I caved. I'm using a sticker chart

[Psyche]

I've been kind of anti rewards because I want the boys to have internal motivation to do what they're supposed to do and I didn't want to fall into a trap of them depending on external rewards.

Anyway I was telling my counselor how we aren't sure what to do with Jon refusing to sleep all night in his bed, wanting only me and the birth of Tessa. She suggested (a couple weeks ago) we try a sticker chart to see if it would help him. So we did.

Last night was the first night. He insisted he wanted me before bed and such. He slept from 8:30-6:45. I'm crossing my fingers this continues.

At first I really thought he wouldn't even go for it, until Caden wanted a sticker chart too :dohand that suddenly sparked Jon's interest.

They'll both get a prize after 7 days (Caden if he doesn't throw a tantrum). :shifty

[racheepoo]

I really don't understand why people are SO anti external motivation. I understand the concept, but it isn't something you can just withhold and expect kids to develop. I completely believe that some kids are more prone to intrinsic motivation than others, some develop it later in life, and some are generally externally motivated. And that this is not a bad or wrong thing, but just different. :soapbox

All that to say, if a sticker chart works, go for it. :hug

[cbmk4]

Plus, a sticker chart may not be an external motivator, it might just be a visual representation of a child's progress and might help with internal motivation. I'm a very visual person and am motivated when I see my progress tracked and charted.

[RainbowMummy]

I can understand people worrying that they might inadvertently teach their child to only help or obey etc if they get a reward for it but that would depend on how it's done....I think.
God gives us motivational rewards :)
Thank you, for posting this right now Psyche. I've been getting frustrated lately with the lack of motivation everyone seems to have for tidying. I know my two eldest are only 5 & 3 but I know they could stick to the task better than they do & I am not very good at all at making tidying up fun & motivating them that way. Maybe a sticker chart would be good for us right now & seeing it on the wall might remind their amazingly, wonderful but blind-to-floor-mess daddy too ;)

[katiekind]

I think extrinsic motivation can sometimes help bridge the gap when there's a lack of intrinsic motivation. I wouldn't (personally) tie yourself in knots over using it occasionally. :hug2

I use extrinsic motivation for myself sometimes to get me through a job I particularly dislike. ;-)

[Soliloquy]

I had a :idea moment about this. It is generally true that if you reward someone for doing something they enjoy and then remove the reward, they may stop doing the activity.

But what about something they don't enjoy?

My kids were not helping around the house, even in the most basic ways. (They used to help but the combination of me being post-partum and dh being seriously ill nixed all our routines.) They wanted things when we went to the store. It made sense to combine the two. I asked them what chores they wanted on their chart and I told them what things I need help with. It was a good learning opportunity about living in community. Sometimes you hafta do things you don't want to. :shrug

So they have their charts and every Saturday they get paid. Simon just needed a little nudge and he now realizes it's fun to help make beds and he loves scooping the litter box. :lol

I am no longer trying to weigh every little request when they want something in the store. If they want to spend their money on something I think is silly, no matter! They're also learning about saving and delayed gratification. Both of those things feel really good and they're proud of themselves.

[Sonata]

Personally, I think the main problem with sticker charts is using them for EVERYTHING. It's a good trick to have up your sleeve now and then.

After a year of potty use, DS un-potty-trained himself..... a couple of weeks before I was going in for surgery. I broke out a sticker chart and drew trucks on it that he could earn if he got there. A pee in the potty was a sticker; in the pants was removing one.

He went back to being potty-trained. Before we even got to the end of the chart and the big truck, we were all kind of tired of it, and he was back in his habits. He got the truck and we all were happy.

So I managed to potty-train my son while laying in bed woozy on painkillers! ;)