"I only like to be friends with kids who are pretty. Or handsome."

[staceylayne]

Says my 4.5 year old tonight as he gets in bed.

:jawdrop

He's two weeks in to a 2day preschool program (never done MDO or preschool before) and we were talking about who he played with in class today. I have big, BIG feelings about this kind of thinking...but I also realize that he's only four. So I don't want to over react. I asked a few questions to clarify what he meant. And he meant it just like it sounded.

I didn't say much besides something about how I like my friends to be kind and fun to be with and not every pretty person is kind. I am so, so not okay with him not playing with a kid because he doesn't "like how he looks" (B's words).

Suggestions for how to talk to him about such things? Nifty role-play or social story ideas? Anything?

I'm so unprepared for being the mama of a kid in school! :(

[MarynMunchkins]

:lol Kids are funny.

I'd look at pictures and talk about what makes people beautiful. Point how there's something about everyone that is beautiful and keep reinforcing how God made everyone in His image. :)

[milkmommy]

sounds just like what my DD would have said a that age. It is age not school related BTW.. I agree with MAry just go through books magizines or on walks walking about what is "beautiful" a pretty flower, the sound of rain, a kind word, etc... help him see beauty in everything.

[Domina]

This is one of my absolute favorite children's books about this topic:

You are Special, by Max Lucado
http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Special-Lucados-Wemmicks/dp/0891079319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316016945&sr=8-1

From the Amazon description:
Every day the small wooden people called Wemmicks do the same thing: stick either gold stars or gray dots on one another. The pretty ones--those with smooth wood and fine paint--always get stars. The talented ones do, too. Others, though, who can do little or who have chipped paint, get ugly gray dots. Like Punchinello. In this heartwarming children's tale from the best-selling pen of author Max Lucado, Eli the woodcarver helps Punchinello understand how special he is--no matter what other Wemmicks may think. It's a vital message for children everywhere: that regardless of how the world evaluates them, God cherishes each of them just as they are.

The thing I like best about this book is that it talks about how the gray dots (the discouraging things people say about you) don't matter, but the GOLD STARS DON'T MATTER EITHER. Love matters far more than being pretty or talented or popular.

[hey mommy]

At 5 C told me that he only wanted to be friends with kids who listened to the teacher. :giggle

We went through something like that too.. People with really dark skin scared him. :shrug Not sure why as we don't speak badly of AA people in our house. I talked to him about how everyone is the same inside and color of skin doesn't matter. It only matters if they are kind people.

He eventually grew out of it.

[Buela]

I don't think it means anything at this age (I hope not!!!) Conversation with my dd (almost 4):

E: "I don't like Susan"
me: "Oh? Why is that?"
E: "she has short hair'
me: :hunh then "Well, daddy has short hair, do you like him?"
E: :think "no"

And yesterday, after hearing that I was going to see her beloved Cubbies leader:
E: "Oh! I LOVE her!"
Me: "that's nice sweety"
E: "I only LOVE girls Mama"
Me: "Daddy is a boy, don't you love him?"
E: :think "No, not today. Today I only LOVE girls. I LIKE daddy"

[staceylayne]

Thanks, ladies!

FWIW, I don't think it's school related in that he's learned to think this way there or been negatively impacted by the other kids. :no It's just that I'm not there to *see* how he's interacting and to talk through stuff with him. I have to hear his interpretation of events that happened hours ago and try to work with the limited info I get. So when he says something like "I don't like how he looks" it could be anything from the kid made a mean face or he has a different skin color. Yaknow? :shrug3

Anyway, I appreciate the thoughts! Definitely needed the kick in the but to proactively talk about how God created everyone unique and in his image. :heart