synergist effect of children

[GraceFirst]

... "having one child is like none and 2 is like 10"...

That is what someone told me when I was pregnant with my second child. Except now that I have three, it feels like 50! I want to say this is called the synergist effect or something like that?

I am flabbergasted at how you moms that have 4, 5, 6 + kids are surviving (or have survived, if they are grown). I feel like I am totally maxed out every day. (I homeschool so that might contribute to that feeling since my kids are with me all day, every day. Plus my youngest is in a reallllllly active/busy stage right now.) I'd love to have another child, but wow, what is it gonna feel like then, 100 kids? The family dynamic changes SO dramatically with each child.

Do you ever feel like there isn't enough Mommy to go around sometimes? How do moms with large families meet all the needs of their children on a daily basis?

[BearyBlessed]

:cup

I've been wondering about some of these same things.

[mellymommy]

Well, you just build up to it. I'm amazed that adding #6 wasn't tough. She fits in seamlessly. The big kids seem to have adjusted their needs to help baby and me and the little boys. The little boys seem to enjoy taking more responsibility for things like their dishes, getting dressed, folding kitchen towels, etc. I can't say that the 6 feel like 100 or anything, but they do feel like 6. There are days I feel totally outnumbered and more days than I like do not have ideal meals of freshly roasted meats and veggies (more like the best quick foods I could find at Sam's Club/Costco). So, I have to sacrifice some of my ideals but there will be time in the future to add them back in.

[mellymommy]

Just want to add that no matter which one it is, when one is gone the peace and quiet in the house increases dramatically. We homeschool, too, but I use preschool for the 3 little boys.

[hey mommy]

Right now, I'm having a HORRIBLE time with 2. I can't imagine homeschooling and trying to put up with my toddler. I can't even handle homework and my toddler. Things suck big time right now... I honestly don't know how parents of many do it. I really don't. ineed more hours in the day and more of me to go around. :sigh :(

[MomtoJGJ]

It really is (to me anyway) the more you have AND the older the olders get, the easier it is. I look back and have NO IDEA how I survived having 3 in 3.5 years. I mean, Jayden was 3.5 when Julianna was born!!! she seemed so capable and big then... but now, I look at them and Julianna will be 5 in two days. 5!! She is pretty well self sufficient.

I also realized that the more I let THEM do, the better everything went. So now the older three, and even Evie I let do whatever they can do, and push something they find difficult (like Evie is working on opening the fridge... she did it today!!)

[hey mommy]

I actually find I do better when I have more kids in the house.. Not sure why, but when C has a bunch of friends over, I seem to do better. It's weird. Not sure I could do that all day, every day though.

[mommychem]

Thank you for asking! On any given day, DH and I say "oh, we are totally gonna have three more" to "I think GOD may be saying "two is enough"." :giggle But then I think, so many people have more than two children; there must be something I'm missing. :doh

[GraceFirst]

On any given day, DH and I say "oh, we are totally gonna have three more" to "I think GOD may be saying "two is enough"." :giggle But then I think, so many people have more than two children; there must be something I'm missing. :doh

This is me too. Exactly.

---------- Post added at 11:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:03 PM ----------

Well, you just build up to it.
I keep telling myself that I will build up to it. But it was so much easier when my little guy was an infant. I'm going the other direction. This toddler stage is so exhausting. And I guess I am just feeling like it's gonna get harder (he's gonna hit those 2's, 3's etc...) before it gets easier.

But I try to remind myself (every day) that these days go by FAST and you don't get them back, so enjoy them. Trying to do that . :)

[staceylayne]

Interesting discussion. I'd like to hear more from btdt mamas. We also had three in less than four years and a lot of days it is tough. DH and I both end each day so.very.tired, even when things have gone well! I feel like for the most part I handle the kids ok. It's all that "other stuff"...you know, like really cleaning (beyond picking up toys and clutter), making healthy meals, daily Bible study, taking a shower...that I can't manage to stay on top of.

I try to remind myself that this is a unique season, having three preschoolers. They demand a lot and can't do much of anything without supervision or assistance. (The day I can look at a kid and say "get ready for bed" and it happens without my help will be a magical day.) And I think it may get harder before it gets easier. My third is still not walking (running away) or talking (arguing).

Tonight B was reminding me that he wants a brother. And he's started to pray God gives us a baby boy. We'll see!

[GraceFirst]

I feel like for the most part I handle the kids ok. It's all that "other stuff"...you know, like really cleaning (beyond picking up toys and clutter), making healthy meals, daily Bible study, taking a shower...that I can't manage to stay on top of.

YES! I find that to be true for me too. It's all the other responsibilities that don't get attended to. Laundry, dishes, and meal planning/making are areas that I regularly struggle with. I am perpetually behind. I have to come to the place where I am OK with it though, or otherwise I will drive myself crazy.

[WanderingJuniper]

I have three who are closely spaced together, all in three years. For the first 5 it was a glorious whirlwind of exhaustion, giggling, crying and joy. Now thT they are all ou of the survival years it is spoo much better. I often have more than my 3 with me either at home or out and about because we seem to accumulate other people's children :giggle I don't mind:heart however it would be a differen. Denarii if all mine where younger than 5.

[MarynMunchkins]

Having 3 kids under 5 was far more difficult than having more of them now. Right now, the only kids that usually have me exhausted are my 2 year old and my 1 year old niece that I watch during the week. The other kids have their moments, but they can bathe mostly by themselves, feed themselves, and can clean. :shrug

Little people are just a large amount of work. :hug

[RedHeadMom]

I am really interested in this discussion, because I have one ten month old and I think every day, I don't know how I will handle more. I always dreamed of having three children, and it took me a long time (3 years!) to get pregnant with my son, so I thought I'd want to have another as soon as possible. But now I am terrified of getting pregnant again. And I only have one! Maybe it's because I have been sleeping in 45 minute intervals since he was born and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight to this pattern. So please, moms of more than one or two, tell us what helps you! I really do want my big family, but how do you get through the preschool years?

[mellymommy]

Your first is SOOOOOOO tough--everything is new and challenging and thrilling and nerve-wracking. You won't be nearly as challenged by your second. And I honestly feel that my dd1 really made me a better, more relaxed, not-so-perfection-driven mother. I think that most mothers will tell you that adding a second made them better, too.

[J3K]

We thought long and hard about having a third. We asked a friend and she said , "It's wonderful , it's fabulous , but a warning , the kids officially outnumber the adults at that point. But it's so worth it." (she went on to have a fourth)

Our experience: One child was an adjustment. Two children was a big adjustment. Anything after that is "just one more." Anything less than that "is a breeze."
(but that's subjective , at one point and time , two was overwhelming...kwim ?)

We regularly have four teens in our house on a Sunday. I've learned the synergistic effect of FOOD and teens.
One teen will eat equivalent 3 average adults.
Two teens will eat ...no...you'd think it'd be 6 , because you added one and thereby mulitplied by two...but you are WRONG. :haha No , Two teens eat the same amount of 8 average adults.
Three teens will eat the same as 10 adults , but add that fourth teen...and you thought you were evening out...you weren't.
Four teens , two boys , two girls , ages 19-14 will eat the same amount as a small royal dinner party. Factor in drinks and dessert , we spend about $40-50 every Sunday to feed them all.

Yes , per day. Even if we shop first and cook it. Thankfully , only 3 of them live full time with us. :phew

[hey mommy]

We had an incredibly *hard* night with Samuel last night and at one point DH asks "how do people have 5 kids? This is nuts!" I just shrugged and said "I don't know.. I really don't." and then bawled my head off because I was so tired..

[mommychem]

YES! I find that to be true for me too. It's all the other responsibilities that don't get attended to. Laundry, dishes, and meal planning/making are areas that I regularly struggle with. I am perpetually behind. I have to come to the place where I am OK with it though, or otherwise I will drive myself crazy.

Same here! I told DH tongue-in-cheek that caring for the babies keeps me from doing my job (cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.) :giggle :doh :wink He just says "glad it's you because I COULD NOT do it!" :no

But I certainly agree with mellymommy, *I* have gotten better with the addition of each child. They were sent by God as they show me my imperfections and just how much *I* need *His* grace! I seriously thought I was perfect. And there was nothing DH could say or do to disprove me :snooty. Oh, but the babies have certainly made me hang my head in humility. :blush

[ShangriLewis]

I used to be an unschooling go with the flow gal. I am still more laid back in how I deal with things. But, I have a schedule and set chores in cheesey chorepacks. I use curriculum. If we had money I would totally use preschool or have a mommy helper.

we had a 6 year break and that was a real shocker to get two in a row.

They usually come one at a time. You have got to be flexible and you have to let that love grow.

[klpmommy]

big kids help. I couldn't imagine my three that are 4 and under without the two bigs. :heart Somedays I get through by reminding myself that S & R will mature into big kids. :yes

[hey mommy]

I've had 2 different men tell me they wouldn't my job(SAHM). :giggle Thankfully both were said in front of DH. :rockon

[Zhannah]

wow than having none is a LOT of work as far as i am concerned. And you have 3 kiddos, i have only 1 year old. So... you rock, dear Mama!!!!
even though you are exhausted but you are committed to your children's best.
I think you could manage having another baby because you already have 3 marvelous experiences + your 3 children will help later down the road: playing with the baby for one thing....