does attachment parenting look different as you add siblings?

[anitajoye]

does attachment parenting look different as you add siblings?

i am coming to terms that this may just be the case.

I just don't think that I can be as responsive, i mean i AM, but I am being pulled in other directions (we have 4 total kids).

So i am accepting that...
He may cry more...
He may have to sleep without me more...
He may not get to nurse as frequently on demand, or he may have to wait a bit more...

This kinda makes me sad. But, it is just my reality right now.
Anyone else have to come to grips with this? :hugheart

[MercyInDisguise]

:popcorn

[allisonintx]

Of course it does. Triage comes into play some days...ok, most days, especially at first, and especially with close in age siblings.

Generally for the babies it means that I offer the breast rather than waiting for them cue, because I know their rhythm and know they will be horribly starving at a time when we'll be in the car or something like that. I'd rather 'top off' a baby than have one screaming in need because I'm stuck in Triage Mode.

For toddlers/preschoolers it means having a good routine for the day so that everyone feels secure, knowing what is going to happen frees them from the responsibility of figuring it out and from the anxiety of wondering if their needs will be met. (see: The Three Year Old thread...because it addresses this issue)

This is a season in life in which "Well begun is half done" really is true.

[bec28]

:cup

[Barefoot Bookworm]

:hug2 I'm there too. It makes me sad when one has to cry or isn't attended to right away but there's no way around it and I'm always crooning, "It's okay, honey, Mama will be there once I finish nursing the baby... or wiping this preschooler's butt... or cooking the eggs that are about to burn."

[Heather Micaela]

Triage is not bad though. Those misinformed baby trainers think that by overscheduling a baby and putting undue emphasis that baby learns they are not the center of the universe. But that is damaging.

You know what REALLY teaches that. Tiny little waits accompanied by a soothing voice letting them know you are coming and followed up by having their need met. They learn sometimes they have to wait, but they are ALWAYS eventually taken care of. And since more often than not you tend to the littler first, the older ones learn this too in a more concrete way.

And often attachment parenting works BETTER for more kids. If I had to be held hostage to a sleep, wake, eat schedule of my baby held strictly by a clock, my olders would not get to do things and go places. Buy babies can be nursed anywhere. And I can sling my napping otddler while watching my dd pitch a no hitter :yes

[anitajoye]

Triage is not bad though. Those misinformed baby trainers think that by overscheduling a baby and putting undue emphasis that baby learns they are not the center of the universe. But that is damaging.

You know what REALLY teaches that. Tiny little waits accompanied by a soothing voice letting them know you are coming and followed up by having their need met. They learn sometimes they have to wait, but they are ALWAYS eventually taken care of. And since more often than not you tend to the littler first, the older ones learn this too in a more concrete way.

And often attachment parenting works BETTER for more kids. If I had to be held hostage to a sleep, wake, eat schedule of my baby held strictly by a clock, my olders would not get to do things and go places. Buy babies can be nursed anywhere. And I can sling my napping otddler while watching my dd pitch a no hitter :yes
basically, triage is constant emergency mode. i don't like it!!!
we are all about routine around here, and that helps. times like meal prep make it hard...
i am definitely nursing less on cue and doing more anticipatory nursing and that works. the last things i need is for the bb to be crying because i didn't plan ahead.

[WingsOfTheMorning]

The thing that helps our days go a little smoother is when I anticipate everything. :shifty

Well, that's not possible ;) but when I start prepping lunch BEFORE the preschooler is melting down, when I've chopped veggies and gotten a soup simmering BEFORE that last cranky hour, when I sit down to read books to my preschooler BEFORE she starts whining for attention.

Obviously, none of that happens all the time. And some days all I do is change diapers and feed people.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

Absolutely it does, and that is OKAY. It is not possible to parent all your children the way your first is parented, and I wouldn't want to either. My firstborn is the poor child who bears the brunt of all my mistakes in parenting. Two days ago her behavior was absolutely horrific. To the point where I was convinced that she was going to have to spend a life in and out of mental health care and she had all sorts of mental health issues that would keep her from living the life that we hope she can have.

Yeah...she had a tooth that was about to fall out and did the next day. She was in pain and didn't know how to express it, and I didn't pick up on it.

Now I know when she goes through this again and when the boys get there that we'll make it through it, and how to prevent the problems we were running into.

But when you have more than one you can't devote the same amount of time and attention to each child. It isn't possible. Three kids in four years is how our family is built and it means lots of people have to wait for their non emergency needs to be met. And it also means that the baby has been pulled off the breast mid feeding, to his abject horror, to deal with a sliced finger of a bigger child. My oldest would have never had to deal with being all snug and happy in the middle of nursing only to have it end abruptly and put on the floor and abandoned while her brother was in another room screaming because there was blood all over his hand. It sucked. But everybody is fine, the baby isn't damaged for life and he was calmed down in a few minutes.

You will have days where you feel like you are failing every single person in your family and want to throw every single AP ideal out the window. Those are days where everybody gets a snack bag and gets strapped into a carseat and we drive around for an hour on a "nature drive"

If you forget that one of the ideals of AP is balance it will be worse. The point of AP is to meet the needs of everybody. When we are first time moms we sometimes fall into the "I need to make my child happy" trap. AP isn't about keeping your children happy or making sure they never cry or are never frustrated. It is about making sure their NEEDS are met. There is a huge difference, and I'm not sure I really discovered that difference until I had more than one child.

[Heather Micaela]

basically, triage is constant emergency mode. i don't like it!!!
we are all about routine around here, and that helps. times like meal prep make it hard...
i am definitely nursing less on cue and doing more anticipatory nursing and that works. the last things i need is for the bb to be crying because i didn't plan ahead.
In this house the first year of life kind of *is* constantly emergency mode. Some is planned and routine, but that does not always work. Prioritzing happnes, sometimes by plan. Sometimes in the moment. But it gets easier when they get older.