Helping my 7 yr old stop sucking his fingers?

[jandjmommy]

DS is 7 1/2. He's sucked his index and middle fingers since he found them at 7 months old. We have never made an issue out of it, except for requiring that he does not get spit on other people or household items (couch) or books.
It is the way he comforts himself when he is tired, worried, scared, or thinking.
He sucked his fingers at Kindergarten (at that age, no one cared/noticed/made fun of him), then in 1st grade told me he had decided not to do it at school.
The dentist told him that though thumb sucking could permanently change the shape of the bridge of the mouth and require horrific surgery (this was a children's dentist!), he'd just need braces if he continued sucking his fingers. DS decided he could live with braces.
His front teeth have been loose for awhile, and I told him that after he loses his front teeth he should consider stopping sucking his fingers so the new permanent teeth can grow in straight. He agreed, and yesterday one of his front teeth fell out.
I reminded him that he should start training himself to wean off the sucking, and told him that I know how hard it will be because he has been doing it so long. I asked him if he wanted me to remind him or if he'd rather notice it himself. He said either way.
So I have 2 questions:
1. Should I really even worry about it as most kids have to get braces anyway?
2. What is the most gentle way to remind him -- again, it is his comfort response, and I must avoid being harsh with him on this or I know I will get the opposite result I want.

[hey mommy]

:popcorn

My 9 year old still sucks those same two fingers..

[Apple-Saucy]

:popcorn

My 9 year old still sucks those same two fingers..

Ditto. :shrug3 FWIW I haven't gotten any helpful advice here....mostly get responses "It's not hurting anybody, and it's obviously bringing him comfort so why force him to stop?" :sigh

[hey mommy]

Ditto. :shrug3 FWIW I haven't gotten any helpful advice here....mostly get responses "It's not hurting anybody, and it's obviously bringing him comfort so why force him to stop?" :sigh

Yep, and let me tell you, that is NOT helpful advice at all.. :sigh

[Apple-Saucy]

Yep, and let me tell you, that is NOT helpful advice at all.. :sigh

exactly.

[jandjmommy]

OK, so just let it go, or hold out for advice? :)

[Apple-Saucy]

OK, so just let it go, or hold out for advice? :)

:shrug3 I've asked/complained 2-3x's and gotten the same "advice" maybe it will be different for you? :shrug3

[Rabbit]

What other advice is there? Generations of children have been through modern dentistry's attempts to stop finger and thumb sucking, and all it's caused is more harm. Better he harm himself by sucking than a dentist or parent causing him harm trying to stop him.

He's decided to stop at school. Limit it at home to his bed or comfort corner. See if that encourages him further to let this comfort tool go. Teach him new tools if you can.

In the end, this is his body, his emotions, his choice. It's similar to not being able to force a person, no matter how young, to eat a varied and healthy diet, short of inserting a feeding tube.

[Apple-Saucy]

It's not a harmless comfort tool though Rabbit. :no At least not for Braeburn (who is 9.5 and still sucks his fingers anytime he's tired or stressed or when we are in the car) It is harming his mouth, harming his fingers (which he has bloodied on more than one occasion) and is more of a habit than a comfort measure IMO. By 7 8 9 a child should be able to cope with being tired by going to sleep instead of sucking on his fingers. He should be able to cope with minor stress by doing something other than sucking his fingers. For whatever reason these children have not found another way to cope, and it very well may be because it has become a reliable habit.

FWIW breaking a TODDLER of sucking which is normal and natural is what has caused harm. The vast majority of children do not suck their thumbs/fingers past 4-5yrs old because they have discovered new ways to self comfort or they have reached a level of emotional development that they no longer "need" to comfort in that way.

---------- Post added at 08:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:54 PM ----------



In the end, this is his body, his emotions, his choice. It's similar to not being able to force a person, no matter how young, to eat a varied and healthy diet, short of inserting a feeding tube.

Would you allow your daughter to rip her hair out as a means of self comfort?? I mean if it's her body her emotions her choice to rip it out...:shrug3 It'll grow back eventually right?

[Naked Camper]

:popcorn I have a 5.5yo thumb sucker. We remind him when we notice him sucking his thumb (at home we don't care/notice) as much. It's just a simple "Malachi, thumb" and he stops. He usually doesn't realize he's doing it. If he is real upset and truly does need it for comfort, he'll refuse to take it out of his mouth. I wish he didn't have the habit - but I agree with Natalie. You can lead the horse to water, you can suggest he drink it - but ultimately, it's up to the horse to drink the water. :shrug3

However, if your son says he's ready - wearing a glove on his hand could remind him to not put his fingers in his mouth as the texture wont be the same.

[Calee]

I understand what you're saying Apple-Saucy. I think at that point I'd want my child to stop too :shrug3 On the other hand, I do agree that it just may not be something that can be forced. I have two sisters, and both have had children that were extended thumb/finger suckers. Both tried a variety of tactics (some non GCM approved ;)), including bribes, gross tasting stuff, punishments, rewards, etc. and until the kids were ready to stop, and decided on their own TO stop nothing helped. They did the "limit to the room/bed" thing, and I guess that cut it down, but they'd still check on their kids at night and find them with fingers in the mouth-asleep.

Anyway-I guess I'm trying to say that I don't know that people are TRYING to be unhelpful-but it just may not be one of those things that parents can completely control, but reminders and limits I'm sure could cut it down.

[Apple-Saucy]

I guess my point is that weather or not someone is TRYING to be unhelpful or not, it is unhelpful to basically tell a mom tough titty kitty get over it your child "obviously" needs to engage in this behavior for comfort.

It feels....Like I'm being blamed...if I only "understood" that my child needed this then it wouldn't be such a big deal to me.

it's a big deal because it's not age appropriate for a 4th grader to suck on his fingers. It's a big deal because he's hurting himself. I've been enforcing "Limits" for oh...3-4 YEARS and haven't made the slightest bit of a dent.



Sorry OP didn't mean to hijack so badly :blush

[jandjmommy]

However, if your son says he's ready - wearing a glove on his hand could remind him to not put his fingers in his mouth as the texture wont be the same.

I like this idea! If he asks for help I'll offer the suggestion -- he has tons of character gloves he wears often anyway so it wouldn't feel too off to him.

Thank you all! I do feel like both sides and all perspectives are very helpful. I am worried about his teeth, and he has huge callouses on the tops of his fingers that bleed from time to time, so that's why I feel like I need to help him stop. On the other hand, I know that forcing him to stop will be more harmful [mental health wise] than the physical issues. I'm going to try just letting him stop himself as I reminded him that it was time to stop since his front tooth fell out, and drop it unless he asks for help. I'm learning to stop nagging for everything else too, so this is my ultimate trial :)
Last night he brought up that Daddy told him he didn't need to stop sucking his fingers until both front teeth fell out, and he told me he didn't think he did it overnight. So I know he's working on it in his brain, and I hope I presented it gently enough that he isn't worrying about it.
Though I wish those of you who are struggling with the same issue were not, it is comforting to know he's not the only one.
Thank you!

[Aahrensmom]

I think when he is ready he will be ready, you can tell him reasons why he should but forcing the issue before he is ready could do more harm then good.

I sucked my fingers into middle school for comfort (obviously stopped in public long before this) and there are times like when I'm in the hospital because of illness that if I am alone I still will. My SIL also does this as an adult.

If he feels like he is ready I do second the glove on the hand idea since that will remind him not to suck the fingers.

[4thekids]

I sucked my thumb publicly until I was in 4th grade. I got picked on at that time and quit in public but continued at home til... almost a year ago. It was a comfort tool and a habit. (Mine was a bad habit, I must admit. At 26 I sucked my thumb as much as a typical toddler. :O :O :O I'm dying admitting that. :blush )
My teeth are messed up a bit... so what?! Neither of my sisters sucked their thumb/fingers and they've got flawed teeth as well. None of us have had them fixed either, because our family didn't have money when we were younger and as adults we just don't mind the individuality. WHY does EVERYONE'S smile need to be just alike?!
Certainly, gently, try the options given but if they aren't willing, I agree, it's their body.
Oh and the main teaser in 4th grade was our state rep's son. My mother walked into a meeting with the rep and caught HIM sucking his thumb. I always got a wee bit of satisfaction out of that! :O