am I holding her too much?

[WildFlower]

I am wondering if I am holding dd too much? She wants held near constantly. I put her down when I have to, or if I can't do something. But I honestly have become quite adept at doing "almost" anything while carrying her around. MOST of the time she will scream or cry if I set her down but other times if I can get her interested in something, she'll sit and play near by while I get something done. Or if I am on the computer. But if I walk away, she follows crying. When she cries if I put her down, it's not just fussing for a little bit and then she'll get over it. OH NO..:no It's all out, hysterical, crying, hyperventilating, melt-down.

She IS a very sensitive child, and seems to need alot of physical contact. She doesn't want ANYone else to hold her except me. At times she is ok with daddy or granny holding her, but when she is going through a developmental growth spurt, teething or sick, she won't go to anyone else and cries if I hand her off. I will NOT make her to go someone else if she doesn't want to, unless I really need to (need to do something I can't manage while carrying her) If she is comfortable going to someone, I have NO problem letting others hold her.

Sometimes I worry that holding her too much is just making her clingier, but I really don't "believe" that either. I just know that certain people in my family are starting to notice that they don't get to hold her much and that I don't just pass her off. I always stay nearby if someone else is holding her (unless I can tell she is comfortable) because often she will look to me to know that she is ok.

Tell me that holding her alot is not going to make her clingier and she'll grow out if it eventually...That this is just a high needs thing..:nails

[joysworld]

She's one right? I don't think you can hold her too much. As she gains confidence she will eventually learn to be comfortable without you around. I have a nearly five year old that can still be pretty clingy, but she's come a long ways.

[raining_kisses]

G went through a stage like that. It got much better as he got older. I don't think you can ever hold a baby too much, and she is still very much a baby. :hug

[Blue Aurora]

My 3rd child was like that. At 2 now she is getting very independent and brave and I held her as much as I could.

[swimming with sharks]

My oldest WANTED to be held most of the time and most of the time by me. :yes She was in a rs still a lot of the time when she was 2.5 and I was pregnant with #2. She was a lightweight so it was super easy for me. :rockon She's still VERY sensitive :heart and not a fan of big new exciting events :no....and is slow to warm up but once she's warmed up she'll talk your ear off. :lol I was not going to be able to MAKE her Feel anything she didn't already feel (like being more ready to be with new people or being happy with me putting her down!! :giggle) :hug It's ok really. :yes

[Barefoot Bookworm]

I don't think you can hold a baby too much. It sounds like you're listening to her cues beautifully.

[WanderingJuniper]

My youngest was like my baby monkey. He wanted up almost constantly until he was close to 4. My sling was like a permanent accessory to my outfit for years!

Now, the good news is he had absolutely no problem leaving me for preschool and loves hanging with his PopPop on the weekends without me. :heart And, he has no problem stating his needs now about it, "Mom. I really need some snuggles to help me."

He was/is an intense, spirited, sensitive child. :heart

[Kiara.I]

Classic age for separation anxiety. Holding her will probably only make it pass faster (if only because you're not having to spend several months with her crying most of the time.... :shifty)

Not to worry. She will have plenty of time to grow into wanting her own independence.

[Wonder Woman]

The Boy was like that - and you know what? He'll be 8 in 2 more months. So far, I've not once regretted any of the time I spent with him in my arms :heart And he's independent, and secure, and still a cuddler :heart

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

My first son was similar too (minus stranger anxiety), I found it tough - many go through intense separation anxiety at 10mos-18mos.

Now at 2.5 he's too independent for my liking. (although still needs to be entertained a lot, but doesn't care who entertains him anymore)

[Auroras mom]

Classic age for separation anxiety. Holding her will probably only make it pass faster (if only because you're not having to spend several months with her crying most of the time.... :shifty)

Not to worry. She will have plenty of time to grow into wanting her own independence.


This - 12 months is a very typical age for developing a strong sense of attachment ot mama specifically and for huge separation anxiety to kick into gear. Meeting her need will give her more confidence and a secure foundation. She will move on from this (but they all typically have varying stages of separation anxiety again, like at 18 months and 3 years old).

[WildFlower]

:happytears I am so glad to hear she is normal! and that this will pass.. I LOVE holding her but sometimes it is SO hard, when all she wants is me to hold her.
That's why I love this community:yes...because I know I am not alone.

Certain members of my family just don't understand why I hold her so much or why I am doing what I do with her. I am pretty sure they think that if I'd just put her down or pass her around more she'd get used to it. But those that think that had/have easy babies who will go to anyone and aren't high needs.

Like Swimming with sharks said... she is one I can't MAKE her feel anything or do anything she's not ready to do. :giggle

[lalaithnil]

You sound like you're doing a great job! ITU about family members thinking you're doing something wrong, but don't buy into it. It's your baby; God gave her to you, not them, because He knew you'd know how to take care of her needs. :hug

[MaybeGracie]

You sound very tuned in to your daughter's needs. Great job. :hug

[jandjmommy]

For me, I am very happy that I did NOT listen to friends and family who told me it wasn't right that I held (usually nursing) DD pretty much 24 hours a day her first 2 years. She screamed bloody murder if I put her down, and though she'd let my husband hold her for a bit so I could stand over the stove or go to the bathroom, she'd start screaming if she saw me. Once she weaned herself at 2 though, she became remarkably independent, and still is now at nearly 5. Hold that baby and don't worry!

[Llee]

Ditto SWS, right down to well, everything. If Dressy could have crawled inside my skin, she totally would have. :giggle But I wouldn't trade it for the world, now that she's not like that anymore.

[zak]

Ditto all of the above! Normal! Yes!

To make it easier on myself, I do back carries. Do you have a carrier where you can back carry her? :think My second and third LIVED in a Beco for their first year and a half. :lol My first was a Maya Wrap King! :haha

That way they were close, but I could still get a lot done!

[Domina]

Sumo's heading into this stage right now. He's 30lbs, strong and loud. I'm a 5'2" introvert. I know how physically and emotionally tiring it can be. :yes

We use our Ergo a lot.

[WildFlower]

I do have a beco and I use it alot for naps. She won't go to sleep without me and has quit nursing to sleep (to distracted in the day) but she still wants to be close/touching. It works well. :yesBut for getting things done she gets upset cause she can't "see" what's going one. I am thinking of trying a wrap so I can get her up higher to see over my shoulder.