at just 3 and once I gave her a start she'd have a blast. That said she still *loves* me to push her... And both girls would run straight for the swings if I didn't tell them right before we get out of the van "I am setting the timer, NO SWINGS until the timer goes off- play on the slides and run around." When I set them up in the swings, "i will do 10 minutes, here's the timer...When it goes off that is IT for the days...I will not do any more." :snooty

I learned to do that after dragging Roo freeeeaking out from the playground because I refused to do swings any more (I had told her that "this was it" when I pushed her briefly, but obviously that wasn't enough :doh). As soon as they are all big enough not to need to be pushed: I'm done. :snooty


All that to say I spend a VERY little time "playing" with my kids: I would just stifle and constrict their imagination...I will gladly build a fort, help them find some cardboard boxes, give them random objects that will ignite their imagination (I am always so amused and blown away by their genius. They put the most "boring" and "grown up" things to such incredible uses!)...I will follow instructions/requests when our paths cross ("No Mommy! Don't walk there, that's our lilly pad pond- you'll get all wet. Can you please go around?" :giggle Roo is very diplomatic :heart) or "Can you tie this on my belly real tight so Friendly can walk me to the park?"

I would much much muuuch rather sit on the sidelines and pretend I'm not watching (because then they stop :snooty) than get too involved. :yes

My parents rarely played with us growing up...My Dad would wrestle and rough house...He was always willing to snuggle- even into my teens. :yes My Mom...She'd happily drop any thing to read, and took us to parks and spent time with us that way (home schooled us as well)...I can remember ONE time my Mom playing with me. I was almost 4 and she was nursing my brother in the bedroom and I was across the hall talking to her on my kitchen phone... The "big kids" were outside playing. That's the only time I remember her ever "playing pretend" with me. :think

[Chaos Coordinator]

I'd so much rather push a stationary child in a swing than try to keep him corralled and out of the road

[dukeofhazzard]

I don't feel like I'm *supposed* to, like it's my job to be their playmate, but I facilitate play with my youngest. I'll sit down and start playing with a toy until he takes it away from me :giggle, then I kiss his head and get up and go do something else. :shrug3

My bigs are 8 and 10 and I *do* play things with them because they're things I enjoy. We play Mastermind, Stratego, Sequence, Life, etc.. I :heart:heart:heart board games, and was thrilled when they were old enough to play. I also love playing video games with them :shrug3. It's not that I ignore my baby :no, I just don't *play with* him per se. He's usually just with me when I'm doing my own thing and he's doing his. We're together, and I interact with him quite a lot.

---------- Post added at 04:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:59 PM ----------

I'd so much rather push a stationary child in a swing than try to keep him corralled and out of the road

Oooh I hate pushing swings. Give me a kid who can navigate the park on his own!! :giggle

[Aisling]

I do a lot of things that I don't *have* to do, as a grace extended. The beauty of that is that it isn't set in stone, and we have flexibility to be individuals and do what truly works best overall for everyone in our family. :rockon There are no rules in those "grace as a gift to you" areas. I don't chose to do it in kiddie play often, but I really go over and beyond in other areas that mean a ton to my kids and that I do really well. :tu We flourish, because we have permission to be judiciously human. :giggle

[mamahammer]

We didn't consistently go to the park until Lilli was three and done with the running (I know, lucky for me she was done by 3!). Fortunately for the older two, Paige was the most sleepy, laid-back toddler ever and and she would stay on my back or on my front for hours at the park. Otherwise? We'd have been indoor playground bound much, much longer.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

Oooh I hate pushing swings. Give me a kid who can navigate the park on his own!! :giggle

:yes:yes I loathe swing pushing.

Except for the age the ninja is. about 9-14 months where they can't really get around the park but the swing makes them laugh like there is no tomorrow :heart:heart:heart:heart

[ValiantJoy07]

I'd so much rather push a stationary child in a swing than try to keep him corralled and out of the road

I don't go to playgrounds unless they are WAAAY far away from any roads- but we have LOTS Of options in my area. :yes

:yes:yes I loathe swing pushing.

Except for the age the ninja is. about 9-14 months where they can't really get around the park but the swing makes them laugh like there is no tomorrow :heart:heart:heart:heart
:melting love that age. Totally worth having to stand there the whole time- and keeps them from eating the mulch= win win! :giggle

[Heather Micaela]

You know what I realized from another thread on personality?

I didn't like playing all that much when I was a CHILD. I have an imagination :yes but even then I did little pretend play. So if I managed to interact well with children when I WAS one without much pretend play, I will assume that I will be able to do just fine now too:)

[mamahammer]

My dad likes to tell the story of my mom making a dollhouse out of shoeboxes and trying to get me to play dolls with her. Appaently, I kept arguing that it wasn't a dollhouse until I finally relented, patted my mom on the knee and said, "okay,i'll pretend it's a dollhouse, as long as you know it's really just shoeboxes." :lol

[Heather Micaela]

I had a dollhouse, set it up all nice and neat with furniture that I asked for for my birthday then wouldn't let anyone mess it up.:giggle

[gentlemommy]

I haven't read most of the replies but the first thought that came to mind is that it's our job to *connect* with our children. That might mean playing with them, and it might not. But not playing doesn't = not connecting, although some children might need more playtime to feel connected. :twocents

[dukeofhazzard]

I haven't read most of the replies but the first thought that came to mind is that it's our job to *connect* with our children. That might mean playing with them, and it might not. But not playing doesn't = not connecting, although some children might need more playtime to feel connected. :twocents

Good point.

[racheepoo]

Yes, but if your child needs playtime to feel connected, and you loathe playing, then it's still a delicate balance over whose needs are getting met.

Pill would play constantly 24/7 if I would. I loathe playing games. I don't want to build leggos, or play wii, or do board games, or do hopscotch. :shifty At his age, I played based on whatever I could imagine and I expected him to do the same and he can't. He needs play far more than I do. At this point, I do play with him since he's an only and he needs it. But it's a bargain "I will play Sorry with you twice, and then I will read a book" and he's okay with that. It's the only way we both get what we need. He also must direct everyone's play around him, so constantly playing with him teaches him some social niceties that he needs to learn. :yes As he's getting older, it's easier for me to play with him because he likes doing more stuff that I naturally like to do. :shifty

[Maggirayne]

But why would you NOT want to play with them, if and when you could :no??
I don't have the patience. I don't want to stifle their creativity and impose my ideas. Which is really hard cuz I want to show them how to do things 'better'. They can do things on their own and figure them out. I want to play, but I get antsy.

As I post this, E and I are stringing popcorn and cranberries. I couldn't find a second needle, so I'm helping E. I am not good at waiting, and I want to do it with her. She's putting them onto the needle, and I'm supposed to push them to the end. I'm kinda getting twitchy just waiting on her, so I'm goofing off here. :shifty :bag
Children worked alongside their parents from a young age. Doing dishes or gardening or cooking was turned into a playful activity, but playing for hours was unhheard of. I think extended playtime with parents might not be super great for any kid.

Some parents are going to naturally play more. It is who they are, and that is great. But I truly think to much parent involved play is a bad thing.
I'm curious about your theory why. I think my question has been somewhat answered, but I'm still curious. :giggle
Of course. I'm learning. :) I understand more fully now. I'll try to put a disclaimer when I don't read all the previous responses...that makes sense. :love

Ok, so I just read this whole thread in it's entirety. :wow

Of course no Mother should be brow-beaten into feeling shame if she doesn't like to "play! You don't have to play with your children to be a "good Mom". To answer the original question, no, of course we're not *supposed to* be our kiddos playmates.

I really regret that my original statement came across in that vein. :sigh

We are to meet our children where we are. We cannot be something we aren't. We can stretch a bit, try new things, even sacrifice sometimes to do something we don't like. But we also must be true to our personal boundaries, allowing our children to learn there are times when "no, thanks" is an appropriate response. :hug

And I think "play" could mean different things to different people. :)
I totally read your question as simply an honest, wondering-why question. :heart
I *hate* playing with young kids. Really, really. Passionately. Give me older kids who like a game of basketball or soccer. Who like adult board games. Then I'm all in. I'll read to the kids, cook with them, take bubble baths with them, look up sea mammals online ad nauseum. But down on the ground, block building, imaginative play? Kill me now.
This. :yes :crazy2
Do any of the mummas who have no desire to play with their kiddies at all, have children who regularly ask or beg them to play? (cause I'm assuming that some kiddies wouldn't ask as much as mine do as it's just not their love language)

If your kiddies are asking for you to play & you say no, doesn't that hurt or upset them? if it upsets them, then I'm confused how someone who is passionate enough about gentle parenting to be on this forum wouldn't feel weird about always saying no to their child.
I understand that there are times we HAVE TO say no even if a child gets upset, like if they wanted to run out on a busy road. But I wouldn't have thought that saying no to playing is a HAVE TO so isn't it worth playing even though you hate it? Isn't that more gentle?
First, like a pp said, saying no isn't a bad thing. :no2
I have one statement at the park: Mommy doesn't push swings.

Period.

I *hate* it. The park is for kid exercise and mommy breaks around here. I know that might make me sound like the worst mom ever and I'm okay with that.

Fortunately, even the youngest has figured out how to get herself started on the swings now. Yea, 4 year olds!
I say this too! :yes At a park, fortunately my kids generally have a short enough attention span that I don't mind pushing before they want to hop off and do something else.

Also, E learned to pump really early from sitting in a rocking chair by herself and figuring out how to make it rock! :o I totally sound like I'm bragging!

I was annoyed when DH pushed them on our little A-frame swingset, cuz that's for them to play on while I work in the garden. Which, they don't help me garden cuz they walk.all.over.everything. :banghead

[klpmommy]

I'd so much rather push a stationary child in a swing than try to keep him corralled and out of the road

except my only real runner *hated* the swings. :doh

I put A in the swing on Saturday. She had a blast! When they can't do anything else I don't mind pushing them in the swing at all. It's the older kids who need to be running off energy that I can't stand pushing.

[RainbowMummy]

I would just stifle and constrict their imagination...

A few people have said things like this. That would only happen if a parent told a child what or how to play wouldn't it? My kids grandparents try & do that...tell them which game to play, ask questions that have only one right answer. I don't find that when I play dolls houses or similar with the kids. It's more them telling me the story of their game & I'm just one of the characters who does what she's told. :lol I inwardly groan each time they ask me to play a game like that but in hindsight, I'm so glad I didn't miss it...I learn so much about the way my kids think & feel when I stop & am right there with them.

[jblairosu]

Wow...it has be fascinating to read through this thread! I am so surprised by so many who don't like to play. I happen to be someone who loves loves loves these early years and is terrified by the teenage years...eek! :shiver My degree is in early childhood education and I was a kindergarten teacher before being a mommy so clearly I just have a natural interest and love for the younger crowd. :yes Irl my closest friends happen to be former elementary teachers as well (we met at LLL, not at a previous job or anything) and we share the same enjoyment of playing with our little kiddos. My mom played with me a lot growing up as well, so I guess it didn't really occur to me that some moms disliked playing so much :giggle:shrug3

There are definitely times when I need to get something done, don't really feel like playing, or am just too tired, but more times than not, I feel like it's important for *me* to play with *my* kids. We are homeschooling and both kiddos have significant sensory needs, ds1 is diagnosed with Asperger's and I'll be shocked if ds2 isn't eventually diagnosed with an ASD so I think that affects my feelings as well. They need lots of play based therapy-type time every day.

I definitely do a lot of involving them in what I'm doing...cooking, laundry, etc, but also enjoy getting on the floor and playing. It is fascinating to me to see their little minds working, whether it's making a new elaborate train track or having an adventure with Little People.

I think what we are "supposed" to do is connect with our children and have meaningful interaction with them...it sounds like we are all doing that...whether it's reading, cooking, or getting on the floor and playing legos. :yes

[Stacy]

When my girls were under a year, I saw it as my responsibility to "play" w/ them (blocks, tickles, cuddles, interesting toys, reading small books) and I did so gladly (most of the time ;) )! Now that they're five and two... not so much. I don't like to play. I'm not interested in it and when I get trapped into doing so I'm usually thinking about what I need or want to do next! I'm sooo incredibly glad that they have each other. :lol

Editing to add that my mom never played w/ me, either, or any of us six kids. It totally wasn't her thing! She will now play w/ her grandchildren, tho. And I also include the kids in my day, cooking, cleaning, etc. We also go tons of places together, at least when it's warmer out. I consider that doing things w/ and for them, too!

[MomtoJGJ]

I hate playing... I always have... For about 10 minutes max I can stack blocks and have them knock them down or something like that. I LOVE watching them play. :) They don't tend to do things the way they are 'supposed' to be done and that drives me insane. So I cannot join them without messing them up.

I will do puzzles with them, and play games that have rules. We even modify rules sometimes to make it easier for our whole family to play together, or the younger ones will have different rules than the olders.

My parents didn't really play with me, but I think that was more my choice. They didn't do things right either :shifty I mean, when it takes several times of explaining a board game to your mom before she halfway gets it it just loses it's appeal, you know? We finally just played rummy, gin, and she would ask me trivial pursuit questions. That worked out best for us as far as playing. :)

Like right now I"m playing with Evie. She's putting a lego block she found under the couch cushion on my head and jumping beside me until it falls off. :shifty She's laughing like a loon.

I do not push the kids on swings. Maybe once for 5 minutes every 7 times we go to the park will I push Evie. They just don't ask me. They beg dh because he will push them. He always asks why they never ask me and I always answer "because I just say no" When we go to the park with him he ends up a sweaty frustrated mess from running around trying to do everything they want him to. I will lift them up to the monkey bars once or twice, but that's it.