3 yo behavior issues

[nursetomommy]

Hi everyone! I am very new to GCM and I am having some trouble with my 3 year old daughter. I think she is having normal 3 year old issues such as hitting, talking back and when asked to do something she will lay on the floor and say no no. (Her behavior makes me think I am not raising her right, why is she so aggressive?)What is the best way to deal with this?

I have been reading Dr. Sears books but it is so difficult to remember all the things to do and not to do. What do you do when your child/ren behave like this.

My example: Every morning she needs her diaper changed (she refuses to potty train) and she screams no and runs away. I pick her up and put her on the changing mat, sometimes I bribe..but she just kicks and kicks the whole time. Then I make her sit in a time out and once she is settled down I ask her if she wants to try again. Most of the time this will work. Am I doing this right?

Thank you!

[Barefoot Bookworm]

Will she let you change her diaper if she has a little bit of time to get used to the idea? With my 3 year old DS, sometimes he wants his bedtime diaper on a little longer before he switches into underwear. It usually only takes 1-2 minutes before he comes to me saying that he's ready for it to come off after I make the suggestion.

[Annesil]

3 is hard! The biggest thing I've found to help us is my attitude and expectations. I think one of the hardest things about 3 for me is that 1 minute I have this brilliant, sweet, helpful child that can follow complicated directions perfectly or even do things without prompting. And next minute I have this screaming crying mess of a baby. It's so easy for ne to just get frustrated with him when he is being his "baby" self. But if I take a step back, keep my cool and model self-control for him. And help him calm down and figure out what's going, why he doesn't want to help/comply we get back to his big kid self faster. Often he is tired/hungry/I've unknowingly disrupted something he was super interested in/he needs to reconnect with me. Once we meet his needs he is able to work with my needs/wants so much easier.
Also, two of the best tools in our house is playful parenting, which does not come easy to me and simply reflecting his feelings. I recently realized he doesn't always need me to fix how he's feeling, just to see that I understand where he's coming from. So if I've told him we are leaving and that is that. He may start crying, but if is say, oh you sound sad, you want to stay and play. That's often enough for him to get himself together and go find his shoes.
Sorry, this into a novel. In totally right they with you. :)
(also, have you checked out the 3 year old sticky in youg explorers? Very helpful!)

[WingsOfTheMorning]

Welcome! :heart And :hug2. Many mamas here have dealt with these issues with 3-year-olds, so take heart! You aren't alone, and I doubt it's anything you've done.

Have you asked your DD why she doesn't want her diaper changed? It turns out my DD just has to "get her wiggles out" first sometimes. If I give her a few minutes to wiggle around, then remind her it's time to lie still, she does much better.

[joyousTXmama]

My ds hates messing with potty first thing in the morning. He's still in diapers too, and he hates them... yet won't fully potty train. It's frustrating for us both.

One thing that helped me was "going pee pee together" me on the regular potty, him on his little potty. It made it sort of a game? Somehow he doesn't seem to resent it if we are doing it together.

As to diaper changes, he resists those, too, either hiding or running around or kicking at me. Usually I just calmly and politely say "I cannot change you when you doing ---; I am going to go sit at the computer and you come to me when you are ready to get dressed." He always settles down when he thinks I'm going to leave. I find it is much easier to remove myself from a potentially frustrating situation than to get into a battle of wills with him. Toddlers want your attention and they want to be near you. So if he is acting in a way that drives me up a wall, I explain why I don't care for it and then calmly walk off - and he usually stops.

He hits sometimes as well. Me, the dogs, anything that makes him mad. We do not merely walk off from hitting, which is completely unacceptable and will cause him problems socially if not stopped. We do what we call "toddler lock" - I grab him in a bear hug and hold him close, and talk about whatever triggered the hitting and explain that we do not hit each other. Then he has to recite our family rule about hitting. "We only use gentle hands in our family!" Then he is released. Hitting at this age is not done to be hateful, but for lack of a better means of expressing frustration or anger. I want him to know he is loved when he is angry - but that he can't hit to express that. Children this age do not have our same capacity for internal boundaries, and giving them firm but loving external boundaries seems, in my experience, to comfort them.

Hope that helps! It's been a rough age, IMO. I sometimes miss my sweet 18 month old SO much it hurts... but then again, seeing his little personality shine all on its own is SO amazing to watch, too, KWIM?

[nursetomommy]

Thank you for your responses. I understand what you are saying and I am going to try to implement some of the great things you mommas are doing. It really helps to talk about it and not feel so alone. Thank you!