3.5 year spacing - new question in OP

[MercyInDisguise]

DH and I are starting to talk concretely about TTCing, but probably not until late next summer/early fall. We are just getting to the point where we can actually envision adding another to our family, and hopefully by then, C will be through some developmental snafus like teething, hopefully sleeping a bit better, etc. If we conceived right away (which is never a given), C and the new baby would be about 3.5 years apart. What are the pros and cons of this? Is it reasonable to expect C to be in his own room upstairs by then? (He is a fairly light sleeper and I don't want him waking up every time the new baby wakes up.) I know I'm thinking way ahead here, but just thinking out loud a bit. ;)

ADDITIONAL QUESTION: Has anybody tandem nursed with kids 3.5 years apart? I realize there's no guarantee C will even still be nursing by then, and I definitely wouldn't mind if he were still nursing 1-2 times a day, but I know usually when mom has a new baby, the toddler wants to nurse everytime the baby nurses and I just think I would be completely "touched out" by that.

[MudPies]

mine are 3 years 3 months apart- and I love it. Dink was able to bring me diapers, understand that I had to hold the baby alot. The big con was a newborn and going through the dreaded 3.5 stage- but we did fine:yes

[Psyche]

It depends on the kid. Caden was in his own room all night starting before 2. Jon starts the nite off in his room but comes to me sometime every night and he's three.

All in all w/ my kids activity levels 3 years has been good spacing. I think Jon would do better w/ 3.5 though.

[kiloyd]

My first two are 3 yrs 4 mo and 20 days apart.

It was good (I didn't want more than 3 yrs). Michael could hold the baby on the Boppy pillow. He did great, I don't remember any mommy/baby jealousy.

There is no "perfect" spacing.

My older two are now 10 and 7, they play well a lot of the time, but also fight well the other time.

I'm trying to remember, I'm pretty sure he was in his own room all , or most of, the night when I had Kara.

[lucie]

Subbing because we might have the same spacing (also if it works out quickly)
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[Tandem mama]

I am realizing more and more how much it depends on the kids you have. Lydia isn't in her own room and is not ready for her own room at nearly 4. She will sleep in her own bed some nights. Some nights she stays the whole night even. This is a recent development (since we put it in our room last month ish) so at 3.5 she wasn't ready for her own sleeping space.

That wasn't an issue for us as we have a king sized bed.

I love the spacing of 2.5 years between my girls. Buuuut Charlotte needs a bigger space before we add another!! Much bigger! :pray4 my lactational amenorrhea sticks around because we are relly bad at birth control :giggle

[hollybells]

Three years and 4 days between my two oldest and it worked out really well.

As others have said, Alex was able to grab dipes, hold Hope with the boppy, he enjoyed doing things to help and "look after" her and also understood that sometimes he needed to wait.

The important things I remember are having a special snack bin (he helped decorate it) with some things I didn't normally have, mixed with pre-measured snacks he enjoyed, that he could help himself to if I was bf and that he and I would plan for one special thing to do during Hope's longer nap - like doing a puzzle, baking muffins. He was also young enough that all three of us would have a nap together most afternoons. :heart

Oh, and Alex was in his own room and was only ever awakened by Hope once. One of the first nights she was home, she was crying and he came stumbling out of his room, looked at us and said, "Somebody feed my baby." Then he turned around and went back to bed. :giggle

[Psyche]

Oh, and Alex was in his own room and was only ever awakened by Hope once. One of the first nights she was home, she was crying and he came stumbling out of his room, looked at us and said, "Somebody feed my baby." Then he turned around and went back to bed. :giggle


:heart :melt :heart

[cro]

One of the first nights she was home, she was crying and he came stumbling out of his room, looked at us and said, "Somebody feed my baby." Then he turned around and went back to bed. :giggle:giggle :melting

J and E are 3y 9m apart and, as much as I wanted my kids closer together, this spacing worked beautifully. J was out of the jealous-any-time-mommy-holds-another-baby phase and was able to help me out. Before long, he knew more about cloth diapers than DH did! :giggle And he was very possessive of E - told everyone "That's MY baby!" :heart They've always been best buddies and love playing w/ each other.

afa sleeping - it all depends on the kid if they'll be sleeping on their own. :shrug3 J *suddenly* stopped night nursing right when he turned 3 (which I think was a HUGE factor in me getting pg then), so he then went to his own bed. Or, I should say, he STAYED in his own bed. E is just a couple weeks away from 3 and shows no signs of night-weaning OR staying in her bed all night.

[cbmk4]

There are 3 1/2 years between my oldest two and 3 years 2 months between my youngest two.

The pros: never had two in diapers at once, older child could walk reasonable distances while younger one was carried/worn, older child slept longer during the night when the younger child was a nursing infant, older child could converse with me and express needs/feelings, older child took on role of big sib and seemed ready for that role in some ways.

The cons: I really can't say since I don't know any different experience. Of course, there is a larger gap between my oldest dd and ds and the two youngers. We have to work harder, I think as parents to promote family togetherness. It takes more creativity to plan family events and activities that are enjoyable for all ages or at least help build closer relationships among all the kids.

[Mum2Es]

My girls are exactly 3 1/2 yrs apart and it's an awesome spacing for us. :heart Princess was besotted with Chicken from day 1, and they are now very good friends. Like cbmk4 said it is sometimes tricky, now that they are 3 1/2 and nearly 7, to work out whole family activities that suit them both. But yeah - I totally recommend the 3 1/2 yr gap! :giggle

[FindingMyWay]

I did 3 1/2 years both times and absolutely loved it. I think my favorite thing was I never had 2 in diapers!!!
The hardest was when dd3 was born dd2 had given up naps and she was a mischievious little thing and I felt like I missed out on alot of down time. It was like that with the first 2 I think it was dd2's personality :)
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[BriansLovie]

:popcorn My new baby and DS2 will be about 3 1/2 yrs apart, so curious.

[luvinmama]

:popcorn if we get pregnant this month, we'll have 4 years in between. Not what I would have ever expected, but it is what it is. I love the age we're in now with dd (3) and I know she'd be a great big sister. :heart

[MercyInDisguise]

I realize it does totally depend on the kid. We are thinking of completely shifting around our sleeping situation and moving everybody upstairs in the next year or so. We are wanting to wait until C is a little more "self-sufficient" i.e. I'm not chasing him around all the time, because I had hyperemesis when I was pregnant with him and I just can't do that again right now. And he still nurses a TON and I'm not sure if tandem nursing is something I want to do. Hmm... maybe I'll add that question to the OP.

[cbmk4]

Nope, I never tandem nursed. The longest I ever had a kiddo nurse, even with great encouragement from me was 22 months.

[Tandem mama]

I realize it does totally depend on the kid. We are thinking of completely shifting around our sleeping situation and moving everybody upstairs in the next year or so. We are wanting to wait until C is a little more "self-sufficient" i.e. I'm not chasing him around all the time, because I had hyperemesis when I was pregnant with him and I just can't do that again right now. And he still nurses a TON and I'm not sure if tandem nursing is something I want to do. Hmm... maybe I'll add that question to the OP.

If I had hyperemesis I would not have more kids. End of story. However I'm emetophobic so that is different from me. But the risk of hospitalization (since it happened before) plus the Fact that nursing is terribly exhausting while pregnant, I see waiting being something that your posts and our conversations have sort of leaned toward. I love tandem nursing. But I have no morning sickness (knock on wood) and its something I always wanted to do. I felt it was good for our transition from one to two. Not everyone feels that way ;)

I think you'll just sort of know when you're ready. We knew when we were ready to try for c. And we know we are NOT ready for another. We are looking at 3.5 or more years this time.